A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and let me just say this has been the hardest relationship I have ever been in! We've had some rough patches in our relationship we both suck at relationships! There's some months when we fight non stop and some months when we are just fine. In January we was fighting non stop every day and he started talking to another girl in February we was still fighting it was the worst and he started talking to any other girl and stopped talking to her in march. Any way he says that when we fight he feels unappreciated by me and that the girls he talks to makes him feel like someone instead of making him feel worthless he says since he pays for all the bills and gives me money for whatever I want that he just wants me to be appreciate towards him. Anyway he keeps saying he's so unhappy and don't love me but yet he won't move out or break up with me. He acts like I'm forcing him to be with me his excuse to keep staying with me is that I'll cry. If your that unhappy with someone why stick around if you don't love them or want to be with them?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2014): "If your that unhappy with someone why stick around if you don't love them or want to be with them?"
Why not? I mean it's not as if he's not actively looking for another woman anyway. He gets to act single while keeping all the sex and stuff. Don't worry, OP, as soon as one of the other girls he's talking to has proper potential he'll dump you like a bad habit.
It's just easier for some people to keep their partner around for sex, cuddles and other relationship stuff while they keep on lookout for someone else.
I just don't understand how you accept that. You and he can't get on for long before you're fighting about everything, this guy has openly admitted he's turned to other girls and is talking to them, he's told you he doesn't love you, so the others are right. the important question here is why are you sticking around?
OP in this guy's mind he's single, and it won't be long before he finds another woman who is interested in him enough to be safe to dump you for.
The fact you wonder why he hasn't left if he's so unhappy tells me you're a bit of a pushover, because I honestly don't not get why you are sticking around.
None of this is acceptable, OP, why are you still with a guy like that?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2014):
 Some people, many actually, don't like to work without a net. Changes are always a bit uncomfortable and disquieting, they take effort and energy, so some people won't change things, albeit unsatisfactory, until they have got, or chanced into, the next thing. A bit like not leaving a sucky job until you have lined up a new one for yourself- some people hate the insecurity of being unemployed, even if they can afford it financially.
He does not love you and he's not happy with you- yet your relationship provides him with certain advantages, like sex on demand, a degree of comfort and domesticity he's got used to, and the ego bosting knowledge that there's someone who cares about him and will cry if he leaves. So, he'll " talk " to other girls,- so far these talks have resulted in nothing accomplished, but if they should develop into something pleasant and convenient for him, ... he'll leave, or kick you out, without too many scriples or ceremonies.
I think you should beat him on time, and call it quits. Whomever's fault it is, he's not happy, you are not happy... why dragging it on ?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (26 April 2014):
 If your that unhappy with someone why stick around if you don't love them or want to be with them?
Exactly my question to you. Why don't you leave him?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 April 2014):
The response from Anonymous male is assuming way to much.
Anyways the bottom line is that it's often easier to stay than to go. It's that simple. You should start the process of leaving him. You guys are terrible together, there's no reason to be together anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2014): "If your that unhappy with someone why stick around if you don't love them or want to be with them?"
Why do you stick around when he keeps telling you he's unhappy and doesn't love you?
The reason he sticks around is because he's a controlling bully who has found a convenient doormat willing to tolerate his constant complaints, accusations and threats while presumably providing sexual favors and live-in maid service in exchange for room, board and spending money.
He has nothing to lose so he has no reason to change; he will keep denigrating you and threatening to leave you as a way to maintain control over you, and if the time comes when he can't control you emotionally it is very likely he will then try to exert physical control.
He has you under his thumb which is exactly where he wants you; you are financially and emotionally dependent on him yet as a shack-up girlfriend you have no legal standing in his life so he can simply toss you aside when he finally grows tired of you and/or finds another chick he can more easily control.
This is a toxic relationship based on mutual dysfunction and co-dependence, I suggest you seek counseling to get some insight as to why you "suck at relationships." Until you understand the deep-seated, long-term issues that are driving your behavior you are probably going to keep falling into the same trap.
In the meantime I can only hope you are rigorously using birth control as it would be foolish and irresponsible to allow an innocent child to be born into a tenuous, volatile coupling.
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