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female
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anonymous
writes: I tried to break up with my fiance on Friday, and like always he tried to talk me out of it. He said he would call me later in the night and told me to answer my phone. I wanted to end it, so I didn't answer. He called and texted me so many times, and started leaving messages about he was going to end his life. That freaked me out, so I had his friend call him, but my fiance just wanted to talk to me. I talked to him, and fearing that he would lose his life if I left him, I agreed to stay with him. I'm not happy and I know this is unhealthy, I just don't know how to end it. Last night we were talking and I couldn't sleep and I don't remember what it was that we were talking about exactly, but whenever he wants to sleep that's just the way it is, and he shuts me out (ie. turns off his phone). I can't stand that, and it feels like emotional abuse, which pushed me to the point where now I feel pretty sure about leaving him for good (I turned my phone off and left it at him while I am sitting here at work). I just don't know how to precede with all this, he never lets me break up with him. Is he really thinking of ending his life, or is that just a manipulation tactic which is abuse?
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female
reader, Patient1  +, writes (20 March 2007):
 My ex-husband cried suicide when I left him too. For some people they think that if they cry wolf about suicide then you will stay with him, it's acually more common than you'd imagine. Of course some follow through with it, but that's their own decision. You have no control over that person, if you give in to him, he will have control over you. My ex-husband was very torn when I left him but we both moved on with our lives and I haven't heard anything from him since.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (20 March 2007):
 I can totally understand this situation. I feel the same at the moment, after a difficult break up. I dont know the person but chances are he wont harm himself. The question you have to ask yourself is do you still care for him as a friend? If yes, tell his parents or his friends but other than that anything more will only encourage him. If your sure your decision is right then follow through with it, to the end. As for his threats, if you are fearing for your safety then call the police or let someone else know. He is in a dark place at the moment and the only thing which is going to help him is himself and others around him and it will take time.
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male
reader, Big boy +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Just be honest with him... telling him that you don’t want to be in the relationship, if that’s what you really want... He loves you that’s why he says those things and does not want to lose you... It’s up to you for the decision you make... your not happy fine leave him and tell him in a nice way... he will finally get the message just inform his friend on his actions tho.. they will talk sense into him...
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Hi,
Buy yourself a new phone, throw the other one away and tell him its over. Be nice to him, but firm. Do not let this guy blackmail you, and keep you with him in an un-happy relationship. If he wants to be that silly, there is nothing you can do about it.
But my guess is he wont kill himself, he sounds far to selfish.
Try not to have contact with him at all, and think more of yourself. How long will it be before he pulls you down with him.
Dont let the man do this to you .
XX
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (20 March 2007):
You dont know what he will do, as he sounds a bit phycho. But you cant go on like this, if your unhappy you just need to end it. Tell him you gave him another chance, and he wrecked it. Everyone gets dumped, but they get over it. He knows he can guilt trip you into doing what he wants, so he continues on. If you stay with him imagine what else hes going to try and make you do. You need to just make a clean cut break, ignore his texts but tell his family and friends that he is threatening to end his life so they can keep an eye on him. He doesnt love you, he just wants to control you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): My dear, there is no question of him "not letting" you break up with him! You just simply DO IT. But first: next time he calls you, pick up the phone, tell him very firmly "its over" and then IMMEDIATELY hang up. Don't allow him to say anything, let alone anything in the way of objecting, persuading, threatening, coaxing, whatever!
After that, completely ignore any further communication from him. Continue to not answer your phone whether its your cell or work or home phone; you immediately delete without reading any and every text or email he sends you; if he comes to your door, don't open it.
This man is not going to commit suicide. No, he just wants to control your life and will blackmail you to do it.
Good luck; be strong!
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A
female
reader, MoTbear +, writes (20 March 2007):
Hi Im going thur the same thing. On several different occasions I tried leaving by b/f. He would call nonstop on both the house and cell phone.. saying things like he would change. I would fall for the puppy dog eyes and tears. Little did I realize that he was putting a distance between me and friends that Im now trying to make amends with. Dont fall for the lies and abuse leave him and get on with your life.. Id did and things are getting better. Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): The best piece of advice I can give you now is - change your phone number and make sure its ex directory also! My ex fiance was exactly the same tho as yours!!
He threatened to take pills & wash them down with alcohol when I told him it was over with us! Its emotional black mail of the worst kind! He knows you still care for him and wouldn't want anything to happen him!!!
I was worried and afraid for him & what he might do so I rang his mother and told her what he threatened to do - even tho at the time he was 32 years old!! I would recommend that you do the same, at least that way his family can keep an eye on him and know whats going on.
When I was leaving I got my mom & sister to come down with me to help pack up my things so I wouldn't have to be on my own with him!!! Don't get me wrong - he never ever laid a finger on me but love does strange things to people... make sure you have some with you too!!
Good luck - its never easy breaking up wiht some one x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): The best piece of advice I can give you now is - change your phone number and make sure its ex directory also! My ex fiance was exactly the same though as yours!! He threatened to take pills and wash them down with alcohol when I told him it was over with us! Its emotional black mail of the worst kind! He knows you still care for him and wouldn't want anything to happen him!!! I was worried and afraid for him and what he might do so I rang his mother and told her what he threatened to do - even tho at the time he was 32 years old!! I would recommend that you do the same, at least that way his family can keep an eye on him and know whats going on. When I was leaving I got my mom and sister to come down with me to help pack up my things so I wouldn't have to be on my own with him!!! Don't get me wrong - he never ever laid a finger on me but love does strange things to people... make sure you have some with you too!! Good luck - its never easy breaking up wiht some one x
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A
female
reader, SexKitten69 +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Hi,I totally agree and think that this is emotional blackmail. If he cared so much for you and didn't want you to leave he wouldn't shut you out and treat you this way.You have to be happy with your life and you don't sound to be very happy at all and if things continue it will only get worse for you.If it was myself in this situation i would personnally break free from being with him and simply change my number!I hope you find the curage to finish this relationship before it gets worse.Take CareKaz(Please rate this response) ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): Birdynumnums is so right. You have to break the chain and get away. It just cannot go on like this. I was in a relationship like this, i married him and he turned out to be wife beater, total control freak in every way. I'm not saying yours is the same but do listen to my words when i say this can only lead to destruction, yours. Please don't answers his call. Change your phone numbers and ignore him. If he won't get the message then have a word with the police about harrassement. Believe me, you may be glad you did in the future. Get away completely now. Never ever be blackmailed, if he does kill himself then it won't be your fault, he is an adult and his life is his responsibility, not yours.
Take care and let us know how things go on.
xx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Hi,
It is abuse and emotional blackmail. You need to end this once and for all so that you can get on with your life. Can you imagine an entire lifelime of being manipulated like this? Jumping through hoops and wlking on eggshells constantly? What if you stick together and have kids? What kind of Dad would he make? That alone should help steel your backbone enough to make the final break. Once you do, do not remain friends or take phone calls from him. This situation is very toxic and you need to break free of it. There are web sites that give advice on how to break up if you need some help on the best way to do it.
Good Luck and Take Care.
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