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age
22-25,
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writes: Ok so. I really do like guys a lot. And I kinda thought I was pansexual but honestly no matter how much I do like guys I never ever ever want to have srx with a guy and have never been sexually attracted to a guy. I think I might be a pan romantic lesbian . Could someone help and maybe advice or idk...
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 April 2014):
Dear OP,
I'm bisexual (well, pansexual I guess, but I never had sex with a trans-person, so I make it easy and call myself bi). I never had any urge to sleep with guys until I was 27. I preferred women till then, and now it's 50:50, I like both. I know other women where it was reversed, they only dated guys until a certain age, then fell for a woman.
Maybe it's only at the end of life that we have complete knowledge of our sexual desires. You figure things out as you go. So it's best if you learn how to deal with this insecurity.
Also, what matters more is to figure out love. To fall in love, hope for love, try for love. Gain and lose it. Sexuality is rather easy to figure out, compared to the mysteries of love.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2014):
 Or you could be a pan-regular-kid of 13-15 ?....
Girls your age now are sexualized early, what with the cybersex and swapping nude pics and pop icons etc., but that's cultural , it does not necessarily follows the rythms of their body and minds.
MANY girls in your age bracket are attracted/ repulsed to guys. There's the instinctive curiosity and attraction and emotional pull, and yet often there's the "eeeeeewww , gross" factor . " I ADORE Kevin, but, what, letting him put his X into my X... no thanks. " I think you simply aren't at a point of psychological / physical maturation when you start craving sexual contacts-
Sex is not all romantic and cute and sweet and reassuring: It can be , of course,... but it can also be and look and feel... weird, awkward, strange, primal, animalistic, even brutal. There are strong sensations involved, and starnge sounds and smells and sweat and saliva, and making yourself vulnerable,by letting go of control . And there 's the fear of physical pain during your first time(s).
So I'd say that if you are 13-15, it's perfectly normal that you can't see yourself having sex with a man - YET.
I don't live in a cave so I am perfectly aware that there are many girls your age who are sexually active, at least somewhat , - but I really think that MOST of it comes from peer pressure, or a search for reassurance and validation obtained by getting SEXUAL validation, or wanting to fit in, or to feel all grown up... or various other reasons that have nothing to with authentic desire.
So, maybe your head and your hormons just aren't quite there YET- nothing strange with that- and when they aren't , well of course the thought of having hands tongues and male organs doing strange stuff to private , intimate parts of your body sounds unappealing.
In short- never say " never ever ". Don't force things, and do not decide anything yet. Just wait and see what happens. Your sexuality is budding right now, let it grow the way it wants and in due time you'll see what the flowers will look like in their full bloom.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (27 April 2014):
 I have no clue what any of those terms mean, and I'm even a lesbian!
I think you're too worried about labeling yourself at this point in your life. If you can't imagine having sex with a man, it could mean you're only into women. or it could mean that you're just not ready for sex. Also, how you feel now may change in the next handful of years.
Try not to label yourself. No ones sexuality is ever black and white.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 April 2014):
Labels aren't as important what makes you comfortable and happy is.
You are also still quite young and discovering yourself. I have a lesbian friend who was confused until she was in her early 20's. I'm pretty sure that lesbian isn't the perfect label because she still flirts with guys and dated guys when she was younger, but it suits her enough.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 April 2014):
 I remember you! You're smart - you should know that labels are your enemy, your kryptonite, your glass ceiling. It's fantastic that you're discovering who you are, but once you start adding labels and then interchanging labels at your age, you stop limiting free sexual growth and start trying to get your feelings to "fit" the label, which is like putting a plant into a too-small pot. The plant's roots either bust through the pot, or the plant's growth is stunted and anemic.
Seriously, I know you identified as pansexual in earlier posts, and now are discovering things about yourself that belie the label, and instead of ditching the label and making positive reflection and exploration, you're scrambling for another label like a security blanket.
Continue to accept all the feelings and non-feelings you have, but don't try to label too soon. You're already bursting out of this label like the plant in the pot.
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