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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 5 February 2008: Sorry for being obtuse. The fact that he is trying to stop her from talking to her male friends is kind of controlling.
I have a 22 year old daughter and a 26 year old son. His girlfriend is 22, and he felt uncomfortable with that at first. So ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 5 February 2008: Hmm, I wonder if she has been talking about you to him then. That's a pretty possessive sign and the mark of a controller. I think It's fine if you ask her out for a Valentine's dinner. It might be a great way to find out if she'd starting to ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 4 February 2008: Yeah, Wow, that's a big gap. At least for now it is. Not so huge at 32 and 22, but now that you have said her age, I can see that a lot of her problems are coming from her maturity and inexperience. It's great that she has recognized that he has ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 4 February 2008: He's not a proper boyfriend if he is blowing her off for a poker game either. This guy isn't the least bit interested in settling down, is he? The problem is that she is pretty ga-ga over him and they really haven't totally split properly, ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 4 February 2008: I still suspect there is someone else in the picture with him, if not in his bed, in his heart or head. I still suspect cheating. If he was a virgin when they met, how could she have suddenly become crap in bed unless he has had something else to ... (read in full...)
I wake up to having tense feelings in the chest, and miserable thoughts. What IS this??
Q. Hi. Health related question. Some time ago, I used to wake up in the morning, be very tense in the chest area and feel miserable. Recently, this has returned. What is it? Could it be stress related? It seems that lately when I try to sleep,...
A. 23 January 2008: Hi Andy!
Ouch. I remember having these - it's an anxiety attack or panic attack. Don't worry, it's not a heart attack, you are much too young for that, even with family history. You can check it out with your Doctor if it makes you feel any bett... (read in full...)
Heartbroken that this guy loves somebody else...but what is wrong with me??
Q. Ok, I really like this boy i thought finaly i have found someone who seems decent has no girlfreind and i have a chance with i started talking to him about 2 days before new years day. So about last week it was going great but then he had some...
A. 10 January 2008: Don't give up so quickly. And if he asks you to meet up, then meet up with him. I meet with him regardless of what is on his phone. It's not quite the same thing as him telling you that he's got a girlfriend that he's in love with, so until he ... (read in full...)
He's given me his number and shown interest, how do I ask him out?
Q. Hey Aunts Ok, theres this guy whos building my next door neighbours kitchen who is amazingly cute. I asked him for his number yesterday found out hes 19 and he stayed behind for an hour after work talking to me today and yesterday. I wan...
A. 10 January 2008: Break something in your kitchen and ask him if he could come over and fix it! LOL!... (read in full...)
How can anyone make her 'wise up'?
Q. I have had a lot of problems with a girl which im starting to think i was dumb to ever try to have a relationship with. Well she keeps going back to her ex even tho its so easy to tell that he doesnt care about her. Well he got her pregnant and she ...
A. 9 January 2008: If she is still pregnant, she is tied in a way to this jerk and I'm sure that being hormonal doesn't help matters. She probably wants to "work things out for the sake of the baby". I know that it doesn't make much sense to you, I'm quite sure that ... (read in full...)
Every time I make a suggestion, my boyfriend yells at me. If I do not, he is not pleased either. What am I doing wrong?
Q. I'm trying to make my 3-yr relationship with my b/f work out but at times he seems impossible to please. Some examples: We'll be driving in the car, and he'll tell me that I should look ahead and see if there's traffic coming on my side of the car, ...
A. 9 January 2008: You might not be married, but you could still get into counseling or a couples workshop group. Is this communication issue the only one that you are having? Do you still love him and want to work it out? Or do you think that these anger issues ... (read in full...)
How is sexual pleasure related to using tampons?
Q. I have been using tampons for about 6 months now. No one has fingered me, or given me oral and i have not had sex. So many people say that you are sensitive in your vagina. If this is so, why doesn't it feel "nice" when you move a tampon in or out...
A. 9 January 2008: I can't imagine that sticking a dry wad of cotton up inside your vagina when you are already in a bad mood, having cramps and bleeding Would feel anything like sex and NO, of course Not, You are absolutely right! Tampons aren't a sexual thing, they ... (read in full...)
We have been intimate and become close, but we're not officially a couple. Am I his girlfriend or... a mate?
Q. well, em recently (lke 2 weeks) been seeing this amazing guy which i am very very attracted to. we have been intimate and become close. but in front of his mates and people when he is chattin to them on the phone he says " oh i'm with a friend a...
A. 9 January 2008: I don't have a clue from what you have written. If you really wanted to find out, you could NOT text him and wait for him to make the next move, though. That would be one way to figure out if he likes you and is willing to chase you for a change. ... (read in full...)
He can I encourage foreplay? My boyfriend never does it.
Q. Whenever me and my bf have sex, we never have foreplay beforehand, which I'd really like to. Sometimes he tries to push himself up me, when I'm not even lubricated.. This is quite painful. How can i encourage foreplay? Please help me! Thankyou....
A. 9 January 2008: First, open your mouth. Then say "Stop that. That is quite painful. I'm not lubricated. How about some foreplay?". He doesn't think that it's necessary Because you're not telling him. The best way to improve your sex life is to not be shy ... (read in full...)
After my ex's explosive reaction I thought we'd never speak again (I suspect her of hypomania), but recently she's been calling, being friendly. Why?
Q. I recently broke up with my girlfriend when she didn't call me for 2wks and didn't come see me on Thanksgiving when she came home from school. I also told her of my suspicions that she may have a mild bi-polar disorder called hypomania. I bro...
A. 9 January 2008: It doesn't sound like she is trying to be your friend if she is bringing up little sayings that you used to use while you were together, especially if it's "Are we still getting married?". She sounds like she is starting to make plans to follow you ... (read in full...)
Do women cheat because they're not getting enough?
Q. This may be aa strange question, but do women cheat because they can't get enough sex, or is it for other reasons?...
A. 9 January 2008: That's a big age gap. Some eighteen years olds haven't experienced very much and may not be ready to settle down yet. It's not much of a gap between a 38 year old and a 29 year old, but 18 year olds can be very young in their thinking. An 18 year ... (read in full...)
How do I find out if they just want me for sex?
Q. i was just wondering. well i have only had sex with 2 people and just six times between the two. but it took me a long time to actually agree to have sex with them because i didnt want to feel like we had to have sex everytime we were together or ...
A. 9 January 2008: Most men will stick around just for sex. Hey, even bad sex. Just sex. And any sex is good sex. Women don't work that way. The big question is that you haven't found THE one yet that you actually want to have sex with and stay with one partner ... (read in full...)
Was I a fool to believe this could work?
Q. Am I a fool? I'm 50, he's 34. I'm Irish, he's African. I'm a graduate, he's intelligent but uneducated. I had money and status in a country where the majority live on less than a dollar a day, and very aware that that was a big attraction to ma...
A. 9 January 2008: I think that you are really being hard on yourself now that the tables have turned. Looking for a job is a very stressful time. You already said that you knew all of the possible pitfalls and problems, and that you had gone into this with your ... (read in full...)
I think I've made a huge mistake marrying him, any advice?
Q. We have only been married for 50 days (before that we dated for three years)and I am already feeling trapped in this marriage. Over the holidays, I found out my brand new husband has been carrying on a phone/email/text message "friendship" with his ...
A. 9 January 2008: I think that this is entirely up to yu and how you feel about him after you have found out about this. It's probably still possible to get your marriage annulled instead of getting a divorce, but that would have to be your call. If you wait much ... (read in full...)
I found my brother and his business partner making out, they are both married, should I say something?
Q. I just went by my brother house to pick something up of mine, I have a key, so I went on in the house. When I opened the door, he was making out with his female business partner. I played it off like I didn't notice, and I don't think he or she ...
A. 9 January 2008: I would tell your brother what you saw and what you know. Tell him that you don't appreciate being made an unwitting accomplice by your unintentional knowledge in this matter. I would also tell him that should anyone ask you, and by anyone, I mean ... (read in full...)
Is it best to pass your driving test before having a baby?
Q. hi there, as you know i asked previously that i would like to have a baby with my new boyfriend and i am considering it as we are getting our own house and ive got my driving test at the end of the month and my boyfiend earns alot as he works two ...
A. 8 January 2008: A big part of being a Mom is running a household and getting supplies, so Yes, it would be a very good idea to have your Driver's License. It's usually up to the Mom to drive children to all of their activities as well. Even if he might have to ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 8 January 2008: It sounds like that's what happened. More often than not; Men do seem to leave for someone else, women tend to leave because they are fed up. When there is a sudden split and a weak explanation, you have to assume that there is another reason that ... (read in full...)
Do women cheat because they're not getting enough?
Q. This may be aa strange question, but do women cheat because they can't get enough sex, or is it for other reasons?...
A. 8 January 2008: Don't have any personal experience here but I'll hazard a guess. Most women want the feeling that comes from being loved, desired, adored and wanted probably more than they want the sex. It's the rush. I think most women have an emotional need ... (read in full...)
I thought we were both virgins, but she isnt , can we still have a future?
Q. I am just about to get married, and I am still a virgin. I just found out my future wife has had sex with a couple guys before me. I was hurt when i found this out...and still am...because I was expecting her to be a virgin too... I love her very ...
A. 8 January 2008: When I read the "entitled" part, I had to scroll up and check the country flag. I thought perhaps you had come from a country were women are chattel and the system is an extreme patriarchy.
If you feel this strongly about her virginity, it woul... (read in full...)
We have a kid, money problems, and always argue, is there a future for us?
Q. I need someones advice. I am 24yrs old and have been with the father of my child for 5 yrs. It has been a very long 5 yrs. At first it was all good then once i had my daughter it went down hill from there. We always have had major problems such as ...
A. 8 January 2008: You should probably drag, DRAG him into counseling. Not once, NOT twice, but for at least 6 months of marriage counseling. If you have any intention of putting your marriage back together and sorting it all out, then you and he need an objective ... (read in full...)
Why don't we get on as well as other couples?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend over a year now, and I love him so much. But he's so awkward at times, and we have little arguments every 2 or 3 days. We may be in a mood with each other for half an hour or so, but then we're always back in each others ...
A. 8 January 2008: Most couples are on their best behavior when they are in public and I'm sure that you would be surprised to find out exactly how much they fight if you were a fly on the wall. Everyone always thinks that the grass is greener somewhere else. It ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has so many issues, says he loves me but doesn't want a relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years, 4 months ago we bought a car together and he proposed. We still live with our parents although we are in our mid 20's. He has had a lot to deal with over the past few years including two ...
A. 7 January 2008: Perhaps you should try a few meetings yourself. Al-Anon helps people who are involved with people with addiction problems. I hope that he is getting help for his addiction problem as well as the bereavement counseling. I'm not sure if they would ... (read in full...)
30 and pregnant, my bf does not agree to keep the baby, but my mother says it is my last chance to have a child, so what should I do?
Q. im 30. im pregnant but my bf says he doesn't want a baby. i told my mum and she said that it's my last chance to have 1. Is my mum right and what should I do?...
A. 7 January 2008: Hi Hun,
It's definitely not your "last chance" to be pregnant. You have many more years for that. It is totally up to you, and not him or your Mum, to decide what you believe is right for you now. If you want to have this child, then go ahea... (read in full...)
Do any men like giving oral?
Q. I have only ever been with the one man in my life and he does not enjoy performing oral sex on a woman. He claims that men just DON'T like it at all. This may be a stupid and very obvious question I should know the answer to, but because I have o...
A. 7 January 2008: Most men are very turned on by being able to give their woman pleasure. Isn't that the whole point of lovemaking? ... (read in full...)
My bf wants to try bondage, is this a good idea?
Q. hi my bf wants 2 do some bondage he has done it a bit with his past gf's but i have never done anything like it i am a bit scared to try new things but want to please him sexually as we have become less interested in each other sexually we have been ...
A. 7 January 2008: You should only do what you are comfortable with in bed. Your body, your rules. If you trust him and you are interested, it's absolutely up to you. But if he bullies you into trying something against your will, that is not a good sign, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I have BOTH felt very rejected and let down by these two couples (our only friends.) They many times ignore and exclude us if we do not contact firstly. Your thoughts?
Q. I was wondering if I could have some opinions as to what you would do in my situation. My social life consists of my boyfriend and his friends (2 other couples). I have tried, for absolute YEARS to consider both of these couples to be my OWN fr...
A. 6 January 2008: You can only be a doormat if you allow it. It's pretty obvious that you have reached your limit with these people, even if your husband has not. Friendships do come and go, and it might be the time to walk away from this one. I wouldn't even ... (read in full...)
I wake up to having tense feelings in the chest, and miserable thoughts. What IS this??
Q. Hi. Health related question. Some time ago, I used to wake up in the morning, be very tense in the chest area and feel miserable. Recently, this has returned. What is it? Could it be stress related? It seems that lately when I try to sleep,...
A. 6 January 2008: I am so sorry about your heartache. I'm pretty sure that at your age, it's a bunch of heartache and perhaps a little bit of depression. If you wake up and your first thought is of her and that's when it starts, well, that's your answer. It's ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 3 yrs don't want his father to know we are dating! How can I make him relax about this so that we don't have to hide??
Q. I've been going out with the same guy for 3 years. He's very commitment-phobic, and likes to keep his distance so he doesn't feel too tied down, but I know he still loves me. We'll see eachother maybe 3 times in a month, which is fine for me because ...
A. 6 January 2008: I'm with **Laurzie** on this one. It doesn't sound quite right. Are you sure he's single? Most 30+ men wouldn't be so reluctant to have their parents meet you, unless you are the "other woman". I'd do some serious digging. It just seems like ... (read in full...)
I woke up having sex with a friend of my FWB. I'm worried he will tell my FWB, whom I actually like!
Q. ive been seeing a guy for about 2 years he used 2 live near me when he was at uni but moved this summer, me and him are good friends and very close, and when he was here we used 2 be with each other all the time, we used to be sexual too. he's move...
A. 6 January 2008: I also think under the circumstances that you have described, to bring up charges would result in repeating all of this in front of a lot different police officers, and that they would be reluctant to press charges because they would have a ... (read in full...)
I woke up having sex with a friend of my FWB. I'm worried he will tell my FWB, whom I actually like!
Q. ive been seeing a guy for about 2 years he used 2 live near me when he was at uni but moved this summer, me and him are good friends and very close, and when he was here we used 2 be with each other all the time, we used to be sexual too. he's move...
A. 6 January 2008: I don't think that it would be considered a conscious choice by either of you considering the state that you were in. You did make a choice to get that drunk with both of them and stay over, so you did make a choice to trust both of these ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that her Ex is still close to her family?
Q. I've been seeing a woman over 4 years and she has 2 daughters. Her ex-husband (they are separated but not divorced for over 7 years) has not been involved with anyone since they separated and he is still close with some members of her family. He ...
A. 6 January 2008: You didn't say how long she was married or how old the kids were. I am 53 and have known my husbands relatives for 35 years. I can't imagine being a total stranger to them after all this time, if my husband and I ever separated. And they are tied ... (read in full...)
How do you keep a secret that is burning you inside?
Q. How do you keep a secret from anyone, one secret which is mine (i kept for 6 years but can't cope anymore, it's killing me inside and making me mad) the other which is my families...
A. 5 January 2008: Is it a secret that you are keeping to protect yourself? Is it to protect someone else? Can you tell us so that we can help you?... (read in full...)
He doesn't know what he did to me, he is pushing me away. Why?
Q. I've been with my BF 5 years now, we are in a LDR. We have a very good relationship, we understand each other very well and we love each other. We dated for long time, we wanted to know each other good enough first. During this time we spoke about ...
A. 5 January 2008: Are you quite sure that he is divorced? Most people do talk about their ex's. Could it be that he doesn't want to get married again because he is still married? I just sounds curious, and in a LDR it could be possible to tell a few more little ... (read in full...)
I'm underage and our secret is out. What now?
Q. There is a guy i know and we really like each other but he has a girlfriend and I dont want to break them up as she hasnt done anything wrong to me so I can't steal her boyfriend as revenge. I know the guy thinks about me alot as he has told me. her ...
A. 5 January 2008: He doesn't sound like much of a prize if he is doing this behind his girlfriends back, he's old enough to know better and he's also old enough to realize that you are underage. Doesn't sound like a winning combination to me! Why do you like him, ... (read in full...)
Is jet lag throwing my schedule out of whack?
Q. my friend left out of state via. plane from Georgia to California, and back. she had sex. her period is either late, or she missed it. it's only been a week since the time she had sex. Is she pregnant? or is jet lag just throwing her schedule off...
A. 5 January 2008: There are lots of things that can affect her period, for instance, being around a new group of women with a different period cycle, nutrition and health, but if she is worried, she should simply take an over-the-counter pregnancy test.... (read in full...)
We are long distance and I think he is cheating on me. Now he has asked me to marry him, what shall I do??
Q. Hey, I am very confused about what to do. I have been in a relationship with someone for the past five years. We are both in our 20s. He has cheated on me repeatedly. I went to work abroad 1 and 1/2 year ago but I would come back for summer holidays ...
A. 5 January 2008: I don't think that you really believe that he treats you well, so you must mean by "he treats me good" that you will stay with him because he treats you well financially. Because finding messages from other women can't really make you feel very ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date my step-brother??
Q. i really like my step brother we are not blood releated just his mum got married to my dad do you think it is okay to date him?...
A. 5 January 2008: Hmmm. You may not be blood-related, but you ARE related by marriage. What would happen if you had a really bad break-up and you still have to see each other constantly? SO, No, I don't think that there is even the remotest possibility that this ... (read in full...)
Is he sick of me?
Q. I recently met a guy which i thought i was really into. He told me he was really into me too. We talked for hours and he usually talked to me all the time during the day asking me to talk to him more. But then all of the sudden he just lost contact ...
A. 5 January 2008: Leave him one final call and give him all of your numbers and contact information on it. Then walk away from him and move on. If you love something, set it free, if it doesn't come back, it was never yours in the first place, and if it does come ... (read in full...)
Does he fancy me? Should I confront him?
Q. hi i met this guy last year he is 21 years older than me, he doesn't have a wife kids or girlfriend. we started talking then it got a little more serious. but then it all got out and people started laughing and joking about it and made matters ...
A. 5 January 2008: So, it's possible that he could be 38 if you are 17. His friends could be giving him a lot of stick about having a mid-life crisis because he is going after such a young girl then, that's what guys do, give each other a lot of muck. As long as you ... (read in full...)
I found out my boyfriend was married! I don't get it, what kind of woman tolerates her husband being gone for days??
Q. i recently had a relationship with a man who was married. i didn't even know he was married until a year ago. i broke up with him 6 mo. ago because i couldn't rationalize the years of lies...4 to be exact. he would stay with me 3-4 days at a ...
A. 5 January 2008: My husband travels on business all the time. I have his schedules sent by his secretary, I have his blackberry #, his cell # and all the office and contact #'s of the location that he is visiting, no matter where in the world he is. But having all ... (read in full...)
Underage and having a relationship with a married man! - what do I do?
Q. Im in a relationship with a married man and i think im falling in love with him. I also really want to sleep with him but im under age by three years.please help and give me some advice on what to do....
A. 5 January 2008: You are old enough to know the word PEDOPHILE. Please report this absolutely charming SEXUAL PREDATOR to the police and tell your parents. Tell all your family, friends and neighbors not to let their children near this man. ... (read in full...)
Why won't he stay the night with me?
Q. why wont he sleep with me??? I,ve been seeing my bloke for over 18 months on and off. We split for a short time, 2 months because he kept using arguments as foreplay and that wasn,t my thing. We,ve been in a sexual relationship all the time we,...
A. 5 January 2008: Are you sure that there is no other relationship that he has to show up for? If you were apart for two months, it's possible that there could be someone else. ... (read in full...)
At what stage in our relationship should we be more comfortable around each other?
Q. hi! well my bf and i went our on 3rd date coupld of days ago and it was still kind of awkward. we didnt talk much and it was kind of embarasing. i dont know if it should still be like this. please help thanks ellie xxx...
A. 5 January 2008: At your age, I was, and my daughter, who is 22 was Also going on group dates, not one-on-one dates. It's easier, it's more fun, and there is less pressure to be alone with the object of your affections. It gives you a chance to get a lot more ... (read in full...)
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