A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have been livi8ng with my boyfriend for 1 and 1/2 years. he has always been very kind to me and has always worked out a solution to the problem we are currently having. he loves fishing and has always included me, however a very domeneering hard to get along with relative of his wants him to go away for a week to fish. the place if only l and 1/2 hours from where we live. i think this is rediculous and i have offered a compromise. i told him that he could go fhishing but that i wanted him to come home at night. the other compromise is that he lets me go and stay in a hotel and he fish in the day time and then come stay with me at night. his relative is renting a cabin and plans on bringing a friend (male). this is affecting our relationship and if he would just accept on of my compromises there would be no friction in our relationship. the relative is old, been married for over 40 yrs and does not respect our relationship. any suggestions?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 If the other guys are just regular normal guys and all they want to do is go fishing - Why not? I would have a problem if I knew that the guys going were divorced 6 times each, still cheating on their wives, spend nights out at bars and were known to frequent strip clubs. I dislike my guy hanging out with men who have questionable habits. They are a bad influence and tend to egg everyone else to behave the same stupid way. If the only strike against your older relative is that he doesn't like you, let it go. Your boyfriend will stick up for you, all guys hate when people disrespect their partner! Maybe he'll finally have it out with him at the fishing cabin and you'll have one less problem in the future! You can't change your relatives! Like Wendyg and Dragonette suggested, why not look into a few things to indulge yourself while he's away? I have a travelling husband, so I look forward to having the place all to myself. If you have kids, get a sitter for one or two nights and go out with friends. You can have pancakes instead of having to cook a full dinner and you will have the clicker ALL TO YOURSELF. It's only a week! AND he is going to be really excited to see you when he gets home - so the sex will be terrific! Make sure that he promises to take you away for a week as a compromise, that way you can start planning the next trip. I really wouldn't worry about him going and maybe he won't enjoy it as much as he thought! You have been a really good girlfriend to go fishing with him, so chances are he enjoys the trips more with you now. You know that it will cause stress and embarrassment for him if he has to tell them "I can't go because my girlfriend won't let me" (and you know that that's what they will give him the gears for) so I afraid I would just grit my teeth and let him go with your blessings. Who knows - if you send him off with a smile and a new fishing pole, he may wonder what's up and cut the trip short... But that's a little too devious... Just Kidding!!! Hope you are able to make a decision that you are comfortable with - Take Care!
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 I'm guessing that the main reason why you don't want you boyfriend to go away for a week is because you know that the relative who doesn't respect your relationship is going to be there. Maybe some part of you thinks the evil relative will use the whole week to tell your boyfriend nasty things about you and try to convince him to break up with you? If that's the case, don't worry about it. Let him go away for that fishing trip.
If you've lived with a person for 1.5 years now, you probably have felt that need for "time alone" from time to time. Why not see this one week as the week of freedom: You can watch romantic comedies and drama movies (without him commenting on the lack of logic) and cook food that you like but never cooks when he's around because he doesn't like it. You can invite your girlfriends for a evening, open a bottle of wine and gossip as much as you like without any man around to hear it.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 Well hun, is it really such a big deal that he goes off for a week ?
If could come down to that he thinks you dont trust him, which is why your coming up with compromises and hes not getting a bar of it.
A week isnt that long, would pass in no time. Is there another reason you dont want him to go ? If you stop him doing something he wants to do it will be alot worse in the long run beleive me.
Maybe book yourself into a health spa for the week something like that and let him do his fishing, can guarantee who will have the most fun! and he wont be him!
Arrange to hang out with friends or family, keep yourself occupied the time hes away and you wont feel as bad. If you do stop him it will cause arguments and so on and the realtionship will always be on an odd footing.
I cant stand being away from partner, but learned that If I dont let him be him he will resent me and the relationship will be a lot harder work. You have to let a man do his own thing they need time away from us from time to time, and yes us women cant stand it, but men need a chill time sometimes. And they have to know you trust them. So take time for yourself and chill let him do the man thing and remember abscence makes the heart grow fonder, so you can organise a special night for when he gets back.
Take care x x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): I think you are being very unreasonable here. Your partner and a few mates want to go off for a boys outing and some harmless fishing and you are trying to put conditions on it.
You are going to drive him away with this. Did you know that when a human is under pressure the natural reaction is to flee and if he does you will regret worrying about one silly week. Is one week worth losing him for EVERY week.
You are coming across as the untrusting little woman. Asking him to come home every night or stay with you. So you are going to stay in a hotel alone and bored from early in the morning until late in the evening? For what? Just so you can see him for a couple hours and sleep in the same bed? That screams out your neediness and that is a very unattractive quality.
if you love someone and trust them then you should not mind this, it is only one week. If your life is so centred on him that you cannot bear a week apart then you need to deal with that before it kills your relationship.
I could understand you being mad if you had been married x years, had kids and never had family holidays and he managed to find time and money for this, but it isnt the case.
Seriously love, think hard about this. Think what you are projecting and what you are doing to him. Do you really want him to start thinking, "for gods sake, she just will not give me an inch of room to breathe"
He will end up resenting you and then you will be very sorry. I predict he would eventually dump you and you will end up broken hearted and begging, and even promising he can go away for a week every month in future if he wanted etc etc, anything to undo the damage you caused.
Why not look at what CAN happen and prevent it beforehand?
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