A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you deal with a boyfriend who you adore but who makes no effort with his appearance? I'm seeing someone who is perfect for me in every way, but he doesn't seem to care how he looks and I am finding it difficult to see beyond the bad clothes and hair style. I want to tear his clothes off for the right reasons, not because I want to burn them and take him clothes shopping!! I don't want to break up with him but I just don't find him attractive - help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks D, I'm sure you're right about helping to boost his confidence. You have to be so careful though that you don't come over as a controlling woman who wants to change her man! What I didn't mention before is that he's a vet and works crazy hours. He buys the cheapest clothes because he's on farms all the time, but doesn't think that it might be nice to wear different clothes when he's not working or when he's with me. We also have a long distance relationship so I don't have access to his wardrobe.
I will take your advice as I want to stay with him, but I just hope he picks up on the hints sooner rather than later. It's awful looking at your boyfriend who you know could look nice but who just turns you off by looking like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards! I make an effort for him, I hope he'll do the same one day....
Thanks x
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 Most guys who take little care of their appearance are that way because they don't know how to go about it. The market place is catering to guys now - hair products and face creams, etc. Sayings come about for a reason, "Clothes Make the Man". Introduce things slowly and pick up a few items for him from time to time. If there are paticularly offensive items, try hiding them at the back of the closet for three weeks. If it doesn't get searched out, try hiding it in a garbage bag for six months to a year. Make sure if it's a jacket, say, that he has another new jacket to put on. The hair is trickier and men are super-sensitive about a recending hairline. There are so many guys that go for the really macho bald look and shave it all off these days. Do you think he might consider this? You could drop hints about men who look hot with the look, Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, etc. and they are all macho types, so it could be something he might consider. It may only be his outer-appearance and that what matters is on the inside, but you DO feel better and more confident when you look good. Approching forty is a time when a lot of men have a bit of a mid-life crisis. Helping him improve his appearance might give him a boost, especially is he is sensitive right now about his hair. How you approach it will make it easy or difficult, if you nag him about his appearance, he'll give up and back off. If you approach it as fun and interesting, he may get to enjoy it. Trust me, if he goes out in his new clothes and gets checked out, you are going to see a big change in how much loves taking care of his appearance! Tell him THIS fact if he things clothing is frivolous - The two biggest budget items annually around the world? DEFENCE and FASHION!!! And still, it might be frivolous but what is life without a few indulgences? You sound like a doll taking such good care of him! Your boyfriend is lucky! Good Luck at take it one step at a time! (and if you succeed in hiding anything for more than a year, burn it...) :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): Tell him how you feel about your boyfriend's appearance. After all you have got to be honest as you are both in this relationship together. If you haven't got the confidence to just go ahead and tell him why don't you drop a few hints? Leave some clean clothes in which you like lying around for him to see easily. Hopefully he'll get the message and change for you. If he refuses to chance then give him an ultimatum, either his bad clothes and hair style or you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice CD. I've always been attracted to his personality and I'm not a shallow person so don't judge people by what they wear. But you shouldn't be a slob either! He's losing his hair and I think it's affected him quite deeply as he's always had long hair before. He'd look 10 years younger if he shaved it off completely but I think it's a security blanket for him. I will tread carefully as he's too good to lose.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (22 March 2007):
 He won't appreciate it if you come out and say you want to change him so you need to be subtle about it. When you go out shopping for yourself buy him the occassional shirt or whatever and slowly make him over that way. The hair is slightly harder. I guess one way you could do it is to tell him how sexy you think his hair would be in the style you want but you need to take this easy and not push him so he doesn't feel pressured. And if neither of these things work keep telling yourself that you're not going out with him for the way he dresses or wears his hair and it should become easier to deal with.
CD
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