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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Can you give a 15 years old advice on safe foreplay?
Q. OK im 15 and i know i'm not ready for sex. I am not stupid and am so scared about pregnancy. So i am going to wait a year but i want to do 'everything else' if you know what i mean. I have done some things but i just hate the fact that once you have ...
A. 4 March 2008: If everyone is going to know everything about your sexual encounters, then you are not with the right person. Sex is not something that should be discussed through the rumor mill or be fodder for gossip, so either you or your partner is being ... (read in full...)
Site News: We hit another milestone :-)
Q. For the first time we broke the 400,000 visitors mark over the past month! We had 412,222 people visit the site from Jan 13th 08 - Feb 14th 08 according to google analytics! Thanks to all the mods, the aunts and everyone who shares their pro...
A. 16 February 2008: Congrats to you, Andrew!!! And to all of the wonderful Aunties, Uncles and Posters!
What on earth's happened? I haven't posted in a week and this column has run amok! BP's and Mandy's "Bloody Priceless" joke...
Curiouser and curiouse... (read in full...)
Should I live my life based on horoscopes?
Q. i want to go out with this boy who is realy funny and i think he likes me as a friend, but i dont know weather to ask him out because my horoscopes in a magazine say we shouldnt go out. what should i do???...
A. 6 February 2008: It would be wonderful to know everything in advance, wouldn't it? To be guided and know that every decision that we make is going to work out just fine. It is all "magical thinking" and it isn't true. There aren't any easy answers, there is no ... (read in full...)
Age difference question.....
Q. ok am 20 and he is my teacher he is 42 so what do you think this will end up ...
A. 6 February 2008: When you are 35, in the prime of your life, he will be pushing 60. Please add this to the list of things that Irish talked about...
You are young and infatuated, this is the time of your life to be having fun with other young people - not an old ... (read in full...)
Is giving sexual advice to minors considered "contributing to the delinquincy of a minor"?
Q. This question is for the adults only! I like this site....I've only recently in the last 2 months or so found out about this site. Here is my dilemma.....I currently feel very very uncomfortable giving advice to juveniles (I currently don't)...
A. 6 February 2008: I am 52 and have raised two children. My daughter is in my avatar. They are now 22 and 26. When I raised my children, I always gave them MORE information than they needed at the time, not less. I gave them the "birds and bees" talk when they ... (read in full...)
I met him on line, do you think he is a pervert?
Q. I'm a 13 year old girl and I need some opinions from people. I have msn and lately some one added me on their msn list. I clicked him/she and asked them and it was a boy. He said he gave me his email. He said he was 17 and I saw his display pic so ...
A. 6 February 2008: Yep - and a stranger! Why aren't you talking to the boys you know at school instead? You already know the risks of talking to someone that you don't know, so we already know that you are smart. Take good care of yourself with the decisions that ... (read in full...)
If I'm not bulimica then what I'm I?
Q. So for the past 2 years or so I have noticed that my ways of eating have changed. Everytime I eat about 5 mins. later i throw it up. I dont make myself do it or anything, it just happens. Ive told my mom about this before, but she says im fine, and ...
A. 6 February 2008: There's a problem with your Mom. If she won't take you to a doctor, get your Dad or someone else in the family to take you as soon as possible. You could also go directly to an emergency room the next time it happens and ask to be seen. It's not ... (read in full...)
Why am I still in love with him?
Q. I fell in love back in high school. This guy is imprinted on my brain. I love him. It gives me chills to be in his presence. I try and get the message across that I love him. He talks to me and responds but he never initiates a relationship that ...
A. 6 February 2008: There has been some press this past year over a recent study that showed that we never actually get "over" our first love, in a sense. It is a "definitive" love that is forever imprinted on our memory, the one that we hold up and measure all future ... (read in full...)
I'm also going away on holiday soon and would like to feel more confident in my bikini so any tips wuld be muchly appreciated.
Q. Okay I would really love some help here.. Im a 15 year old girl, about 5"6 and 9.5 stone. I'm very active a swim everyday and run a fair bit as well. The problem is I still don't feel like the skinnyest person ever. Dont get me wrong, I'm not one ...
A. 6 February 2008: I wouldn't worry too much dear. You are actually a bit underweight for your height, and if you are active - I'm sure you'll look just fine on the beach. I was 5'7" and 120 pounds when I was 16 with ribs sticking out, and I actually still looked ... (read in full...)
We're newlyweds and my wife has no sex drive, help me !
Q. OK, Well me and my now wife have been together for 8 years and have been married a little less than 1 year. We have been together since I was 16 and she was 17. We did not have sex for the first year and a half. but after we would get crazy and ...
A. 6 February 2008: Hi,
Just remembered one more thing - If she is on the pill, that can have an effect on some women's libidos. She could try switching pills or even switching to another contraceptive form, if you are willing to risk a pregnancy now.
Cheer... (read in full...)
We're newlyweds and my wife has no sex drive, help me !
Q. OK, Well me and my now wife have been together for 8 years and have been married a little less than 1 year. We have been together since I was 16 and she was 17. We did not have sex for the first year and a half. but after we would get crazy and ...
A. 6 February 2008: As Alex Baldwin said "If you are getting your cookies, Make sure that she is having her cookies too...".
Is she actually having orgasms? Or is she telling the truth? I think it's one of the main reason why very young women start losing inte... (read in full...)
She asked me if I found her friend attractive, I said yes, now she's mad, whats the go?
Q. My Girlfriend asked me if I was attracted to one of her friends, and I never want to lie to her so I told her the truth, that I thought her friend was attractive, but I don't want to be with her friend, I only want to be with my girlfriend and I ...
A. 6 February 2008: Yes - this is the exact reaction that 99% of all wives, girlfriends and partners will have. This is the exact time to use a "Little White Lie". Any of these will do - "She's not as attractive as you Dear!", "I actually had never given it any ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 5 February 2008: Sorry for being obtuse. The fact that he is trying to stop her from talking to her male friends is kind of controlling.
I have a 22 year old daughter and a 26 year old son. His girlfriend is 22, and he felt uncomfortable with that at first. So ... (read in full...)
Redhair and pale skin, Why do we get picked on?
Q. Me and brother (twin) both get picked on because of our red hair and pale skin. It's been like this for a couple years. But no matter what we do, people still ask us dumb questions about why we are so pale all the time. Why is that?...
A. 5 February 2008: When people ask a rude question - Everyone knows that it's rude - BUT - the rudeness embarrasses us into silence and "puts us on our back foot". Return them the favor and challenge the question. "Why on earth would you want to know that?" "What ... (read in full...)
How do I handle an Old Man being after me?
Q. My Friend's Grandad Likes Me I Found Out Because He Text Me Telling Me . I Dont No What To Do ?? I've Avoided Him Ever Since He Stopped Me On The Road Too. Please Help Me ...
A. 5 February 2008: Oh Wow. Tell your Mom And Dad today. Get them to tell your friend's parents too so that they can keep "Granddad" far away from other girls. It's really important to listen to your "Spidey-Sense" or that little bell that goes off in your head when ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 5 February 2008: Hmm, I wonder if she has been talking about you to him then. That's a pretty possessive sign and the mark of a controller. I think It's fine if you ask her out for a Valentine's dinner. It might be a great way to find out if she'd starting to ... (read in full...)
Can anyone possibly help me with that "married man dilemma"?
Q. Can anyone possibly help me with that "married man dilemma"? First, I am very aware of the sentiments of most of the advisers here, so let me say right off the bat that I have always agreed on the point but I am in such deep distress right now that ...
A. 5 February 2008: Totally agree with ANNIE67's last line. Love isn't a feeling, It's something we do. It all of those mornings full of spilled milk and Cheerios's, an still finding time to worry that his meeting goes okay, or his kiss and a promise to bring home ... (read in full...)
Do I go out with him even although he has a girlfriend and says she mustn't know?
Q. hi, I'm 16 almost 17 and ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months but recently discovered one of the boys I know in my street as we are all very close because we live in like a culdesac sort of thing closed off. I noticed he looks at me when ...
A. 5 February 2008: It's called a clandestine relationship. It means all of his other relationships come first and you don't. What do YOU think of that?
Most of the women I know would say "Thanks, but no Thanks, Loser - Hasta la Vista". ... (read in full...)
I suspect my bf is married. What can you suggest? Am I reading too much into this?
Q. I think my boyfriend my be married but I am not sure. We have been seeing each other since last fall and here is what I have observed: We see each other twice a month for a date night (always checked by schedules). We have lunch or drinks 2 or 3 ti...
A. 4 February 2008: Yep! He's married or living with someone. I wouldn't call the house either, it's not her fault the guys two timing her OR you, but I wouldn't want to find out by a girlfriend phoning the house...
My husband has been in the business world for ... (read in full...)
Seven weeks pregnant-should I get an abortion?
Q. hi, i am really looking for some advice. I am 21 years old a single parent of 1 little girl aged 21 months, I have recently found out that i am 7 weeks pregnant i have only been with my partner for 3 months and i dont think the relationship is going ...
A. 4 February 2008: I don't think that anyone else can tell you what to do. It's pretty hard to choose between the two options, your head and your heart. The most important thing that you have to consider is the fact that you have one child to raise and protect, and ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to get frustrated because of her "system" when it comes to unprotected sex?
Q. I'm sorry for the long post, just bear with me: I have been dating a great girl for about 7 months now, we are both very much in love, and i honestly believe that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She comes from a small...
A. 4 February 2008: I am so very glad that you have had the great sense to use a condom. At this point, I would be asking her to have a very HUGE blood panel done to find out if she is affected by any STI's that could affect you.
What can I tell you? There were girl... (read in full...)
I'm still quite young, I want to go traveling and see the world but my fiancee wants to settle down...
Q. Hello, I really do hope someone can help me, I love this man who recently proposed to me, however I am constantly thinking about my friend and I know that I shouldn't but I speak to him quite a lot, against the wishes of my Fiancee. I feel so ...
A. 4 February 2008: You should have a very long engagement and make sure that you are absolutely certain that you want to marry this man. You are very young, and there is no reason for you to rush into marriage. But, having said this, you need to sort out your ... (read in full...)
What did he mean in his text when he said I need someone on my own level?
Q. hi, this is a long one so sorry if it takes time. I recently found an old text on my old sim from my one and only boyfreind of about 4 weeks, we split December last year, (this is not all of the text he sent). I never really read it properly ...
A. 4 February 2008: It sounds like he was referring to your activity-level, not your intelligence or whether or not you slept with him. I think that he was saying that you are more quiet or a "home-body" type of person, and perhaps he is a hiking, skiing, ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my boyfriend stealing?
Q. How can I stop my boyfriend stealing?...
A. 4 February 2008: Tell his parents. ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 4 February 2008: Yeah, Wow, that's a big gap. At least for now it is. Not so huge at 32 and 22, but now that you have said her age, I can see that a lot of her problems are coming from her maturity and inexperience. It's great that she has recognized that he has ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 4 February 2008: He's not a proper boyfriend if he is blowing her off for a poker game either. This guy isn't the least bit interested in settling down, is he? The problem is that she is pretty ga-ga over him and they really haven't totally split properly, ... (read in full...)
Do men fantisize about ordinary people and is it normal?
Q. I am married with two young children and found porn and a 2 pictures of my husbands colleague on his PC. I am convinced that he masterbated to the porn as well as pictures of his work collegaue even though one was of her at a christmas party and ...
A. 4 February 2008: Erh, that's blown - talk about your Freudian slip.... (read in full...)
Do men fantisize about ordinary people and is it normal?
Q. I am married with two young children and found porn and a 2 pictures of my husbands colleague on his PC. I am convinced that he masterbated to the porn as well as pictures of his work collegaue even though one was of her at a christmas party and ...
A. 4 February 2008: It's an office crush or emotional affair or some kind or other, and I think that you had better get up the courage to confront him as soon as possible. Talk and fight it out before he starts thinking that this is normal or acceptable in any way. ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 4 February 2008: I still suspect there is someone else in the picture with him, if not in his bed, in his heart or head. I still suspect cheating. If he was a virgin when they met, how could she have suddenly become crap in bed unless he has had something else to ... (read in full...)
What shall I say next time my friend is critical of me??
Q. My best friend and I have just started to talk again...It seems like every time when we are by ourselves she is always critical of me...Like a couple of days ago we were eating lunch together and she tells me "why are you so scared of guys" " why ...
A. 3 February 2008: Respond by saying - "Why do you ask?" or "Why do you want to know?" and if she continues after that just continue answering her with questions. Eventually, she will stop when she realizes that you have no intentions of answering her.... (read in full...)
A question for mothers out there.
Q. I was wondering for mothers who have more than 1 child..did you get more stretch marks with the 2nd baby, or is all the damage pretty much done after the 1st? I have a 10 month old and I am due next month to have another baby. Also, does it hurt ...
A. 3 February 2008: I had an 8 pound son and then a ten pound daughter. I actually noticed more differences the first time! The second pregnancy, although it was the equivalency of a twin birth, was actually a bit easier to deal with because I was so much more ... (read in full...)
How do we know if we are ready for sex and in love??
Q. How do we know if were in love and want to have sex? I know we're young and im a virgin and i think that my bf is. We've been going out for almost 4 months but we really really love each other and would do anything for each other. Any time i go ...
A. 2 February 2008: If you don't know the answers to any of those questions, you are not old enough to have sex yet. You need to be old enough to have plans to raise a child if you should get pregnant, and the whole point OF sex is that it makes babies! Are you old ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I'm not ready for sex but show I do that I trust him??
Q. So I have been dating my bf for just around 4 months. We've both had our ups and downs, however every once in awhile he talks about how he wants sex. We're both virgins as he may be ready for it, I am not. I do not feel that 4 months is long enough ...
A. 2 February 2008: Your body, your rules. I think that you should wait until you are ready. It's not a great sign that he wanted to proceed without any sign of a condom, that's something you should be using to protect yourself and your future fertility every single ... (read in full...)
Is masturbation a homosexual act?
Q. is masturbation in fact a homosexual act ? no matter who or what you think about you are still having sex with your hand and you come on yourself you are giving and recieving so its male on male or female on female. any thoughts?...
A. 2 February 2008: Of course not, unless you are having an out of body experience.
Puff Puff Pass...... (read in full...)
Everything else in our relationship is good.
Q. Ive been living with my partner for 7 years now and i still find him attractive.Ours has always been a close relationhip.For the past few months it been more like a brother-sister relationship and though i know sex isnt everything in a relationship ...
A. 2 February 2008: I actually think sex is extremely important within a marriage. It provides intimacy and togetherness, and that helps with every other part of a marriage. Is it possible that he is depressed? Has he hit a brick wall at work or lost his job ... (read in full...)
Torn between two men and when something goes wrong I always run to the other one.
Q. I have two men in my life and can't choose between them. It is causing me great turmoil, so much so, I have lost my job and I am overall not handling things well. I had (guy 1) as the end all be all. Completely fallin' in love with him and wanted t...
A. 2 February 2008: You have had to deal with more in your young life than many people have to face in a lifetime. My son had to deal with the same situation and it was very hard to watch from the outside. Much like your relationship, it did cause them to separate. ... (read in full...)
How can I get my dad to allow me a bf??
Q. My dad won't let me have a boyfriend and i'm 13. What can i do to allow me to have a boyfriend? He said i could do something called courting and thats when i invite a boy over my house to watch TV and my dad questions the hell out of him; that is ...
A. 2 February 2008: Hi Sweetness,
I know that you think he's old fashioned, but 13 is kind of young to go out on dates. He really is being a good Dad by telling you that he wants to meet anyone who wants to spend time with you. Perhaps going out with a group of girl... (read in full...)
Would love to go out with the counter girl but am too shy to ask.
Q. Hi, Over 6months ago i started visiting my local bank as id moved house. I really started liking one of the counter girls and when i was lucky enough to be served by her we use to have a friendly chat normal stuff. I've really started liking h...
A. 2 February 2008: Why not fill out a deposit slip with you name and number and ask her out for a coffee - no strings attached. It's worth a shot! Women are more likely to go out on a first date for a coffee or lunch, because it's a short amount of time and everyone ... (read in full...)
He makes me feel unwanted and ugly and I am starting to feel like cheating is the only way.
Q. I've been in a relationship for 8 years now.Of course my significant other watches porn and at first I had no problem with it but now it seems to be a huge problem for me. We went to having sex all the time to where he couldn't keep his hands of...
A. 2 February 2008: I totally agree. You would be better off without this guy. Is there somewhere that you can go? This isn't a working relationship anymore and it's destroying your self-esteem. I would seriously consider leaving him.... (read in full...)
What should I do about my bfs crush??
Q. I think my boyfriend of 3.5 years has a crush on another girl and I was wondering what you all think... should I be worried about it? He has never told me and I have never asked but when she is around and he talks to her, I can sense an attraction. ...
A. 2 February 2008: If you bring up the topic, he might clam up. Perhaps you could say something about a guy that you think is attractive the next time you and he are having a good chat, alone somewhere. It might open up the topic enough for him to talk about it. ... (read in full...)
Worried my penis is too large...what can I do??
Q. Hi, this may sound peculiar to most men, but I'm in fact afraid that my penis is too large. When erect it reaches eight and a half inches, and though this may not be gigantic, it still doesn't bode well. My girlfriend reassures me that it is nothi...
A. 2 February 2008: A woman's vagina has the capacity to accommodate a baby, so if I were you, I would let my girlfriend guide me and take the lead as to what is and isn't comfortable. How she feels will probably vary depending on her cycle as well, especially around ... (read in full...)
Was there something else?
Q. My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he ...
A. 8 January 2008: It sounds like that's what happened. More often than not; Men do seem to leave for someone else, women tend to leave because they are fed up. When there is a sudden split and a weak explanation, you have to assume that there is another reason that ... (read in full...)
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