A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi im 21 and have been going out with my GF(19) for about 4 months now. I really like her personality and i think she is a great person. However she has had sex/"done stuff" with 15 other guys and its really killing me. Most of these were one night stands with random guys, she said they dont mean anything but she doesnt regret them. I dont feel insecure about them as she said im the only one that has made her orgasm but it makes me feel like she's 'easy' sleepng with so many guys. Also we slept together within a few weeks and were fuck buddies for a couple of months.one night when i was out, i cheated on her and slept with a random girl (i have only been with 3 girls). i didnt feel bad or guilty at all, i felt like i deserve it as she has slept around so much!i love being with her but is it worth staying in this relationship?Please be honest with me!
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 March 2007):
 I don't think that you are being fair to her by sitting in judgement on her past. You have called her any number of things and didn't mind being her "fuck buddy" before you were together. You cheated on her and didn't think it was wrong because you haven't had as many notches on your bedpost? - or because she "slept around so much"? I think you are being very small-minded because you feel that you should have had more sex partners than she has had in her past - because you're a guy and she's a girl - pretty old fashioned thinking for a "fuck buddy' when it suited you. This problem is in how you think and what you've done, so only you can decide if you can get past the way that you think. She can't change her past to please you. She obviously wants only you and has proved it by being faithful to you. If you love and RESPECT her, you should tell her that you were an idiot, that you'll never cheat on her again, and get both of yourselves tested.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (19 March 2007):
 I had this problem with my ex: he slept with so many women, I just couldn't forget about it, even though I trusted him. But I think a distinction has to be made here. In my opinion, men and women have one night stands for different reasons: women, I think, want attention and care whereas men, often, just want the physical release and ego-boost of sex. A women who had lot's of one night stands, like your girlfriend, could just be insecure and looking for acceptance and attention.
She might no regret them because we've all made mistakes and they make us who we are. Many people don't regret messing around with other random people because it's taught them lessons in life, sex and relationships and they feel they're relationships now are better because of this.
You said you were 'fuck buddies' for a while, what does that make you? She was 'easy' for you and you did it with her, you can't call her for doing that with other men just because you ended up being with her.
I can't believe you think it's ok that you slept with someone else and you don't mention whether she knows. Just because you have a problem with her past, that doesn't mean she's unfaithful to you and doesn't deserve to be cheated on because of the things she's done before you. If you feel you need more free time before you settle down to get some women 'under your belt' then do so, but don't cheat and drag her along. She may have done silly things but she has changed.
If this can work, you need to come clean. Tell her how you feel and why you cheated. If you both love each other and can leave this behind you can work it out. However, in my experience, problems like yours with her that cannot be solved do not go away and continue to cause problems forever.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): her sexual choices are her own to make and you were wrong in cheating on her. try not to judge her on something like this; you say she has a great personality and is a great person. she obviously enjoys sex and places a different priority on it (some people think it is a sacred thing between two people who love each other while others just enjoy the physical aspect of it. neither are wrong and neither should be judged.)
if it makes you so uncomfortable then just break up with her and let her live her own life as she sees fit.
i'm surprised you think that cheating on your girlfriend is a less serious move than her sexual history. before you judge her actions, it does take two to become fuck buddies... you also slept with her in spite of only knowing her for a few weeks. get off your self-righteous pedestal.
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A
female
reader, Tifini +, writes (19 March 2007):
 If you honestly think that she's easy and it really bothers you then maybe you two shouldn't be together.,.This sounds alot like me and my boyfriend.,.He's 21 and has only slept with 4 people and I'm 19 and have slept with alot more.,.But we have been together for over a year now and he is ok with it now.,.So if you like her enough to just accept what she has done in the past your relationship could turn out great.,.
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A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (19 March 2007):
 Hello. Your GF’s past sexual partners has nothing to do with you. Just because she’s had some one night stands it doesn’t make her easy. It the typical scenario a guy sleeps with 10 girls and he's a king, a girl does the same and she's easy.
Everybody makes a choice to sleep with someone it doesn’t matter how many partners you’ve had in your past, you should count on the one you have now. If you love spending time with her, why let this bother you. I think you like her that much, your jealous of her past partners/sexual partners.
To be quite frank how can you call her when she's been faithful! You've cheated on her!! At least she hasn’t slept with anyone since she been with you. There’s no poin in being with someone if you cant stay faithful and further more you’re cant be with someone when your hung up on their past.
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