A
female
age
,
*llen14621
writes:If you were unable to satisfy your wife sexually due to health problems, would it be ok to allow her to have sex with a person of your choice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Yes, I have let my wife do this for a few years now with men who live far away from our location. We both are 100% into it. I'm faithful to her, but I enjoy letting her be with other men. It is erotic for the both of us. I love to think about what she's doing while she's gone, and when we have sex when she's back from her trips... the sex is amazing! I suggest all couples who are interested in this to start out slowly,...first, let her kiss someone new, if that didn't bother each other, then move up to oral with other men, then keep going. Its an amazing feeling. The most erotic sex I've ever had came after she had sex with another man. Try It!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): See the film "Breaking the waves".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Yes I would. I am a married male I would never make her have sex with another man. But It is a fantasy of mine to see her with another man. Some people think it is wrng but I dont see the problem if she wanted to do it.
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A
female
reader, ellen14621 +, writes (4 February 2008):
ellen14621 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank everybody that answered my question I think things are working out now
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (31 January 2008):
I think most people haven't realised that you are female and probably the wife in such a couple and looking for self justification to seek sexual pleasure else where.Ask yourself.If you were in his position would you sanction such a decision? If so talk to him and let him know what you are contemplating.Maybe he's the one telling you to go ahead? In all honesty,doing that would be destroying the intimacy that you have built over the years.Use musturbation and sex toys.I consider marraige SERIOUS and believe in such a situation,you should die musturbating and/or remain celibate.However,the final decision lies with you.Do what your heart desires!
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): I would try every way possible to maintain the intimacy between the two of you. Once this is broken it will be one step at a time to you splitting up. There are many ways for a woman to be satisfied - I would suggest purchasing one of the many books on the subject. You need to re-ignite your emotional passion too - possibly using the spoken or written word. Just one other point I recently read an article on Tantric sex where orgasm (even erection) was not the main event and it based on thought and to a point a kind of spirituality. I know that courses are run over weekends and such like (you go as couples) and it is not swinging so do not fear! They may run similar things in US. I really recommend you try these approaches - you do not need to feel desperate.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 You really don't have a choice. If she wants to sleep with a man , she would do it anyhow whether you allow her or not.
You can either close one eye or divorce her.
If she does not want, there is no issue of forcing her to have sex with another man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): No...There are many different ways to satisy someone, you just need to be creative and invite other elements into the relationship that doesnt include another person. Take the time and go to an adult boutique and together choose something like a toy or massage oil. You would be surprised what you can accomplish with out actually having intercourse.
Good Luck,
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 From my personal perspective, I think that it would be a huge break in the the trust and intimacy that my husband and I share. I would prefer to stay with other forms of sexual acts and share them together rather than pursue anything outside of my relationship with my husband. If he told me to do so, out of a sense of frustration and failure, I still would worry that it would break his heart even if he insisted. It's one of the vows that we made to each other, and we've kept them for so long that I wouldn't feel comfortable breaking them for any reason. That's just my own viewpoint.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (31 January 2008):
 I think you need to research this more.
I would suggest that you read everything you can on swinger culture, as you will be able to meet people in exactly your situation.
Yes, I do know people that have done it, BUT you really need to be clear on the person you chose, does not have an ulterior motive to steal her away.
Before you go this route, have you looked at sex toys, vibrators, strap-ons so that you can mimic the sex for her?
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, leonard j. Douglas  +, writes (30 January 2008):
This answer will not set well with a lot of people,but then I never was a people pleaser either. I am going on 80,years young,so unless viagra can help me to improve my sexual performance,Yes I would not only encourage my wife to have another lover,to help fulfill her sexual needs,but would be very happy if her sexual needs were being met by someone else. A man can have more than one woman,so the Holy Book says, as long as they are not married to someone else. I love my wife deeply,but if I cannot fulfill her sexual needs,then I wouldn't have any problem with a little help from another man. Why not think in terms of all those other Penises that you have fingers,and the best penis of all,your tongue. Oral-Sex is really up close and very personal,and much more intimate than any penis,and if your penis won't work,Hey!, Your tongue will never let her or you down. So I would go for a complete revamping of your whole sexual togetherness,it works for me,could also work for you.
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A
female
reader, {*HyPa~AzN~hUnNiE~*}  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 no that is wrong! u cant do that, wouldnt that hurt u?? n if ur wife doesnt understand that, then no offence but shes not a nice person cos a relationship isnt just based on sex. if shes really horny jus give her a dildo
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Sorry, should have hit the refresh button before I put in my two cents!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 January 2008):
Sex without emotion involved is what dogs have, I for one would never consider this idea, it is wrong on a number of levels. I'm sure the husband and wife involved, if they love one another, can come up with a much better solution to this problem.
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A
female
reader, ellen14621 +, writes (30 January 2008):
ellen14621 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u for all the help I wont do it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): If I was the husband in the equation and deeply in love with my wife, I'd probably be already approaching the depths of despair at not being able to have sex and satisfy her. I'd probably be even more despairing at the thought of another man doing my job for me.
I'm guessing you're asking because you're thinking this might be a solution to your problem - or rather, your husband's. You don't say what the health problem is, but unless it's something like a severe spinal injury there's still hope. The drug companies have come out with quite a few answers to this problem, and they're worth investigating. You don't say if you've been down this route, but if not I can only recommend it.
Until you've investigated all options, I'd say don't do it. Even if you have, I'd still say don't do it as it would most likely destroy your husband and almost certainly lead to the breakdown of the marriage.
To answer your question, I'd definitely say it's not ok, and I don't think there's any circumstances in which I could agree to it unless I was in a permanent vegetative state with no chance of recovery - in which case I'd have no say in the matter anyway!
Something about "For better, for worse".
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): If i was your wife i wouldnt because i loved you too much. I think that sex between husband and wife is special and shouldnt be given away to someone else. Sorry, but i am dead against it, but i am sure there will be someone out there who will be all for it. I really feel for you and wish you did have to ask this question.
take care
xx
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