A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is a girl that I really like. She is kind, caring, extremely intelligent, very hard working. I had asked her out when I first met her to get to know her but she turned me down because she had a boyfriend.The reason I wanted to get to know her is because of the thousands of girls on campus (I'm in college), she was the only one that I kept thinking about. She had a simple summer dress on, no make up, hair was completely natural. Out of the thousands of girls, she is the only one I seem to think about. I wanted to get to know her because I thought she might be special if she is the only one on my mind. That's never happened.Anyway, I did get to know her eventually and I developed feelings for her. Unfortunately she had a boyfriend so I never said anything. Today, I don't know if she is still with him. She told me they haven't talked in a long time and she was hurt by something he did.She acts too professionally to let the whole world know if she did break up. She is mature like that. I thought of him as a friend but he doesn't seem to want to talk to me even though he had promised to help me with something. He never did.Nowplan on telling her I like her. Not because I think it's the right moment or because I'm hoping for her to like me and for us to be together. I want to tell her to get it off my chest. I suspect she knows but I still feel I should just say it. Of course it would be great if we ended up together, and as much as it would hurt, I can't force her to like me. The reason I'm asking you all is because I get the feeling I may ruin our friendship by telling her. Should I just do it or keep quiet? (I plan on telling her on 3/24/14) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 It sounds like you have been friendzoned.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey are no longer together. He seperated himself from her, doesn't talk to her, blocked her on Facebook and a mutual friend. He sent her hateful and t went as far as messing with her education. He has been trying to sabotage her. Sent her emails which made me lose any respect I had for him. He's nothing now.
And her, she has had a series of unfortunate events happening to her. Not everything is so bad but she is so determined and passionate that it's important to her. I support her, I give her space but I let her know I'm there for her. I had a long talk over the phone with her. I never talked so long to anyone. I got her to laugh. She also asked for my help. I thought there was something wrong with my hearing. She asks NO ONE for help. I don't know what's going to happen. She has not acted differently since I told her I like her but no sign of whether she likes me or not. She either doesn't or she's complicated
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male
reader, Hnk  +, writes (7 April 2014):
 I'm not sure why are you wondering about too much unrelated stuff which I didn't even write !
you learnt few new things about her so I guess if you still aren't sure of her bf/ex ; just sit back
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMake a difference in terms of winning the girl? She isn't a prize to be won and this isn't a game. I said I care about her. Her so called boyfriend or ex or whatever he is didn't support her and neither did her friends. He should have but he chose to be a dick. I won't abandon her.
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (7 April 2014):
You got hold of some new information , how are you using it to make a difference ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI ended up talking to her and found out there is more behind her silence. She has had to rough weeks. We sort of switched places. Things are starting to go well for me while her world feels like it's falling apart. She takes on so much but doesn't know when enough is enough and she never asks for help. Still, she takes things pretty hard. On a normal day she is strong, mature, and level headed. With everything falling apart, she is showing a more fragile side of her. If I was betting man I'd say her and her bf are done, but that's on them not me. She thanked me for being there for her when all the ones that she believed should be chose to abandon her.
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (4 April 2014):
Tell me if there's an update !
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was brief, but it had to be done. I have no contact with anyone else(no numbers or facebook) I have her current or ex boyfriend's number but he never answers me and I really don't want to talk to him after what he did to her, lying to me. I respect him but there was one time I wanted to punch him. I didn't because I'm not the uncomfortable enraged 16 year old I used to be and because of her. Mostly her that saved him from a beating. Not to prove I'm tough. He said something that you don't say to anyone without getting hit.Anyway, haven't said anything else. I have quite a busy schedule ahead of me. Surrounded by girls who may or may not be crushing on me. I think about that to distract myself, though I would be lying to myself if I said I liked any of them. I only like her, and with good reason.
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (2 April 2014):
Well, understandable she needed to be reached but you shouldn't have ! What I mean to say is : the point is to give her space and not reach her at all even if there's now way!Else, she will distance more from you ! It might take a while so just be patient! (In my case it was two and a half week but at that moment, it was too late for me! It didn't matter...)You just need to distance yourself from her too! It is to show that you will not care either if she does not care and you show indirectly that you can not accept second class behaviour! You don't want anyone to run over you in any way and suppose if you continue smothering her, it won't get you anywhere ! Being extra nice and always being there to a girl makes you her BROTHER when you are pursuing her! Girls aren't attracted to such men ! (Once you are in a relationship, it is is different )Focus on yourself, impress her from distance if you still want to pursue but REMEMBER don't expect anything ! Expectations would hurt you a lot and would make you do things that you will regret later! So keep it cool if you still want to impress her from distance but don't expect she will fall for you! There is no guarantee!You need to be strong and trust me: by the end, all of this wouldnt matter if she continues to act in this matter for a while...Never love anyone who loves you ordinary!You told her you won't be there to her ; Next time tell a colleague to give the in-charge your message (if she is)Else , just directly tell to whom it matters!Good luck and stay strong !
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried to contact her, only because I had to. She is in charge of this small organization so I had to let her know I could not go. I wasn't expecting a response back, I never do. Usually, however, she does. She has not so now it definitely feels like she is distancing herself. I will see what she says to me next week when she has to see me.
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (31 March 2014):
Seems like a plan!
Remember every time you think of texting or writing her ; either write it here , talk to a friend to stop you from doing it or do something to grasp your attention!
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I was going to see her tomorrow but I got called in for work. It's not a casual meeting though it's a small organization we are both part of. She has practically no time for face to face unless it's her fraternity, classmates, or co workers. We used to have a lot more face to face at a smaller college but our current University is huge. I'm not going to follow her wherever she goes like a dog. I'm crazy about her but I know everyone needs their own space. I'm not big on virtual communication but when you can't exactly talk face to face their is no other option. That's how she mostly communicates. Fortunately we got to know each other face to face. We have memoriesI've been wanting to call her, text her, and facebook her but I haven't. I'm talking to other people I know, working. I'm meeting with another friend that I have seen since she moved. Anything to distract myself. I won't see this girl until next week or if she wants to see me before then.
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (31 March 2014):
HelloI can comepletely understand your position and I know it is really hard to concentrate on anything ; your heart isn't in you and you keep on wondering ! Little things cause alot of stress on your side because you really like her and you really want to be with her but you don't need to try too hard! I exactly know how you feel and I had been in such a situated myself! So don't think it comes from a person who hasn't been in this situation!I know you care so you were really texting her and trying to be there for her but remember 'strong likeness for someone develops over time'. So let this take its time ; gently know her over six months or so. Don't overdo anything ; be yourself ! And too much of leaning on her wouldn't help you as you might that think she will see you are always there for her and care but instead you are smoothering her which is a turn off! People like their personal space !Being always available and around is good only when you are in a relationship! Whilst chasing or pursuing someone ; it is a big turn off because psychologically you ar interested in things which you can't have ! My advice for now : just keep yourself busy and don't text or Facebook her! When you see her at work, smile and talk to her! Keep it brief ! Maybe next time you meet, you do the same and don't use electronic communication because that does more harm than good! It bores people out quickly because you get to know the person in a virtual world with no real memories attached than texts! Where as meeting and talking and sharing moments keeps attraction! So don't text for a week ! Trust me on this ! Wait a week and talk to her as a friend when you see her, but don't flirt or anything more to it!You have already told her you like her ; if she likes you she will contact you ! Trust me she will but only you have to give her space so she can think about you !! Being there always would not make her think of you much because you are always face booking her ! So just wait for her !Good luck !
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am going to give her some space but not to make her miss me. I called her a lot and texted her and messaged her on facebook. I was worried about her but it was a lot. I'll most likely see her again in 2 days, depending on whether or not I work. I'm not going to try and contact her before then.
There is no way to relax about it. I go about my day, but that's not relaxing. This isn't some girl I'm simply crushing on. I really like her and I care about her.
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (30 March 2014):
I hope you read my message clearly which I wrote down below for you !Women will tell you how cute and adorable it is to be all upfront and honest with the girl you like/ pursuing and indeed it is according to them but when it comes to an individual herself ; she isn't sure what she wants ! I warned you that telling too early would push her away even if she is interested !Well, for now trust me just sit back and relax ! You need to make her miss you by giving her some space! (Not mind games)So don't act too interested and show less interest than before if she is distancing herself ! Be friendly when you meet her but try not to flirt and think you are moving on (if she likes you ; she will come back to you )Try keeping yourself busy and text her twice or thrice a week maximum (less be better) as this will give her space to think about you.. if you are too much a around,you will push her further away !Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I didn't get to see her because she had an accident. When she told me that it hit me really hard and I was extremely worried. She didn't say much and hasn't since I told her I like her. It could be she wanted to be left alone, but she was in contact with other friends. I had to find out from one of them that she was truly alright. She was not hospitalised and was okay. She didn't tell me that though, barely saying anything. Naturally I worried.
I tried to contact her again, and she responded but barely said anything.
I could be wrong and it may be too early to tell, but it kind of feels like she is distancing herself. Aside from what I told her, I've been the same. She was cool when I told her, normal.
What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): Hey OP,
Keep spending time with her.Do not pressure her in any way.Never bring up the topic again.
Atleast now you can live your life without regrets knowing that you told her.
If you need to talk about something,post on this question.I will keep following it.
Regards,
HB
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't had the chance to talk to her since. We were supposed to meet on my day off work but I've been working since then. She is extremely busy so I let her do her thing, though she tries to act like she has nothing to do. That never works on me.
She isn't like any person I've ever met, girl or guy. She is mature and level headed so when I told her, she didn't act differently. She was just herself. Her words made me wonder if she already knew and if she was just waiting for me to say it. I don't know, girls are mysteries to me. She may be special but she is a girl nonetheless and knowing that she often keeps feelings to herself, she could be feeling anything. That's her feelings though and I'm not going to try to to lure them out. I like her as she is. If she has feelings for me then she will let me know her way, not mine.
and yes, as far as I know she is good. I will be seeing her again tomorrow. We do a volunteer activity on campus. Even if no one else shows up, I'm always there with her. If anything, it's beneficial to me. It gives me time alone with her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): Hey OP,
She really does sound like an awesome girl.
How is she feeling now?Did you get to meet her again?Did she make any references to your cryptic message that you liked her?
HB
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFortunately I do know how it is.
Yes she is really special. If it wasn't for an unfortunate screw up by my college at the time, I would have never met her so I'm glad they did.
I did tell her but not the way I wanted. She texted me while I slept telling me she couldn't make it because she was in pain and had to see a doctor. In my response I told her. Not how I wanted it but if I waited I might have changed my mind about telling.
I wasn't too concerned about that though. I just want her to be alright. As usual she put more importance on what I had to say than how she feels. I don't. We didn't talk much, she was seeing a doc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): Hey,
Sorry for the delay in reply.A midterm project is killing me.you know how it is.:(
Okie.The girl seems really special.Take it really really slow.Just keep being there for her.
What happened today?Did you get to tell her?
HB
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I say she is hard working, that is an understatement. She takes on A LOT of classes, works two jobs, is involved with so many organizations. I don't know how she does it, I really don't. She is such a great person though that she sacrifices most of her moments to breathe by helping others with their problems. She isn't much of a coffee person. She doesn't really eat too much because she used to be chubby and watches her wait, though the face she makes when she talks about sweets and foods she loves is cute. She has practically no time, I'm lucky I have a moment tomorrow with her. Knowing her she will lie to me and tell me she isn't sacrficing time for something else important.
anonymous female reader, I do remember you. I try to be their for her as much as possible. I let her know all the time that I am. I even gave her a pass to call me 24/7 because of everything she does. If anyone else calls me or text me at 3am there had better be zombies attacking. I told her I know how people like to go on abouth themselves, but I care about her and let her know I'm here for anything. She has only let me carry her bag once. Doesn't really let me or anyone open doors for her. Well me, sometimes. I truly do care for her and her passions and goals, most importantly her feelings. She may try to hide them, but I can see it in her eyes. Even if she does not like me, she is special.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Hey,
Am not sure if you remember me.Its HB again.I found your story to be so cute the very first time I read it.I still think she would be all kinds of a fool if she turned you down.
She has broken up.Now is the time to start helping her in little ways.Be her knight in shining armor.carry her heavy bag.Help her with the tough homework.let her know that you would always be there for her irregardless of her feelings to you.Love unconditionally.you snooze,you lose pal.
All the best on 24th.What's the worst that she can say ....No?
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (23 March 2014):
 Find out if she and this other guy are finished first, to save yourself any embarrassment. You could just say, "So, are you and... still going together?" or perhaps ask someone who might know. I'd say she already has an inkling that you're interested in her, so perhaps instead of coming straight out and telling her you like her, maybe spend a bit of time with her, to gauge if she likes you too or if she has her eye on someone else. Maybe arrange to eat lunch with her or ask her for a latte to 'discuss school stuff'. If you have any classes with her, maybe sit with her or walk with her afterward. It's also ok to ask her out "just as friends", that way you don't risk losing her as a friend if it turns out she doesn't return your interest.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): Ok take it from me a girl ask her out again of she says no then move on if you can't move on it can turn into an obsession and if it does you need to go to a therapist
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (23 March 2014):
And I forget to mention : the girl you are pursuing isn't dating you let alone involved with you in anything for now! I think get to know her better and be her friends and see where it goes!
If you hurry now for relationship, you might just end up being a rebound guy if she has broken with her boyfriend!
Be practical, don't assume she has broken up ! If she is still with her boyfriend, don't linger ! Just talk to new people and I am sure you will like someone !
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male
reader, Hnk +, writes (23 March 2014):
Well, in my experience/observation usually if you tell any 'young woman' that you like her; 85 percent will start to play games with you even if they are interested!They would suddenly try to test waters to the extreme to know how much you like them!(Just for no reason ; Even if they aren't interested they would like to know how much you like them).They will start ignoring,mind games,blowing hot and cold, you name it and you might get it! I don't want to go in details why they do it but you can say it is innate for most women!I really really liked a girl whom I was dating and when I told her that I am attracted to her and why I liked her (yes I put some work in 'when and why'). All i asked of her in return was that I would like to continue knowing her and see where it goes (I did know her well but I wanted to be sure and even being friends was in my book if things don't work out) ; I only wanted her to give me right signs and be straightforward about it all! I even mentioned her that I don't mind making anything official unless she's sure ! I was in no hurry. I even told her that if she doesn't feel the same, I understand and it was okay! Everything suddenly changed drastically! We were on very good terms and really having great time ; I thought telling her would make my intentions clear and drive us in right direction! Yet, she suddenly became distant and wanted me to do all the running from then onwards as she got in control of the situation I suppose! Whenever I talked, we has great time but I also wanted to see some effort from her but it suddenly disappeared! It was more like she was enjoying all the attention yet wouldn't say how she felt about it! I knew she was interested later because after I called off the chase, she contacted me (which was a miracle coz after me telling her how I felt, she was in another world) and tried to know what I was up to because I wasn't running after her! I could tell she wanted things to work out but I suppose it was too late then even when I really liked her even at that moment!You might think that I told her too soon but I doubt that because things were going quite well and we had being on really good terms for about 4 months and now we don't even talk as friends !The reason to tell all of this is to realise how woman interpret things and how telling things usually doesn't really help you UNLESS she has developed a LOT of interest in you already and she feels that you are an important figure in her life.In my opinion, interest stays until you aren't sure how anyone feels about you and you have got a sort of mystery with you! Once you give it to someone you like hoping it would be helpful ; it simply kills the mystery and you are stuck in the middle! Chase has its fun and as soon as the chase is over and they still arent interested enough in you by then they just see you someone who is head over heels which kind of kills the interest!My opinion don't tell a girl unless you have become an important part of her life (in her perspective not yours) and you see things heading in right direction! Girls usually will save face by not telling you how they feel but reading the situation how close you are to her and what you mean to her would make it easier when to tell her !Good luck
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