A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, a year ago and I'm still in love with him. A few months after we broke up I left home to travel Europe and live in London. I'm still in London, and will return home in August this year. Since I left, I have spoken to my ex every few weeks, just general chit chat- nothing heavy. I have tried to move on from him but I still think about him and miss him every day. I've never felt like this about anyone before. I don't think he is seeing anyone at the moment either. I don't know if I should try and get back with him or not when I get home.. I don't know if he would want to get back with me. We broke up because he had issues with me that he could not communicate effectively, and so instead shut himself off from me, until I finally gave up and broke up with him. He refused to come to counselling also to sort out our problems. I'm worried that if we got back together our relationship would be tainted from the break up, and the communication problems would still be there. Should I try and get back with him? Will it be different the second time round? How do I know if he wants to make it work with me? Very confused!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 _You have not been tryng very hard to move on, if you have been chitchatting with your ex every few weeks. That's a foolproof method to having him constantly on your mind ! Yes , I know, you just wanted to stay friends.... but you can't stay " friends " with someone you are in love with . At most, it can happen later if and when on both sides there's affection, but no romantic feelings whatsoever anymore.
- Yes , most probably the second time around you would have the same issues than the first. Why ? because unless his / your personality, his/ your circumstances haven't dramatically and mysteriously changed , the issues will still be ther since in the meantime nobody has done anything to solve them.
- How do you know if he'd want to make it work with you ? Well, I guess you'd have to ask him. And see if his behaviour is consistent with his answer. E.g., if now he is willing to seek counseling, for instance. Or to take any practical steps , and put forth any factual , visible
effort to change what in your mind nees to change ( of course he should agree too that X needs to change ).
A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 Hi,Unless both of you have suddenly changed or grown into different people, then it will be exactly the same.I think by constantly talking to him, you haven't given yourself time to get over him. You are young and that crush you are feeling, you have termed love and think that everything will be better next time.I hate to use the word "school girl crush" but from what you describe it sounds exactly like it. You broke up with him for a good reason (unless you are beginning to question that too).Take a step back, give yourself a while with no contact, go meet new people and live a little. Then see how you feel.Thanks for the question and hope you find the answers, you are looking for.
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