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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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How do I deal with my ex saying I'm bi-polar??
Q. My ex is crazy! When we were together he posted a video of us on youtube. Now, one of his comments said I am his ex fiance and I had some emotional and mental problems. Yeah right! I broke up with him because he was emotionally abusive and he just ...
A. 9 December 2007: You are wasting a whole lot of mental energy on your ex. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by getting into a mud-slinging match with your ex. If he had an ounce of common-decency, he would not be discussing your health or past-relationship, ... (read in full...)
Slept with the ex...but I am not sure if it was just sex to her.
Q. So I'm very confused, and looking for some guidance... I recently slept with an ex. We had dated for a year and were planning on a long future, when we had a bad breakup and for a LONG time we weren't talking. Recently I ran into her one day...
A. 9 December 2007: That was an opening. Not sure where it might lead, but if she wasn't interested, I don't think she would have texted you. She might be fishing here to find out how you feel. I am sorry if I get your hopes up and it doesn't work out, but that's ... (read in full...)
How can I get him a gift that really comes from the heart??
Q. Hey readers, I'm sure you come to this question alot, but i have apsolutly no idea what to get my boyfriend for Christmas. We have been together a little over a month, but we have been bestfriends for a few years. I asked him and he gives me the ...
A. 9 December 2007: I'm assuming that you probably download music... We used to make our boyfriends mix tapes - but you could burn a CD if that's not too old school.
A handmade item that he might like, is a hoodie with things that he likes written on the back or o... (read in full...)
How can I get him a gift that really comes from the heart??
Q. Hey readers, I'm sure you come to this question alot, but i have apsolutly no idea what to get my boyfriend for Christmas. We have been together a little over a month, but we have been bestfriends for a few years. I asked him and he gives me the ...
A. 9 December 2007: I'm assuming that you probably download music... We used to make our boyfriends mix tapes - but you could burn a CD if that's not too old school.
A handmade item that he might like, is a hoodie with things that he likes written on the back or o... (read in full...)
Shes a fun girl...but her last minuete cancellations throw me off.
Q. Met this girl on a dating website. Talked to her a few times over the phone. I've tried to get her to go on a date with me twice. Both times she's said yes, but both times she's canceled and been really apologetic about it afterwards. She's a really...
A. 9 December 2007: It doesn't sound like a good bet. I am a firm believer in keeping appointments and being on time. Both indicate the amount of concern, respect and regard that you have for the other party that's involved. She has already demonstrated twice that ... (read in full...)
Is there ONE quality that prevents you from ever going out with that person?
Q. I'm curious: males: Have you ever liked a girl, and to you, it seemed like you had alll the qualities the girl wants in a guy (humor, personality, friendliness, etc). But you always wondered, why won't that girl go out with you? or ...
A. 9 December 2007: You are either attracted to a person or you are not. The heart wants what the heart wants. I wouldn't second guess yourself on this one.
I think a lot of people would say, "Go ahead and take the jacket", but I believe that you have done the righ... (read in full...)
My ex husband cheated on me and I was laden with guilt for seeing a married man - so I ended up confronting his wife. Opinions?
Q. I am a recently divorced 57 year old woman. I met a man the same age as me through work. We started a friendship which ended up being very passionate. After about three months he told me he was actually married. He said his wife lived in another ...
A. 9 December 2007: As wrong as it was for him to lie to you about being married, no matter what the circumstances were between he and his wife, you were wrong to confront her. You have a lot of baggage from your own past and so did she, but you actually didn't have ... (read in full...)
My ex seems to expect me to simply be her friend after all the hurt she's caused me... But her Father died today. Now I have the chance to be a friend, but I'm worried that I may hurt myself. What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I posted a question earlier today, but there has been a serious and tragic twist since this morning. My girlfriend broke up with me almost 6 months ago after she decided our long distance (240 miles) relationship was too much to bear...
A. 9 December 2007: Hmmmm.
The one thing that worrys me is that you say this is a chance to put the last six months behind you. I don't see this as something that should wipe the slate clean for you or give you a new vantage point to start fresh from. Quite th... (read in full...)
My ex seems to expect me to simply be her friend after all the hurt she's caused me... But her Father died today. Now I have the chance to be a friend, but I'm worried that I may hurt myself. What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I posted a question earlier today, but there has been a serious and tragic twist since this morning. My girlfriend broke up with me almost 6 months ago after she decided our long distance (240 miles) relationship was too much to bear...
A. 9 December 2007: Hmmmm.
The one thing that worrys me is that you say this is a chance to put the last six months behind you. I don't see this as something that should wipe the slate clean for you or give you a new vantage point to start fresh from. Quite th... (read in full...)
My ex seems to expect me to simply be her friend after all the hurt she's caused me... But her Father died today. Now I have the chance to be a friend, but I'm worried that I may hurt myself. What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I posted a question earlier today, but there has been a serious and tragic twist since this morning. My girlfriend broke up with me almost 6 months ago after she decided our long distance (240 miles) relationship was too much to bear...
A. 9 December 2007: Hmmmm.
The one thing that worrys me is that you say this is a chance to put the last six months behind you. I don't see this as something that should wipe the slate clean for you or give you a new vantage point to start fresh from. Quite th... (read in full...)
I found sexually explicit messages on my young brother's phone. Do I tell my parents, or talk to him firstly?
Q. I recently found some sexually explicit messages on my younger brothers phone not only from him by a number of girls some even younger than him. I am really worried about his emotional and physical state as he has been really agressive lately. Is ...
A. 9 December 2007: Hi Honey,
When did your parents sit down and talk with you about sex? Do you think that they have sat down and talked with him yet? If you aren't sure, I don't think that you would be out of line talking to your parents about it. He needs to... (read in full...)
Did I deceive him??
Q. I have been married for several years and my relationship with my husband has become like a boarder/room mate kind. We used to be so close and go to church together but now, I, like him have back slided and don't attend church. I try to pass the...
A. 8 December 2007: You did not deceive him. He knew you were married. ... (read in full...)
I don't know whether my trainee teacher is being "too nice..."
Q. Hey, im sorry guys if these seems stupid but i really need some help. There is this trainee teacher at school and everyone says he likes me far too much. He asks everyone where i am if he cant see me and he always comes to sit with us at lunch to ...
A. 8 December 2007: Now would be a good time to start practicing how to give someone a polite but firm brush off. Find a table at lunch that doesn't have room for your teacher. When he asks for you to do tasks for him at break, tell him that you have already made ... (read in full...)
When we are intimate, I have to insist. My wife is never in the mood. She also refuses counselling.
Q. Wife and I been married 5 yrs, 2 kids. 2 and half years into our marriage I deployed to Iraq for a year. Things were good till then, even when I was deployed we got a little freaky via webcam. I know she didn’t do anything like cheating, but our sex ...
A. 8 December 2007: Sorry to be nosey, but when you do have sex, is she having orgasms? She may not be interested if she is not getting enough out of it. If she is not willing to get marriage councelling, how about a sex retreat, the couples therapy kind? ( I know ... (read in full...)
Did I deceive him??
Q. I have been married for several years and my relationship with my husband has become like a boarder/room mate kind. We used to be so close and go to church together but now, I, like him have back slided and don't attend church. I try to pass the...
A. 7 December 2007: Hi Dear Poster,
I'm not quite sure that I understand which "He". Are you talking about your ex-lover or your husband?... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my fear of rejection?
Q. dear cupid i seem to have a major problem in asking girls out and cant seem to get myself to. i seem to have this fear of not being good looking (chek out myspace n tell me you think myspace.com/mohamed1991, but plz dnt post nothing ther if ...
A. 7 December 2007: Everybody, male or female, has a fear of rejection. We all have to overcome this. Sticking your neck out and taking chances is a part of life. I can't tell you that it is fun or easy, but if you take little steps, you'll get better at it. First ... (read in full...)
I made him choose between me and the dog and he picked the dog.
Q. My husband and i recently separated, mainly because i gave him an ultimatum, me or the dog. He did choose the dogs. I miss him desperately and would consider going back, but he says that no one is more or less important to him than his dogs. I sai...
A. 7 December 2007: I agree with baby ducks answer. Most people know the difference between a marriage and the love that they have for their pets, except for crazy cat lady on the Simpsons. It's an excuse for him not to have to explain his behavior. It sounds, ... (read in full...)
My husband has sex dreams every night and I am upset!
Q. My husband has strange bedtime habits - insight would be greatly appreciated. When he falls asleep he very often starts moaning, making noises like he's enjoying sex, occassionally he mutters something, and he is clealy in a sexually arroused state. ...
A. 7 December 2007: Perhaps you have missed the main point, he's asleep. As I have said, many of my sex dreams are about my husband, and who's to say who he is not dreaming of her? I'm rather surprised that he got jealous but it was most likely because it is was ... (read in full...)
Pregnant with body issues!
Q. Hi everyone i am 18 weeks pregnant with twins. these will be my first. I already have quite a big bump, although I haven't changed from the back. I just feel so unattractive, and so worried that I'll never be the same again after they're born (an...
A. 6 December 2007: Double Congratulations! We all feel the same way when it's our first pregnancy. My second was a very big baby, the doctor said the equivalent of a twin birth, and you'll be happy to know that I did get my figure back (I'd happily trade my ... (read in full...)
He dumped my yesterday and wont return any of my calls
Q. i need help,my boyfriend dumped me yesterday afternoon and wont return any of my calls. i txt him saying im coming round his house. he then txt me saying he was out. i know he was in cuz i saw his lights on, which he then switched off. i then got a ...
A. 6 December 2007: You should give the whole situation a cooling off period, at least a week or two. If you still have to talk with him about the break-up after that, then call him and ask him to meet you for one drink. If he doesn't respond to the request, then you ... (read in full...)
He didnt include me in his statement about family. He put me separate and I am hurt. Am I being oversensitive?
Q. This question is to all the boyfriends out there...if you are truthful and honest to your girlfriend, and you really love her, wont u say she's a part of your family? My boyfriend didnt do that. We were at a cookout that his friend was having. And ...
A. 6 December 2007: Isn't the importance of the statement that he made the sentiment that he would go to war for you? He put you alongside friends and family! Speechwriters often save the best for last, mentioning the important point at the end for punctuation and to ... (read in full...)
My husband has sex dreams every night and I am upset!
Q. My husband has strange bedtime habits - insight would be greatly appreciated. When he falls asleep he very often starts moaning, making noises like he's enjoying sex, occassionally he mutters something, and he is clealy in a sexually arroused state. ...
A. 6 December 2007: I can't believe that you are waking him up! That is so mean and selfish! If my husband was dreaming about sleeping with Sigorney Weaver and about to climax, I'd hate to ruin that little fantasy for him! It's not like it's real! Why would you do ... (read in full...)
Can I be pregnant and still have periods?
Q. Hey guys, i just wanna know if you can be pregnant, but still have periods? Ive had 2 periods but every other symptom!! Thanks xx...
A. 6 December 2007: Yes, it's possible. Take an over-the-counter test and read the directions carefully. ... (read in full...)
He dumped me saying he loved another girl...now he is saying he loves me.
Q. I have a boyfriend,and for the past week he has been trying to get rid of me b/c he was "in love" with another girl,i begged and pleaded for him not to leave me,but he insisted. When i decided to leave he asked me to come and talk to him. Now he i...
A. 5 December 2007: Tell him you don't want a boy who's fickle. At this age, that's just fickle. He should know his own mind by now and yet, he doesn't, and that's just not terribly mature. By not "making up his mind", he has shown you that it's ALL about him and ... (read in full...)
I am going to have sex with a guy....I need advice on that and if there is anything I can say to make my friend feel better??
Q. Me and a guy are going to have sex in a few weeks, and i was just wondering if anyone could give me advice..? Also, my friend had sex with this guy and she did this because she thought he liked her and she thought this would bring them closer b...
A. 5 December 2007: You are going to sleep with someone who just broke your friend's heart. Hmmmmm. I doubt that there is anything that you can say to make her feel better. Have you ever heard the expression - "Actions speak louder than words"? It sounds like this ... (read in full...)
How do I ask him to prom??
Q. Ok, i liked this guy for a couple of years and i am in 10th grade and he is in 9th. At our church we're havening a prom in May for 10th graders to 19 years of age, I want to ask him because he can't ask me because he is a freshmen, but i am sooooo ...
A. 5 December 2007: What do you talk about on line? What are your common interests? If you both like movies, why not ask him out to one first? It would be easier to go out to something with a group of guys and girls. After a few outings, you'll feel more ... (read in full...)
I am not getting enough Sex from my girlfriend! Advice?
Q. I Only have sex with my girlfriend once or twice a month and i want more but she doesn't.. when We first started goin out we had sex 2 or 3 times a week.. now since we have bin together 2 years its only a few times a month. Shes always to sleepy or ...
A. 5 December 2007: 8 or 9 orgasms? 4 or 5 is unusual. 2 or 3 is more normal. It sounds like she is faking them and perhaps not having orgasms at all. If she is really unfulfilled in the bedroom and doesn't know how to have an orgasm, that would explain a why she's ... (read in full...)
I can''t be around him because he doesn't respect me....should I just ignore him or tell him??
Q. Last night I talked to my ex that I was in the process of reuniting with and dating again and I had said that I looked at his myspace and was pretty offended that he had all these pretty new girls as his top friends when I knew he barely knew ...
A. 5 December 2007: I'm afraid to trust him again because I don't want to be hurt again, Right? If you are the same person, you can't get over him unless you break up with him, once and for all. And once you do, don't talk with him or visit facebook or myspace and ... (read in full...)
My partner with whom I've been living for 15 yrs has asked me to leave his house (but I will not.) Does he truly love the other woman? What to do?
Q. I have been with my partner for 15 years and have lived with him for all this time. My partner has had several affairs over the last 12 years, these have always happened at time when we have been under severe pressure from other areas whether it...
A. 4 December 2007: Yeah, Thanks Phil - I always wanted to ask pgissyd about her name too! Good answers! I'm just going to repeat myself again here, DO NOT MOVE OUT. Posession is usually considered 9/10ths of the law, so if you no longer live there, you might not ... (read in full...)
My partner with whom I've been living for 15 yrs has asked me to leave his house (but I will not.) Does he truly love the other woman? What to do?
Q. I have been with my partner for 15 years and have lived with him for all this time. My partner has had several affairs over the last 12 years, these have always happened at time when we have been under severe pressure from other areas whether it...
A. 4 December 2007: Hi,
You need legal help right now. Whether it's his house or not, and whether you are married or not, you have been his partner for 15 years, so you have earned some equity in the family home . DON'T MOVE OUT before you talk to a good lawyer, it m... (read in full...)
We both have properties, if I move with her I'd have to sell what I own, is it not too big of a risk? What should I do?
Q. Been in a relationship for a year, and now, I need to decide whether I want to take it further by moving in with my partner. She's not interested in getting married, owns her own house. I also own a house, but if I move in, I will have to sell what ...
A. 4 December 2007: It will leave you with the proceeds of your house and her with full ownership of her home (at least, for the present, after several years, I don't know). Are you interested in renting your home (that could be one answer)? Is she interested in ... (read in full...)
Different libidos, normal?
Q. I'm a 20-year-old female with a 29-year-old male. I've always been in long term relationships with very frequent sex that I was normally initiating so i suppose I'm not even sure if this is abnormal. As a little background, we work about 35 a ...
A. 4 December 2007: As far as I know, 4-5 times a day is a large amount, even in the beginning (I love to read statistics)! The average amount is 2-3 times a week. You both have a pretty busy schedule and that could affect your sex life, but don't be discouraged. ... (read in full...)
I love my 18 year old cousin who I just can't stop thinking about! Is it wrong?
Q. I'm 13 and I love/have feelings for my 18 year old cousin. Is that wrong? About my cousin: (in my point of view) my Cousin just turned 18 and is now going to Columbia university. She has a very nice personality, funny, innocent, adorable, beauti...
A. 4 December 2007: Doing this without her consent is WRONG. You are not innocent. You are a Peeping-Tom. She could press charges against you for what you are doing because it is sexual assault. Everyone has the right to say what happens sexually to their own body, ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to trust him again because I don't want to get hurt again...
Q. I met up with my ex last night (we broke up 2 months ago). He said he still loved me and missed me and couldn't get over me and we ended up making out. He said we should try dating again. I agreed to it last night, but then freaked out this morning ...
A. 4 December 2007: You didn't say how old you are and you didn't say what he was pressuring you to smoke. Pressuring anyone to do something that they are not comfortable with is controlling behaviour, especially if he already knows that you don't approve and that you ... (read in full...)
Are we normal???
Q. I always thought my boyfriend was attractive, but I never thought he would like me as he's 3 years older than me and was going to go away to university in Scotland in September (where he is now), however, to cut a long story short, he finally asked ...
A. 4 December 2007: My husband and I were at a resort recently where we observed some couples that were laughing and parading about, basically putting on a show and I said to my husband in jest - "Why can't we be like the popular couples?". But half of the time one of ... (read in full...)
Is he a future romantc partner or more as a "sister-type" friend?
Q. If a man has recently met a woman and shared with her stories about his childhood, disappointments, likes, dislikes, etc., would you interpret this as him being attracted to her as a future romantc partner or more as a "sister-type" friend?...
A. 4 December 2007: It sounds like the same kind of things that people talk about on dates, so I guess you'll have to pay closer attention to other cues. Dialated pupils? Laughing over everything you say? Leaning into the conversation? Touching your arm or hand ... (read in full...)
My hormones are killing me and I want to know if it’s all right for me to date even though I’m still married officially, or is it considered cheating?
Q. I have been separated from my wife for over a year and looking forward to get divorced soon. My question is this: My hormones are killing me and I want to know if it’s all right for me to date even though I’m still married officially, or is it ...
A. 4 December 2007: As long as you are living separately and have already agreed to the terms of the divorce. How sure are you that it will remain amicable if she finds out that you are dating? If you are ABSOLUTELY sure that she won't change her settlement, I'd say ... (read in full...)
We've been out twice...is he my bf??
Q. hey guys!! Well ive been out with this guy twice and i was wondering is he my boyfriend? Because i dont want to go around saying hes my boyfriend while hes going round telling his mates that were just going out. weve hugged and pecked each othe...
A. 3 December 2007: I'd wait a few more dates and bring up the subject with him. Some guys can be touchy, or feel that the girl is too clingy if she starts to make a declaration - "He's my Boyfriend" before he has even told you that he feels that way too. It would be ... (read in full...)
Is my husband hiding an affair??
Q. My husband is hiding something. We have been married for 16 months and I have had a horrible gut feeling for almost year. He is the kindest, loveliest man you can ever imagine meeting but some things just dont add up and his mood is tempramental. A...
A. 3 December 2007: I just had a point to add. My husband's business schedule is set up months in advance, and meetings, especially business travel and conferences, are never cancelled at the last minute, at least not for him in the last 35 years. I'm pretty sure ... (read in full...)
I NEED to know...
Q. My ex-boyfriend moved away to university recently and since he's been there he's met this girl who's seemingly very keen on him - but he's always vague as to what he thinks about her, and "doesn't know what he wants." Last night they both got ve...
A. 3 December 2007: I think "hurt my ankle" means "let me sleep in your room". Sounds like a pretty aggressive move on her part. He didn't kick her out of bed, whether he slept with her or not, so he IS interested. You need to come-to-terms with the first thing that ... (read in full...)
Are there any other signs of pregnancy apart from morning sickness? Like feelings, emotions and moods?
Q. Okay, me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 and half months. I'm 15 turning 16 in January and he's a year younger than me. We really love each other and would do anything for each other. So about a month ago we decided to have sex, well try...
A. 3 December 2007: Take an over-the-counter test if you are freaking out. Read the directions and follow them carefully. The moody part of pregnancy comes much later on when you are fully pregnant and uncomfortable. Talk with your Mom about getting that test and ... (read in full...)
Did I deceive him??
Q. I have been married for several years and my relationship with my husband has become like a boarder/room mate kind. We used to be so close and go to church together but now, I, like him have back slided and don't attend church. I try to pass the...
A. 1 December 2007: The only way that you can stop him from exposing you is to beat him to the punch. Tell your husband and beg his forgiveness. If your husband truly loves you he will find a way to forgive you. This cowardly man that you were involved with has his ... (read in full...)
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