A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been seeing a guy for about 3 months and he has been good to me except when he texted his ex.. We had differences where we would argue about certain topics but we always managed to work through it. I was insecure and didnt trust him after he texted his ex and I was always on his back about him and his female friends. He would reassure me that hes over her and it was a one time thing and he defriended her off fb and everything. We got into a argument tuesday about a girl but we talked it out. We met on thursday and we got into another argument. Friday we met and he said we are too different. Our personalities clash and i need to find a guy who can handle me. I told him ill work on it and asked him to give me another chance but he refused saying no it wont work. I know its not going to work so its better we end it now. I am really heartbroken cause he never gave me a chance. I would have more respect for him if he simply grew a pair and told me this and that bothered him and its not going to work out unless it changes instead of keeping everything in and just ending it .Before he bin me at least be decent enough to give me the chance to change. i wanst looking for a perfect guy nor expected him to be perfect and always understand me. He even said that he texted his ex because I Was always on his butt and it made him reminsce. Is there anything i can do? It came out of the blue.. even on thursday after the argument he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants things to work out but he doesnt believe it will. Should i give him space? tuesday i told him we need to talk and he got really scared saying are u gonna dump me? and i said no and hes like ok i feel so much better now. lol...i do wanna work things out and see where this can lead to.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 It's natural for you to feel it this way, but basically I think your bf is right, it ain't gonna work and if it should it would take too much effort to keep things going.
It's only 3 months and you have been already bickering so often, no, contrariously to popular belief, that's not just " usual ups and downs like all couples have ", couples which have a chance to last just get along, just FLOW, at least in the first few months !
You say you always worked it out and talked it through, fine, but, is it a way of living ?, I don't know, some people thrive on a constant fight and make up cycle, maybe they find it exciting, but , for some other people, including probably your bf, it gets tiresome and stale pretty soon. If you always have to work things OUT, then it's just not working -period.
Now, I do not presume to tell you who's right who's wrong. It may be that he is not totally 100% over his ex , that's why he's texting her . Or, it maybe that his texting and talking to other females is just perfectly innocent, social and friendly. Anyway, clearly he wants and needs more space and more leeway that you are willing to give him, and he feels he's constantly fighting to get you off his back, which it's not a good start. Again, from the little you write I wouldn't dare to say that's all your insecurity and paranoia ( although, it's probable , since there was only one MAYBE questionable episode, and then he even defriended the girl ) , but if he feels you are constantly on his butt.... you've got him tired out, OP, and this just in the first 3 months. I think he likes you, he cares about you, but he sees the shape of things to come.
As for not being frank and straightforward right off the bat, I have to disagree on this too, OP. Although I have noticed time and again how many males tend a little toward cowardice , and don't like to call a spade a spade.
But, in this case, ..it's only 3 months, OP, do we want to give the guy the time to see how the land lies before making a firm decision ?... Obviously you have charms and qualities which appeal to him, otherwise he would not have started a relationship with you, maybe he wanted to see if the pros compensated the cons. And he GAVE you the chance to change, OP !, every time that you fought about your insecurity, nagging, or whatnot, well, didn't you know that THIS was exactly what you were fighting about ? Did it never cross your mind that if insecurity and trust issues were what was spoiling your relationship, those were the things you were supposed to work on and modify ? Even in lack of precise, detailed instructions ?...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): You say yourself you argued over things - 3 months of a relationship there shouldn't be much to argue about! It doesn't sound like you suit each other, and although it's hard just accept you weren't right together. You shouldn't have to change for someone to like you, but you now know a bit more about yourself so the next time you're in a relationship you can ensure you don't repeat the mistakes from this one. He's probably not over his ex - so in a way you've had a lucky escape! X
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