A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm crazy about my flatmate. I'd jus come out of a 2 year relationship before uni. In the first few months my flatmate and I were best friends..he was always there for me, and I felt i had a friend for life. Then in November, we got very drunk and slept with each other. This has happened on and off since then, although it was never talked about as we still got on just as well. When i first kissed him, i actually thought..you're goin to marry this man. Im trying my best at not getting attatched, as i don't want our friendship to be ruined. But he is on my mind all the time...although we're both in a situation of jus coming out of a long term relationship, so its not necessarily a case of getting together. I no he wouldn't want to mess me around...but is he just sleeping with me because im there? or does he feel the same and its just our situation of living together that affects everything? Should i talk to him? would it just cause unnecessary hassle when we are still very good friends?Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for your advice! it really helped. i did actually talk to him...but, although im crazy about him i realised friends stay around for a longer time than boyfriends do,and, we've decided to stay friends because the situation is far too complex right now. im jus trying to look at the bigger picture...if its meant to be it'll happen. n im pretty sure it will, but we hav our whole lives ahead of us...i jus got caught up in it all i guess! we're closer than ever thou, talkin really helped so thank u so much!!xx
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 It's very hard for a woman to sleep with a guy and not get emotionally attached to him. It's not the same for guys, they can have sex and not be at all involved or emotionally invested in the relationship. One recent book said that a woman should wait AT LEAST two months before entering into a sexual relationship because men will tend to treat it as casual sex or a booty-call otherwise. Being roommates too! Whoa.
I would talk it out with him, but be prepared for the talk to go either way. You can decide what to do afterwards, but it might make being roommates difficult if he thinks this is just friends-with-benefits and you are thinking "I could marry this guy". Are you prepared to walk away and find a new roommate? I think you might have to walk if he's not into it and your heart is getting involved. Sorry to not sugar-coat it, hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (1 February 2008):
 you should talk to him! it sounds like you have a shot with this guy and perhaps he feels the same way? either way you should ask him why he keeps sleeping with you on and off. there probably is a good enough reason and if he is a good enough friend as you make out then he would not sleep with you on and off without having some feelings towards you or a reason. if you do get into a relationship before hand make sure you are both over your past relationships niether of you deserve to be in a rebound relationship particularly when a friendship like yours does not seem to be worth losing. try not to get carried away honey until you are assured in his feelings for you. hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 Ask him what he is wanting. Best friends with benefits, or something real. Because you need to figure out whether or not u are fine with just casual sex if that is all that it has been for him.
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