A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need some advice on a frustrating situation that I am in. About 7 months ago I had a breast enlargement. At 22 I was fed up of feeling self conscious, unhappy and miserable about my body. I never ever developed more than budding breasts. One breast was noticeably larger than the other but both still double AA cups. One was basically compleltey flat and one had a slight amount of tissue. I didn't do it for male attention or any other reason just for my own happiness. I've been with my boyfriend for five years and he was supportive but made sure I know he loved me regardless. I found a board registered surgeon, saved and paid for every penny by myself and made sure I researched it thoroughly. So seven months ago I got my lovely in proportion breasts, not large or fake looking. Natural breasts with a natural look. It was the best decision that I have ever made for myself. However now I am becoming increasingly fed up of my best friends hurtful comments and stupid ideas. She has now gone and decided that she wants to a have 'boob job' because I have one. She has natural size C breasts and she's a very petite slim girl. She said she wants them because she doesn't want to be seen as the ugly friend and is taking out a loan to have the same surgeon. She's going for the fake and large cleavage look and I feel like she's trying to out do me. I've told her that having a boob job just because your friend has had one is an absolute ridiculous reason and she replied with 'I always wanted one when I was younger'. I said to her doesn't she realise if I could have her breasts naturally without having to pay ridiculous amounts of money and have an operation I would of. I had no option I didn't develop breasts. She told me to shut up basically as she wants them and nothing I say will change her mind. When I first had them she commented that they were big and she wouldn't want hers that big. I had a 325cc implant taking me from an A to a C. Yet now she suddenly has forgotten those comments she made to me and wants the same size implant with her already large breasts. How can she not see that a boob job is still surgery and still has serious complications. Having one just because your friend has one isn't a valid reason. I'm fed up of arguing with her over it. I don't know what to do now. Her ideas are ridiculous.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (9 May 2014):
 I would rather hear someone had or chose to have a breast enlargement surgery for your reasons than that of your ridiculous girlfriend for (superficial) vanity. What a pitiable excuse; she doesn't want to be seen as the ugly friend, 'I always wanted one when I was younger' …Gee’s how can you argue or reason with that kind of logic!?
Perhaps you have her best interests at heart, after all it is serious surgery… and see this copycat, monkey see monkey do boob-job as a way to compete with you and or is unnecessary to your thinking. However as it has been pointed out, your friend has a right her own choices etc. even if they are or appear to be stupid, ridiculous, vane and unnecessary.
Sometimes the best way for people to learn from their mistakes is to allow them to make them… Even if we have good intentions to protect them from harm or themselves! Have you thought to inform her about the possible added complications of breastfeeding etc.?
Nonetheless – “…she wants them and nothing you say will change her mind.” Therefore; ’So Be IT’, stupid is as stupid does...
CAA
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 May 2014):
 Then stop arguing with her about it. It's her body and if she wants to be vain and foolish that's entirely up to her. You're making her body as much your issue as you claim she's making yours hers.
I daresay you having the procedure is not THE reason, but simply a motivator.
You've given her your opinion on the matter, anything more than that is just nagging and lecturing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 UM honestly, you should take the high road and let her make HER own decisions about HER body, JUST like you did about yours.
YOU might FEEL like you have MORE right to get a boob job then she does, but you don't.
A friend of mine just had a double mastectomy. She went from FF's to nothing, and you know what? She is HAPPY to be cancer free. Would you think it was OK for HER to tell YOU to suck up small boobs? Because at least you don't have cancer? It wouldn't.
Because it would be NONE of her business what YOU do with YOUR body.
Now you can THINK it's ridiculous all you want, but ultimately SHE is paying, it's HER body and HER choice.
Mark1978 gave a great great answer.
I saw a lady last summer at the beach with basketball sized fake boobs and I honestly felt sorry for her, because it looked grotesque - but you know what? If she is happy then more power to her.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 May 2014):
 Why are you even arguing with her over it? Who's to say she's copying you or trying to out do you? Maybe seeing your awesome results inspired her to want hers done also.
You say it wasn't for attention that you wanted to get yours done, yet you don't want her to out do you. That sounds like a competition to me. You wanted a boob job for your own set of personal reasons. Now let her have hers for her own set of personal reasons. It's her decision to make. Your boyfriend supported you in your decision. So support your friend. Who cares why she wants the implants? The bottom line is she wants them and so she can have them. Arguing over it is petty.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (8 May 2014):
It sounds to me like you always felt inferior to her due to your breast size, and now you feel your operation has 'evened the score', you are annoyed because you feel she is trying to shift it back to her side again.I have to say that it doesn't sound like the two of you have a very healthy friendship at all. She made unsupportive comments when you had your operation and now you are doing the same. Friends should support each other, not compete to see who the 'ugly friend' is. Just because you think her breasts are fine as they are, doesn't mean she does. Just in the same way your boyfriend thought yours were fine but you disagreed. Whatever her reasons are, as a friend you should want her to be happy and support her in her decisions.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (8 May 2014):
Dear OP,
I am happy for you, because you did something good for yourself.
I wonder if your friendship is that genuine, though. Your friend mentioned she wanted a boob job because she didn't want to be seen as the ugly friend. This sounds like her self-esteem is fragile and she specifically chose you to be her friend because she thought you wouldn't be that much of a competition. Which is an unhealthy base for a friendship.
I agree with the other agony aunts that you should stop arguing with her. After all, there's nothing you can or should do about it, she's a grown up woman. If she wants to go for the artificial look and risk she only gets attention for her breast size, so be it. Maybe she had thought about it before but didn't dare to do it, until she saw how well your implants turned out.
Anyway, no matter what she does, you got what you wanted, so please don't look at her boobs, be happy about your own instead. You need to decide whether this friendship is for real or whether it's turned into a weird beauty pageant competition and a lack of happiness and support for each other. In that case, maybe you two aren't good for each other right now.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 Then don't argue. It's not skin off your nose ( or breast ). You've said your opinion, as you had the right to do, and she chose to dismiss it, as she also had the right to do. End of story.
I am sure that two fine intelligent educated young ladies, like I am sure you and your friend are, can find other more entertaining conversation subjects than the size of their fake boobs ?...
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (8 May 2014):
 You say that your boyfriend says he loves you regardless of your breast size or whether or not you had implants? That's great and Im sure that comforting and nice to know, yes? Then treat your friend the same way you would want your boyfriend/friends to treat you and don't change your perception of them or treat them differently because they change, or claim to want to change, their bodies. You had a boob job and your friends, BF and family presumably supported you. Now she is having the same surgery and you are behaving differently to her? "How can she not see that a boob job is still surgery and still has serious complications" Well im not being funny OP but you had that same surgery and same risks. Are you saying its okay for you to have that but not her because she already had large breasts? Well she may feel the same way about her natural breasts as you did about your original cup size. Isn't that a bit like starting smoking and then telling your friends not to take it up because its a bad habit? "She's going for the fake and large cleavage look " OP im sorry but you yourself have fake boobs. What size and shape she has is her choice. If she wants to out do you in that respect then that is her decision. If I buy a fast car and my friend goes and buys a faster one that's there choice. If they get in debt doing so then tough. Each to there own. OP in adult life people sometimes compete, sometimes like to have the best/fastest/most expensive and so forth. That's their choice. Let them get on with it."I had no option I didn't develop breasts" OP nobody forced you into it. Many women are completely flat chested and learn to love their bodies! My GF is almost completely flat and has never considered breast enhancement. To claim that your surgery was "no option" while hers is some kind of whim is a little silly. You might think she is being childish, competitive or trying to out do you but I don't think that's the case. When you initially had the breast enlargement she said she wouldn't want a pair that big? Well she is hardly going to say "i feel really bad and insecure now because your breast are nicer to look at than mine." is she? Maybe she could have chosen her words more carefully but she clearly was insecure about her own body and even more so when you enhanced yours. "Having one just because your friend has one isn't a valid reason"As an adult she can pick whatever reason she wishes. Are you saying your reason was valid and hers not? You don't know her real feelings on this, she may have been beating herself up for years over her breasts but not revealed it to anyone before. When she had larger breast than you, you got yours enlarged. Now you have larger breast, she wants to enlarge and you say its a different scenario?The two of you both need to grow out of this adolescent bickering and learn to respect each others choices.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 May 2014):
I think you're jealous and it's not fair to your friend. If you keep it up you may not have her as a friend.
Also, you are not the reason she's getting them done. Seeing them on you may have helped push her, but she's wanted them for a long time. She wanted the same cc's you got because she liked the difference it made in you, not because she wanted the same result as you.
If you are tired of arguing that's great, because I bet she's even more tired of defending her choices. Stop trying to control her and let her do what she wants to do. You're being competitive, just relax and enjoy your boobs and let your friend enjoy hers.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 I don't know the full story, of course. But from what you're writing it seems to me you've inspired your friend to go do something she's been wanting to do, yet haven't had the guts do to yet. You went ahead and was brave, and she talks about it so much and want to follow in your footsteps because she looks up to you. You might not be accustomed to having people look up to you and "follow" you in this sense. But it isn't about her wanting to compete with you or wanting to out-do you. Or her just doing it because you did it. I think it's about her having wanted to do this, yet never had the courage to do it. Now you took the first step, and she's been comforted by the good results on you, and feels comfortable about following your lead.
Talking down on others comes from having an insecurity within ones self. And you know as well as anyone that no matter how much someone tell you one thing, if you're dead sure it isn't so then it wont matter how many times they tell you. It didn't matter how much your boyfriend told you you didn't need that boob job, you still did it, you still love your new boobs. Same goes for your friend. Doesn't matter how much you tell her her boobs look great and she doesn't need to have a boob job. She'll still want it, same as you wanted it. You weren't in need of new breasts, you didn't die without them. Same goes for her. You had an unnecessary surgery, and she's also interested in having one. So don't sit there thinking you're more "justified" in having the surgery just because you were miserable with your breasts and don't think she's got anything to be miserable about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): You made the right decision for you and that's all that matters really. If your friend goes through with surgery too maybe she will feel she made the right choice too, or maybe she will regret it down the line. Either way it isn't something you should worry about.
Is this perhaps bothering you because you feel that your friend is "copying" you? If that's the case, don't let it get to you. Whatever your respective motivations for having surgery you are still two separate people. Arguing about the issue is pointless and exhausting. Let your friend do what she wants now. You've tried to reassure her that she looks fine the way she is, and advised her about the risks involved with surgery. You can't do any more than that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2014):
 IF you are fed up arguing with her then don't argue with her.
EWO is right, her body her choice. I'm not sure why it bothers you so much that she is doing the same thing you did.. having some work done to make herself feel better.
Everyone has their own reasons and needs for things... her need is just as much real to her as yours was for you.
I've had plastic surgery and while there are folks who think me shallow for having it I don't care what they think or worry if anyone else has the same surgery (and lots of my friends have the same need I do to have the reconstructive work done)
I realize you would not do it if you had what she has and can't see why she needs/wants all that pain and suffering but it's not your call.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 May 2014):
 If you are fed up then quit arguing. Her boobs, her body, her money, her reasons, her business.
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