A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just saw my ex-boyfriend after 10 months today. We haven't talked that much in between, but all of a sudden started talking again and made plans to meet today. We hit off pretty well, and we both were flirting with each other A LOT. And then he kissed me out of the blue. I was hesitant to have sex, but after a long time of deciding whether or not I should, I gave in. We ended up having the best sex ever and then after we talked about our relationship. He seemed confused about how he felt about me, but then again, I felt the same way about him. We both know it would be a lot of work on both our parts if we were to get back together, so it probably wouldn't happen. But he wants to be "friends with benefits" as he put it (subtly), after telling me that he loved me, but not in that way. He later confessed that he didn't know how to explain the way he felt about me, because he still had feelings for me (physical and emotional) but then again we knew that the chances weren't high for us getting back together. So now, I'm stuck in the middle of a weird situation. Should I be friends with benefits with him or not? Was having sex with him the right thing to do? I have a weird feeling about this situation and I need help! Please help me!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I tried a sex with benefits relationship and I must admit at first was great but lately when he ask my opinions on him with other women I just cry. I've been suicidal and dont know what to do.Take my advice dont do it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): Yes, I can imagine the sex after a 10 month break can be exciting, hun. But one can get "GREAT" sex anywhere if they look hard enough. It's even more fantastic when it's with a man that you share a deep committed love with. So unless, he comes back at you with an offer of a committed, caring relationship, I don't think you should even go the 'sex buddy' route. Quite often when nice, giving women, do this, they truly think they can handle the "sex-buddy" friendship. After all, it's just a fun, carefree, uncommitted, good, occasional roll in the hay. But deep inside her, she always wants more. So what happens when her emotions get the better of her! Better yet, can you imagine the devastating pain and hurt, when he finds another woman, more worthy of his love and he dumps her. In a nutshell, this guy is playing you like a yo-yo. You will be his sex buddy when he feels lonely and needs some fun. But he doesn't have to work at a real, loving relationship. Remember, it's all or nothing or do you think you aren't worth that? You know you are. He's treating you poorly, he disrespecting you and he wants to 'use' you for his own self-serving sexual purposes. If you like being denigraded and treated in such a way, then go for it. But the emotional price you will pay and what this will do to your sense of self-worth is simply not worth the pain. I think he's already let you know you aren't worthy of a genuine, respectful, love relationship with him...the minute he subtly suggested a 'sex buddy' freindship. That's plain, downright insulting. Remove the blinkers, dear and give him "his walking papers
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 I think he's stringing you along because it sounds like he wants to have the "benefits". He intentionally made you hopeful that they might be a chance to get back together if you go along with this. If You really only wanted someone to have sex with, you wouldn't be confused at all. He's your Ex, you broke up for a reason, and the only way you should consider being "friends with benefits" is if you can really go into this for just the sex. It sounds like that would be easier to find elsewhere with fewer complications. Always trust your "weird feelings" - if something feels wrong - don't do it!!!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 You will just get all confused if you continue to be bed-buddies with this guy. The relationship didn't work out for some reason first time around and it probably wouldn't work out again if you restarted a relationship with him. Just having a sexual relationship would be horrible for you - you would always hope that you were 'proper' girlfriend and boyfriend instead. Whats more it distracts you from finding someone who wants the whole package with you - the friendship, the sex, the romance etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): Don't go there. Ok you two had sex, put that behind you now and move on without him. Just don't go back again. He will expect sex with this friendship all the time now. Just let him know how it is going to be then there is no confusion. If he still wants more then tell him to get lost. Be strong and firm.
Take care and never ever go back.
xx
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Dear anonymous writer,
If the two of you are confused about how you both feel about each other and talking about getting back together i dont think you should be friends with benifits cause if you are serious about wanting to get him back he wont cause why would he do that when hes already getting what he wants? Friends with benifits is never the way to go, you go and find someone you like and you git with that person well then the guy you are friends with benifits wont understand you cant do that anymore and then you are going to end up getting stuck in the middle, what if you got pregnat from the friend with benifit? hes not going to be there for that child and you will be on your owne, what if you get stds then your screwed, and then having sex with him will make you want to be with this guy more then anything and you will be all depressed,there is alot of ups and downs about it so you are better off not doing that anymore...you having sex with him was not the right thing to do but when your feelings kick in you would do anything to try to get him back...sorry its so long but i hope i helped
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