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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Feeling bad for possibly sick ex. Should I break NC?
Q. My ex and I were together 4 years. We broke up 2 months ago, tomorrow. I broke it off because for several months prior, while I was trying to work things out, he was pushing me to end things, so I did. He acted like he wanted to be set free so I let ...
A. 28 August 2014: Josh is gone and he'll never come back ?...
From your lip to God's ears, OP!!
He deleted all your pics, he only kept cartoons he made representing you and him being sexual, and you taking it up your etc.etc. ?? On FB??
Gak! . Let's kee... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend wont pay back money I lent him!
Q. I recently asked my ex to payback some money he owes me. It's not much (150 dollars) but still, I think it is only fair he pays me back. I know he is strapped on cash and I am doing much better financially, but I don't understand how someone could ...
A. 26 August 2014: Yay !! Congratulations ! I don't know if you realize how lucky you are , when people are dead set on screwing you over, it's not a single phone call which will change their mind... I guess that all in all this guy has a bit of conscience and he ... (read in full...)
Feeling bad for possibly sick ex. Should I break NC?
Q. My ex and I were together 4 years. We broke up 2 months ago, tomorrow. I broke it off because for several months prior, while I was trying to work things out, he was pushing me to end things, so I did. He acted like he wanted to be set free so I let ...
A. 26 August 2014: Does it have to make sense ?... Why ?... Look at the big picture , not the details.
You broke up with this guy, you have decided to have him out of your life. Good for you.
Now, you have trouble maintaning NC- heck, you've broken it already ... (read in full...)
Am I now the workplace joke?
Q. Im the 3rd oldest at work, 95% my colleagues are under 31. my handwriting isnt good , I try and its kind of ok and legible, but it will never be "really neat." Part of my job means writing and documenting at times, I do my best but since i was ...
A. 25 August 2014: Too bad that you did not like my answer, but, as for genuine, it was genuine ; " genuine " meaning :
a ) ) actual, real, not fake or false
b ) sincerely and honestly felt or experienced.
It is both an actual and real fact, and also sin... (read in full...)
In love with my sister's male friend but my sister doesn't approve!
Q. hello i am a 19 year old Hindu girl and I have fallen for my sisters 23 year old white male friend and he feels the same but my sister has band me from seeing him. (they have been mates for over 20 years) a few months ago i finally got up t...
A. 25 August 2014: See ? There you have it. The details you omitted in the first post are not irrelevant, amd I think you know it, and kind of explain why your sister went berserk , even if of course explaining is not the same as justifying.
If the whole prob... (read in full...)
In love with my sister's male friend but my sister doesn't approve!
Q. hello i am a 19 year old Hindu girl and I have fallen for my sisters 23 year old white male friend and he feels the same but my sister has band me from seeing him. (they have been mates for over 20 years) a few months ago i finally got up t...
A. 25 August 2014: What I don't understand is " she has threatened to tell my mum and dad ". Well, where's the threat ? If you are planning to date this guy long term, and not to just have a quick fling,... they ARE supposed to know. They would be introduced to him, ... (read in full...)
Should I let my former best friend back into my life?
Q. I met a girl at college and we instantly became really close. She was the same age as me, and we just got on really well. She has four children and from what she told me, an abusive partner. I helped her as much as I could, but I was beginning to ...
A. 25 August 2014: I am even a bit surprised you ask !
It took you a while to shake her off, and now that you have finally succeeded,... you want to let her creep her way back in ?
The way you told us, this did not even sound like friendship at all, just an oppor... (read in full...)
I feel like my mother's insensitivity is ruining our relationship
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles. I need some help with a problem I have been having with my mother. I am 18, 5'11 and around 66kg. I've been modelling on-off for the past two years but I've always found it hard as my body type is more athletic than most ...
A. 24 August 2014: May I try to play devil's advocate for this insensitive mother ?...
It is what it is. Your mom did not make the rules, and it all depends if you want to play by the rules ( and get the rewatds which come with playing by the rules ) or not. In o... (read in full...)
Am I now the workplace joke?
Q. Im the 3rd oldest at work, 95% my colleagues are under 31. my handwriting isnt good , I try and its kind of ok and legible, but it will never be "really neat." Part of my job means writing and documenting at times, I do my best but since i was ...
A. 23 August 2014: A - as in " one " - occasional smart ass comment is not being laughed at and ridiculed by the whole world.
Plus, I never heard that handwriting is such as subject for crass, ho-ho-ho, belly laughs; at most for a smile. Otherwise, all chem... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to communicate about the problems that we're having?
Q. Well, for the past few years now I've been having a slight problem with my boyfriend, he refuses to talk about our problems, he's a generally talkative guy and will pretty much have a conversation about anything so it's not his lack of talking ...
A. 23 August 2014: I agree with the others, unluckily.
If he refuses to talk, it's because his wrongdoings, basically, are not up for discussion. He does not want to change his behaviour NOR be told to change his behaviour, so he saves himself what in his opin... (read in full...)
My mother won't allow me to marry a younger man
Q. I am a 19 year old girl, been in a 1yr relationship with my boyfriend without sex cos I'm scared of losing my virginity yet! I love him but the truth is I am 6 months older than him. He wishes to marry me but my mum says she'll not allow me marry...
A. 22 August 2014: 6 months is such a small age difference that perhaps your mom objects to you getting married NOW. 19 is very young for getting married, and for getting married to an 18 y.o. BOY.. I think every mom would shiver at the idea.
Did you find out if t... (read in full...)
Love ex-gf but she is dating new guy
Q. Hi, everyone. My ex girlfriend broke up with me in December because she didn't think I loved her enough. I did love her a lot, but we were both being immature -- she was acting passive aggressively and I wasn't communicating. She texted me once ...
A. 22 August 2014: It may be true that's all is fair in love and war, but this is not really a matter of fairness, or equity. It's a matter of probability , and seing things as they are.
It sounds like this ship has sailed. You had your chances - both when you were... (read in full...)
We want a boy but I don't want my husband to be disappointed if it isn't
Q. Hello! I am 12 weeks pregnant, due in March 2015! My husband wants, a little boy, therefore I do to. I even talk to my stomach as if I were having a boy. But lately I have had a lot of anxiety inside me. I am so worried that, I will have a girl, I ...
A. 22 August 2014: If your husband should be disappointed in having a baby girl, well, he only has himself to blame, because everybody knows that which gender the baby will be is only always determined by the father.
I strongly encourage you both, in case it is a... (read in full...)
Why does he keep looking at me?
Q. I started my placement as part of my degree about 2 weeks ago. Yesterday I noticed that a guy who works there too but in a different office, possibly a different division, but I think on the same floor as me, looks at me when he walks by. My desk is ...
A. 22 August 2014: Is he just looking for an office affair ?...
Well, if he is MARRIED, that's the most probable, isn't it ?..
T mean, I am sure you are attractive and all, but it sounds strange to me thet he gave you a few looks and decided : " YESS ! That's m... (read in full...)
How should I tell this woman that the man she loves isn't who he says that he is?
Q. I am in total shock. I was dating a really wonderful, fun man for 10 months, who was doing important research in the medical field. We saw each other about once a week, and rarely on weekends, as he was always working on grants and papers, trying to ...
A. 22 August 2014: 1) Easily. There are tons of men ( amd some women too ) who can keep sex and love neatly separated ! Two differennt persons for two totally different purposes.
Also ,do not forget that this of marryng because ( or JUST because ) you are in love... (read in full...)
Experiences with losing your virginity in a one night stand or to a FWB??
Q. So recently I was asked by a friend I have know since I was five if I wanted to have sex with him in a fwb kinda thing. My problem with this is that I am virgin. I'm just wondering what are some experiences anybody has had with losing their ...
A. 21 August 2014: Is this the same old friend of yours whom you like but he likes ANOTHER girl who turned him down ?...
How flattering, to start your sex life as a plan B.
Well, of course an FWB is a plan B by definition, because if you were a plan A, he would... (read in full...)
Feeling bad for possibly sick ex. Should I break NC?
Q. My ex and I were together 4 years. We broke up 2 months ago, tomorrow. I broke it off because for several months prior, while I was trying to work things out, he was pushing me to end things, so I did. He acted like he wanted to be set free so I let ...
A. 21 August 2014: Since you know this is his usual M.O. , 90% of chances it is that it's always an attention- drawing technique.
And 10% ?... 10 %, maybe you need to grow a thicker skin ( or, to stop look for excuses that would warrant you getting in touch agai... (read in full...)
He said he would help, we had sex, and now, no help!
Q. A fee days ago I asked my ex boyfriend if I could borrow some money from him to invest in my business. He is a millionare so I knew he could spare it. We broke up 2 years ago and we hadn't spoken in 5 months since the last time we met up- mainly ...
A. 21 August 2014: Yeah agreed, let's forget about what happened or not sexually, that's not the point .
What I want to raise is another point : knowing the guy and your past history , I think it was rather delusional of you , or let's call it unduly opti... (read in full...)
What does it mean if someone apologizes without turning to look at you?
Q. What does it mean when someone apologizes to you but their back is turned towards you? This happened to me with a n employee at work. I am the boss and I thought this was highly unusual behavior. ...
A. 21 August 2014: The OP agrees with me, and I agree with her :).
Of course it is her territory. Her employees ' thoughts are not,- her employees' ACTIONS, and lack of respect, are. Apologies offered by a butt are not acceptable.
I would not fire an employee... (read in full...)
Neither of us is ready for parenting, so why do I keep thinking about having his child?
Q. Before I begin, I would really love it if nobody judged me or made fun of me. Because I know my feelings are wrong but I just want to know what is making me feel this way. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for almost 8 months ...
A. 20 August 2014: Ir depends .
In part it's hormons. After all, women have a strong reproductive urge and a maternal instinct- so yes, biology, evolution, etc.- ... and yet in some it kicks in much later and in some others at your age or even sooner; so norm... (read in full...)
What does it mean if someone apologizes without turning to look at you?
Q. What does it mean when someone apologizes to you but their back is turned towards you? This happened to me with a n employee at work. I am the boss and I thought this was highly unusual behavior. ...
A. 20 August 2014: Hard to know without a bit more of background info, but, as first impression, I would have to say that he is giving you begrudgingly a " whatever " apology just to get you off his case, or because he is forced to, or he knows his job is on ... (read in full...)
Worried that stretch marks are going to ruin my body, even after I've dropped 3 stone. Advice?
Q. This is quite a common problem and I need some advice on it. I am a young teen girl verging on being 18, and some of you may of read from my previous questions that I am trying to lose weight. Its going very well I have gone fro...
A. 20 August 2014: First off, congratulations ! So, basically , after one month you already are one third of the way ? Excellent, OP, keep going.
Do not fret over stretch marks, OP. If push comes to shove, yes there are cosmetic surgery solutions ( expensive ! I th... (read in full...)
He said he would help, we had sex, and now, no help!
Q. A fee days ago I asked my ex boyfriend if I could borrow some money from him to invest in my business. He is a millionare so I knew he could spare it. We broke up 2 years ago and we hadn't spoken in 5 months since the last time we met up- mainly ...
A. 20 August 2014: So , sex = intercourse only ?... I though we had cleared our ideas about that since Bill Clinton's times :).
Anyway, - he flaked on you 5 times in the past. So it is not surprising if he is flaking out a 6th. A flake is a flake, rich or poor... (read in full...)
Something just hasn't clicked in my life and I'm perpetually in a rut. Has anybody felt this low and how did they bounce back?
Q. Right this is a issue I have had for years and it wont go away. I feel life is pointless and void and really feel like I have no chance of a future, I have no hobbies as nothing greatly interests me or I loose interest in it. I do try to have energy ...
A. 20 August 2014: Going to the doctor .
You don't " think " you are depressed, and you do not want to be depressed, but you talk just like a depressed person and it is likely that you are one.
What you describe is called anhedonia- the incapability to get plea... (read in full...)
I'm not going to contact him but is there any chance he might contact me and we could salvage something?
Q. Dear cupid, I am needing your advice on this please, My ex dumped me and Things ended very friendly between us, he just didn’t want a relationship and I do – I’m heartbroken, all I can do is work and sleep. Anyway he contacts and we chat...
A. 20 August 2014: I'd feel that you are being stubborn and not really listening. Why, I have just told you at length how and why I do not want a relationship ( I agree with Honeypie, I think he was putting out feelers for an FWB ) ... and you tell me you want only ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend dumped me by disappearing, should I give him a piece of my mind or just leave him alone?
Q. I was dating my boyfriend for about 5 months (not long). I'm 18 and he's 22. He hasn't spoken to me in a week now. I've been very worried that something happened to him (that he was in the hospital or maybe even dead) so I've been texting and...
A. 20 August 2014: Let it be. He is a coward, he wanted an easy way out.. and a prudent one too, I think the reason why he is not just blocking your calls, but just letting his phone ring off the hook... is becase he reserves himself the possibility to think of ... (read in full...)
What can I do with this rather odd employee?
Q. Hello. I am a manager for a small store that has about 20 employees, most of whom are full-time. They tend to have consistent shifts/days, and most people have been there for 2-3 years so they are a pretty tight-knit group. I have hired some new ...
A. 20 August 2014: But the other 20 employees are good, or good enough too ! Shown by the fact that they are there since the last 3 years, and that the only complaint against them which the OP makes... is that they complain against a pesky coworker ( which again, ... (read in full...)
Social priorities are just garbage now! Why have people become so messed up?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, forge here. I have realised that in society today, things between men and women are getting very ridiculous, and I want to know why. These are some points I think are good, and I'm sure someone out there will agree. This is ...
A. 19 August 2014: I think that you paint things by a very wide brush. Of course you can inly draw from your own experience, but I hope you realize that your experience is not the same for the rest of the world, or of USA, or of your State, or perhaps even of ... (read in full...)
I don't know if we should stay together or move on with our lives
Q. So I'm not really good at relationships or this whole love thing. I've been dating this guy a year and 6 months. And we live together. Our relationship is very difficult because we never can agree on most things. Everything else is good we have the ...
A. 19 August 2014: I tend more toward " it's not meant to be ".
Contrariously to popular belief, a
high level of conflictuality does not mean you are passionate about each other ( or, not only that ) . It means that you are not compatible. There are several ... (read in full...)
What can I do with this rather odd employee?
Q. Hello. I am a manager for a small store that has about 20 employees, most of whom are full-time. They tend to have consistent shifts/days, and most people have been there for 2-3 years so they are a pretty tight-knit group. I have hired some new ...
A. 19 August 2014: I, instead, agree with the poster who says that your job is to get work done, not to make them happy.
If they are not happy they will leave .. let them leave, they will be replaced. It does not sound like this is the kind of place who needs unus... (read in full...)
My boss is a bully.
Q. My boss is a bully, he belittles my ideas and opinions,isolates me at work and even doesn't give me any feedback unless its negative. i have asked for a job evaluation and he has not replied my email. I cant just quit because i have a family to...
A. 19 August 2014: Banal advice, but.. if you already know that it is a bad idea, then do not do it.
Stiff upper lip. Grin and bear.
There are many people that have to work in less than ideal circumstances, and also with no hope or perspective of changes ... (read in full...)
We agreed to be exclusive, she says sex with another woman doesn't count!
Q. I've been with a woman for about a month, we just recently had the talk and decided to be exclusive but not official. Deciding to take things slow. Last night she decided to attempt to see if she could do anything sexually with another woman. She ...
A. 19 August 2014: What difference does it make if she never actually had sex with the woman ?! She tried to- she meant to- she contacted her in view of.
If , after agreeing to be EXCLUSIVE, she had hit on some guy, with the intent to have sex, and brought him ... (read in full...)
Is everyone guilty of victim blaming in some way?
Q. I know this is controversial, but I've been discussing it with my boyfriend and some female friends that I have. It's hard to get insight from guys I know because they just "leave it alone". I would LOVE to get insight from social workers or police, ...
A. 19 August 2014: Yes. I surely am, in the sense that you mention,...and I do not apologize for that. At all.
I think that there is a biiig difference between taking ( or giving ) blame and taking ( or giving ) responsibility. I think it's everybody's resp... (read in full...)
Why is my married coworker so hot and cold with me?
Q. After 8 months, I finally returned to the place I used to work. The last time I was there, I became good friends with a man, let's call him Mike. Mike pretty much taught me everything I knew when I first started the job. He is about 10 years older ...
A. 18 August 2014: I'd leave it as it is.
You are already friendly, as friendly as it gets in an average work place.
If by becoming friends you mean, I guess, exchanging texts... probably he does not want to do that.
He has a wife- not all wives are ok with ... (read in full...)
We agreed to be exclusive, she says sex with another woman doesn't count!
Q. I've been with a woman for about a month, we just recently had the talk and decided to be exclusive but not official. Deciding to take things slow. Last night she decided to attempt to see if she could do anything sexually with another woman. She ...
A. 18 August 2014: Dump her ass. It does count. Last time I checked , women were still real human beings and sexual beings, with genitalia and all.
I could perhaps understand if she had tried , say, cybersex and thought in good faith it does not count as chea... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend wont pay back money I lent him!
Q. I recently asked my ex to payback some money he owes me. It's not much (150 dollars) but still, I think it is only fair he pays me back. I know he is strapped on cash and I am doing much better financially, but I don't understand how someone could ...
A. 18 August 2014: I am afraid that you might as well set your heart at rest and kiss your 150 goodbye.
I don't think it depends from the state of your relationship now ( broken up ) or from him being angry or anything like that.
That's simply the person h... (read in full...)
My Daughter in Law is very hateful and angry all the time.
Q. My youngest son had a previous marriage and has two sons from that marriage. After the divorce, he met a woman online from another state who has one son that he is married to now. His new wife was unhappy about the child support he was p...
A. 18 August 2014: I am fully aware that you won't like my answer as much as the other ones, - you won't like it at all, in fact, but I hope at least you'll appreciate the honesty and the atttempt at objectivity.
I think that you have , inadvertently and with the ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I liked what he was doing without sending the wrong message?
Q. Sooo I really like this guy I have been friends with since kindergarden. We have always been friends but in the last few years he's become my closest guy friend, we know more about each other than a lot of people do. Recently-ish he broke up with ...
A. 18 August 2014: But SHE turned him down. Had it been for him, they would be dating. If he is single, he is single by default, and it does not mean that he actually likes YOU instead of her ( or of the next girl he chances into ).
You say you did not like the ... (read in full...)
I think my friend stole from me ......
Q. I think my friend may have stolen from me and I feel awful thinking like this so I need some advice... A mutual friend of ours was getting married and we were both invited to the wedding. Unfortunately I wasn't able to attend as I was going o...
A. 18 August 2014: I think that unluckily whatever you decide to do is not that relevant in this case, because anyway you've got to kiss this " friend " goodbye, it's over.
First, she did not act as a friend, if she really had lost your envelope, she should have... (read in full...)
I've discovered I'm bi and I'm scared
Q. I have recently found out (i say recently, bout, what, 4months ago?) Found out that i am bisexual. I am quit scared" as i believe that gay relationships are wierd and creepy and so are the people in them. Also i have no idea what any of my ...
A. 18 August 2014: You do not have to do anything, since at 13-15 you are not even supposed to be sexually active either with males or females. Being sexually active ( by which I do not mean just intercourse , obviously ) at 15 is imprudent, premature, emotionally ... (read in full...)
I went farther than I'm comfortable with this early on
Q. I met a guy recently and we went on a first date for drinks which was a really great evening and we both wanted to see each other again. We went for a second date a week later which involved going for drinks, going for dinner and after dinner drinks ...
A. 18 August 2014: Well, you DID flake on your standards. I am not scolding you, I think we all do somewhat - we all have high and noble and lofty standards, it's easy to maintain them ...until they are unchallenged :), a bit less in practice..
This to say that , if... (read in full...)
SHould I date this guy even though my family says hes just after me for sex?
Q. So 4 weeks ago i started a new job and a co worker of mine has really taken a liking to me. I like him too, a lot, but I am 18 and he is 23. Now i know this is a very small age gap but i have a sister who's 22 and i have always said i refuse to date ...
A. 18 August 2014: I agree with my DC colleagues, it's obvious that this guy wants to get into your pants, just like your family says ( just because they are family it does not mean they are dumb, you know ? ). I am not saying he will succeed, or he will force you ... (read in full...)
Why does he lie about stuff just to get away from me?
Q. Boyfriend and I have been together a year and 6 months and we live together. How ever every time we fight, or I'm depressed or upset and cry and freak out on him he makes excuses to not be around me. Like today we have been fighting all weekend ...
A. 17 August 2014: I agree with the posters who suggest you seek medical help. You do not need so much a supportive bf, as a good specialist , and also to make a committment to take responsibility for your mental health, and seek proper treatment for your anxiety ... (read in full...)
I want to hate my boyfriend so I can leave him
Q. Dear Cupid Im with my current bf for past 4 years. Its been 6 months since we actually had a good talk, went on a romantic date.... I just come home from work, cook dinner and wait for him, he hangs around with his friends after work, come home ...
A. 17 August 2014: You can leave him also without hating him !
In fact, maybe it's better. Hate is a heavy,uncomfortable baggage to carry around , the least you feel it, the lighter you travel, so if you have to hate someone, do not waste such a powerful, dist... (read in full...)
Momma's boy's Momma found my panties!
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and I recently spent a couple days at his place. He's a bit of a mommas boy so of course his mom goes over to clean his apartment and finds my underwear in his sheets. I'm completely mortified! ...
A. 17 August 2014: Nothing, what you want to do ?... He may be a Momma's boy, but she knows that if he is old enough to live alone he's also old enough to have a sexual life and women who visit his bed and forget their panties there :).
I don't think it will... (read in full...)
Why do people always stare at me and what should I do about it?
Q. I'm unusual looking, average am over 35, pale, (bad skin which im trying to improve, and yes I do wear light make up to cover spots..) I am thinnish, I wear average clothes, glasses at times when I don't wear contacts, as I have very ba...
A. 17 August 2014: I cannot know for sure, but I think you may be projecting. Meaning that YOU feel bad about your pale skin, glasses etc. so you tend to see as malicious
" stares " what are normal, idle glances. I mean, like, say you are in line at a cash... (read in full...)
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