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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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At what stage in our relationship should we be more comfortable around each other?
Q. hi! well my bf and i went our on 3rd date coupld of days ago and it was still kind of awkward. we didnt talk much and it was kind of embarasing. i dont know if it should still be like this. please help thanks ellie xxx...
A. 5 January 2008: At your age, I was, and my daughter, who is 22 was Also going on group dates, not one-on-one dates. It's easier, it's more fun, and there is less pressure to be alone with the object of your affections. It gives you a chance to get a lot more ... (read in full...)
He's married, we have a baby together, he's not stringing me along is he?
Q. I have a 2 month old daughter, I love my childs father with all my heart and I want us to be a family. However, he is married. His wife called me the day after I had my child, and told me that they were still together and he was living under her ...
A. 4 January 2008: If you were to have read your question back to yourself, pretending that the people involved were not you, he, and his spouse, would you believe the things that he has told you in this question? I have to tell you that it sounds like he wants to ... (read in full...)
I'm accidentally pregnant and the baby's father doesn't want to know. What should I do?
Q. I am in a great delimma and need advice. About a month ago I found out that I was expecting. This came to a total surprise for I was on the pill (I recently found out that my taking the Z-Pak for my sinus infection neutralized the birth control). ...
A. 4 January 2008: Doesn't sound like the best bet for a happy future, from what he has said to you and judging from his past commitments and current behavior. If you are sure that you want to go ahead and become a single mom, you should be committed to doing it on ... (read in full...)
Married to his ex for 22years, now they might give it another go, is it worth it for me to wait and see what happens?
Q. been dating an older wonderful man for eight months. he told me two months into it he was talking with his ex and that they were talking about making it work again. he was married for 22 years and divorced two. he has seen her and yet still wants to ...
A. 4 January 2008: I would be inclined to not participate in this. He certainly has a lot of history here, but more than that, I'd rather not go head-to-head with an ex just because it could turn into a giant waiting game. I would let him go and make his decision, ... (read in full...)
I am obsessed with losing weight and have started to skip meals. Mother is against it, what should I do?
Q. This isn't a usual question, but... I started skipping meals and chewing and spitting out food when I was 13 (I'm 15) and now all I can think about is losing weight. Just 10 lbs, though. My mom told me not to lose weight, and now my friends are t...
A. 3 January 2008: Skipping meals is the worst thing that you can do if you want to lose weight, because your body goes into "starvation" mode and tries desperately to store what little food it is getting, in the form of fat. You are better off eating just until you ... (read in full...)
Anyone think this might spark her interest?
Q. I'm trying to find ways to get my wife horned up and wanting sex by leaving sex dvd's laying around my room. I have a nice variety and she is home alone on weekends but she doesn't seem interested. I was thinking male masturbation dvd's? Does anyone ...
A. 3 January 2008: Women don't like to see other guys penises or watch masturbation videos. There is porn directed by women that is more romantic and there are animated sex videos that women like better that live porn, possibly because it is a total fantasy and ... (read in full...)
Why do I suffer with bad BO?
Q. I have a problem. a BO problem. I don't know why or how it has happened. I shower daily (under my armpits also) and i don't wear the same t-shirt for 2 days. what can it be then?...
A. 3 January 2008: I am assuming you are a teenager, and for guys going through puberty, this is a normal, but pesky issue. If you are showering everyday, using a strong anti-perspirant-deodorant, and wearing clean shirts everyday that is most of the battle.
Y... (read in full...)
I'm 13, he's 18. We have a 4 1/2 year age difference... Too much?
Q. Im 13 and my boyfriend is 18. We live at least 8 states apart. We knew each other when he lived here, but he had to move away because his dad was relocated. I know that it's illegal for us to be going out, but we're not having sex or anything. My ...
A. 2 January 2008: You are 13. It's not necessary to make a decision about your whole future immediately. You have a lot of years ahead of you and believe it or not, you might not feel the same way about him in two years, and that's okay too. Trying on different ... (read in full...)
He's coming on strongly and I'm scared. I think I want to break up. What should I do?
Q. So I have been with my beau for about a 6 weeks now. He is very much in love with me, but I don't share quite as intense of feelings. He is a great guy and amazing to be with, but I would rather him just as a friend. The problem is I know we have ...
A. 2 January 2008: Hi Again,
Based on what you have said, if you still have feelings for him and you can get him to Slow Down with the intensity, then all I can say is that it's up to you. I have to say, usually the girl determines the direction of the rela... (read in full...)
He is cold and argumentative, but likes kinky sex - how can I carry on like this?
Q. should I stay in my marriage? I have been married for 5 1/2 years (together for nearly 9 years) and we have one toddler. Our relationship has always required us to work at it, we are both independent people and it took a few tries before we could ...
A. 1 January 2008: If you have only tried counseling for one session, I think you should try again. He sounds like he needs a third party to be objective, because he's not being objective at all! You are probably going through one of the most difficult parts of a ... (read in full...)
I can't get over my wife's affair - but do I have double standards?
Q. I really don't know what to do. I have been married to my wife for 39 years. I worship the ground that she walks on but several years ago she had a one year love affair with a married man. I've been no angel , have had a few one night stands but no ...
A. 1 January 2008: I can't imagine that her telling you any MORE than you already know is going to help you erase the images from your mind. It sounds like you BOTH could use some help here. I think your situation would be ideal for counseling. It's worth a shot. ... (read in full...)
He's coming on strongly and I'm scared. I think I want to break up. What should I do?
Q. So I have been with my beau for about a 6 weeks now. He is very much in love with me, but I don't share quite as intense of feelings. He is a great guy and amazing to be with, but I would rather him just as a friend. The problem is I know we have ...
A. 1 January 2008: You should definitely not go away with his family on their annual vacation. You were SO wise to consider this BEFORE you accepted their kind invitation. He is inviting you as a future member of the family and his family will be incurring extra ... (read in full...)
Should I try to see if I'm attracted to men for my wife's sake, and what happens if I enjoy the experience?
Q. My wife considers herself bisexual. I have no offense to this but was wondering if any one out there has the same problem as me. My wife enjoys women and thinks if I gave it a chance I might enjoy men. My feelings are open to most things. I'm ...
A. 1 January 2008: I suspect if you had the inclination that it would have occurred to you long before this. I really don't think that this is something that you should try for the sake or pleasing you wife. This is WELL outside of the for better or for worse part ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if I'm too loose down below?
Q. i hear some of the guys out in the pub talk about girls being really loose down bellow, how can i tell if im 1 of them? do you get it from having 2 much sex?...
A. 31 December 2007: Women can use tampons the size of pencils even after giving birth and still not leak, otherwise Tampax and O.B. would be out of business. If these "Ladies Men" knew what they were talking about, they wouldn't be talking about this, because it's ... (read in full...)
How do I help her see that she's going to get hurt?
Q. One of my good friends is friends w/ benefits with one of her guy friends, and she really likes him. And she told him the way she feels, like everytime she sees him it makes her day better, etc. etc. And he said "well that's nice to know. i'm ...
A. 31 December 2007: "If only Life were Easy"! You have said a mouthful! You are preaching to the choir, honey! Amen AND the Hallelujah Chorus!
And no, I course I know that you would not, I can hear in your words the pain that you feel for her. With any luck she ... (read in full...)
Do condoms really work?
Q. Okay so im really in love with my boyfriend and we want to have sex. Im scared the condom may break and so is he. He has everything going for him amaazing soccer player, super hot, and smart. He feels like it would be one of those " he had ...
A. 31 December 2007: Sorry, I did not read your addendum before I was finished writing. Not every pill makes you depressed or gain weight, you need a new doctor. Condoms are not the safest method for avoiding pregnancy. You should ask you Mom to help you find out ... (read in full...)
Do condoms really work?
Q. Okay so im really in love with my boyfriend and we want to have sex. Im scared the condom may break and so is he. He has everything going for him amaazing soccer player, super hot, and smart. He feels like it would be one of those " he had ...
A. 31 December 2007: You should be ready to make a commitment before you have sex, because if things do go the way nature intended, what you are proposing to do could create a baby. Is he a person that you could picture being tied to for the rest of your life through a ... (read in full...)
I feel so guilty, I deleted a text from his ex girlfriend without him knowing, am I wrong?
Q. I feel so guilty, I saw a text from my boyfriend's ex girlfriend on Christmas Day saying she missed him, and I deleted it, so he has no idea she text. The background on this is that they broke up a year ago, just after Christmas. I have been with...
A. 31 December 2007: Yes, you know that you did the wrong thing. That's why you are writing to us.
However, I would have done the same exact thing on Christmas Day. She knows better than to do that after a full year of manipulating your relationship. Let her know... (read in full...)
I don't want to live with him and his family..now he threatens we will break up! What should I do?
Q. I m acctually living a dilemma I recently knew someone who asked me for marriage quite rapidly I was a bit confused ,its true that he is a good guy who has many good qualities ,he works ,he is well educated but he comes from a diffrent...
A. 31 December 2007: I believe that we, as women, have a very good sense of people, of relationships, and of ourselves. I think that when we question ourselves too much, we miss vital clues that we have already picked up on and that we already know are "truths". Don't ... (read in full...)
How do I help her see that she's going to get hurt?
Q. One of my good friends is friends w/ benefits with one of her guy friends, and she really likes him. And she told him the way she feels, like everytime she sees him it makes her day better, etc. etc. And he said "well that's nice to know. i'm ...
A. 31 December 2007: I would love to tell you that it is possible to transfer your knowledge and wisdom to your friend and that she will automatically accept it with your thanks and avoid her impending mistake. If that were possible, we'd all be perfect parents AND ... (read in full...)
Does he like me, or is he avoiding me?
Q. There is a guy in one of my classes that talks to me every day. he gives signals that he likes me so i asked him to a really important dance that only the school dance team goes to. he said yes but the next day he came up to me and said that he ...
A. 31 December 2007: It's really hard to tell based on just the one situation that you have described. I would say that it's not great that he reneg'd on the invite, so if I were you I'd check on the soccer schedule for the school team (or whatever team he is on) to ... (read in full...)
I fancy my husband's nephew, and he reciprocates, nothings happened, what should I do?
Q. My husband and I move in with his relatives and his nephew already caught my eye, like an instant casting spell. True this is not a good sign...but the plot thickens or the sexual tension or chemistry is there. Sure the nephew comes around more oft...
A. 31 December 2007: There are people who manage to remain faithful throughout their marriages, but it is a choice. What you failed to say about this consensual act is that it is an Adulterous Insestual act and simply mentioning that it is consensual merely means that ... (read in full...)
We used to argue a lot, now we've split up, but he still wants to continue to see me on weekends, I'm not happy with this, what should I do?
Q. my husband and i have argued for several months now on and off, he has now left saying hes wants us to have a break, this i am not happy with. he wants to get his own house and just see each other on a weekend, how can this work for us?? also i am ...
A. 31 December 2007: This sounds extremely suspicious. In fact, it's so odd, that I suspect he has other reasons to get another house, mainly another woman. The only people that I have known to want to "get another house" have already been heavily involved with ... (read in full...)
I just want to be single and see what is out there...but my ex loves me and won't leave me alone.
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. I had realized that instead of being tied down to one person i wanted to enjoy the rest of my high school experience single. Ever since the day i have broken up with him, he hasn't left me alone. ...
A. 30 December 2007: He HAS lost you! You broke off with him! SO, You ARE being too nice. You can't expect him to get over you when in his mind, and in fact, he is always still seeing you. You need to make a clean break from him, for his sake. NO being friends at ... (read in full...)
I'm having some disturbing dreams... Can anybody explain why?
Q. Recently i have been having some disturbing dreams.It all started when i was searching for something in our loft. I found a shoe box with some photos of my mother before i was born. She was wearing a really skimpy dress and despite myself i got abit ...
A. 28 December 2007: I know that you are worried about this, but it doesn't mean that you want to have sex with your Mother. You just saw a photo of her and never recognized her as a young, sexual being before and that has come as a shock to you. You probably hadn't ... (read in full...)
To girls: Do you prefer a shaved chest or hairy chest? Shaved pubic hair or just trimmed?
Q. What do you girls like more, a Shaved chest or one with hair? And same question about pubic hair: Shaved completely or just trimed? ...
A. 27 December 2007: Yes, women are all different.
I loved my husband's bare chest when we were young, and I love his chest now at 50+. The only thing I never liked was shoulder and back hair - waxing! I like him to trim all his hair if it starts to get too long... (read in full...)
Why would he be like this with me if he's so in love with his wife?
Q. this is hard to explain, but im goin to try. im 18 years old and im in highschool and i feel that my 45 year old teacher has feelings for me but i dont really understand it bc hes always telling me how much hes in love with his 24 year old wife, but ...
A. 27 December 2007: Nope! There are creepy old men in every country!
Put a great deal of distance between yourself and this womanizer, and please don't let yourself be in a situation where you are alone with him. He is a married man and your teacher. His beha... (read in full...)
Would you let your husband go away for the weekend with a woman he fancies?
Q. I have been with my husband for eleven years now, and although things are fairly good between us, he has developed a crush on another woman. He met her on a weekend away with the boys in the middle of summer, and has been sending odd messages her...
A. 27 December 2007: Nice One Fairy Lu! I like the way you think!
You know that he has a crush on her. It is totally wrong for him to expect you to stand idly by and watch him go off and start the physical part of this emotional affair. Drag him kicking and scre... (read in full...)
I've told my bf I'm not ready to have sex yet, but he keeps texting me sex related texts. When I confront him he says he is only joking, what do you think?
Q. im 14 and i have a boyfriend who is turning 15 in two months yesterday i was text messaging with him and me asked if i had ever had sex, i said no. He asked me if i would like to have sex with him, i was shoked and alarmed, i picked up my phone an...
A. 27 December 2007: Nice response, Danielepew!... (read in full...)
How do you have sex?
Q. how do u have sex?...
A. 26 December 2007: Hi Dear,
You should ask your Mum if you are curious. You shouldn't be getting this kind of information off the net. I'm sure she would like to explain everything herself, and all about when it is appropriate to consider having sex, rela... (read in full...)
She's so nice but she bores me and there is no 'spark'.
Q. Currently, I am with a girl who has many nice qualities about her. She is nice, supportive and affectionate, I find her quite physically attractive, and she never gets jealous or nasty- she has nothing "bad" about her at all. Ive been with her 7 ...
A. 26 December 2007: Sorry if I misspoke myself. I think that you answered your own question in the last paragraph. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I really think it's either there or it's not.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my female best friend
Q. I have just come off a long term relationship and quickly after the break up i got a new girlfriend. Every Xmas Eve, me and a selection of close friends spend Xmas Eve together eating Chinese takeaway watching a movie. The new girlfriend came ...
A. 26 December 2007: If you have any intention of pursuing HL, you should break it off with your new girlfriend beforehand. HL probably was joking with you when she teased you about being a sex addict, but I wouldn't try proving he right by cheating on your current ... (read in full...)
Would it work, me and my sister living together?
Q. my sister and i would like to know what harm it would do to our personalities if we lived together and had children. cricisms of su ch relationships usualy are in terms of law,custom, or genetics. but these seem distant from how we will treat each ...
A. 26 December 2007: If you are talking about a relationship as a couple and having children together, you already know about the law, inherited genetic risks and customs. But If you are living together as brother and sister, having children by a sperm donor and ... (read in full...)
Erotic humiliation...
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a dominant female and my boyfriend is very submissive and because of this our relationship works well. I like to dress him up in my underwear and tease him and he quite clearly enjoys this. In fact he enjoys cross dressing co...
A. 26 December 2007: Defamation of Character, Interfering with an Individual's Right to Make a Living, Using the Royal Mail for the Purpose of Blackmail, Blackmail, Lewd and Lascivious Behavior, Assault, Public Indecency (by involving a third party, the recipient), and ... (read in full...)
Please help me and tell me what to do exactly.
Q. I am 18 and he is 21. i actually like this guy from 6 years. we were at high school together in year 9 but now we are in a different countries cuz i moves to USA but he is still in my home country. he is doing his bachelors and so am i. i liked him ...
A. 26 December 2007: I had a really hard time reading your message. I think you should stop texting him and call him. It is your texting that is getting in the way of the two of you communicating properly (cause I had trouble reading your writing too).
When you use ... (read in full...)
I want him to come and visit me to see if he is interested in me, an older woman.
Q. Not long ago I wanted to get away so I booked a cruise. I thought it would be something good to do by myself and get away and think. I enjoyed it. While I was there on the first evening during the get acquainted activities I met a younger man. He ...
A. 26 December 2007: As much as it was fun to spend time with this young man, I'm quite sure that his family thought that your interest in him was as a responsible adult, a surrogate parental figure, not as a lover. There is a reason why you and he kept it to ... (read in full...)
I feel confused because my ex is acting all nice towards me.
Q. Before i went out with my now ex boyfriend we had a very good friendship for about a year. We started dating but it didnt work out. So after a very nasty break up he has chosen to ignore me. Only recently has he started talking to me but flirts ...
A. 26 December 2007: I'm assuming that your heart was broken the first time from what you have written.
If that is in fact the case, I really wouldn't be so quick to hand it back to him. If it didn't work out before, have any circumstances changed drastically for ... (read in full...)
Is this kind of fighting my fault?
Q. I am in a loving but emotional rollercoaster of a relationship that can get verbally abusive and extremely hurtful. It's been 3 years and we are both tired of it, recognise the problem, but somehow haven't worked out a way of dealing with it. Let ...
A. 26 December 2007: It doesn't sound like it's your fault. Why on earth would plans for Christmas day not have been firm beforehand? It's such an emotionally loaded day. If he had wanted for you to meet his brother, and then later his parents, why didn't they all ... (read in full...)
Should I continue talking to customers outside of work, or will that be considered inappropriate for business purposes?
Q. I keep attracting older guys, like in their 30's, I'm 17. I work at a family business and get noticed by a few older guys a couple times a month. Sometimes they give me their myspace, phone number, or just...call up the store and have a little ...
A. 26 December 2007: Hi,
There is a really TACKY old saying - "Don't s@#% where you eat." - It really means - "Don't dally with sexual liaison's in your place of business, because it's where you make your living to put food on your own table, and the fallout from a fail... (read in full...)
Is she ready to make such a commitment?
Q. Questions I have Im in a serious relationship I love my gf to bits. But I see problems before there coming and she cant seam to see them . My trouble is that her sis lives next door and her mum live 30 seconds away. I think its nice in a way...
A. 26 December 2007: I think pre-marriage counseling would be in order. It's pretty obvious that her family has a lot of control over her and she needs to recognize that she needs to cleave onto you and your family unit in order to make it work, if you are both ... (read in full...)
She's so nice but she bores me and there is no 'spark'.
Q. Currently, I am with a girl who has many nice qualities about her. She is nice, supportive and affectionate, I find her quite physically attractive, and she never gets jealous or nasty- she has nothing "bad" about her at all. Ive been with her 7 ...
A. 26 December 2007: Hmmmm. I'm not sure that you heart is in it. You are happy to seem content with the status quo, but if you lived closer in proximity to each other, would you still continue this? It doesn't sound like it. In an way, you are kind of using her, in ... (read in full...)
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