A
male
age
51-59,
*addyDave
writes:My wife and I meet via friends dating site. After 4 mths of boyfriend girlfrind relationship, I moved In with my 16 yr son and her 2 children 2 and 4. We had the normal ups and downs. My son left home due to my wife not wanting him there, which was OK ( he had caused me loads of trouble in past relationships). We got married 12 mths into the relationship to give us both sercurity. I have takern on the role of step dad and spend most of the day helping with the kids cooking, cleaning, playing etc. But now out of no where when we have the slightist disagreement my wife turns violent and on the last occasion I had to call the police the violence has been in front of the children and now I have moved out.I have spent over £10,000 redecorating the house and garden and now have no savings left.My wife knew i was due compansation only after we had been together for 6mths and has always maintained the money was of no interest. Have I been so blinded by love for her that I never noticed she was just after a dad for the kids and a handy man around the house?I am desperate for some idea's of what i should be doing right now?
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male
reader, DaddyDave +, writes (3 February 2008):
DaddyDave is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for al your advice, I did Know she had depprision problums and have been trying to get her to go and talk to her GP. She say's its me causing it, I question myself all the time when I am in the house "is this right is that right" and spend most of the time trying to make her happy and motivated.
We are textimg each other at the moment, she wants me to take back the washing machine not sure weather to get involued with running backwards and forwards. Or weather just to leave things until she sorts herself out.
She admits to having problums with the kids and as not fully bonded with her young girl age 2. Her daughter was only 1 when we meat and thinks I am her dad, I treat her like I have my own ( BOY 17 Girl 18 ) . Her son age 4 is a different matter he remebers things about his dad. He also tries hard to relate to me as dad.
When we meet she was having home help visit to help with her coping. All the time we have been together she appears to cope fine to me, most of time just wondering around the house doing her things. When I am not in the house she tells me she can't get on with anything has to sit and watch the kids and can't do anything else.
When I have been looking after them I just get on with diy cooking etc and kids sometimes join or just play with the toys.
I Love her very much and understand what it like being a single parent I have been a single parent the last 5 yrs and kept up weekend and holiday visits with my own kids all there lives
I am still in touch with my son but at the moment he justs likes to get in touch when he needs cash, he has been bad in the past and probs everyone at somtime has been, But he is making his own way in life And when he needs me I would be there for him
Is it worth fighting for ?
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 I would try to get back in touch with your son. He needs you now more than ever. He is 16, but he is still a child, your child. Young adults need more supervision, not less. I think your marriage was in trouble the minute that your child left because he felt displaced, maybe he sensed the breakdown of the marriage before you did. If a woman loves someone, she accepts him, with all of his young children, not just hers. This woman obviously has extreme issues. Are her children safe with her?
As far as the money goes, I would contact a lawyer. You have rights. You also have a police report. See what kind of settlement you can ask for in a divorce.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Maybe you have been blinded by love, maybe not...one thing is for sure, if the relationship is violent then you shouldn't be there and may be she has a history of violence because you got married quickly. It is particularly bad in front of the children because they grow up thinking that is normal behaviour. I think you have done the right thing by leaving and calling the police - it means she has to face up to her aggression. She may well have liked you for being a step-Dad and handyman around the house (I like the fact my husband is great with a paint-brush!) and that is ok - only you really know if there used to be more to the relationship. It is hard to tell if she wanted the money but £10K is not that much in todays economy and if you now divorced her then you would be entitled to make a financial claim against her house in the settlement so it seems unlikely. I hope that you are trying to maintain some sort of relationship with your son because he may appear all grown up but he still needs his Dad no matter how bad he may have been in the past.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): yeah it sounds like you rushed things a little. You need to get her to a councelor if she's willing but i doubt it.
If she makes no attempts to reconcile, You may have to mark it down to experience and move on.
Good luck
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