A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband's daughter from his first marriage is having a baptism for their baby. The relationship between the daughter and my husband is limited in that she never remembers his birthday, father's day or Christmas. She does not return phone calls or e-mails either--only when she chooses to.We are invited to the baptism and to her in-laws house afterwards for a light lunch. That is a good start I thought. His ex will be there along with her husband so things could get tense.The great grandparents (my husband's parents) have yet to meet their great grand baby. The daughter (their granddaughter) had not returned their calls or written back to them either. My husband's mother doesn't stand for that behavior and thinks it is very rude of her not to ever reply back at all. In her day people showed common courtesy by responding back. She wrote her granddaughter telling her exactly that and not to bother inviting her to the baptism. I guess his mother has just had it with her and reached her breaking point trying to reach out to her. I was floored. This is their great grand daughter that they have yet to meet. After that letter was sent, his daughter told us they don't want us to bring her along and they don't want drama. They want it to be a happy day for them.I realize the daughters communication is not stellar but I feel sorry for her in what has happened.The whole situation is ugly.Do I just stay out of this? I'm more worried about the in-laws lunch when we are all together. If there is any little sign of disrespect towards me by his ex our plan is to leave. My husband told me that and not for me to take an flack from anyone and to come to him immediately if there is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): If the husband left his first wife and things weren't amicable then I imagine the daughter is still not too happy with him and links his parents with him so isn't that interested in them either. I really would not interfere at all and just go as you were invited but don't take his parents with you as she doesn't want them there after the letter. My husband left me and our children and my children have next to no contact with him or his parents and none of us have any wish to meet his second wife or second family.
Since your husband has actually mentioned that if there is any nonsense then you will both leave immediately then there may be a lot more to this then you fully realise. I really wouldn't get involved in this just stay out of it and behave impeccably at the baptism.
A
female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (9 May 2014):
Is there any reason that things will be tense with your husband's ex? Could you suggest meeting for coffee to break the ice before this family event? The daughter seems to have been quite vague with everyone. However he is being calm and even handed in the situation. This is a opportunity to build bridges. There must be several sides to things but try to enjoy the day.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 It sounds like a good plan.
Both for the part about staying out of the conflict grandmother / grandaughter, which really does not concern you. ( And no, of course it's not a good idea bringing grandma along, she was not invited ! ). Let these women settle their differences ( or NOT settle them ) as they see fit.
The way YOU will be treated at the lunch does instead concern you in first person. Do not take any disrespect or any flak by anybody, do tell your husband if it happens, and do walk out if the situation starts getting out of hand ( but I trust this won't be necessary at all, since all the parties are mature adults, and since hopefully nobody wants to spoil the baptism and the party for the happy new parents ).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): Oh dear, things sound as though they have got over heated and I can understand why from the lack of communication on the daughters part.
Have any of the family members had reason to fall out or for the lack of communication?
If the daughter is angry for any perceived reason then she may be trying to get back in a passive aggressive way. It depends what's been said and how, because people miss communicate all the time, and sometimes are angry for whatever reason in their mind.
I would say be assertive by all means because you can't go wrong from that communication style. You don't have to take anyone else's conflict on board, so be assertive if the situation calls for it.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2014):
I would also agree that walking OUT if anything starts up is the right thing to do.
As for your MIL/Granddaughter thing, I'd stay out of it as much as possible. IT IS rude to not call or write back. BUT it's also a little over the top to write the "new mom" an angry letter. I mean she COULD have her hands full - though picking up the phone should be that hard.
Just go, try and enjoy the day.
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