A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help .... I'm about to enter into a physical relationship with a new man after a long marriage and I need to know . How important is the appearance of a woman's vagina to a man Most of the ones I've seen in porn look very similar and much tidier than mine. Unless all other women look like these porn women and I'm the odd one out? Surely men notice this and how do they feel about it ? Help I'm nervous
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female
reader, maisy1 +, writes (12 May 2014):
Men don't care. Most of a female genital is inside the body anyway. Men look at boobs, women look at penises. The shape and style of a vagina is not something a man is likely to take much notice of.
They care more for how it feels than how it looks.
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (12 May 2014):
 "Most of the ones I've seen in porn look very similar and much tidier than mine."
Labiaplasty is why theirs look so similar. No 2 women should look the same.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2531620/Designer-vaginas-ruining-idea-womens-bodies-look-like-doctors-warn.html
Most men know what they see in porn isn't real. The only ones that may not know are ones with no sexual experience, who have never seen a woman in person naked.
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A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive +, writes (11 May 2014):
I genuinely don't think it matters or that they even notice - all women are going to be slightly different in terms of shapes/ sizes so I don't think there's a "normal" to compare it to anyway, even if they did! Porn isn't meant to be realistic, it's a fantasy to indulge in and nothing about it compares to real-world sex!
On the topic of hair, that's purely personal preference. I used to shave a lot until last year when I discovered the wonders of brazilian waxing, and have been having that done for the past 10 months or so. My partner of a year, however, says he prefers if I'd just leave it natural - he's very much an alpha male and finds nothing more attractive than a real, natural woman. The waxing is purely for my own benefit, as I like things to be neat and tidy down there! My point is that I think, as women, we pay far more attention to how it looks than our partners do; and unless they comment on having a specific preference then just go with whatever you prefer - or, like me, do what you prefer even if they do say something ;-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2014): Everything about porn is fake, fake, fake. Why compare yourself to something that we all know isn't even realistic?
For example...
How many adult women have naturally bald vaginas, yet every girl in porn seems to have one? Porn actresses have been airbrushed, waxed, operated on and everything else, just to conform to a cookie cutter mold.
Anyway, just because a LOT of guys like something, doesn't mean your guy will. He might prefer YOU. A lot of guys seem to like hairless vaginas (ok, I KNOW the correct clinical term is "vulva" but everyone uses the term vagina, and I want to avoid confusion), but some guys like it hairy... my cousin was bragging about having a hairy vagina so obviously someone thinks it's attractive. I'm just using that as an example. I'm saying that most guys know that porn is fake and will not be turned off by a "natural" woman.
If something bothers you so much that it's causing you anguish then I'm not opposed to plastic surgery if it's for you. But, unless you have some weird deformity, like a vagina that sings "I'm a little teapot," then he will just be grateful to stick his penis in it.
@ CMMP... are there women who naturally aren't very hairy? I didn't know that... because when my cousin said she had "a lot" of pubic hair I thought she meant that she didn't touch it or wax it or anything.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (10 May 2014):
I don't really understand what you mean either, but unless there's some completely abnormal thing the guy probably won't notice anything except for the fact he's gonna get some.
Women compare themselves to porn stars and models more then men do. Most guys are totally happy with the way "natural" looks.
Now if you're talking about hair, that's a different thing. Most guys prefer it tidy to some extent. I don't mind unshaven if the woman is naturally not too hairy. If I had to guess what most guys prefer it'd be a strip on top and clean below.
Everyone has different preferences, so just be yourself. If a guy is right for you he'll appreciate who you really are.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (10 May 2014):
The fact that you compare yourself is so sad. Stop! Sex is supposed to be about love. Porn versions of vaginas seem uniform for the mass market, like BigMacs. Much better to consider your body unique, a gourmet delight for love, according to your own recipe. Plus, you may like to know that fluff is back! Hurrah. That pressure is lifted for those who don't really like it bald as a coot!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 May 2014):
 Once it is uncovered and revealed to him, a guy doesn't care if a woman's vagina looks like a "fire-ant" nest!!!! We know ONLY ONE THING.... that we are going to "get a little." Isn't that simple?????
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (10 May 2014):
Hi, I really do not think this will be a problem for you at all.As a man, I truly have never looked with thoughts in my mind. I just looked as I normally would do when the time came without any prior ideas. In all all fairness, I was rather occupied with worrying how my divorced lady, (now wife) would react to seeing my penis. 'Would I measure up?' 'Would it be ok for her?' 'Would she comment?' I feel you should relax and not worry too much. He will be more occupied in thinking about his own department. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (10 May 2014):
 I'm also not sure if you're referring to the hair (or lack of) of the 'tidiness' of your labia.
You can easily trim or wax the area, just do whatever you're comfortable with. I used to trim and have bikini wax but now I just prefer the cleaner feel of a complete wax. I'm single so it is purely for my benefit.
If you're referring to the labia, well I believe we all look a little different, with some women having more skin down there than others, or a little asymmetry. To be honest, no one has ever commented on the appearance of mine. They care about .. other things.
But I'm actually I'm with Chigirl - why wouldn't he be equally as nervous about his own appearance and performance?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2014): I think i know what you mean. You mean the size of vaginal lips, right? Women on porn look as you put "tidy" because many of them went through labiaplasty. It's a very painfull surgery of reducing the size.
As everything fake with porns, these part is fake also. Women private parts come in all shapes, sizes and colors. So, do penises. Men Usually are not discriminative. Don't worry much about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2014): of course we notice how it looks like but frankly if we like the lady we like her pussy too no matter how it looks.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2014):
 Your post made me curious, maybe it's because I don't get many chances ( or the wish ) to stare at vaginas very up close and personal,.. but, how is a " tidy " vagina ?? As opposed to an " untidy " one ??
If you refer to a clean shaven pubic area, you can do that too easily, if you want. If you refer to something else... I don't know , somebody tell me please.
If this may reassure you, my general feeling and understanding is that men, God bless them, aren't very finicky about vaginas, they just like them all. You may get the nitpicky guy who wants his gf coiffed and made up and dressed just so,... but when you get to vaginas, men are very tolerant, accepting and welcoming of variety.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2014): I don't think they're really bothered, especially after a certain age. I've had two partners, the first guy was 22 and the second was 28. I would wax and shave and everything for the first guy because I thought that was what you were meant to do, but the second was genuinely surprised to find I did that. I think it made him feel a bit weird actually, as if going bare made me look younger than I was or something.
But anyway, what I'm trying to say is don't worry about it. What you see in porn isn't how things are in real life. Do what you're most comfortable with regarding "maintenance" - I'm sure your new guy will be too happy to be with you to notice or care either way.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 May 2014):
 How can you be so sure this man is obsessed with porn to the degree that he will compare all women he meets in real life to all the women he's seen on porn?
I think you're blowing things way out of proportion. Even if this guy watches porn, I really don't think he cares. Guy's don't really watch porn so that they can compare women... they watch it for a good time when they masturbate. And that's it.
Maybe you ought to stop looking at porn if you can't help but compare yourself to other women. Your self esteem isn't good enough to do that sort of thing. The self esteem is what does or doesn't do the comparison. No one else. No man cares, or compares.
If anything, the man in question will be too occupied comparing his penis to the ones in the porns... he wouldn't pay any attention at all to what your vagina looks like.
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