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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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What is the appeal of younger women to older guys?
Q. Ive just started dating a man who is older. Now obviously he appealed to me because he is good looking and more mature than guys my age. What i want to know is, what is the appeal of younger women to older guys?...
A. 11 April 2007: Physical beauty, symmetrical features and youth represent good genes and fertility and biologically the male is drawn to this. Nature is very clever. It's the same reason why young men are beautiful AND have an enormous sex drive. Women sexually ... (read in full...)
Does sex harm your baby ? And do men get stretchmarks ?
Q. i have actually got 2 questions:: does it damage ababy if you have sex while you are pregnant?? because i am pregnant but my bf wants us t still have sex and.. do men get strechmarks?? might seem silly i jus wondering ...
A. 11 April 2007: Unless you have been told by your Doctor that you should not have sex, because of a high risk pregnancy, you can have sex right up till the end - as long as it's comfortable for you. You will need to find other positions because at a certain point, ... (read in full...)
Guys! Does it matter to men if a woman has stretch marks on her body??
Q. Dear cupid, i know you dont have to be perfect to be found attractive but how important are stretch marks to men? and does it effect them being physically attracted to you?( a males opinion as well please) Thanks x...
A. 11 April 2007: I can't remember the movie I saw this line in, but here's the drift - "Do men judge us when we're naked?" - "God NO! - We're just Grateful". I'd much rather take off my clothes in a room full of men than a room full of women!!! We all read WAY to ... (read in full...)
He wants to go out with the boys more often on his own...will he cheat on me if he does?
Q. my long time boyfriend and i have been arguing about him going out with the boys lately. he wants to go out soon alone however i believ he may hang with a guy and girl...thats ok except the girl likes him and im not sure if she would do anything and ...
A. 11 April 2007: Hanging out with the guys includes guys, if there is a girl, you get to go. Period. I'd certainly let him know that THAT is the rule. Otherwise, plan a night a night out with the girls and ONE guy who makes HIM really nervous. After that, You ... (read in full...)
My partner and I argue and she belittles me--how can I deal with this?
Q. Hi, I am a 27 year Old man with 2 pre-school children and a 3rd child due in July. I am having problems with my relationship with my partner who I love dearly. The problems I /we are having are constant arguing over minor things such as: 1) Mon...
A. 10 April 2007: Hi and God Bless You!
I know how hard it can be when the kids are small. I can only tell you as the other half - I stayed home and raised the kids and he worked 7 to 7, travelling 35% of the year. When he came home, I wanted a break and so did ... (read in full...)
My doctor and I are seriously attracted to each other. Is a relationship possible??
Q. My doctor and I are seriously attracted to each other. Is a relationship possible, or is it even legal? Please advise....
A. 10 April 2007: It's not illegal, but it is unethical. What that means is he would be under scrutiny from his medical associations if he were to be involved with a patient. If you know for sure that he would welcome your attention, you should ask him directly if ... (read in full...)
I lost a baby and we are trying again...Will my next baby be okay?
Q. I had i still born on the 13 of this month. i was 5 months and 4 days. i had a little gurl, i got to see her she had my eyes and my husband mouth and nose. (r.i.p. baby gurl) I know can't no other child i have replace the spot she holds in my ...
A. 10 April 2007: Hi Sweetheart,
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I don't know what your Doctors told you, but in the majority of cases, most people go on to have successful pregnancies and deliveries and have beautiful children after all their previous hear... (read in full...)
bf is very controlling in our relationship. Am I wasting my time?
Q. I'm with my boyfriend a year and it's been a little rough. We're a lot better now. I'm 19, and I just got an awesome job. Pays a lot. I moved in with my bf months ago, we're paying $800 for the basement of his mother's house. He doesn't have a job ...
A. 10 April 2007: It seems like you are giving up a lot of things to stay in this relationship. At some point in the future, you are going to see how little balance there is and you will start to resent him. You also seem to be doing all the paying and working, so ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's brother has been hitting on me behind his back, should I tell him?
Q. Ok. Heres what im going through. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. It feels like I"ve been with him for longer than that. Well he has a brother who hits on me behind his brothers back. I ignore him and I try to get it through his head that I ...
A. 9 April 2007: Brothers can be extremely competetive. I totally agree with penta, he could have pulled this on his brother before. I'd tell him before he figures it out.... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my feelings for this other married man?
Q. I'm a married woman, and I've fallen for a married man. This started last year when I noticed him from afar looking at me all the time. I ignored him for several months, being married - but eventually I realised I was attracted to him, and we had ...
A. 9 April 2007: Hi,
I'm very sorry that you are so torn up, you sound like you are in a lot of pain. Marriage can be a lot of hard work. You can go through periods where you have no interest in sex and you really don't want to do the same thing again with the ... (read in full...)
He fell asleep when I was performing oral sex! This bugs me-how do I handle this?
Q. Have you ever been with a man that fell asleep with you when you were performing oral sex? He was erect, all was well, had showed much enjoyment then all of a sudden I heard him lightly snoring. I did not know what to do, it had never happened to ...
A. 9 April 2007: If he had been drinking, I would not be pleased, but, it would definately be understandable. It's kind of flattering in a way, he was in his comfort zone and did not think that drifting off was a problem! It would be pretty normal for his age and ... (read in full...)
I started to have sex a month ago, now I've had 6 guys and feel I just can't say no!!!!
Q. I had never had sex until about a month ago. now I have already had sex with six guys and it's almost like I can't say no anymore .. and I cant stop . What do I do ?...
A. 8 April 2007: If you can't stop yourself from this destructive behaviour, please go quickly to your nearest Family Clinic for information on all the potential diseases that you could contract and all of their future health risk, including cancer (HPV) and ... (read in full...)
I need to talk with him urgently about our future
Q. Hello, i wrote a couple of months ago about my bf wanting to break up with me and he did..... its like hes changed into a completely different person. At first i was quite upset but now ive realised that i dont want to be with the new person h...
A. 8 April 2007: I think you are doing the right thing in telling this boy that he is going to be a father. You did not say how he had changed, but if you don't feel comfortable seeing him, meet in a public place and bring a friend or family member to remain close ... (read in full...)
I need some tips on how to lose some weight.
Q. hey, i would like some tips on losing weight. I'm not fat or anything, just a bit chubbier than what i'd like to be. So recently i've started going on daily walks and i eat healthier which so far has enabled me to lose about 3kg but i'm at point ...
A. 8 April 2007: Hi,
I'm not the greatest authority on eating habits, but one thing that I was extremely suprised at was how many calories I was consuming by drinking. The amount of juice that you need to get your daily vitamen C is not very big, about half a tumb... (read in full...)
He has been getting his friends to ring me assuring me that nothing is going on between them but I don't know what to believe or what to do.
Q. I wrote on here before for some advice bacause 5 months ago i found out my bf was textin and ringin a girl from his work.I had rang the girl to ask why they were textin each other and she said NOTHING was goin on between them and they were just ...
A. 8 April 2007: Hi,
You have found out about this because you were wise enough to trust your own instincts. He has not been honest with you in the slightest. If the texts you read were flirty, he has no business being in touch with her and telling you to beli... (read in full...)
My mums BF masturbates over playboy and so it, this upsets her but she wont dump him! What can I do to help her ?
Q. hi my mom is going out with a guy and she ahs been with him for nearly three years and time and time again he has been masturbating over playboy girls and it makes my mom really upset she loves him but i told her to kick him out but i dont want to ...
A. 8 April 2007: Hi,
I agree with anonymus, that's pretty normal behaviour for guys. Most have a few magazines and most people masterbate. It would be a problem if it is constant and interfering with their sex life. If he can't get off the computer or needs the ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to be broody??
Q. Hi, im almost 21 and i have been with my fiance who is 22 for nearly six years now. We are both very happy, and have just got a mortgage together, but their is one problem........IM BROODY!!! We both work and i have a really good job, but their are ...
A. 8 April 2007: Hi Hun!
I had my first child at 26 and my second at 30. I'm a very young and active 51 now and both kids are out on their own. I travel with my husband on business and we are having a great time! A lot of our neighbours are our age and still have... (read in full...)
Im normally smitten by him, just lately I dont like him! Will the feelings come back ?
Q. Im 18 and have been going out with my boyfriend for two months. In the past few days I have suddenly felt that I don't like him as much anymore. The entire time we have gone out I have been smitten with him but now I just don't feel the same. Do ...
A. 6 April 2007: The beginning of love can be an extreme rush, all the heady sensations, the heart racing and the anxious anticipation. If that is the feeling that you are missing, well, that it only the beginning of love. People who get hooked on the very first ... (read in full...)
I feel so guilty and horrible for doing this behind her back, should I tell her?
Q. Hi, I'm a bad person, don't judge too harshly. I'm on vacation in England at the moment (I'm from America), and I'm visiting family. I've been spending lots of time with my cousin Diana and her fiance, Jesse, because they're close to my age and we...
A. 6 April 2007: Hi,
When you go back to the U.S., you should not keep in touch with Jesse, because he is not family and he is not your personal friend, you know him because he is your cousin's fiance. You developed a crush on him, he picked up on it and flir... (read in full...)
He would like children one day but he says older women are at more risk of having babies and feel that I may be too old to have them.
Q. I have been going out with Richard for 6 weeks, we phone each other every day and have a great time when we are together. We met through a computer dating agency, the thing is I have two teenage children who do not live with me and I unsure whether ...
A. 6 April 2007: Tell him that you were going to find an 18 year old young buck, but you will consider overlooking his flaws if he can produce enough sperm to impregnate you. Well, that's about the equivalent of what he said to you, it might make him stop and think ... (read in full...)
Very uncomfortable with this female friend of his--she still sends him sexy pics! What can I do?
Q. I recently got married to a man I love very much. Our relationship is good and he makes me feel better about myself than any other man has. We've been together a year. He has a female friend that he talks to and texts on his phone though that he ...
A. 4 April 2007: Your Husband is 100% WRONG. He is totally disrespecting your feelings and your marriage by what he is doing. The context of his relationship with this girl is obviously sexual. He is in denial. Even though he is nervous (guilty) and he still ... (read in full...)
I am addicted to orgasms and can't stop masturbating. What can I do about it?
Q. i can't stop masturbating. what do i do. i am addicted to orgasms....
A. 4 April 2007: It perfectly normal to masterbate. At your age, your hormones are really active and it's much healthier to masterbate when you are horny than to sleep around and get pregant at a young age! It's safer too - it's probably the safest sex there is! ... (read in full...)
My ex's parents are always over at my house, more so than when we were together, are they spying on me!?
Q. Advice needed! My ex broke up with me at the end of last year. His parents, who I have known since I was born and really get on very very well with (our mothers were friends), seem to be coming over to our house alot more (both planned and on t...
A. 4 April 2007: I suspect that they are emotionally attached to you and still view you as their Daughter-in-Law. I'm sure this has been hard on them, especially since your Mom and your Ex-Mum-in-Law were friends while you were growing up. Your Ex Mum-in-Law ... (read in full...)
he has made comments that women have too much power, women are inferior, women can't get anything done without emotion
Q. I have been dating a man for about a year and a half. He seems to have two very distinct sides to him. When things are going well and he is happy, he is smart, sensitive, protective, re-assuring, complimentary, loving, calm, fun and funny to be ...
A. 3 April 2007: Please, PLEASE, listen to all the women who have written you today. Get away from this horrible man. You are not going to change him, he will continue to abuse you. It's not your fault, it's not something that you can fix in him. You are risking ... (read in full...)
Im due to get married but cant get the other guy out of my head despite him being distant! What should I do ?
Q. About 5 years ago I had a relationship with the most fantastic guy I have ever known. After a while he had to move away with his job, I had commitments and couldnt go with him. We carried on seeing each other for a while but eventually decided it ...
A. 3 April 2007: If you go back and read your letter again yourself, you will see that the ONLY person you described in your question is the "other" guy! The only thing you said about your fiance is "someone else", "engaged" and "married". It's pretty obvious ... (read in full...)
If I try to speak to hubby about his daughters troubles, I am accused of being almost a cruel stepmother! What can I do?
Q. I have just got married and desperately need some advice. My husband has a daughter who is now 7 and I have known her since we got together when she had just turned 4 years old. I try desperately hard to ensure that she is happy, comfortable and ...
A. 3 April 2007: I was wondering if he is at odds with his Ex or if they get along (as well as can be expected) as Parents. The interests of the child should always come first (easier said than done). I can't imagine that her Mother enjoys getting her back after ... (read in full...)
Am I just dreaming??
Q. So here's the deal. I had a long distance relationship for a while and eventually I moved to be with her. We lived together for about 3 months and then I had to leave again. The plan was for me to come back a month later and we would be reunited...
A. 1 April 2007: It makes more sense to put 100% into one decision that you know is to your benefit, than to sit and wait on something that is not a sure bet. Often throwing yourself 100% into something positive brings other influences that are positive into our ... (read in full...)
I told him I loved him, he stayed silent!
Q. I told my boyfriend I loved him and he said nothing what does this mean?...
A. 1 April 2007: I think he has a lot of integrity to hold his tongue if he is not quite there yet, so I would respect his silence and not push the issue. Now that he knows where you stand, he will, in his own time, let you know how he feels (I know, easier said ... (read in full...)
I'm staying round my friend's house, but her boyfriend has this thing for tickling my feet and I'm worried it's getting out of hand!
Q. Hi,this will probably sound quite trivial compared to some of the posts i've been reading here but i can't really discuss it with anyone i know so any advice would be a real help. I left my partner back in november and accepted my workmate julies ...
A. 1 April 2007: When tickling gets to the point where you are feeling tortured, it is abusive. When I was raising my kids, there would occasionally be adults that would tickle them until they were getting panicky. I would step in and rescue them by telling the ... (read in full...)
His sister is coming between us... Has she not heard three is a crowd!? Am I being unreasonable?
Q. My Partner and i have been living together for 2yrs however we have just moved back to our home town to be closer to both our familes. However his sister is driving me nuts! We plan weekends away and she has begun to invite herself along too( ...
A. 1 April 2007: The only way that I can see excluding her is to keep your travel plans to yourselves and mention that you are going out of town when you ARE - in fact - going out of town. If your boyfriend has to include his sister in every waking convesation, ... (read in full...)
So close so many times to finishing it but can never go through it, I want more!
Q. I am having major problems in my relationship. We fight daily. He is in a bad living situation, and even though it has been two years since we first started dating, nothing has gotten better for him. I am in college still, working my way up, and ...
A. 29 March 2007: It isn't your responsibility to fix the parts of him that need fixing. If you have split up over twenty times, that is a problem in itself. The fact that he has anger issues and abuses you verbally is a big red flag. The issue that worries me the ... (read in full...)
Getting married on 12th April and need ideas for a romantic tune to walk into the registry office to!!
Q. Hi guys, Shandy Pop here. Sorry this may sound a bit trivial, well it's not the sort of question that is asked on this site, BUT I am getting married on 12th April and i need your help. I need a song (tune), romantic, to walk into the Registry Off...
A. 29 March 2007: Hi Shandy Pop!
Best Wishes! I had a really traditional "Pachelbel's Canon in D", but there are sites where you can hear bits and pieces of traditional wedding marches. There is a web site where you can read the lyrics as well, www.... (read in full...)
My mum brought home her new boyfriend and it turns out he was my one night stand! Should I tell her?
Q. hey im in a massive mess right now and would really appreciate any advice people can give me ok Im 19 and about three months ago I met an older guy in a club. He started hitting on me and i did fancy him back but thought he was too old. he then ...
A. 27 March 2007: As hard as it might be, I think you should tell your Mom. The situation will only get worse instead of better. If you don't tell her now, she will feel foolish if she is the only one who doesn't know this information. She will feel betrayed if ... (read in full...)
Why cant I have 2 wives if both women love me!?
Q. why i cant have 2 wifes if both woman loves me and i love them , and who made that law for us and what is the sense of it? as we all know that woman get another kind of feelings and therefor man and woman fall in love and make a new life and they ...
A. 27 March 2007: Dagwood's linked article says it all. The world's population is 49% male and 51% female, and China's problem with the lack of marriagable women due to most families aborting female children is proof of how badly things can go wrong for society when ... (read in full...)
A Question about attitudes of sexual freedom!
Q. A Question about attitudes of sexual freedom. Keep in mind this is about sexual gratification only. Just don’t tell me that women are all about love and that men are all about sex. That is BS. So if a woman sleeps around why is she looked ...
A. 27 March 2007: Sexual mores have evolved because of the basic biology involved. Women don't sleep around because they have to consider abortion or nine months of pregnancy and raising a child for 20 years. Men are feel more free sexually because they are not ... (read in full...)
How can I delay my period?
Q. hey, im going camping and trekking for 4 days and 3 nights for my duke of edinburghs award in a couple of weeks... the thing is that i might be on my period, which will make me very uncomfortable... is there any way of delaying your period? also, i ...
A. 27 March 2007: Hi Hun,
The only way that I know is to be on the pill and continue taking a few more days worth to delay your period. You should talk with your Mom about this. Also, if you are going on a boy and girl camping trip, I think your Mom will be a litt... (read in full...)
My husband changed his mind about kids and says to wait 5 years for him to decide! What if he decides "no"?!
Q. Before my husband and I got married, we decided we didn't want to have children. Then last fall I ended up getting pregnant even though I was on birth control. We both decided we were going to keep the baby and were even pretty excited about it - ...
A. 26 March 2007: Hi Honey,
I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such a hard thing to go though. You did not mention your age when you wrote. If you are still really young, then I can understand why he wants to wait. You did say that he was hurting after the misc... (read in full...)
How far can I go with him to please him a little without losing him?
Q. I dated a guy who was at uni and we had a long distance relationship for over 2 years. It was my first love and despite being brought up to believe sex was for marriage, i thought we'd be together forever so i let it happen but also cos i was ...
A. 26 March 2007: I think this person does not deserve your trust, faith and love. He has proven, by his actions, that his needs, opinions and desires will always come before yours. He is not being a Partner in the truest sense of the word. If you stay with him, ... (read in full...)
I tease her and she says "shoosh you" and "make me then." Is she flirting with me?
Q. There's this girl I really really like and she knows I like her a lot. When we're around each other, I tease her about top-up credit (she tops up a lot), I tease her about a lot of things. She keeps on telling me to 'shoosh you' and I say 'make me ...
A. 26 March 2007: Sure sounds like flirting to me!!!... (read in full...)
I gave this married man the brush off! Did he think I was some kind of psychopath for being so cold?
Q. just want to get a certain situation of my chest. had a major crush on a guy at work, who's married, for 5 years. He is about 30 years older than me but very, very handsome for his age and very suave and sophisticated. He started off teasing me c...
A. 26 March 2007: He did not think you were being a psychopath. He thought that he had a chance and it sounds like he has a crush on you. He believes that you have finally come to your senses and put a stop to it before anything happened. I think it is exactly ... (read in full...)
Why am I so shy all the time ? Surely now Im 20 I should have grown out of it ?
Q. i find it really hard to except compliments as im very self conscious and quite shy. whenever someone says something like (and this doesnt happen very often) u look really nice or ur really pretty, i go red and just mumble "thanks" and end up ...
A. 26 March 2007: I was taught that you should Never take the compliment lightly or disagree, it may seem like a fishing expedition to getting the giver to add more compliments! Therfore, never say - "I got it on sale" - "I've had this for years" - "I'm not happy ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to be broody??
Q. Hi, im almost 21 and i have been with my fiance who is 22 for nearly six years now. We are both very happy, and have just got a mortgage together, but their is one problem........IM BROODY!!! We both work and i have a really good job, but their are ...
A. 1 March 2007: Hi,
It sounds to me like you and your partner are extremely mature for your age. You have considered many of the important issues already. The final decision to go ahead a start your family is always going to be a scary leap of faith, but you seem... (read in full...)
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