A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have an office friend, we know each other for almost 7 months. She is nice person, but i found one annoying thing about her which kind of hurts me as well.We used to go out for lunch few times, sometimes she leaves me and goes with other collegues and never bothers to even ask me whether im coming, i know those people, im comfortable with them, but she always leaves me when she goes with them. I am not sure why she does that, when i asked one time, she said i was busy and the other time said im fighting silly like a small kid though i didn't even fight with her.What should i do should i confront her again or leave her, pls help me
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Should you confront her? ARE you kidding?
She doesn't OWE you to ASK to to tag along when she goes out to lunch with other people at the office. YOU are a grown woman and can ASK anyone (if you don't want to eat alone) if they want to go to lunch with you.
It's not high-school it's a WORK place. And you may not be fighting with her but your behavior is silly and childish.
If you see a group of them ready to leave, ASK if you can tag along (as you are hungry too) and I BET YOU they won't tell you no.
But instead you sit and WAIT for them to come and INVITE you to lunch. It's LUNCH!
I think you are making a big deal out of nothing.
I DO understand that it IS nice to have lunch with other people, but lunch doesn't require an invitation EVERY time. If you have gone to lunch with them before, tagging along should BE a problem. Or suggesting a place to eat NEXT time could be another solution.
IF she IS avoiding you, then maybe let it run out in the sand without the dramatics.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 OP, I hope you are not one of those colleagues who treat office like kindergarten ?.. You've got your office ( or kindergarten ) buddy, then you always GOT to go together for lunch break, or toilet breaks ,.. holding hands maybe :).
Some times people likes to have lunch with a buddy to have a nice chat together, some other times they'll prefer to be alone with their thoughts, or to be in a more numerous group. There's no obligations to always have lunch together, even if you get along just fine, and it does not mean that this coworker is dissing you or snubbing you or being sick of you ( although she could become, if you are so clingy ), she is just playing it by ear, every day as it comes. As maybe you should do too.
It's not the end of the world eating alone, in fact, at least you can read in peace during your break :). Or, you can ask some OTHER colleague to join you. Or, if you know the other colleagues , you can simply tag along , after all they are colleagues of both, it's now as if she owns them! Or, if you want to be sure you are being proper, you can simply tell her BEFORE lunch , " I hate eating alone, is there a problem if I join you and the other colleagues today ?".. Although, probably the best is if you get to be a bit more independent and manage to enjoy your lunch break alone, with her, or with a throng of colleagues, regardless.
Maybe you weren't fighting her, but, yes, IMO she is right,you were acting childish. Haven't you thought that maybe she likes you and enjoys your company, etc., BUT does not want to turn what is an OFFICE friendship (i.e. , not particularly close ) into a special , permanent clique of two ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2014): I think it is a bit unfair and dramatic of her to accuse you of "fighting her"... How did you approach it her? Unless you got a bit hysterical maybe and she thought you were having a dig at her? Some people are just born arguers, and seem to get a kick out of conflict.Honestly... It's possible she's purposely trying to exclude you if she NEVER notes you. As you're pally with your colleagues, arrange something- or next time they all go out, just ask one of them if you can tag along. Observe if she's openly hostile to you or seems to have a problem... If she does, don't get flustered. Whatever you think of someone, it's very malicious to exclude people, for whatever Reason. N it's HER problem, not a reflection on you. There are people at work who are absolutely foul to me, or have been- but hostility and nastiness isn't the way to deal with it- with exclusion is. It's just screwed up.Keep your head, be the better person, and be civil, leave her to her issues if it turns out she's being a b**ch. Take care x :)
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 April 2014):
It does sound like you're acting a little childish here. She's a grown woman and can invite whoever she wants to lunch, it doesn't mean she's purposely NOT inviting you. It just means she went to lunch with someone else, as she should be allowed to do without confrontation.
There's a remote chance that she's specifically not inviting you. It's unlikely if you've all got along in the past. If that's the case then there's no reason to confront her as well, because it just means you're not as close as you think.
It also wouldn't hurt for you to do the inviting.
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