A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a ridiculous romantic but starting to think life just doesn't live up to my ideals. Im currently seeing someone and we didn't have a great start (commitment issues that left me questioning his feelings for me). Things are now moving very slowly and I think he's a good guy. My problem is it's very far removed from the fireworks and sweeping me off my feet that I'd ideally want from a man of my dreams. Am I being unrealistic and should be grateful for a decent guy or am I just 'settling' here and should move on? I understand given time it could be an amazing relationship but am I just kidding myself? Shouldn't it always be hearts and flowers if it's true love?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): I have met men and felt like I was head over heels for them quickly..... those feelings passed and I couldn't stand to kiss them or be around them anymore.I have met a man, who I quite liked, was quite attracted to, but he treated me wonderfully and showered me with love. He never gave me a reason to stop dating him, so we kept dating. I grew to love him immensely and the butterfly feelings and overwhelming love feelings developed.I have also met men I was not attracted to at all, and dated them because they convinced me to, and none of those ever worked out.In summary, a great spark and love at first sight is not always a sign it will last forever. However, I believe there needs to be a spark of some sort for a full balanced love relationship. That spark can ignite, but with no spark.... probably no fireworks ever.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 So, basically,... you had to sweat it to get committment ...from a guy you don't even like that much ?:) Why did you want him to commit , then ?
It can't always be all hearts and flowers, and heart and flowers won't last you a lifetime anyway, but IMO you have to start strong. Excited. Intrigued. Elated. Then, of course, you both have to see if beside the initial spark there's also compatibility, in other words if from the spark you can build up together something durable . But, no spark ? Uhm. Why even bother then, it's not like the doctor said you NEED to date men even if they leave you uninspired.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (5 May 2014):
I don't know what you mean by hearts and flowers, but in my opinion it's not worth dating someone if you don't get butterflies when you think of them. I'd never settle on that because I've never had to. There are plenty of people out there, so if one didn't do it for me I moved on.
Now I know that butterflies are easy to come by, it's compatibility that's the difficult part.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (5 May 2014):
 You're being unrealistic. If you expect it to be all hearts and flowers at all times, you will be very unhappy in love and relationships.
Now don't get me wrong - it shouldn't be extremely hard and overwhelming. You should be compatible and enjoy each others company. But to expect it to be perfect and for a man to sweep you off your feet like in fairy tales is unrealistic.
If you don't have the spark for this guy, then don't stick around. But if you like him then give it a go. My partner and I didn't have the most fairy tale beginning. But now we are wonderful and more than happy.
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