A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm meeting my fiance's family for the first time. They're British and live in London and we'll staying at their house for a week. I know this could sound silly, but I was born and raised in America in a family where "proper" etiquette wasn't practiced (I mean we were brought up to be respectful but I don't know anything about dinner manners, or .. or riding on the Tube, house visiting manners-should I bring a gift and if yes what kind? etc etc) I really want to make a good impression. Is there anything in British etiquette that I should follow? My boyfriend is an absolute gentleman so I'm pretty sure his family is extremely proper. Please help!! Thank you!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): what a load of rubbish be yourself and u will be fine .just remember one thing though there is more to england than london it may be the capital but there are some other nice places to go to
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): as an english person living in the US i know first hand that there are many differences... we speak the same language but thats pretty much all we have in common, but don't worry that doesn't mean they won't love you! don't try to lie and pretend to love england if you don't or to hate america, stay true to yourself but DO NOT rant about how great america is, pledge allegiance to its flag (something i have yet to get used to) etc feel free to ask questions about england but try not to come across as culturaly insensitive ie you can ask about london life but not why our accent sounds weird. these may seem obvious, but trust me iv heard them before. as for etiquette, a gift would be appreciated but not required. do not believe that english households are stuffy, offer to help round the house and just join in with what everyone else is doing, be polite and repsectful but don't feel afraid to be yourself!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): British people do seem to have a reputation for being stuffy and easily offended. I think this is because they are a bit reserved compared to people from the US. Once you get to know them, they will let their guard down. The best way to break the ice is to ask to check out the local pub. Every British person I know welcomes any excuse to go to the pub.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): Honey, please don't listen to "Harshbutfair" or "Yos"Harshbutfair is clearly trying to pull your leg, so just pay him/her no attention.As for Yos, constantly criticizing America while praising England is going to seem very phoney to them. It'll be obvious that you're just doing it to please them, and you'll come across as fake.Bottom line: be honest, friendly, and polite. Be a gracious guest. Doesn't matter if they're British, American or Chinese. Everyone wants to be treated with respect. You'll do fine.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007):
Find out in advance where they live and what they are interested in. What attractions or historical places are nearby so you can either discuss them or make arangements for the inlaws to show them to you?
Are they supporters of a particular soccer team? You might want to find out some things about the team in advance that way they can teach you about what they are interested in.
Read some PG Wodehouse- it wont be hard at all, and it will give you an easy oppertunity for some good conversation.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 Just be open to other ideas. Whatever you do, don't belittle (innocently) the way they do something by remarking that we do it a better way. Often, there are reasons why people do certain things. Many of them are historical and let's face it, they've got much more history than us.
Americans, ata this point in time, are the super power. Often, people who are living in the super power country, don't look too far outside their borders at how others live. Sometimes when they do take a look, they want to rush in and change it for something "better". Again, be open minded. Remember that once upon a time, not that long ago, Britain was the super power, so was France, Spain etc. There will be a day when it's someplae other than the USA too. What comes around goes around.
Just be gracious, polite and above all, seem genuinely interested in what they have to offer or tell you. It's a great way to learn about your partner and his roots.
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A
female
reader, mum2be  +, writes (22 March 2007):
The best thing you can do is be yourself. Dont try too hard, and the parents will definately know whether you are being yourself or not. The thing the parents will be worrying about most is whether or not you are the right amch for their child, and the only way you can prove to them that you are is by being yourself.
All the best
xxx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 Recommended subjects to discuss:
- The weather
- How bad public transport is
- How England probably is better than America
- How England was once the most powerful nation in the World
- Why English TV is better than American TV
- The weather
- That the English education system is the best in the World
- Any current reality TV show (UK only)
- The weather
Subjects best avoided:
- American politics
- The death penalty / gun legislation
- Fraternities and sororities
- The class system
- Anything that America does better than England (big subject I know)
The general guideline is that the English have a major inferiority complex about the US (younger brother done better than us kind of thing), so the more you can praise England the better.
Being negative about the US is also good. However it is considered crude to be directly critical in the UK. Instead you take a positive phrase and put the word 'quite' in front of it. This turns it into a negative. For example:
"This pie is good!" (translation: this pie is good)
"This pie is quite good!" (translation: this pie is nasty)
"I really liked that film" (translation: I liked that movie)
"That film was quite interesting" (translation: That movie sucked)
Other than that, most English find Americans 'a bit loud'. I recommend speaking at a bit lower than your normal volume and you should do fine.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (22 March 2007):
 You are a very wise young lady for asking this question. In England, and in London in particular, things are done rather differently. I'll try to summarise:
It is considered extremely rude not to drink tea. If you've never tasted tea before, I suggest you get some practice in before visiting. After finishing a cup of tea, it is extremely rude to leave the cup face-up. It should be placed face down on the saucer. This indicates you have finished the tea.
The underground (or tube, if you prefer) system is generally very safe. There are dangers however. Wild horses live amongst the tunnels and occasionally venture into the platform areas. If this happens, you should not try and pet or feed them, simply alert a member of staff to their presence.
The Queen. If you visit London for more than a few days, you will likely see the Queen, and if you're lucky, her husband (who, confusingly, is not King). You should not gawp or stare, or make a fuss. Treat her as you would wish to be treated yourself. It is customary for you to carry a gift that you can present the Queen, should you meet. A pack of Minstrel sweets is a favourite of Londoners because of the Queen's legendary fondness.
Good luck and do let us know how you get on!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (21 March 2007):
 My son's lovely girlfriend came and stayed with us for a weekend. I was absolutely delighted with her manners and thought that her parents did a wonderful job teaching her proper manners. When she arrived, she brought a lovely gift for the house. She apparently questioned our son beforehand to find out our taste. She brought a reproduction of an ancient chinese earthenware vase - just what we would have picked out. If you and your boyfriend put your heads together, I'm sure you can come up with an item that is not too big to carry as a gift. Throughout the weekend, she was very quick to offer to help in the kitchen or help clear the dishes after a meal, which I very much appreciated. She was extremely complimentary about our son and how he was raised, which was nice for a Mother to hear! She also asked a lot of questions about all of us, our likes and hobbies, so that she could get to know us better. It was very obvious by the way she treated our son how much she cared for him. She was remarkably unfazed when we had a family arguement one night and she remained non-judgemental - God Bless Her! She thanked us sincerely when we took her out to a formal restaurant that were clients of my husbands. After the weekend was over and the children and our son's girlfriend had departed, I received flowers with a lovely note saying how much she had enjoyed meeting us and thanking us for the lovely weekend.
If you are staying for a full week and you have the means, it would be nice to offer to take his Mother and Father out for a meal at your expense as well (this would be what most adults would do). If you are on student's budget they won't expect that from you. Do bring enough money so that you can pay your own way for the tube, etc. but be gracious and thank them if they insist on paying for you. If you are nervous and it's your first visit, ask questions - Everyone likes to talk about themselves and you will learn all about their interests. Once you have a few things in common, you'll have plenty of things to talk about. They will be very proud of their country, so any questions you have will be another good conversation starter. Don't worry too much, you sound absolutely lovely! Their son loves you, so they will be happy to have the chance to get to know you and thrilled that he wants you to meet them! Best of Luck and Enjoy England!
P.S. If you want a good American story for them (I'm a Canadian who lives in Chicago) - We are the only country in the world to pronounce the letter Z - "Zee" - Every other English speaking country pronounces the letter "Zed"! The reason? Noah Webster used it as a marketing gimmick when he was selling his first dictionary, Declared it American English - and Americans have been pronouncing it "Zee" ever since!
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (21 March 2007):
us british arent all as stiff as you americans think we are. but yes theyre are social differences.the tube isnt really an issue of manners other than if theres an elderly or pregnant passanger itd be nice if youd set an example and give up your seat (if your lucky enough to have found a seat).staying at the parents house is really down to what the parents are like. some people object to shoes in house, others dont for example. but i think as a general british habit you usually buy the lady of the house some nice flowers and if its a drinking family you buy the man of the house a bottle (youd have to ask your bf what his dad likes). if your in a room and someone new enters(ie someone who just entered the house) its common to stand up to great them rather than just continue sitting. british people (women) greet with a kiss on the cheek as does a man to a woman. other than those small pointers its the same as normal i guess, dont chew with your mouth open, no farting or belching, please n thank yous etc oh and english and europeans tend to treat eating at the table with family as a big social thing so theres alot of time spent talking, drinking wine etc. i know you americans tend to just chow down and shoot off but in england hours can be spent at the table.if you need any more tips send me a message and ill see if i can help
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