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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Worried my penis is too large...what can I do??
Q. Hi, this may sound peculiar to most men, but I'm in fact afraid that my penis is too large. When erect it reaches eight and a half inches, and though this may not be gigantic, it still doesn't bode well. My girlfriend reassures me that it is nothi...
A. 2 February 2008: A woman's vagina has the capacity to accommodate a baby, so if I were you, I would let my girlfriend guide me and take the lead as to what is and isn't comfortable. How she feels will probably vary depending on her cycle as well, especially around ... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend who's also my flatmate!
Q. I'm crazy about my flatmate. I'd jus come out of a 2 year relationship before uni. In the first few months my flatmate and I were best friends..he was always there for me, and I felt i had a friend for life. Then in November, we got very drunk and ...
A. 2 February 2008: It's very hard for a woman to sleep with a guy and not get emotionally attached to him. It's not the same for guys, they can have sex and not be at all involved or emotionally invested in the relationship. One recent book said that a woman should ... (read in full...)
Why has my gf suddenly decided we have to wait for sex??
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years this month, and the last 7 months have been without sex. We're both in our mid/upper 20s and have goals of starting a family, and up until about 7 months ago we had a perfectly normal sex life. I ...
A. 1 February 2008: I think she wants to see that you are serious about getting married. Eventualllllllllly seems to be stretching out to her. I don't think it's fair to you, it kind of emotional blackmail, but I don't think open ended plans are fair to her and are ... (read in full...)
Stuck between by ex and my current b/f. Should I give in to his blackmail?
Q. So heres the deal...My current bf of 2 years and I have have a 1 year old daughter together, he treats me well (except for when I want to hang out with my friends). Im 19 and hes 31 I feel like we're lifetimes apart. While on the other hand my ex ...
A. 1 February 2008: I'm so sorry for your losses, what a tough double-blow. It's no wonder that you are feeling so flat and are searching for a bit of happiness, but it sounds like you are escaping things, rather than trying to fix what's broken in your primary ... (read in full...)
Hes with a gf, she abuses him, I mailed her, now he wont speak to me!!!
Q. I have been in a realtionship for 2 yrs with an man witha GF. He says he loves me and he is leaving her. She hits him, calls him down and abuses him. He says he is scared of her finacilly and what she will do to his posessions. They own a house ...
A. 1 February 2008: Find someone who will treat you properly and not lie to you. You don't deserve to be stuck in the middle.... (read in full...)
Hes with a gf, she abuses him, I mailed her, now he wont speak to me!!!
Q. I have been in a realtionship for 2 yrs with an man witha GF. He says he loves me and he is leaving her. She hits him, calls him down and abuses him. He says he is scared of her finacilly and what she will do to his posessions. They own a house ...
A. 1 February 2008: If you enter into a relationship with someone who has another partner, you are complicit in an affair, and you have to recognize that you are the interloper, the third party in the triangle. He is responsible for having the affair, it is his ... (read in full...)
How do I find out if she is gay, without embarrassing myself?
Q. All names changed to protect the innocent (or not so innocent). She and I have been in the same class for 2 and a half years now. We're in year 9 at the moment. I came out as lesbian last year (it wasn't easy, I made it more difficult for my...
A. 1 February 2008: Have you considered asking her "You know I'm gay, right?" and then seeing what kind of reaction you get? ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure what to make of this! Dont want to be he friend.
Q. Hey everyone, My ex bf dumped me about a month ago...About 3 weeks after the break-up he randomly IM's me...after 3 weeks of me and him staring at each other online and not saying a word. We talked for about 2 hours....and he's like I'll talk t...
A. 1 February 2008: If you have told him that you don't want to be friends, you send a mixed message by talking with him for 2 hours. It's obvious that it's no skin off of his nose because he ignored you after that and it didn't bother him, it only bothered you. if ... (read in full...)
Worried, why havent I started my period?
Q. im 14 and i still havent had my period... when am i going to? what should i do? im in 8th grade and every girl in my family had theirs b4 then... im 5'2 but weigh only 80 lbs is that mayb a reason... i just need some help please!......
A. 1 February 2008: I was 5'7" and 110 pounds at 14 and finally got my period late that year. I actually had one period at age 9, and then didn't have a regular cycle until 14. So, it varies quite a bit from girl to girl. If you read back into the related questions: ... (read in full...)
Stuck between by ex and my current b/f. Should I give in to his blackmail?
Q. So heres the deal...My current bf of 2 years and I have have a 1 year old daughter together, he treats me well (except for when I want to hang out with my friends). Im 19 and hes 31 I feel like we're lifetimes apart. While on the other hand my ex ...
A. 1 February 2008: Why did you and your ex split up in the first place? Ex's are usually Ex's for a reason. Why are you questioning your relationship with you child's father now? What drew you to him and why did you want to start a family with him? It's a bit late ... (read in full...)
Do I marry this guy, or wait for the other one?
Q. I have a bf for 5yrs now (he is 3yrs older than me)and we both at marrying age. we already had plans of getting married when we reached 3rd yrear in our relationship and we planned to pursue it this year. During these years that we're together, we ...
A. 1 February 2008: Marriage is a huge step. If you are confused or not sure, don't go ahead with it. It's not something that you can take back or change your mind about afterwards, it's supposed to be for life. You should feel, in your heart, absolutely NO doubt ... (read in full...)
I am 13 and I am afraid of my 54 yr old Therepist
Q. I'm a 13 year old girl. I've been really sad for quite a long time so my Mom got me to talk to a counseller. I've been seeing him for a couple months now and yesterday when I saw him I felt really uncomfortable. So he's 54 and I'm only 13. I was ...
A. 1 February 2008: Your Mom has NO idea that this man is creepy, you have to tell her. She wouldn't want you to be in the same room with him if she knew. It's really important that you speak up and tell your Mom. Always trust your own feelings! Your Mom will find ... (read in full...)
Why does he abuse me in public?
Q. hello, my recent ex i had a lot of history with, 3 years back we went out for 4 months broke up two weeks later got back together then broke up 2 months later. after that we began disliking eachother and he did horrible things to me and im not sure ...
A. 1 February 2008: He must have liked you more than you liked him, and his ego took a big hit. He is obviously not very mature either. Trash talking and abusive behavior in public is his pathetic way of trying to make himself feel better and look tough and ... (read in full...)
What levels of detail would you want to know if your wife cheated on you?
Q. Hey all there. I' coming again with an additional question. My wife cheated on me and I want to thank all the persons who gave me quite helpful advice. You can see my earlier question on http:/...
A. 1 February 2008: I think that it is a very normal thing to be curious about the details, but I also think that it can become incredibly unhealthy and obsessive. Those details can wound and leave scars. Is that what you really want to do if you are putting your ... (read in full...)
I'm 8 months pregnant and 16 yrs old, but I want to have a singing career, any advice?
Q. I have a problem, i wonder if any of you can help. Im 16 years old almost 17 and (foolishly!) im 8 months pregnant. However ive just noticed that i have a real talent for singing and i would love to pursue this career. i dont want to be tied d...
A. 1 February 2008: I totally agree with baby duck. ... (read in full...)
He hates condoms!
Q. I've recently began having sex with my boyfriend, and I went on the pill, so we could have unprotected sex together (as we know we have no STIs and are regularly checked anyway). Yet, now I've decided to not be on the pill, as its easier if he just ...
A. 1 February 2008: No Glove, No Love - is a good policy until you get married. It will protect your future fertility. It does happen, I have a family member who is childless because of the HPV virus. Only synthetic condoms prevent disease, lambskin ones can pass ... (read in full...)
I want to send this girl roses, but what do I write on the note?
Q. I decided to order some roses for this girl I like. (It's this package deal thing my school is doing to generate funds for some charity) It comes with a message but I don't know what to write exactly. Any suggestions would be helpful. ...
A. 1 February 2008: You were the first person that I thought of when they told me that I could send roses to someone I like and also support this charity event. I hope that you enjoy these roses.
Your Admirer, ______________.
I hope you enjoy these, you were the... (read in full...)
What did my teacher mean when he said "I'm not playing favourites now"?
Q. ok first off me and my bff's were walking down the hall way to get my sweatshirt so we could go outside and 2 of our teacher both menwre standing by the lockers and and to go outside and i said i need my sweatshirt so then the teacher that always ...
A. 1 February 2008: It's not necessary to stay somewhere that you are not comfortable. No teacher should expect you to be alone with him. The next time he asks you boyfriend to leave, go with your boyfriend. Tell your parents that he is being inappropriate.... (read in full...)
Can I get my new piercings wet?
Q. hey i got my ears pierced (one on each ear) a couple of hours ago. i know that i have to clean it with this special lotion, but can i now have a soak in the bath/ a shower and get my ears/ new piercings wet? what are the rules on this? pl...
A. 31 January 2008: I wouldn't soak with my ears in the water, but it's fine to get them wet and wash your hair. Make sure that you use the lotion after your bath and rotate or wiggle the piercings. We were told with a post to rotate it a quarter turn a few times a ... (read in full...)
She wants to start birth control but her mother wont let her
Q. me and my girlfriend have been having sex for 6 months now and recentley she had to go get the morning after pill due to a split in a condom.i now find it hard to trust a condom in case it splits again, i know the chances are very low but i am ...
A. 31 January 2008: Does her Mom know that she is sexually active? Or is your girlfriend hiding this fact from her Mom and asking to go on the pill to "regulate her period"? In any event, the fact that you have been having sex for six months warrants an honest ... (read in full...)
Would love to reveal my sexual orientation to my parents and friends, but I am scared of their reaction. How do I put it?
Q. I'm 22 and live in London UK. I have known that I'm gay since early adolescence. I started to meet guys off the internet, and go to gay bars and clubs. Up to now, the only people I have told I'm gay are other gay men, who have absolutely no ...
A. 31 January 2008: You may think that they don't know, but a lot of parents aren't surprised when there children come out to them. Friends too. You may be thinking that you have thrown them off the scent, but they might have been thinking that you were fooling ... (read in full...)
Is my partner finding fault in my sexual performance, if she wants a vibrator?
Q. My girlfriend wants a vibrator, but I don't want her to. Why does she want one? Is it becuase I'm terrible in bed? Will she ever want sex again?...
A. 31 January 2008: If you were terrible in bed, she wouldn't feel comfortable enough to ask you for what she wants, so good for you! She feels okay talking to you about what she wants and needs in order for you to please her. Less that 25% of women have an orgasm by ... (read in full...)
Have I been blinded by love?
Q. My wife and I meet via friends dating site. After 4 mths of boyfriend girlfrind relationship, I moved In with my 16 yr son and her 2 children 2 and 4. We had the normal ups and downs. My son left home due to my wife not wanting him there, which was ...
A. 31 January 2008: I would try to get back in touch with your son. He needs you now more than ever. He is 16, but he is still a child, your child. Young adults need more supervision, not less. I think your marriage was in trouble the minute that your child left ... (read in full...)
I'm embarassed at my friends' behaviour. Was it my fault?
Q. They had Sex in my presence, I am unable to come from that trauma..... Dear My plight is a v troublesome one. I belong to a traditional indian background, am a virgin bachlor female in mid twenties.I had two best friends, a female-23, and m...
A. 31 January 2008: They used you as a shield to hide their being together, they violated and invaded your privacy for their pleasure, and once the jig was up, they blamed you and stopped calling you. You did nothing wrong by telling the truth to her brother, she was ... (read in full...)
We hooked up again after all these years, both have children , but we are both single, but I think I do all the work, what's the deal with this as I havent dated in ages?
Q. I have known this guy since highschool,28-30 years, we had a few intimate encounters back then, I have recently move back to the town where we went school, He called me a month ago to come over for a drink, and we have hooked up only on an intimate ...
A. 31 January 2008: You have already been intimate with him in a few different decades! I would throw caution to the wind and be a friend at least, after all this time! You'll have to hold yourself back a bit and let him take the lead, but just call him and be a ... (read in full...)
Should I grow my hair long?
Q. I am thinking of growing my hair long. i am a ginger 13 YR old boy and have been told by my classmates that i would not suit long hair. i still want to grow it though. they say that gingers cant have long hair. i am also wondering what style i ...
A. 31 January 2008: I think long would be fine, but it's entirely a matter of proportion and grooming. Even if it's a fro, it's all about scale and size. If you grow a long do, don't let the width overwhelm your face. I'm kind of assuming that you have wavy, kinky, ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a high sex drive, its driving me crazy, is there something wrong with her?
Q. this is a question mostly for the ladies- how high is your sex drive? I am asking because I am with a girl who is just about insatiable, we've been going out for three years and she's ALWAYS after sex. All the time! In the beginning we had it two o...
A. 31 January 2008: There's an old joke.
A woman runs into an old school friend. Her friend says - "How nice to see you! How Have you been since High School? I went to Princeton!"
The woman says - "That's nice!"
The friend continues - "I met a really hands... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a high sex drive, its driving me crazy, is there something wrong with her?
Q. this is a question mostly for the ladies- how high is your sex drive? I am asking because I am with a girl who is just about insatiable, we've been going out for three years and she's ALWAYS after sex. All the time! In the beginning we had it two o...
A. 31 January 2008: Nice one...... (read in full...)
On facebook I said another girl is more attractive than my girlfriend, now she's dumped me, how can I get her to forgive me?
Q. Hi, i need a lot of help... About 9 months ago something happened on facebook between me and one of my friends. He told me this one girl was hotter than my girlfriend and i replied yes. It had not occured to me that it would lead me to this ...
A. 31 January 2008: Surely you can understand how much this hurt your girlfriend. I don't know how you can make it up to her, but a soul-bearing heartfelt apology repeated until she says STOP would be a good first step...... (read in full...)
I think I might be worrying too much
Q. I had sex for the first time. Me and my boyfriend used a condom but I am still extremely scared that I could be pregnant. I told my boyfriend, but he just laughed and said I worry too much. He is a very experienced guy, and has had many long term ...
A. 31 January 2008: If you are concerned because your period is so irregular, it would probably put your mind at ease if you took an over the counter test, following the directions closely. The chances that you are pregnant are remote, but worrying about this is ... (read in full...)
She won't have vaginal sex with me, only the back door kind!
Q. Hi, I have been dating this girl from past 3 years now. We tried having vaginal sex many times but every time i have been unable to penetrate her for some or other reason. Either she is too scared of the pain either she is too tense etc.We tried ...
A. 31 January 2008: Is she concerned about keeping her virginity until she is married? She may have deeply rooted feelings about this, and is not willing to give up her virginity until the ring is on her finger.
If it is Vaginismus and she is so afraid of sex that... (read in full...)
Am I right in thinking my husband might be having an affair with a co-worker?
Q. My husband has been a bit distant from me and he's been more into his job lately. I have this gut feeling that is starting some relationship with a female co-worker of his since he used to just call on a break to say hi and that has stopped and says ...
A. 31 January 2008: Kicking You? Oh My God! What a Jerk!!!
I am so glad that you are strong enough to leave this man. Everything the other Aunts said is true, he is getting defensive because he is guilty and he is being abusive. You are better off without him. The... (read in full...)
Mothers.. When should I stop breastfeeding my child?
Q. At what age should I stop breast feeding my child? I'm about to be a new mom, and some have told me 3 months, others have told me 3 years. I just want some honest opinions from women who have already had children and weaned them. Thanks for any...
A. 31 January 2008: I breast fed one child for one year and the other child for 16 months. They are 26 and 22 now and they have been pretty healthy. Both my husband and myself found that it was the best and most convenient method. The bonus? I just spent three ... (read in full...)
Should I give blow jobs at parties because all my friends do it?
Q. i am 16 and go to quite a lot of parties with people my age (house parties) whenever i go all my friends go and give head (blow jobs) and seem to think nothing of it. and some of then often have the favour returned. i am th eonly one who doesn't ...
A. 31 January 2008: I'm fussy about my shoes, and they only go on my feet.... (read in full...)
I do not want my bf to think I am not interested in him just because I am generally not excited about Valentine's Day!
Q. Hello, I'm in a fairly new relationship with this guy and I like him a lot. My sort-of dilemma that's developing is he's clearly into Valentine's Day and is looking forward to doing something special and extravagant, but I'm not a big Valentine'...
A. 31 January 2008: This is an interesting column. Two girls who don't really care for Valentine's Day. I think that's quite refreshing and must be VERY refreshing to the guys to hear a few females who aren't into it. Usually, the shoes on the other foot!
Well, I th... (read in full...)
Would you allow your wife to have sex with another man?
Q. If you were unable to satisfy your wife sexually due to health problems, would it be ok to allow her to have sex with a person of your choice?...
A. 31 January 2008: From my personal perspective, I think that it would be a huge break in the the trust and intimacy that my husband and I share. I would prefer to stay with other forms of sexual acts and share them together rather than pursue anything outside of my ... (read in full...)
I confronted him about him giving his number out and now he is calling me possessive and sick.
Q. Hi.. i've been having lot of problems lately with my boyfriend.. i've been with him for 8years now. He is a good guy but i got to know that he mailed a friend of his(female)gave her his no and never bothered to let me know... i happened to find out...
A. 30 January 2008: Give him all the space he needs. If that is the way he talked to you for the first time after not speaking to you in days, he doesn't have any remorse at all. He is a bully. Dump him and find someone who treats you better. If you think that that ... (read in full...)
Married women and sex toys. Opinions please....
Q. I would like to ask women who are married and using toys. Do you think these toys can substitute your husband? Why do you use them? and would it be possible that woman will get addicted to the toy and enjoy it more than her husband? I need an hone...
A. 29 January 2008: It isn't a substitute for your husband's arms around you. It's the same thing as masturbation is for a guy, and it won't change a woman's desire for her husband in any way. It's just as healthy for a woman to masturbate as it is for a man, and a ... (read in full...)
Best friend's boyfriend won't let her see me anymore
Q. So I’ve known my “best friend” for six years now. From the moment we met each other we were inseparable. We hung out every day, lived together for two years, and were closer than sisters. Our boyfriends have always had this weird thing about us ...
A. 29 January 2008: The boyfriend sounds a bit control-freaky. Do you and he get along? It's hard to find other couples where you both mesh, often one person doesn't like someone in the group. If I were you, I'd drop talking about your other friend and try to ... (read in full...)
Info about birth contol pills, please.
Q. If I take a pregnancy test while on the pill, does it come back positive because of the hormones in your blood from the pill?? Or, can I take one and get an accurate reading?...
A. 29 January 2008: The hCG hormone that pregnancy tests are looking for is only present when you are pregnant. It is a totally different hormone than the pill produces in your body. You will get an accurate reading as long as it's 6 days before your period and you ... (read in full...)
Why am I attracted physically to the guy I'm not really close to?
Q. I think i have a crush on a boy,but when i am with him i feel like i am with my best friend,and i never think of us kissing or anything. But then there's another boy that i don't have a crush on (i think) and i don't know him extremely well,but i am ...
A. 29 January 2008: You don't have to act on your feelings. It's perfectly normal to have conflicting emotions and confused feelings about boys that you like and are attracted to. Just because you are attracted to someone, doesn't even mean that you will like him the ... (read in full...)
I confronted him about him giving his number out and now he is calling me possessive and sick.
Q. Hi.. i've been having lot of problems lately with my boyfriend.. i've been with him for 8years now. He is a good guy but i got to know that he mailed a friend of his(female)gave her his no and never bothered to let me know... i happened to find out...
A. 29 January 2008: Talk about an overreaction. When someone reacts that extremely to what most people would consider a normal request between a couple that are in a relationship, they are hiding something. I think that Waterloo Sunset and Annalisa are right, he may ... (read in full...)
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