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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Fidelity and marriage
Q. Many times, we see questions asking for advice about marriage, monotony and fidelity. I tend to be cut and dry on this topic and often without compassion for the person struggling in this area. What bothers me most, is the ability of people to ...
A. 16 May 2007: Nice Article! Very well said!... (read in full...)
Mouse on the run
Q. HI guys this is a story to make you laugh on a cold grey day! I used to live with a bloke years ago, we had a son together, well, enough of that! He was a bit challenged in the brain department, something I didn’t quite notice when we met, sham...
A. 5 May 2007: Hey There!
Thanks for the laugh! It reminded me of our life overseas!
We have a 95 year old home in the Netherlands and while we were living there, the water tables were raised, driving a lot of the little creatures indoors. The first time my ... (read in full...)
My friend and I argued. Would I look weak if I gave in and called him?
Q. My guy friend and I had an argument. We have'nt spoken in two days. He has'nt called me.Does it make me appear weak to him if I call him? Or would he appreciate me more for giving in to him and calling? By the way he is an alpha male....
A. 22 April 2007: If you value your friendship, pick up the phone. It's worth trying. Give him a heartfelt apology. Be prepared to repeat it several times - with humility. Honestly, life is short and a friend that you value doesn't come along everyday. Sometimes ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps sentiments from her past lovers. I feel uncomfortable
Q. My soon to be wife has pictures, love letters and cards of serious old boyfriends at our home. They are not exposed but kept in boxes in several locations. I know they are sweet memories for her. But they tend to bother me because of the depth of ...
A. 21 April 2007: She is not keeping them because of the intimacy, but because they are love letters that remind her of her youth. I don't think that it is a problem, they are just old memories. I think she deserves some new ones! She is obviously sentimental - ... (read in full...)
My bf gets excited over other women!!
Q. My boyfriend of one year gets very excited over other good-looking women! I'm pretty good-looking myself, and he isn't the sexiest man alive with his belly! I am very much in love with him, and believe he truly loves me too! Why does he point out ...
A. 21 April 2007: I'd rather my husband remark on a beautiful woman that he noticed, and share it with me, than notice her and deny it! At least he's being honest that he HAS noticed. I'm not crazy about it, but guys look and this is the time of year that they ... (read in full...)
Should I tell his wife, he was cheating?
Q. Should I tell his wife that he was cheating on me? Today I found out that he is married. I met him 2 years ago and he is in Iraq. I found out from a friend that he is married and his wife lives in TN. I can't believe all the lies. Should I tell his ...
A. 21 April 2007: You may feel that it is enlightening his spouse, but she may already know. Do you think her life could be any worse? Don't go there, he may deserve anything that he gets, but she doesn't. Consider yourself lucky that you found out and say a ... (read in full...)
Im married and bisexual, if I were to hang out with a women and have fun etc! Would that be considered cheating ?
Q. Hi, I am a married, bisexual woman. I feel in a difficult position. If I were a lesbian, I would be a faithful partner to only one woman. If I were straight, I would be a faithful partner to only one man. But since I'm bisexual, I have a need ...
A. 21 April 2007: Marriage is all about finally growing up and not thinking "Is this right for me?". It's loving someone else enough to think "Am I doing the what is best for them?". I think you need to be on your own and let your husband go, for his sake. What ... (read in full...)
Im married and bisexual, if I were to hang out with a women and have fun etc! Would that be considered cheating ?
Q. Hi, I am a married, bisexual woman. I feel in a difficult position. If I were a lesbian, I would be a faithful partner to only one woman. If I were straight, I would be a faithful partner to only one man. But since I'm bisexual, I have a need ...
A. 20 April 2007: I think he would view any relationship that you had as an emotional affair and that it's cheating. Being bisexual is not a wild card that allows you to opt out of a commitment that you made to your husband in your vows. You are going to have to ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get pregnant like this ?
Q. if a girl was to be fingered by a boy whilst on her period, and his finger had sperm on it is there a chance she could become pregnant?wb please xx...
A. 20 April 2007: Sperm don't die until they are dry. You can get pregnant at any time if your body releases a second egg, sometimes that spontaneously happens. It only takes one sperm and one egg. It's probably not likely, but it is a possibility. You can get ... (read in full...)
My GF causes a row over the fact I share my car with my twin, does she think the car is hers aswell as mine!?
Q. After only recently passing our driving tests [A few months ago] me and my twin bro share a car as we can't afford one each and we can't fit anymore on the drive anyway. I generally go out more in the car than my brother and I have it up to 5 ...
A. 20 April 2007: Is she an only child? If so, she may not be used to sharing as much as you are, especially how much more twins share! It is selfish behavior, but part of being close with someone else is learning from them and growing. You need to sit her down ... (read in full...)
We're having a hard time. Should we depart, or stay together to try to fix things?
Q. I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that my fiancee kissed another man. We were going through a very rough patch and she was crying regularly and in the midst of this kissed a colleague. I have not been totally perfect myself and have ...
A. 20 April 2007: Both of your indiscretions were not major or minor, neither were more or less wrong. How you handle it from here will make all the difference in the world. You need to sit down and discuss the fact that kissing someone else and touching someone ... (read in full...)
He beats me, has given me an ulcer and has even injected a sedation drug into me! But he wants to change - how do I help him?
Q. He hits me but i love him so much, can anyone help me? I've known this man since I was fourteen and he was sixteen we were best friends but i fell in love with him. I finally told him on his 19th birthday and he confessed he felt the same! We've ...
A. 20 April 2007: Hi Hun,
It's wonderful that you want to help him, but you need to help yourself first. I am afraid for your safety. You need to find somewhere else to stay until he gets the help he needs. There is an excellent site - www.... (read in full...)
Im 14 and I have a wierd smell down below.... what could this be ?
Q. Okay. I Will Try Not To Write An Essay. I’ve Been With This Guy For Like 7 Months He’s Really Nice And I Love Him. But He’s Way Older Than Me, I’m Not Going To Tell You How Old He Is But He’s Way Older Than Me. Im 13 But I Told Him I’m 14; I Am 14 ...
A. 19 April 2007: Hi Honey,
It's alright to rinse yourself out with water, the inside of your vagina will replenish itself. Don't rinse inside your vagina with anything other than water. Using a mild soap around the general area and rinsing after helps too. If y... (read in full...)
He had an affair! i dont trust or believe him anymore but I want to keep our marriage of 26 years together or should I call it quits?
Q. my husband sent me overseas to resettle ,while he stayed back to work but as soon as i was out of county he had a love affair with another women. he came over to visit, by that time i found out. due to what he did i wouldn,t let him go back.i love ...
A. 19 April 2007: I'm so sorry Dear, you certainly did not deserve any of this to happen to you while you were taking care of everything by yourself. I am in the ex-pat community and I have heard so many times of families and couples trying to survive the culture ... (read in full...)
I dont know what to do, to 'not' make him grumpy or whats causing it??
Q. Hey, well i have a difficult problem and i have tried so many ways of solving it but nothing seems to work. Well my boyfriend always has the ump for no reason, he is always grumpy and never hardly talks and if he does its always being rude (non-sex...
A. 19 April 2007: Does he ever have involutary erections for absolutely no reason? If he does, it could be a side effect from using steroids for body building purposes. I think there are other effects as well that could be causing his grumpiness. It's really not a ... (read in full...)
He mentioned he looked at porn, occasionally. And this really bothers me..am I over-reacting?
Q. My boyfriend recently mentioned looking at porn, as though he thought it wouldn't bother me. I know that he doesn't look at porn often, but it still bothers me quite a bit. Am I overreacting?...
A. 18 April 2007: I think women have different ideas about porn, some really object to it because it degrades women, some don't care one way or the other, and some enjoy it themselves. I'd only get concerned if he looked at it everyday or was looking at the less ... (read in full...)
How can I stop smoking during pregnancy ? Any tips?
Q. Hello, Yesterday I discovered I am pregnant, (great news) I am a smoker and am looking for advice on how to stop!! I’ve been told I can not have any nicotine replacement as this can caurse spin-bifida… is this true, and how do I stop? Thank You...
A. 17 April 2007: Hi,
Congratulations!
I quit during my second pregnancy. I cut down during my first and tried to smoke outside. My son, now 25, had constant lung problems, bronchitis, pneumonia and asthma (55 missed days in Grade 1). I remember holding him all ... (read in full...)
If you say something quite embarrasing to a girl, alleging she did something wrong, would this change her opinion of him ?
Q. If a guy was to say something that is quite embarassing to her or alleging her of doing something wrong, say "You are not being honest" how much does it affect the image of this guy in her mind? Does it lead to break up? ???????????...
A. 17 April 2007: I'm not sure under what circumstances this was said, but I think most women look for a man of integrity and good character, so she might have been embarrassed initially, but still be willing to admit she was wrong. Hopefully your intention was to ... (read in full...)
He went to buy an engagement ring... Then said we are moving too fast!!
Q. my boyfriend of 4 months went out on saturday to buy me an engagement ring (he thinks i don't know) we have been very happy and he has always been very loving and attentive. on sunday he left saying he needed some space and time to think and that he ...
A. 17 April 2007: I'm confused by what he did as well. You are not too young. It's fairly quick, but, not unreasonable at four months. What does he do for a living? I'm wondering if he knew what engagement rings cost. Do you think that might be a problem? It ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends is touching me more than I want him to, What should I do ?
Q. Hi!Well I have a really bad problem.well my boyfriend is really sweet and everything and I do luv him but the other day we were snogging like we always do and he tried 2 go a little further and I didn't want 2 go further he tried undressing me and ...
A. 17 April 2007: Never, under any circumstances, let anyone do anything to you that you don't want them to. It's your body and you should be able to tell him NO and STOP if it doesn't feel right. He will have to be patient and wait for you, whenever you decide ... (read in full...)
He seems to correlate money with affection! Are his expectations too high, or am I just cold?
Q. Did I do something wrong? I picked my fiance up from the airport and couldn't figure out how to unlock my door or the trunk right away, but when I finally got it I got out to ask him how his flight was. He told me to go back and do it again (and ...
A. 17 April 2007: I don't think that the pretty, pretty princess got NEARLY what he deserved. If someone ever told me that I did not open the car and trunk quickly enough (after I had taken the time to pick them UP!) AND told me to do it AGAIN - I would let him ... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a 'need-to-pee' orgasm?
Q. Can girls really have more than one kind of orgasm? I heard that they can have two- the "normal" kind, and another kind. The "other" kind was once described to me as a sudden need to pee. Does anyone know how much of this is old wives' tale, and ...
A. 17 April 2007: One kind is based on clitoral stimultion, the other kind includes stimulating the"G" spot AS well. The "G" spot is inside the vagina, up near the muscles that are near the tube that you use to pee. You can feel the general area by tell sensation ... (read in full...)
Its recently been our 1yr anniversary, I made a special effort, went out of my way,and was excited, he did nothing, not a thing! Im still gutted!! and I cant shake the feeling!!
Q. Hi, i'd just like some opinions from people on something which is really bothering me. A couple of weeks ago it was my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend. I was really excited by this as i have never been in a relationship before and to me...
A. 17 April 2007: Hi Honey,
I'm so sorry that you are gutted over this. I have to tell you, it's probably more normal to behave like your guy than not. Most guys are quite dense when it comes to holidays and celebrations, just remember who did all the plan... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to be wanted and desired ? Married 14 yrs tomorrow and I want him to be crazy over me!!
Q. Hi all, I really need your help.Is it wrong to have the need to be wanted by someone ? I like attention, but from only someone who loves me. I feel the need to be wanted and desired all the time. Is there sometehing wrong with me ??? I am marr...
A. 16 April 2007: Hello,
You are being a good wife if you have been together 14 years! I think that you might be surprised to find out that he IS crazy about you. You may just be married to an undemonstrative man. He may not say anything, but a man who will go t... (read in full...)
I was dumb enough to fall for a married man and I can't trust what he tells me! What should I do?
Q. Ok, first of all I was dumb enough to fall in love with a man who is still married. No kids. He is in the process of settling the financial matters and says he has a solictor working out the figures. We agreed we wouldn't see each other until he ...
A. 15 April 2007: Hi,
You can't lose something that wasn't yours to begin with. He is feeding you lines and stringing you along. You know everything that he is lying about, because you wrote about it in your letter! He has you so confused that you don't beli... (read in full...)
I got a uninary tract infection after having sex...is this common for women?
Q. When I first had sex with my boyfriend, I didn't know it is a good idea to pee after intercourse (even using condom). Therefore, I had urinary track infection. The doctor gave me some antibotics and suggest me to drink cranberry juice. Therefore, ...
A. 15 April 2007: The usual name for it is "Honeymoon Cystitis". It is very painful and needs to be treated by your Doctor. If it doesn't go away by drinking cranberry juice, you need a dose of antibiotics to get rid of it competely. The complications can include ... (read in full...)
We are looking for a house together but I want an engagement ring first! Do you think he may propose soon?
Q. I am 33 and my boyfriend is 43. We've been dating for 10 months. We have been recently looking for houses, but are not engaged. It bothers me that we are doing this as we are not engaged and it seems like it is putting the "cart before the ...
A. 15 April 2007: Is he expecting you to buy the house with him. Are you going to move into the house together? I think if you do go ahead and keep house hunting with him, he will assume that it is what you want as well. I have no idea if he will propose, but if ... (read in full...)
He tells me it's natural that he watches porn and chats with women, online. How do I deal with this?
Q. i have been with my partner for 4years we are both23 and have a 2yr old child. recently he never sleeps with me and is constantly watching porn and chatting to women online. i do love him but its making me feel unwanted and whenever i try and talk ...
A. 14 April 2007: Hi,
I think your husband is a sex addict. The amount of time that he spends on this is abnormal. He can't even see that he has crossed the line with his addiction by calling live women (I'd kick his sorry butt into next Tuesday). He needs to b... (read in full...)
Im dating my mums bf's son, Is this allowed ?
Q. Hi i am dating my mum's bf's son. Everyone knows about it, I would just like to know if this is ok to do? please reply thankyou...
A. 13 April 2007: Hi,
Do your Mom and her boyfriend know about this? Did you meet after your Mom and he got together? If there is a problem at home because of this with either of them, you should listen to what they have to say. They may be really serious and plan... (read in full...)
Im just naturally thin, and no matter what I do I cant gain weight! Is there anything I can do ?
Q. hey all. i am a 16yr old 5'4 girl who wears a UK size 6 or 4 (i have been thin all my life) and am finding it extremly hard to find clothes to fit me. i eat everything so i dont understand why i am so thin. when i was younger it wasn't such a big ...
A. 13 April 2007: When I was your age, I looked like I had the legs of a colt - all knees - and I could count every one of my ribs. My mom took me to the Doctor and (this is probably Really old school) he made me drink prune juice and eat whole wheat bread and said ... (read in full...)
I didnt feel I fittted in with my friends, I tried to get my friend to tag along and she made me feel bad! Now I have no one to talk to! Am I in the wrong ?
Q. hi, i dont know what to do, i dont feel i fit in properly with my friends, and ive felt like this for a while, i tried to hang out with other people and i invited my friend to do so aswell but she just made me feel bad, i dont feel i fit in with ...
A. 13 April 2007: Hi Honey,
My heart is breaking for you. I remember times when I felt the same way. You haven't done anything wrong. You are at a very difficult age. Your body is maturing and hormones are racing. All of the people around you are maturing at d... (read in full...)
Im married with a child and one on the way! I have an attraction to another man what should I do ?
Q. What should I do, feelings for another man I am a married woman with one child and another one on the way. Last year at a party a ex colleague got drunk and told me of his affection for me. I admitted that I had feelings for him as well. We are ...
A. 13 April 2007: I don't believe that there is only one person for everyone. I think that there are any number of men that we could be attracted to and build a relationship with. That's why, when we get married, we still run into other people that we feel a ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and still a virgin, but feel as though I'm the only one!
Q. hey im just after alittle advice, im 15 i have always been quite popular at school and i have had many boyfriends(not to be big headed) but all my friends have rushed into bed with guys and many of them have slept with 4,5,and 6 boys. they call me ...
A. 13 April 2007: This reminds me of a Mom-ism that I heard growing up... "and if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?". You are a very smart young woman with her head on her shoulders. I always dreaded running into boys I had kissed in the ... (read in full...)
She's still a virgin but she's much more experienced than I am.
Q. Hey I just got my first girlfriend im inexperienced compared to her she is a virgin tho, but i keep thinking of her with the other guys why is that? Other girls that i speak to there past doesnt bother me even if they've done worse then mine? is it ...
A. 13 April 2007: I think that there is a honeymoon period where everthing is sweetness and light and that You are allowing little black doubts to interfere with it. Do not judge her and tell her what you think she should be like, try to abandon your fears and ... (read in full...)
He keeps sending his ex girlfriend's teenage daughters money.
Q. My boyfriend has an exgirlfriend that lives thousands of miles away. He has met her teenage girls a handful of times, but says he loves them like they were his own children. In the past he has sent them large checks ($1000 or more) and extravagent ...
A. 13 April 2007: This man that you love says that he loves and regards these girls as his children. He has a relationship with them that is independant of his relationship with his ex - as most child support issues are. He has emotional ties to these girls. You ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to be thinking about marrying this woman someday?
Q. I have only been with my girlfriend for 10 months... and we are young. I have never met someone like her... as I am not your ordinary run-of-the-mill person.... in otherwords, I'm a little quirky. I've had my past relationships... but this one is ...
A. 13 April 2007: No, you are not too young to know that she is the one for you. Sometimes, you just know. I met my husband of thirty years when I was 17. I told my best friends that he was the guy I was going to marry. We got engaged at six months, which let our ... (read in full...)
The married man I'm seeing says he sleeps in a different bedroom to his wife and only stays because of his son. Is he telling the truth?
Q. hi i've been dating a married man for 6 weeks sat, he says he sleeps in a diffferent bedroom and he only stays at his house for his son and because he pays the mortgage, he says he loves me and cant give me a 100 percent as he has his 12 year old ...
A. 12 April 2007: If you really believe what this man is telling you, ask him to set up a lunch date between the four of you so that you can properly introduce yourself. I'm sure how he handles this request will be very enlightening for you. He will probably squirm ... (read in full...)
How do I convince my shy wife to try a threesome?
Q. I am trying to get my wife to try a threesome. She is a little shy. How can i convince my wife to try it?...
A. 12 April 2007: I think it's absolutely awesome that you want your wife to have sex with another man! Good for you. I'm sure she'll get over her initial shyness when she sees how hot he is.... (read in full...)
Her parents dislike me-her mom thinks I am controlling ! What should I do?
Q. I am 18 years oly. My girlfriend is 16 and we have been dating for 10 months. At first her parents were awesome, i would want to go over there all the time not just to see my girl friend but to see her parents. But things have slowy started to ...
A. 12 April 2007: Every parent has a different idea about what is acceptable in their own house, perhaps the "alone in the basement thing" was the deal breaker. You have to gradually get back into their good books by following the house rules. There is no point in ... (read in full...)
Does this Grandmother really have 'rights' to visit her grandchildren. Any thoughts?
Q. Sadly, my adult niece (35) and her Mother(55) don't get along and have huge, trust issues. My niece has two lovely children (10 and 12) and her Mother (the Grandmother) is demanding she be given the right as the Grandmother to have visits with ...
A. 12 April 2007: The courts were absolutely right in their decision. It is very sad that any family would come to this, but it happens more often than most people think. In this case, the grandma is so toxic that she cannot even see the damage she will inflict on ... (read in full...)
What is the appeal of younger women to older guys?
Q. Ive just started dating a man who is older. Now obviously he appealed to me because he is good looking and more mature than guys my age. What i want to know is, what is the appeal of younger women to older guys?...
A. 11 April 2007: Physical beauty, symmetrical features and youth represent good genes and fertility and biologically the male is drawn to this. Nature is very clever. It's the same reason why young men are beautiful AND have an enormous sex drive. Women sexually ... (read in full...)
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