My boyfriend is controlling
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. 3 months into our relationship he asked if i had been texting boys, he then took my phone and seen 5 boys on my recent contacts that i had been texting but i had deleted the sent and inbox messages, ...
A. 26 March 2011: I'm very sorry, but you really should leave him. He is a mess, and it's not because of the deleted texts from 21 months ago. There's no way that incident alone would make someone contemptuous, controlling, and verbally abusive so long afterward. ... (read in full...)
My bf is constantly looking at pics of naked women...is this adversely affecting our relationship?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a year and at first things were hot and steamy but lately he has been less and less interested in sex or anything else. We are only having sex 2-3 times a week. He works an average of 70 hours a week and although we ...
A. 25 March 2011: No, you really need to leave him. This guy is terrible--not even close to being a good catch. The naked pictures are nothing to do with it. The problem is he's so poisonous to your self-esteem. You were confident about your attractiveness and ... (read in full...)
I'm offended and hurt by his ignorance
Q. I need some answers. There is this guy, as there always is. He gazes and stares at me from afar and upclose and gives me undivided attention, like i'm the only one he sees. It is obvious he feels something for me. But here's where the problem ...
A. 25 March 2011: Well, let's suppose you're 100% correct. A reasonable explanation for his behavior would be that, although he may secretly think you're interesting to look at, he has no wish whatsoever to encourage an actual relationship or to give others the ... (read in full...)
Help me to be more confident around girls
Q. Hi, I was just wondering if you could give me some advice on how to become more confident and outgoing around girls. Im 15 years old, athletic, quite good looking and quite inteligent. Please give me help as it is really annoying me and I just want ...
A. 25 March 2011: Consider for a second what makes you confident when you're not around girls. Mainly, it's that you're not trying to make anyone like you. You have no fear of judgment, because you're doing ordinary things that you're comfortable with. You can g... (read in full...)
I am christian and friends with a bisexual woman, how do I stop our inappropriate behaviour without losing the friendship?
Q. Is it possible to be a heterosexual christian woman and have a bisexual female friend... of course. What if I am attracted to her though. I am really determined to be with a guy though. My church teaches that homosexuality is a sin, but wheneve...
A. 24 March 2011: I think if you look up Wikipedia's list of Christian denominational positions on homosexuality you'll find that many well-established Christian churches accept your feelings as valid for a layperson to pursue. We're not talking about small groups: ... (read in full...)
Am I really creepy to guys?
Q. EVery guy i have a crush on ends up finding out and becomming creeped out. Am i really creepy to guys?...
A. 24 March 2011: There's no way to tell what inspired the reactions those guys had. Maybe they did kind of like you but something got in the way, such as mean comments from their friends. Or the guys you've had crushes on and the guys who've had crushes on you may ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I don't like to kiss the guy I'm sleeping with unless we're in a relationship?
Q. I've only been sexually active for the last year and a half, and I've only dated 2 of the 8 guys I've slept with. Nonetheless, I've come to realize that I don't feel right kissing the guy unless we're in a relationship. Is it weird that I put ...
A. 24 March 2011: It's unusual, but understandable. I suspect it means you're a romantic, preserving a way for physical contact to be meaningful, even while you agree that sex isn't that big of a deal. Keep it up. My other thought, though, is that if sex isn't ... (read in full...)
She's been cheating our whole marriage and I can't seem to leave her.
Q. Hi, I found out 4 years ago my wife of then 20 years had been cheating on me our whole marriage. I eventually got her to tell me everything she had done. I wished I hadn't. I couldn't bring myself to leave her because of the children. I did ...
A. 7 December 2007: I recommend seeing a counselor or participating in a more complete support group such as survivinginfidelity.com. You're in the right place here for basic tips and quick evaluations, but dealing with infidelity usually takes over a year. Your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't enjoy sex... could this cause problems when we're married?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and we've started having sex just this year. I was his first, and he's mine. We intend on getting married in 2-3 years... however, he recently told me that he does not enjoy sex. he says he gets phy...
A. 5 December 2007: A very tiny percentage of human beings are just not into sex, though they often still have gender preferences and romantic feelings. Asexuality.org seems to be a very authoritative informational site about those folks.
But there's also a chance y... (read in full...)
We normally spent time togther but now we hardly speak! do you think he might be cheating? or even losing interest?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years now, we shared great memories and then not so great. it seems to me that we have both been losing interest in our relationship, we have been fighting constantly about the smallest thing. im so ...
A. 5 December 2007: Believe it or not, if you're still fighting, that's something. What comes after that is the withdrawal and emptiness that really makes cheating likely. The two of you can turn this around if you assess your mutual needs and figure out what's ... (read in full...)
I have insecurities, and that's now causing me to become jealous and controlling
Q. Hi. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and during most of our relationship we would see eachother everyday, fall asleep next to eachother every night and wake up next to eachother every morning. A few months ago I had to move 3 ...
A. 5 December 2007: I'm afraid you're going to have to trust her to make her own decisions, but as long as you're emotionally rewarding to talk to, it will probably be fine. My wife and I had a LDR for two years before we married, and we talked on the phone for at ... (read in full...)
My husband is a controlling and demanding, he nearly lost his job because of his attitude, should I put up with this , I want to make it work?
Q. I am really lost. I am married at the moment and my husband makes me want to die. I feel like he is constantly trying to change me, and he is so demanding and controlling. i feel like he is the only one who has benefited getting married. i have had ...
A. 5 December 2007: Wow, the job really doesn't seem like the important issue here. The question in my mind is would you be wrong not to want to walk out on the marriage. Your relationship should be rewarding to both of you on many levels. You should both feel ... (read in full...)
What is okay with girls and guys spending alot of time together??
Q. So my boyfriend and I have had problems for a very long time with what I would consider flirting/ mild forms of cheating. Eventually this lead to our break up some time ago. We were apart for a couple months and then discussed our problems to come ...
A. 5 December 2007: Let me address the past behavior first. It's inappropriate for him to actively seek emotional rewards in the flirtatious responses of other women. Most people enjoy harmless fleeting glimpses of what might have been, but if he were secure in ... (read in full...)
My LD friend had always been unfailingly polite but became rude and uncaring when I mostly needed his support. Why?
Q. I don't know where his head is at, and I was forced to leave even though I didn't want to. Here is the story: My LD friend and I grew much closer than friends over time. We've visited each other a few times, but the last time was the only time we...
A. 4 December 2007: It could be Borderline Personality Disorder. You'll never know for sure (certainly he wouldn't/shouldn't accept a diagnosis based on your observations), but if you look it up, imagining that's the answer might offer some comfort. Good luck.... (read in full...)
He blames me for everything! What is he hiding?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of one year in May. He says we broke up because it was my fault, I was being unfaithful, and I had let him down so many times. He keeps saying that he just wants to be friends but each time we talk, all we do is we start ...
A. 4 December 2007: If you agree with what he says about your faithfulness and reliability, then you need to take some time off from relationships with boys and sort things out about yourself--how you communicate, what kind of woman you want to be, etc. On the other ... (read in full...)
My parents are always nagging me and bullying me...what can I do??
Q. Lately both of my parents just have been giving me anxeity over what a young person is supposed to be doing with their life. They are always griping about how I don't go anywhere and how I have never been to any concerts with boyfriends or anything. ...
A. 4 December 2007: We can reasonably suppose that we're mostly normal even when people focus on the one thing that's different. And most of us do deviate from the norm in some way, which is a comfort because otherwise we'd be boring. Your parents are normal in th... (read in full...)
Was my one-night stand really an affair??
Q. I cheated a few years ago and at the time did not class it as an affair. I told my husband it was a one night stand as that's what I thought it was. I knew the other guy we were friends but we only slept together once and because of the guilt an...
A. 4 December 2007: Yep, that was an affair, potentially devastating in impact to your husband, but it sounds like he pushed through. If you really feel you need to bring this up again (I would advise against it), then put him in the driver's seat. Perhaps something ... (read in full...)
Best friend going wrong!
Q. I married my best friend. She's going through some problems within herself, but somehow it ends up being something that I'm not doing right, enough, remembering to do. I'm starting to feel like I'm the actual problem and she just don't know how to ...
A. 4 December 2007: Here's a quick checklist to see if you have your bases covered: - Do you find things to admire in her and voice your praise? - Do you give her ordinary affection often (hugging, touching, massage, etc.)? - Do you groom yourself and try to make y... (read in full...)
What can I whisper in my lovers ear to turn them on??
Q. What should I whisper in my lovers ear to turn him on?...
A. 4 December 2007: It's not so much the whispering that will turn him on, but the light touch of your tongue and the shiver up his spine as your breath naturally tickles him. After that, it won't matter, but how about "Touch me anywhere, softly." That ought to work ... (read in full...)
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