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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 14 July 2014: OP, you must be pulling our leg, right ?, I can't believe you are serious.
I made the experiment for you, I googled "San Francisco escorts " and it gives : 5.400.000 results. I checked the first listing and it's an escort agencies ' dire... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 14 July 2014: OP ! You live in USA, not in the jungle ! Does it necessarily have to be THAT site ? How hard can it be to find escorts in a location reachable to you ? I figure it would be enough to enter " escorts in or around ( name of location ) " and you'd ... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 13 July 2014: You know, once a college mate of mine, early 20s, was bragging that he had bedded more than 60 women. I did not say anything but must have made a strange face, because the guy was really non descript, far from an Adonis... and he was quick to ... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 13 July 2014: Your mind is made up, OP, so,what to say ?... enjoy :).
I just fail to see how getting laid ONCE ,against payment ,will solve your problems with women and with socialization, I mean , if ever you want to date , have a gf, ... or even get laid... (read in full...)
I see his actions as being disrespectful of our time spent together. He sees my reaction as emotionally unstable.
Q. Guy I've been seeing for over a month won't stop texting when I'm around him! Was I out of line by the way I handled this? Is there a better way I should have handled it? I was over at his house. Literally from the time I got there until righ...
A. 14 March 2014: What a delightful gentleman.Really a joy to be around - NOT. Pat yourself on the back for having dodged this one ( and no, he wasn't "hurt" because he loved you oh so much, he simply got his his ego bruised because he thought you were easier to ... (read in full...)
A question about how men aged around 50 express emotions?
Q. Hi I have a question about the way that men - especially men aged around 50 - express their emotions. I understand that, because of social conditioning, men and women may experience very similar emotional ranges but express them differently. ...
A. 11 March 2014: Why, is there a pressing need to differentiate ?!
Who cares if a guy is really angry and abusive, or if he ONLY acts as angry, aggressive, abusive , threatening, bossy overbearing bullying on the outside...... but inside , in the depth of his ... (read in full...)
Looking for opinions on body type and the promotion of a healthy self-image.
Q. I came across an article today and I'm fascinated in general about the latest trend of trying to promote the Average Woman. I put that in caps because I believe it's just a new label for the same problem. http:/...
A. 11 March 2014: This is neither here nor there, but I always found curious how the idea of associating negative meanings to the female sexual organs seem to be an Anglosaxon hang up.
In English, being a " pussy " is not a good thing, when you call some... (read in full...)
If he is too cool to talk to me is there any chance for me with this guy? What should I do?
Q. So there's this guy who I think I'm in love with, but he barely knows I exist. I see he staring at me all the time, but I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him, but he's too cool to ever talk to me. I messaged him, but all he did was read...
A. 10 March 2014: Ouch. Maybe the best is to just leave him alone.
I was going to answer differently, I was going to say : Nonsense ! Just muster some guts and go over to him and say Hi I am Jane, - what does it mean " too cool ", NOBODY is so cool that you can'... (read in full...)
If I agree to marry him, can I make myself love him someday?
Q. Dear friends.. I am 26 yrs old now. I know its time for me to get married.. And there is a man 36 yrs old, single who loves me so much. And wants to marry with me. I knew him from May last year. He is so kind and always on my side whenever i need ...
A. 10 March 2014: I don't think you can ever force to love , in a romantic sense, someone you don't. It is true that in time you can grow fondness and attachment, as Ciar remarks, ... but the opposite can also happen, as shown by the high incidence of divorce. ... (read in full...)
He's 22 years younger and wants to date me!
Q. I have just come out of a horrible one year relationship with a guy I really loved but am gradually feeling better. I met a lovely guy who said he was 38 to get my attentional. He is 26. He is good looking fit intelligent mature and a lot of fun...
A. 10 March 2014: ... Do you really care about doing things that " people " frown upon ? You say you are a single mom, lots of people frown upon single mothers too, this has ( luckily ) not prevented you from having and raising your child .
What people, and what... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to wish my ex-crush a happy birthday?
Q. I had (and am still trying to get over) a serious crush on guy for a while and end of last year decided to tell him. On facebook, as we hardly ever see each other. He was flattered but only liked me as a friend. He asked me about my plans for this ...
A. 10 March 2014: No, bad idea.
Didn't you say that you want to nove on ? And get over him ?
How are you going to do that, if you keep giving yourself lame excuses for contacting him, stirring up old feelings, and, obviously,... waiting with bated breath t... (read in full...)
Has he backed off because he's about to move abroad for work, or is he just not into me?
Q. I recently found out that the guy I've been dating for 5 months is going to be moving across the world for a work project for at least several months. His current job is temporary as well, so, when he finishes his project, he doesn't know where ...
A. 10 March 2014: Let it be.
He knew when he took up with you how fluid his future plans were going to be, and he knew he is in no position to make firm, local committments with anybody, this is not just like an unforeseen , out of the blue development, right ?
... (read in full...)
After all this bitter history, it's hard to trust her good will. Why would my co-worker pick now to be civil?
Q. Do you trust the good will of people you have a tainted history with? My experience is work related. I work in construction/development and I’m quitting a job I’ve had for about 3 years now, during which, I had to deal with a person at work who...
A. 10 March 2014: Of course it's not sincere - your business relationship was strained, and whomever's fault was it, that was a source of aggravation for both and she has no more reasons to like you than viceversa.
But it's POLITE, you've got to hand it to her.... (read in full...)
He dropped the bombshell that he didn't know when and IF he wanted kids at all!
Q. Hi. I'm in a tricky situation and I don't know weather to go with my heart or my head. I've been with my current boyfriend for 2 years , we also live together which makes things harder. My boyfriend has known since day 1 that I would like ...
A. 9 March 2014: As others have said , it's a gamble, and if you absolutely want a safe bet, - if having children matters more to you that having a relationship with this particular man, then you can't afford waiting, you need to move on. If you lose, you'd be ... (read in full...)
Hairy as, I am so hairy its embaressing!
Q. Im 15 and am VERY hairy, it is a genetic thing, now i can handle the hairy legs, arms, feet, hands, face but i have no idea what to do down there. Its very out of control, in the sense that it spreads, its not thick but its black and i cant wear ...
A. 9 March 2014: How do you know your hirsutism is genetic ? have you been diagnosed by an endocrinologist ?
I doubt it, if you had seen one he would have given you prescriptions ( contraceptive pills , eflornithine, etc. ) to keep it under control and avoi... (read in full...)
Looking for opinions on body type and the promotion of a healthy self-image.
Q. I came across an article today and I'm fascinated in general about the latest trend of trying to promote the Average Woman. I put that in caps because I believe it's just a new label for the same problem. http:/...
A. 9 March 2014: I agree- sort of. I am not quite sure..
I read the article about the Average Doll and it prompted such an eye roll that I was afraid I had permanently damaged my eyesight.
Barbie is - like ANY object which stays for another object or concept ... (read in full...)
I see his actions as being disrespectful of our time spent together. He sees my reaction as emotionally unstable.
Q. Guy I've been seeing for over a month won't stop texting when I'm around him! Was I out of line by the way I handled this? Is there a better way I should have handled it? I was over at his house. Literally from the time I got there until righ...
A. 7 March 2014: I have to respectfully disagree with your mom. Or, in fact, her reasoning is sound in principle and in general lines, unfit to been applied to this particular guy and circumstances.
It's true that you can't expect anybody to be perfect to your spec... (read in full...)
How far should the "my house, my rules" concept be taken?
Q. I am curious to know your thoughts about the concept of "my house, my rules". Recently there was a question posted by an (over 18) OP living at home with her parents, who wanted to get a piercing against her mother's vigorous oppositi...
A. 7 March 2014: Many thanks to ALL who responded for their detailed, well thought answers.
It was interesting to see how widely individual the possible deal breakers would be , how different for each respondent the triggers which would warrant a parental " over... (read in full...)
Feelings of guilt over new relationship
Q. I am a 62 year old retired professional man, and I was widowed a little over two years ago. My late wife and I were married for 32 years, essentially we had a 'good' marriage, and I have one grown up son. Seven months ago (August 2013) I met in s...
A. 7 March 2014: Off topic ? yes and not, OP, yes and not...
Let's throw around some Pop psychology 101 ... just for the heck of it... It won't be your case, perhaps, but we are just exploring possibilities, right ?, when all it's said and done we cannot KNOW why ... (read in full...)
Hasn't text me all day.. but got on facebook??
Q. My boyfriend is supposed to be at work today but I haven't talked to him so I really have no idea if he went or not. I text him about 3 hours ago and said "just thinking about you.. love you.. xoxo" and he didn't reply. I didn't think much of it ...
A. 7 March 2014: I agree with Cerberus , it did not require any reply. There was no question or time sensitive issue. You wanted to convey a nice sentiment and tell him that you were thinking of him- you did.
Unless you are one of those people who send a barr... (read in full...)
My fiancee thinks I am putting my car before our wedding and moving into our own place! Is she being fair in her response?
Q. My 23 year old fiancée thinks I (26) am putting my car in front of our wedding and finding a place to live. My grandfather left me the car, granted it has sentimental value to me, being the only thing I really have left plus it is quite a rare car...
A. 7 March 2014: Male reader anon, I see what you mean and I concede that yours is a reasonable assumption. Yet, IMO that's not the point at all, the point is that, influenced or not, the OP agreed to do X for the couple, and now he wants to do Y for himself, and ... (read in full...)
Feelings of guilt over new relationship
Q. I am a 62 year old retired professional man, and I was widowed a little over two years ago. My late wife and I were married for 32 years, essentially we had a 'good' marriage, and I have one grown up son. Seven months ago (August 2013) I met in s...
A. 7 March 2014: Uh-oh . I have to agree with my very young yet very level headed colleague IAHTHY. You got together at Mid-September , and she ASKS for a new settee ( relatively expensive item, and that you can easily afford it does not matter, what matters is ... (read in full...)
I see his actions as being disrespectful of our time spent together. He sees my reaction as emotionally unstable.
Q. Guy I've been seeing for over a month won't stop texting when I'm around him! Was I out of line by the way I handled this? Is there a better way I should have handled it? I was over at his house. Literally from the time I got there until righ...
A. 6 March 2014: It IS disrespectful ! Very disrespectful. And the fact that he does not even suspect it , but blames your natural ,legitimate annoyance on a supposed emotional unstability of yours, says that you are light years apart in personality and ... (read in full...)
My fiancee thinks I am putting my car before our wedding and moving into our own place! Is she being fair in her response?
Q. My 23 year old fiancée thinks I (26) am putting my car in front of our wedding and finding a place to live. My grandfather left me the car, granted it has sentimental value to me, being the only thing I really have left plus it is quite a rare car...
A. 6 March 2014: It's HIS wedding too ! It's THEIR wedding . And THEIR new home . And if THEY have agreed to fork out 150 £ monthly each toward THEIR wedding and new home, that's what THEY both should do, no ifs and buts, until the goal ( wedding and ... (read in full...)
I get angry when my fiancee doesn't help me much
Q. I have a learning disability and she my fiancee has. She doesn't help me when I can't think on my own sometimes. Like she opened an account before I did and they accepted her credit union information and not mine at social security office. And no...
A. 6 March 2014: As a matter of fact, I think your gf is paying you a compliment , and showing you respect if she refuses to treat you as a young child, or as mentally incapacitated , just because of your imperfect coping skills / problem solving ability.
You ... (read in full...)
My housemate and I are not on speaking terms, how do I overcome this situation?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles. My house mate and I are not on speaking terms at the moment because she gave out to me and said something very was inappropriate and wrong about me that I would never agree to. I told her that I didnt know what her opin...
A. 6 March 2014: I realize that mine is probably a lame advice, but... do you HAVE to overcome it ?
I mean, she did something that, in good faith, you think is wrong. You think you have been offended and / or boundaries have been crossed, and you require an apol... (read in full...)
How far should the "my house, my rules" concept be taken?
Q. I am curious to know your thoughts about the concept of "my house, my rules". Recently there was a question posted by an (over 18) OP living at home with her parents, who wanted to get a piercing against her mother's vigorous oppositi...
A. 5 March 2014: Thanks to the respondents so far, and no no, Honeypie, I have nothing against platinum blonde !,- ( how could I, being the proud wearer of a flashy , NOT natural red hair mane :) - or as for that not even against ( tasteful) tattoos, or fake ... (read in full...)
My fiancee thinks I am putting my car before our wedding and moving into our own place! Is she being fair in her response?
Q. My 23 year old fiancée thinks I (26) am putting my car in front of our wedding and finding a place to live. My grandfather left me the car, granted it has sentimental value to me, being the only thing I really have left plus it is quite a rare car...
A. 5 March 2014: For once I have to disagree with one of my DC astral twins ( we always say the same ) Honeypie.
And I know that you too , OP, will hate my answer but yeah, if I were your fiancee' I too would think that your priorities aren't set straight.
I... (read in full...)
I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?
Q. I’m 27 years old and will be 28 years old this summer and not being able to me intimate with anyone in my life is just making me feel frustrated. I have tired date few Chinese women but all they do is want to be friends or we never talk again. ...
A. 5 March 2014: OP, it's a game of numbers.Practice makes perfect, and you need to practice as much as you can. You need to approach beyond your standards , and within your standards , and ( slightly ) below your standards ( as long as you don't find them ... (read in full...)
Girls, would you date a guy who isn't funny?
Q. Girls say all the time that they want guys who are funny, well the truth is, that not everybody can make everybody laugh and be the life at the party. Some guys like me are not funny or sarcastic and generally don't have a sense of humor. I'll n...
A. 5 March 2014: Yes, I would and I did. To some extent, at least.
I AM the story teller and official entertainer in a couple, I am the witty one, the one who makes people laugh. I feel better with men who do not steal my thunder and do not compete for cent... (read in full...)
Should I ask him to the dance?
Q. The other day one of my friends found out that I like him and im not sure what to do. Were both seniors in high school (Me 17 and him 18) but ive never been in a relationship so im completely clueless. He said that he doesnt feel the same way ...
A. 5 March 2014: I think instead that he is being polite and letting you down easy. The " I don't feel the same way " is a bit hard to swallow, he figured, so he tuned it down with " because I don't know you enough ". I suspect he knows the hang out part would ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her I'm studying so that I can avoid the 'nice neighbour' overdose?
Q. My landlady happens to be my neighbour too, so before Christmas I got her a nice snowflake to hang on her tree and a card...so a few days before I flew home, she invited me along with other expats to a lunch Christmas party...then after Christmas I ...
A. 5 March 2014: Sensitive situation, I don't envy you... Some people just can't take a hint... so you have no other resort than being honest. Respectful, but clear. So far you have given her all different and time-sensitive excuses , I guess ( I am leaving... I ... (read in full...)
Is this really the end?
Q. Was seeing a guy for 6 months we had a few little arguments mainly because of finding time to spend together and a little to do with my insecurities from my past! Anyway last week we argued he's said it's over and he doesn't want me to contact him ...
A. 5 March 2014: Things are seldom so all black / all white.
He is going on with his life, evidently- and it's not like you did not matter or do not matter. You just did not / do not matter ENOUGH to make him stay in a relationship that has turned out unfu... (read in full...)
Am I being stupid, in that this really upset me and made me question my Bf's character?
Q. Hello aunts. I'd like some opinions on a disagreement I had with my boyfriend the other day. He lives next door to an elderly man and they both hate each other. This has been going on for years, and if I'm perfectly honest they are both as ...
A. 3 March 2014: I think it's strange you are more worried about a stupid utterance said in a moment of frustration like it may happen to everybody , than about all the behaviour behind it.
I mean, words are just words . Maybe I see it this way because were I gr... (read in full...)
How do I get over losing my best friend? He's rejected me and moved on.
Q. I don’t know how to deal with the rejection of my best friend. He and I were best friends from 13 until 22. I have always been a good friend to him, been there for him, run to him when he has needed me, and even when he has closed the door on me wh...
A. 3 March 2014: This is sad but not incomprehensible.
To begin with, I notice it sounds it always was a bit of a lopsided friendship. You were always there for him, you run to him when he needed you- and when you needed him, he closed the door on you; but you ... (read in full...)
My parents don't have faith in my long distance relationship
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in a LD relationship with a man I met at a speed dating event in September 2013. Five to six months later, we're still going strong and he's planning a visit to my home state in two weeks. In Jan 2014, I spent six days with him an...
A. 2 March 2014: Neither :).
I am skeptical about LDRs in general. You need to know people IRL to have a chance to figure them out, by e-mail and phone we all are wonderful loving exceptional and fascinating. A weekend together every two months is better than... (read in full...)
Should I let this go?
Q. I'm absolutely fuming! Please read! Last night I went out to dinner for my friends birthday. There were 9 of us in total and a few friends of hers who I don't know. I wasn't feeling well as I had some work on my teeth and on tablets so I c...
A. 2 March 2014: I can see why you are fuming, OP, ... yet at the same time I tend to agree with the male anon , but ,since I don't want to add to your fumes, I'll try to explain how I see it , so please bear with me. To begin with, I'd let it go. Life is short- ... (read in full...)
Why did she tell my Mom first, and not me?
Q. My sister is in her mid-30s and is married. We aren't super close due to our age difference, but we still talk and hang out. She called today and I answered the phone. She said that she was just calling to say hi and talked about her day. Then I ...
A. 2 March 2014: @ Female reader anon , with all due respect , and the least possible harshness , the OP 's reaction is just as " normal and natural " as a kid brother who sulks because he does not get to take the bride to the altar. He does not , because ... (read in full...)
I know there's no future for me with this guy, but it still bothers me that I haven't heard from him since we broke up
Q. I broke up with the guy I've been seeing for the past year because we were on different pages. He agreed with it. But then in a moment of weakness, I texted him that I didn't want that. I feel really stupid about texting him, breaking up is t...
A. 2 March 2014: That, no matter if and what you text him, he still is not in a place right now where he wants anything serious.
And since you say you are on different pages, I take this to mean that you would like instead something more serious - or anyw... (read in full...)
Why did she tell my Mom first, and not me?
Q. My sister is in her mid-30s and is married. We aren't super close due to our age difference, but we still talk and hang out. She called today and I answered the phone. She said that she was just calling to say hi and talked about her day. Then I ...
A. 2 March 2014: Take heart OP. 99% chance that , even if you and your sister had been much closer , she still would have WAITED to talk to your mom for letting HER be the first to know. It's just a matter of pecking order and how things are generally done in ... (read in full...)
Why did she tell my Mom first, and not me?
Q. My sister is in her mid-30s and is married. We aren't super close due to our age difference, but we still talk and hang out. She called today and I answered the phone. She said that she was just calling to say hi and talked about her day. Then I ...
A. 1 March 2014: No no OP, Mom first. If there is ONE occasion when it is appropriate for Moms to be first is when you announce a new baby ( well, second, actually - first, you tell your partner ). I was not super close to my mom when I got pregnant, as a matter ... (read in full...)
Do men find it difficult to cope with a very independent woman? And how can an independent woman prevent a partner from being needy?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I wonder if someone can help? I have a mixture of two problems in one. Firstly, do men find it difficult to cope with a very independent woman? Secondly, how can an independent woman prevent a partner from being, for want ...
A. 1 March 2014: I think that what you are going through is sort of inevitable, or at least expectable, being that as you say yourself you are chalk and cheese. That dos not bother you on principle, but then, at the end of the day, it does bother you because it ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 28 February 2014: Hey it was not me :). I did not say anything .
Although, now that we are at it... I must say that I find curious how you two are at the opposite end of the spectrum in making a big fuss about something normal, natural and banal like mens... (read in full...)
Why is it a big deal for my boyfriend and I to be 7 years apart?
Q. im 14 turning 15 and my lover has just turned 23 and we are pretty far apart in age but does it really matter? we do not have a sexual relationship and nobody except a close adult friend of mine knows, I feel the urge to tell my mother that im in ...
A. 28 February 2014: Just for the record, there are 9 years of age difference between you, not 7.
And yes, it's a big big deal. You are at present in two totally different worlds, mentally, emotionally and as life experience. No way that this can be a rela... (read in full...)
Do I need the hurt again? He's trying to get back with me. I still care for him. But I keep on rejecting him
Q. It's so easy to say dont answer his calls or respond to his texts. I really love him and I want it to work but i know that he has to change. Someone said that he needs sex and that is why he is trying to talk to me again but i am pretty sure he w...
A. 27 February 2014: Pardon me, but, as Tina would say, what's love got to do with it ?
If he goes in and out of your life, according to his selfish whims, and knowing ,( or imagining , it does not take a fortune teller ) how this affects you negatively, - then he d... (read in full...)
Help. My sister has gone off the rails and I worry about her son.
Q. 12 Years ago, my sister got pregnant out of wedlock and at first tried to move out of her apartment with her friends and home with us. Thankfully, her friends weren't having it because she owed rent money (she had planned to work from home and pay ...
A. 26 February 2014: To be frank I think you should just stay off the issue, and let Social Services do their work. It seems that all in all they have been doing a good job, offering plenty of solutions and opportunities to your sister, and , although she might have ... (read in full...)
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