A
female
age
30-35,
*myMc21
writes:Okay, so lately I've been feeling like people are using me, for the past year I've been constantly paying this that my friend need because she has no income and I feel mean when I'm getting thing, but lately she's been weird with me and expecting things she thinks I should make her food and wake up early to make her dinner then last night she was horrible she spoke to me like I was no one, I no I should just cut her off but she used to be a really good friend Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 May 2014):
 AmyMc21 why are you chasing this looser? Move one and find a decent friend to confide in. You need to appreciate that some people look, sometimes subconsciously, for others who are keen to talk about there troubles and problems in order to use that person and have a hold over them. What I mean is that, for example, some men prey on heartbroken, lonely women for sex, etc. Maybe this so called friend is the same.Theres nothing wrong with sharing a problem with a friend but one of the life lessons we have to learn when we are young is that sometimes others take advantage of that. Your young, judging from your user name around 21, so you have barely started your journey through adult life! There will be plenty of great friends to come and many, many great, caring people you meet along the way. Please don't waste any more time on this person who clearly has some kind of hold over you or does the old "guilt trip" routine. Best o' luck to you.Mark
A
female
reader, AmyMc21 +, writes (7 May 2014):
AmyMc21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, I've been messaging her all day and she hasn't replied I don't think we are friends anymore, but she was the only friend I actually spoke to about,my problems
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 May 2014):
Give people and inch and they take a mile as they say. Ditch this user right now is my advice!! If you don't learn to say no to people then you will attract so called friends who use, abuse and generally take advantage. The sad thing is that it can then lead to suspicion or over reacting to genuine, loyal, honest friends when they need a genuine helping hand. Saying no doesn't make you a bad person, a bad friend or anything like that, its simply better to set a limit to what you can offer others to save yourself problems. Plus if you care about your friends you will want them to learn; the value of money, respect for others, self sufficiency and to have realistic expectations. If you try to hard to take the load off others, they will lie back and let you struggle. You might think its mean to but things when she cant afford them but it sounds like she is the kind of person who has no intention of working hard or trying hard to get a job, as instead she can i've off others. If, in future, a friend claims to be financially in a dire situation then maybe offer to help him/her fill in a CV or apply for jobs. Perhaps you could look online and offer advice as to claiming relevant benefits or offer to pay that person a few quid to clean your car, mow your lawn etc. This stops you ending up being used for money. Obviously if a friend is broke you should offer to help BUT not do all the leg work for them!!!There's clearly a big difference between a good, sensible friend borrowing ten pounds until the end of the week to pay a bill or unexpected repair cost, etc. and someone claiming its an emergency and wanting to borrow money to buy a new pair of designer shoes. Just say "No"!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 May 2014):
 Listen to Honeypie and learn to say NO.
Compassion does not mean subjecting yourself to exploitation, and being friends does not mean relieving people from being resposnible for their lfe.
If your friend hasn't got an income... well then she'll have to go get one , won't she ? Or, if she is disabled or unemployable for whatever reason, that's a problem for your welfare services, not for you.
I understand stepping in ,in an exceptional situation, after all nobody wants to see their friends die of starvation or sleep in the streets , whether they deserve it or not,- but routinely, no. Don't let her take you for granted anymore . If she " needs " to buy stuff, she'll either have to earn her own money, learn to do without, or at most ask for her family's help, not yours.
If she does not understand your new attitude, and does not like you anymore once you pull the purse's strings, then she was no great friends of yours to begin with, but just an user, so doing without her won't be such a loss.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 May 2014):
 Her having no income doesn't mean that YOU (as her friend) HAS to pay anything for her, or buy things for her. I would just not go shopping WITH her.
IF you FEEL like cooking a meal for her, then THAT is nice. IF she is EXPECTING you to do so, I'd tell her:" no can do."
I would however CALL her out on how she talked to you, and if she doesn't apologize and STOP that, she's lose a friend.
She IS taking you for granted BECAUSE you keeping buying things and doing things for her. YOU need to STOP doing that. YOU are not her mom/dad and NOT responsible for giving her stuff.
You said she USED to be a good friend, if she ISN'T one any more then why bother? IF she isn't a GOOD friend any more?
Learn to say no, honey.
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