A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex bf and I have been playing this back and forth game for a while now. he says he does not want to get back in a relationship and he does not want commitment, I do. but yet he continues to call me and not let me go and move on whyyy? will he change if I stop answering his calls?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 He is not going to change. YOU have to be the one who changes.
You have to block his number and not answer his calls or texts. Also block him on Social media.
YOU want a commitment from him. He figures that you are stupid enough to think that giving him sex will make him commit to you. IT will not.
he just wants to use you till someone better for him comes along.
JUST SAY NO and move on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2014):
 Nothing will make him CHANGE - unless he wishes to change. You no answering his calls will not do a thing FOR him, but ofr YOU it might.
YOU might realize that you are holding out for a guy who DOESN'T want to be with you any more. (other then perhaps in a text and booty call manner).
By keeping to talk to him he gets the "girl friend experience" without having to give much back.
And like Auntie Cindy said, you don't need HIM to let you go. YOU let HIM go and move on without him.
GO no contact and KEEP the no contact sooner or later he will leave you be. If you can, block his number, un-friends him on FB, let his e-mails go to the spamfolder etc.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 "my ex bf and I have been playing this back and forth game for a while now"
Is he your Ex or not? If so tell him to stop contacting you and move on. Otherwise this "game" will drag on until you agree to meet him, get back with him or sleep with him, which ever he wants it to be.
His guy wants the best of both worlds...no commitment or relationship, but a hold over you. If he doesn't want a relationship then why does he keep pestering you? Clearly he wants sex. he is hoping persistence will pay off.
Whether this user will change is irrelevant. Its YOU and YOUR behaviour that needs to change...STOP giving this guy the time of day and move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 Easy. Because he believes that if he insists and keeps you under pressure , at some point you will break down, and will give him exactly what he wants from you, casual sex ( or, let's call it casual dates, if we want to assume that 's not just sex ) but no relationship and no committment. And the way you are going about it, he's probably right.
You don't need that he LETS you move on- you move on on your own, period. Stop taking his calls, stop contacting him, make him really an EX. You have tried to rekindle on your terms, you've told him, time and again, what you would want from him... he won't hear it. So be it- you can't make him date you at gun point. You want different things relationshipwise, so stop wasting your time and energies on him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 May 2014):
 An ex is someone you STOP talking to. An ex is someone that you couldn't care less whether he changes or not. You realize that you're causing this by staying in contact with him. Even what you said - "Will he change if I stop answering his calls?" is whacked out. The question SHOULD be "Will I stop wanting him if I block him off of my phone, my Facebook, my searches, and my life?" With that question, the answer is YES. Your feelings will dissipate with time.
Stop talking to him! Block him off of your phone so you won't be tempted to answer his calls. If he bypasses by using another phone, tell him that you need to move on, and that he should leave you alone for good. I know that's not what you want to do, but you need to get over him, and these games aren't allowing you to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): Not answering his calls would be a good idea. I don't know what your ex's motives are, but if he's not letting you move on then you've got to let yourself move on. Breaking off contact is probably the way to go. Is there a reason why you continue to answer his calls? You're not really helping your case by doing so.
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