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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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The man I'm dating belongs to a religion that does not approve
Q. Im so scared to loose again. I found a man who is nine years younger than I am. I am divorced with one child. He never been married and no kids. However he is of another religion. I am afraid of loosing him because of it. A lot of elder females ...
A. 28 March 2014: Your Bf is sitting on the fence and tryng to keep everybody happy without having to make a choice- he is tryng to have his cake and eat it too. Yes he is not supposed to have sex before his wedding- but as for that, he is not even supposed to ... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating belongs to a religion that does not approve
Q. Im so scared to loose again. I found a man who is nine years younger than I am. I am divorced with one child. He never been married and no kids. However he is of another religion. I am afraid of loosing him because of it. A lot of elder females ...
A. 28 March 2014: No, you are not making a mountain of a molehill. Particularly if he is given you mixed messages and he is not saying loud and clear ( to you, but to his congregation too ) " I have chosen and religion won't come between me and my love ".
It woul... (read in full...)
Condom wrapper and girl's scarf found in my boyfriend's car… I'm having trouble trusting him! Any advice?
Q. I'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend of a year and a half . I have been burned in the past (cheated on) and am a naturally suspicious person. Here's my dilemma. 1) I found a ripped open condom wrapper in my boyfriends car. Near the drivers...
A. 28 March 2014: Being an avid reader of mystery novels, I stand by the principle that " three clues make a proof ".
Condom wrapper which should not be there . Mysterious woman's scarf . Ex's deleted calls.
The last two are pretty damning evidence, I 'd say. ... (read in full...)
I have a massive crush on my much-older, married landlord. Would it be worth it if I could sleep with him just one night?
Q. Ok I don't know where to begin here but I have a massive crush on my landlord. Like I'm not saying I want to run of to the sunset and marry him lol, but I have fantasised sleeping with him! He's older than well by 20 years but looks like fecking ...
A. 28 March 2014: Not worth it. At least, if you like your apartment and do not want to be put out of it by the scruff of your neck as the landlord would surely find a way to do the moment he becomes uncomfortable / antsy / bored with the situation between you.
Fuck... (read in full...)
How can I turn my life around? What can I do about all of this?
Q. Hey everyone well I'm sorry that this is going to be a long complicated sob story but I'm in desperate need of advice and I know you all give great advice. I'm 21 years old. I'll start off by saying I was abused a lot by a lot of my family growin...
A. 28 March 2014: Start small and build up from there. Rome wasn't built in a day, and you are young and have time in front of you. If you aim to sudden epocal changes, you'll just get frustrated and discouraged. Take pride in small ,manageable changes and that will ... (read in full...)
I'm annoyed at my B/f and his family's attitude especially when they know about our financial situation. Given this scenario, should I just not go for his mom's birthday dinner?
Q. I was invited by my boyfriend to join in with his family on Mother's Day as its also his Mum's birthday same date. I've known my boyfriend for 18 mths he is 39. I have met his Mum maybe three or four times and she seems nice so I agreed. However ...
A. 28 March 2014: Simple : you stay home one weekend, so you save the 18 £ for the meal. I know that you' d probably see this a sacrifice done for a woman you barely know, but in fact it would be a sacrifice done to make your bf happy , since he seems to be keen ... (read in full...)
My husband has confessed but my best friend says she can't remember!
Q. While I was pregnant my husband and a argument and I've since found out that he went to my best friend one thing led to another and he gave her oral sex, she tried to give him it but he says it didnt happen as he couldn't get an erection, is this ...
A. 27 March 2014: Why is it important if the woman confirms or denies ?
The important detail is that your husband admits having cheated , since giving oral sex is already cheating. At this point, does it really matter if he really could not get it up to rece... (read in full...)
I genuinely thought I was over my ex, but lately I keep thinking about him and it's getting me down!
Q. Hi guys, I'm having a bit of a rough time at the minute. My relationship with my ex ended 2 years ago after several break-ups and him cheating. However, we do consider each other friends and do speak every so often. I thought i had moved on and...
A. 27 March 2014: I have to disagree, I think the fact that NOW he has a girlfriend may have quite something to do with your renewed wave of feelings. After all, you had moved on / were moving on before this gf, and the fact that you miss him more when you KNOW ... (read in full...)
Should I give it another try? Really miss him, but he's still broken over his ex.
Q. Ive been seeing a guy for 2 months, and i really like him, but hes not over his ex girlfriend. She dumped him and she is now seeing one of his best friends, so he's really hurting from it still. However we had an amazing 2 months together spe...
A. 27 March 2014: You are wasting your time. " I don't want to be in a relationship " 99% of the times means " I don't want to be in a relationship WITH YOU because you don't quite cut it and I don't think of you as Gf material ".
In the 1% of cases when they... (read in full...)
I want a child and can't gamble more time on dating and ending up alone. Should I have a baby with this guy even though he doesn't want a relationship?
Q. I have been sleeping with a guy from work he is 32 years old and I am 38. and it just keeps going on and on and he says that he doesn't not want a relationship and he cannot be my boyfriend yet we spend weekends together and I go to his parents for ...
A. 27 March 2014: ..But if he does not want you to be his gf,least of all he will want to make a baby with you. Even if you promise to raise the baby all on your own - and you actually do it- he would still be saddled with objective legal responsibilities , forget ... (read in full...)
Falling in love with one of my best friends. How do I manage this without ruining our amazing friendship?
Q. I think I'm falling for one of my best friends. Admittedly I was interested in him when we first met. We started out just running together after meeting at school, and I originally thought that was a precursor to something more, but nothing ...
A. 26 March 2014: Pardon cynical jaded me, but I think all he meant is that if, with the excuse maybe of a couple of drinks inside you, you want a no pressure roll in the hay , or several occasional rolls in the hay - he's game. He did not bring it up because ... (read in full...)
I'm 21 and I'm interested in a 16 year old
Q. I'm 21 years old, and I'm interested in this 16 year old girl. I've known her casually for a couple of weeks. We both work at the same workplace at the moment where she is part time waitressing and I'm full time on the bar. She's definitely inter...
A. 26 March 2014: I don't think is a good idea. A 5 year age gap does not carry the same weight at all ages. It would be nothing troubling if she were 20 and you 25 , and not even worth mrntioning if she were 25 and you 30, but she 16 and you 21 ? Uhm. It weirds ... (read in full...)
His idea of a compliment left me troubled
Q. Hi. I would be grateful for some opinions please. My partner of ten years has never paid me many compliments but the other day, he said he had been watching me sleep and had made a decision. He said he thought to himself, "Yeah, she`ll do". He said ...
A. 26 March 2014: " She'll do ? " - either he was kidding, like blatantly ah ah how funny ,I'm kidding - or this is the most arrogant asinine ignorant remark that I have heard in a long time. Particularly coming from a guy with a wandering eye, who should in theory ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of giving the baby up for adoption but getting no support
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm having a kid soon, and I was wondering what the cons of adoption are. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I nearly had an abortion, but was convinced not to follow through by my mother and friends. Now that I mention adoption...
A. 26 March 2014: I don't think you are wrong , and I don't think you are taking the easy way out. In fact, I think the easy way out often is the one taken by so many young single mothers who are totally not prepared financially and psychologically to raise a ... (read in full...)
Feels like no one is genuinely excited about our engagement. There are challenges. What can I do to cope with it all?
Q. It feels like no one is genuinely excited about my recent engagement. I've been dating a wonderful man for about 6 months and he recently proposed. We are in a long distance relationship, and there are a lot of challenges to us being together-t...
A. 26 March 2014: I understand that you can be disappointed to see more concern than cheer around you, and more skepticism than congratulations, but even if ultimately you are an adult , willing and able to do exactly what you choose just because it " feels " right ... (read in full...)
I'm so worried I could not sleep .........
Q. What is happening? I've still not heard from him:( I'm worried? I spoke to my boyfriend saturday afternoon and he said he was going to take a nap he will ring me when he wakes up. He didn't ring me in the evening, I tried to call him but I ...
A. 24 March 2014: Calm down. You heard from him Saturday afternoon and it's just Monday morning . He might have lost his phone, or maybe it went broken or stolen. He may be wearing off some massive post - Saturday night hangover. And since he is abroad visiting ... (read in full...)
I'm so worried I could not sleep .........
Q. What is happening? I've still not heard from him:( I'm worried? I spoke to my boyfriend saturday afternoon and he said he was going to take a nap he will ring me when he wakes up. He didn't ring me in the evening, I tried to call him but I ...
A. 24 March 2014: Calm down. You heard from him Saturday afternoon and it's just Monday morning . He might have lost his phone, or maybe it went broken or stolen. He may be wearing off some massive post - Saturday night hangover. And since he is abroad visiting ... (read in full...)
I couldn't get rid of the other guy, do you think the guy I like was annoyed?
Q. Should i call this guy or not? I'm not sure whether to call this guy or not. When we met, he told me that he would like to go to the theatre with me to see a show. The show starts next week ,and it is on for a couple of weeks. We...
A. 24 March 2014: So if it was just a friendly outing, why do you find weird that he did not act all chivalrous and protective , and that, after a reasonable length of time, and with a reasonable excuse, he went home as just the acquaintance that he supposedly was ... (read in full...)
The guy I'm seeing will be leaving for Germany soon and now seems reluctant for me to visit
Q. Met a guy who I really like. He said it was his best first date etc. He's now met my family and we get on so well we could spend days together. Been dating 2 months now. However he's unfortunately going to Germany for 5 months next week for univ...
A. 24 March 2014: I have no idea , since two months is too early to say whether it could become serious or not. The thing is, for the same reason he probably has no idea himself. Unless it's a case of falling in love like crazy at first sight, how can he already ... (read in full...)
I don't like the engagement ring he gave me
Q. I'm disappointed with my engagement ring. I feel like a horrible person. I love my fiance to death, but he picked out a gorgeous ring, with a sapphire as the centerpiece stone. It really is a beautiful ring-but I am very traditionally mi...
A. 24 March 2014: I would not say anything. Not that there is anything wrong in knowing your mind and speaking it out - at the right time. Which was, when he mentioned sapphires. But then, you gave him the PC answer " whatever you would choose I'd love it because it ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me I'm no longer included in our group vacation
Q. So I am with my boyfriend for over a year , and its your typical relationships with petty fights about jealousy and everything, but we do have a good relationship. Over the last few weeks, he has changed in some ways, like always saying before he...
A. 24 March 2014: Why do you think that a relationship made of petty fights about jealousy and everything ,and rows every Friday, is " typical " ?...It's not- it's a dysfunctional one. It's the union of two people who are not compatible and can't / don't want to make ... (read in full...)
I couldn't get rid of the other guy, do you think the guy I like was annoyed?
Q. Should i call this guy or not? I'm not sure whether to call this guy or not. When we met, he told me that he would like to go to the theatre with me to see a show. The show starts next week ,and it is on for a couple of weeks. We...
A. 23 March 2014: No ? He does not have the right to be moody ?... You sure ?...
He goes out on a date, or anyway with a lady who is supposed to be his companion, and this lady feels obliged to be nice and give attention to a perfect stranger, thereby igno... (read in full...)
Would put him off if my friend told him I like him?? Instead of me communicating to him, in some way, that I like him?
Q. Hi I'm thinking about telling my crush how I feel about him but I'm not sure how to do it and I've been going over it so much that I think I'm confusing myself. My friend offered to tell him for me but I'm not sure if this will put him off if I don...
A. 23 March 2014: No no, no friends. You are not in kindergarten anymore. Do it yourself. Own your feelings and own your actions. If you want something, YOU go and get it. In future you won't be able to send a friend to a job interview for a job that you want ... (read in full...)
My current boyfriend versus. my ex... help!!! What should I do?
Q. Hi, just going to skip to the point realy, My ex-boyfriend- i still have little feelings for him,but they aren't as extreme as some people think, i don't know what to do though. We hardly talk anymore and i'm still in teenage years so you kno...
A. 23 March 2014: Leave the ex alone ! Why should he " put effort " into being your friend ? Actions have consequences. You hurt him and you know that. Do you really expect people to make effort for staying bosom buddies with those who hurt them ? They would be ... (read in full...)
He was rude and dismissive until I resigned ...
Q. I'm feeling a little upset and annoyed over something so your advice is appreciated. My mother in law has been widowed for the past 6 years and has always been very independent. Unfortunately over the past year her health has deteriorated so ...
A. 22 March 2014: I'd take it. I think that your boss, while not winning the price for office diplomacy and winning the one for " foot in mouth " boss of the year, was probably just tryng to make a point , in a clumsy way, which is : generally it's the employee ... (read in full...)
I bought concert tickets in a price range I could afford but am feeling guilty now that my girlfriend wants to pay for an upgrade herself!
Q. I bought concert tickets for my gf's favorite band to surprise her, but since I'm a student, and work, money is tight for me. I could only afford the cheaper, non great seats. I wish I could afford the best seats, but they were well out of my price ...
A. 22 March 2014: Maybe I am thick skinned but I really can't see the problem here.
For Mother's Day I am getting a new dryer - to be precise , half of a new dryer. The one I had my heart set on is a pricey one and I'd be a bit hesitant to get it, so my son offe... (read in full...)
How could a FWB be any good with a virgin?
Q. I want to understand how an earth this is even possible for a guy to be attracted to and why? I've never, ever understood it! This guy I know, we've been talking for months and we've been out about three times and he asked if I wanted to be friends ...
A. 22 March 2014: Are you kidding ? For some guys is a HUGE turn on- playing the sexual Pygmalion, teaching you all the " tricks " , molding you sexually according their own personal style ,quirks and desires .. plus, not having to fear comparison with other lovers ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend keeps going back and forth between telling me to move on and then contacting me!
Q. Hi Everyone, My last post was an issue with the older ex boyfriend. Since the last post I've been ignoring him and now he's texting me and trying to get my attention. I ignored each text after another. Problem is I just can't understand wha...
A. 22 March 2014: My standard answer to all the posters in your samr situations ( and they are many ) of not knowing what's going through an ex's head.
What do you care ?! Why does it matter ?
He is an ex. Of whom you are supposedly sick and tired, and who kept... (read in full...)
I'm covered in body hair and feel depressed about it. Please help!
Q. okay so this is awkward to talk about. Well im 15 years old and im hairy as hell! This is so un attractive specially when im around guys i jist keep my head down cuz i feel awkward. hair is covering 100% of my body! :( its actually a thick and i fe...
A. 22 March 2014: It depends from what you mean by " hair covers 100% of my body ". If it's a figure of speech and it just means that you are very very hairy in places where anyway women are supposed to have hair , eh well, some women are just hairier than others ... (read in full...)
His new job isn't leaving much time for me...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years. We don't live together as of yet. He's started working a new plumbing job and it's getting me down. There's only 4 guys working therefore my bf is on call 24/7. Prior to this job my bf was ...
A. 15 March 2014: Ok, I'll be the party pooper and say : are you sure that he is actually doing all this overtime ? up to 90 hours work a week ( 50 overtime ) ?. ... If he were a self employed plumber, OK. But he is an employee of a plumbing company, so it's ... (read in full...)
What is with guys NOT texting back?
Q. I know this is a question most women ask but... What is with guys NOT texting back? Theres a guy I have known for about 3 years and we have always been friends work, abit of flirting sometimes but weve always been friends. We like each other...
A. 14 March 2014: Because you ate a pretty girl that wants something from him that atm he is not keen on giving you. You are a pretty girl who does not just want to flirt, kill time, shoot the breeze, and go out spur of the moment some random time whenever there's ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling with what he calls his dry sense of humour
Q. I love my boyfriend who is 40 of 7 months but don't like aspects of his personality. He can be very sarcastic and make derogatory comments about my weight. I'm a size 12 Uk and run and ramble, bike on the Downs etc. He makes comments about women ...
A. 14 March 2014: OP, that might be slightly off thread, but , if you are a size 12 UK, - how the heck can he find derogatory things to say about your weight, and why do you even take him seriously ?!.
Size 12 UK is an European 44 or an American 10,- it's a " wron... (read in full...)
Has he been leading me on, and if so, what should I do now?
Q. I have been talking to a guy I really like for about 2 months now. He always texts me first every single day and calls me a lot, and we talk for hours. He has taken me on a couple dates and he says he really likes me, and he compliments me a lot. I ...
A. 14 March 2014: Although I agree that the status must be about the-one-who-got-away, I'd be perhaps less sanguine about it than what some of the Aunts suggest you should be.
I mean, so he was thinking about an ex. You don't have to take it so very pers... (read in full...)
I see his actions as being disrespectful of our time spent together. He sees my reaction as emotionally unstable.
Q. Guy I've been seeing for over a month won't stop texting when I'm around him! Was I out of line by the way I handled this? Is there a better way I should have handled it? I was over at his house. Literally from the time I got there until righ...
A. 14 March 2014: What a delightful gentleman.Really a joy to be around - NOT. Pat yourself on the back for having dodged this one ( and no, he wasn't "hurt" because he loved you oh so much, he simply got his his ego bruised because he thought you were easier to ... (read in full...)
He wants me to sell my home and buy a bigger house but his drinking concerns me
Q. Hello there - Am after some advice. I am 40 years old and am living with my partner and our 6 month old baby. To cut things short my partner has always struggled with alcohol but is a loving partner and a wonderful Dad and never drinks at ...
A. 12 March 2014: Make that 8. I think it's weird that you even considered that plan. Frankly, I feel you have and will have your plate quite full already just managing a partner with a drinking problem / drinking addiction, without also having to do business ... (read in full...)
His texts are becoming less frequent and he always leaves the conversations hanging. Lost cause?
Q. I began seeing a guy at the start of this year after meeting him on an online dating site. Now we immediately hit it off and in the back and forth of our conversation we figured out that he worked in the company I was just starting in. Things de...
A. 12 March 2014: I agree , not for the first time , with Honeypie. There is a " I am not ready for a relationship " speech in the offings. It's not that he is " fed up ", it is that you want to do a relationship-y ( or MORE relationship-y ) thing while he wants to ... (read in full...)
Was he falling for me or was I just a distraction?
Q. I made contact with an old childhood friend on Facebook...we are both in our 40s now and it was nice to catch up on what had happened in our lives.We are both married and we would chat everyday....he said he suffered from depression, I felt sorry ...
A. 12 March 2014: You are feeling so low because holidays are over.
Have you ever taken a one week break to some fancy, exotic location...just laying belly up on the beach.. being served intriguing cocktails and tasty new foods by attentive servants... no work... (read in full...)
Should my friend's fiance pay rent or not?
Q. Ok so my friend and i are thinking of moving in together. Her fiance stays over 5-6 dys a week. I think its fair that he contrubutes to sum of the bills but she says no. She says firstly there is no way in hell he will pay as he dont earn that much ...
A. 12 March 2014: I'd just room up with somebody else.The real problem to me would be the limitation to my freedom and privacy imposed by such a semi-permanent guest. You want to share the place with one friend, but you get authomatically a third one occupying the ... (read in full...)
How do I overcome my desire to have a baby?
Q. Hi Okay so I am nearly 21 years old. I really want a baby- I know yes this is not the right time or nevermind timing I have no boyfriend either! I only work 20 hours a week so not enough income either and I live with my parents. I just d...
A. 11 March 2014: I don't think you need to overcome anything ! , but simply to come to terms with the fact that not all your desires will come true the way you want WHEN you want, and that you are perfectly able to bear the mild discomfort this knowledge provokes, ... (read in full...)
Was he falling for me or was I just a distraction?
Q. I made contact with an old childhood friend on Facebook...we are both in our 40s now and it was nice to catch up on what had happened in our lives.We are both married and we would chat everyday....he said he suffered from depression, I felt sorry ...
A. 11 March 2014: But you sort of HAVE been having an affair- an emotional affair, and I understand how his wife is not thrilled.
" Catching up " every day for two months ... meeting for coffee, ( on the sly, I imagine, without mentioning it to your spouses )...... (read in full...)
A question about how men aged around 50 express emotions?
Q. Hi I have a question about the way that men - especially men aged around 50 - express their emotions. I understand that, because of social conditioning, men and women may experience very similar emotional ranges but express them differently. ...
A. 11 March 2014: Why, is there a pressing need to differentiate ?!
Who cares if a guy is really angry and abusive, or if he ONLY acts as angry, aggressive, abusive , threatening, bossy overbearing bullying on the outside...... but inside , in the depth of his ... (read in full...)
I see his actions as being disrespectful of our time spent together. He sees my reaction as emotionally unstable.
Q. Guy I've been seeing for over a month won't stop texting when I'm around him! Was I out of line by the way I handled this? Is there a better way I should have handled it? I was over at his house. Literally from the time I got there until righ...
A. 7 March 2014: I have to respectfully disagree with your mom. Or, in fact, her reasoning is sound in principle and in general lines, unfit to been applied to this particular guy and circumstances.
It's true that you can't expect anybody to be perfect to your spec... (read in full...)
I see his actions as being disrespectful of our time spent together. He sees my reaction as emotionally unstable.
Q. Guy I've been seeing for over a month won't stop texting when I'm around him! Was I out of line by the way I handled this? Is there a better way I should have handled it? I was over at his house. Literally from the time I got there until righ...
A. 6 March 2014: It IS disrespectful ! Very disrespectful. And the fact that he does not even suspect it , but blames your natural ,legitimate annoyance on a supposed emotional unstability of yours, says that you are light years apart in personality and ... (read in full...)
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