A
female
age
51-59,
*kay1032
writes:Well you know my other questions I asked. To add to that. My guy that only shaves once a week and gets the gray out of his goatee came home from work one day and stated he needed to dye it and shave. I didn't think much of it till he got up for work and made sure he got it done before work. Then I found a # on his phone and it was a girl. Then a week goes by and he shaves 2 more times making sure he looks good for work. He said it was just me. Ok my sister works for the same place and started snooping around. Between her snooping and me calling our phone carrier and finding out he had been calling this girl. My sister asked him about her and he said he never talked to her. Didn't even know her name. I called the # talked to her. She said she had no intrest in him and they are just buddies. I confronted him and he was so mad. I figure cuz he got caught. He said it was over. He got home that night and said this was what he wanted. So the next day I started getting the bills put in my name. My sis was wanting me to meet one of her friends etc. I was moving on. I did find out however that he did come straight home from work every day. He said it started by the guys joking saying he was not up to his game and could not get her #. Then they just became friends. She is 23 he is almost 35. He said the first time he called her is because the guys said she gave him the wrong #. Ok I understand how guys can be but he didn't have to call her after that. Now back to the next day. I was in bed making calls to change everything and then I put my head on my pillow and was crying so he wouldn't hear. He kept getting closer and I thought he was moving in his sleep so I moved away. He then tapped me on my shoulder and when I turned around he put me in his arms admitted his wrong doing and said he never planned to or never would cheat on me. I don't think he is the cheating type. I forgave him and things have been good. Now my question is I will tell you what I think happened and you tell me if you agree ok? lol I think a young girl showed him some intrest and it flattered him and he got in too deep and wasn't sure how to get out. I really don't think she wanted him at all. I don't think he would have done anything with her but still have some doubt. What ya think? I don't want to let go but if the girl's number is on next months bill it will be over!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tkay1032 +, writes (3 April 2007):
tkay1032 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well things have been good so far. I do have the no trust wall up right now but I think he can earn it back. As long as he NEVER does this again we will be fine. I couln't and wouldn't put up with it a second time.
Thanks for all your awnsers. It really helps.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 March 2007):
 I think you have excellent radar when it comes to your boyfriends behaviour. You seem to understand the situation from all different angles, including the fact that a 23 year old is probably totally uninterested in a 35 year old (most of them think older guys hitting on them is creepy). The fact that he let his friends egg him on is a problem. Why do they have that kind of influence on him? When guys hang around with friends who cheat and lie, they can be a bad influence. How does he talk about your relationship infront of his friends? Is there anything else that is a problem for him right now? Is he worried about getting older or has he been passed over for a job promotion? Those are kind of warning flags for mens egos, some use other women as bandaids at this time of life but it doesn't sound like it in this case. He doesn't sound like the cheating kind, but I think he needs new mates. I think you know him really well and he just screwed up. I would not sweep it under the rug though, you need to talk it out and find out why this almost happened or if there are issues in your relationship that need addressing. Maybe a coucellor could help straighten things out. I think that you scared the hell out of him and you probably won't find any more phone numbers. Good Luck with everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2007): It is good you are forgiving and hopefully he has been sincere.
Is this the only time you have both faced ending this relationship?
There are some issues that need to be addressed and discussed. Like the rules and boundaries of your relationship. There is no wrong in working together to come up with ground rules and common principles to govern yourselves by out of respect and consideration for the other and the relationship.
Trust is essential and this has set the BF back by a bit. He needs to be super valiant to prove he is trustworthy and his word is his bond.
I suggest setting up some counselling to help you both figure out your course and destination otherwise such things as this will keep cropping up and with it hurt, confusion, and resentment.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (17 March 2007):
 I think your feelings about the situatin is accurate. You really don't know if she actually wanted him or not so that is unimportant. He felt flattered and sucked up the attention. It's very common but he just went a little too far by keeping contact. He quite possibly could have just been enjoying the moment.
The fact her was not truthful though shows he knew it was wrong. He was possible embarassed by it all.
eddie
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