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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm 23years plus i'm dating a guy of 29years plus getting to three years now, l love him so much but despite my love for him i'm shy to ask him when i need help financially because of my two reasons my first reason is that i'm thinking its too early to ask him for that now despite i'm in need while my second reason is that he might be thinking i love him for his money because guys are fun of reasoning like that. Please i need your advice thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): OP it depends how much you need and whether he can spare it.
Frankly though you're with him three years which to me is plenty of time to be able to ask for help as long as you don't mind him saying no if that's his decision.
What strikes me though, OP, is it has been three years and he doesn't know you're in financial difficulty? Also the fact you think he may think you're only with him for money after three years sounds like you know it's not a good idea.
Is this a long distance relationship or something? Because it seems you have separate lives.
if he already knows you're in difficulty and hasn't offered to help then he'll probably say no, but it doesn't hurt to ask in my opinion.
Just talk to him about your situation, you'll know from talking to him whether it'd be okay to ask for help.
As the others said you should tell him and let him offer you help, if he doesn't offer you help there's probably no point in asking.
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female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (2 May 2014):
Only if you were married would this be appropriate, by which time you would be working as a team. There is no way it is OK to ask for money. Whatsoever.
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (2 May 2014):
Hi,
You should be speaking to him about your financial worries.
Three years should be comfortable enough to share your worries. Don't just ask for a loan, you need to let him know what is going on. You must know him well enough to be able to share these things by now.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 I don't think it's appropriate for you to ask him for financial assistance. If he offers help, then that's fine, but you are not a married couple, so I don't see this as appropriate. If you need more money then get a second job or sell stuff, or ask your family.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 P.S. I've never gotten over the girl I had dated for about two years... and she "needed $5000, just to tide her over until next month" (She actually had a high-paying job, so the request wasn't so outlandish, in context).
I'm STILL waiting for that "loan" to be repaid.....
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male
reader, juggalojer +, writes (1 May 2014):
take it from a male side, im 30yrs old, Ive been used for money and such,and I know not every person uses people for money, but theres a difference between always asking for money and just now asking for help with A financial problem,and a diffrence between asking right when you start dating and asking 3 years later you been together for 3yrs, to me 2yrs wouldve been an alright time, its something you need done not want, just explain to him your problem and he would understand, I dated a girl that needed to borrow 200.00 for a car payment and gave it.. but I also dated a girl that spent 2000.00 in one day on clothes and shoes and she had everything from jeweler y to well she had more stuff then I had thats for sure..... I dated a girl that had nothing cause her ex took everything and she had to move in with her parents, when I went to her room all she had was a bed and a dresser and 3 drawers of clothes and now she has clothes, a laptop, cellphone to talk to her family, and everything that I bought her6 months after we started dating and its been 5yrs now, and we are still dating and together and shes back on her feet, we live with eachother and she helps pays the bills... which is my point everyone is different. my point of view is its not to soon,sooner or later yuns will having to live and be combined anyways
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): I think after three years you should be ok to ask for his help. We look after the ones we love. Ask for his help, someday you may have to return the favour. Obviously pay him back asap! I'm with my boyfriend a year and a half and he helps me out sometimes and I him!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 May 2014):
My curiosity question is this: How has it happened that you and this guy have been dating for 3 years, and it has never occurred that he has become (or been made) aware of your financial situation/goings-on?
IF your "relationship" is so distant that this type of subject has never come up.... then that probably "tells" us that you and he are "good buds".... and wanting - or expecting him to be a source for financial assistance is inappropriate....
IF your relationship is somewhat closer.... then why isn't he aware of your straits?? .. and why isn't he trying to help you figure out how to make things right?
Good luck....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): I totaly agree with female anon. I am with my girlfriend for 2 years and she is a student, I helped her out many times without her even asking. Just have to say , I won't do it for someone I recently met, but I deffinitely do it for her. There is no marriage plans yet, but for now we are together, and I am happy to help her out. P.S. also I don't think she stays with me for this. Not all guys think negative, OP
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): I strongly disagree with others. I think after 3 years you should be VERY comfortable to ask him for help. It doesn't matter how you are in a situation you are in now. You are in trouble, and your partner, if HE CAN , suppose to help. Friends help each other, why on earth a man who you are intimate with and your boyfriend for 3 WHOLE YEARS is not supposed to help you ?If he is a good caring partner he would WANT to be involved in your money problems. If you are careless which you don't sound like it if this is the first time you are thinking of asking him for help within 3 years, then may be he can help you figure out what you are doing wrong. When I met my husband, I was in a situation where I had student loans, working on my masters, part time low paid job and internship. I couldn't possibly get another job, and was always behind on my bills. I was like you 22 years old. My husband at the time was 30 with school long behind him, with excellent job. One month I was so much behind as I had an emergency dental procedure, that I mentioned it to him. He immediately offered to pay for 1 month rent, and also he paid half of my dental bill. From then on, until we moved in together he asked me every month if I am ok with money. Was that a reason a married this man, and had children with him? May be, because he showed me how much he cared. This is what caring partners do, they help each other in time of need. It's not a matter of genders. If it was reverse situation would you help him out? I also disagree that romance and money shouldn't be mixed. I think it will be very romantic if your boyfriend helps his long time girlfriend to get through difficult times. I am thinking he is very much capable of helping you if you are thinking of asking him. It's not that he MUST help you, but for me it would be an indication of how serious he is about me if he is capable of helping me and is willing / not willing to do so.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 Good thing that you are shy asking him when you have money troubles ! Why should you ask HIM ? It would be tacky and inappropriate.
At most ,what you can do is to tell him you have money issues and if he has advice to give you about it, and if he INSISTS of his own will for giving you money, you can accept a LOAN ( if you are confident that in due time you'd be able to pay him back ). Other than that, money and romance should stay separated.
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (1 May 2014):
 What size loan are you thinking of asking him for and how soon can you pay it back?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): I think you feel shy, because you know it isn't the right thing to do...and I agree.I would never ask my bf for help financially He is the last person I would ask. If I was absolutely desperate, I would ask my family for help...and only if I knew I could repay them quickly.I have helped bfs out in the past, and that was because I offered. When they have asked, it has not been a good experience for me. I would not like my current bf to ask me to help him financially, it is not a smart idea. The only time I would join my money with my partner is if I was married/de-facto and had agreed that our money is a joint venture.So many problems arise in relationships around money matters, so best not to bring him into your money problems. Make sure you live within your means. Sell things to pay off debt, work an extra few hours a week, ask for a pay rise, change jobs for more pay, rent out a room, share a room for cheaper rent, move home?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 May 2014):
 You have been together for 3 years and you CAN'T tell him if you are in a financial hole/predicament? Why not?
Instead of ASKING him for money, ASK him if he can help you figure out how to GET out of this hole.
Why do you need help?
With WHAT do you need help (financially)?
And I agree with Auntie SVC - WHY do you think your BF should help you financially? Did he help "dig" the hole you are in?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 May 2014):
 Why in the world would you think that a guy you are dating is responsible for helping you financially?
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