A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right this is a issue I have had for years and it wont go away. I feel life is pointless and void and really feel like I have no chance of a future, I have no hobbies as nothing greatly interests me or I loose interest in it. I do try to have energy but ends up being wasted.For example I go my gym for a bit start feeling the benefits and then all of sudden I think to myself what's the point ? you will never be able to look as good as these people in here , if I didn't waste all these years I would be fit and healthy now. And then I give up.I am in a low paid long hours sales job ,but feel I am stuck as I do not know what career change, I want and only have 1 weekday off every 2 weeks, so getting interviews is difficult.I generally feel like I am waiting to die, I know I am wasting my life and do try things but then just laugh at myself and think what a idiot.Family members say I might be depressed but I don't think that's the case. Something just hasn't clicked in my life and I don't know what. Also if I went the docs I would either end up on happy pills all my life or just have depression labelled with me for always.This might just be life and I cant handle it properly but I have really give up on life and the feeling to grasp it never comes back.Also if I was to list good things about me I could do 2 nice and polite and I hate them things about me they wind me up.I don't know this was probably just good way to get things off my chest . Has anybody felt this low and how did they bounce back?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): I can see the trap the cycle of despair that you are in - I have been there. There is 'burn out' from stress but I think you are 'rust out'. It seems you have nothing to enthuse about - to feel fire in your belly to do. The only way to discover this, I have found, is by experimenting at no cost by way of volunteering. I know this might sound familiar but I actually gained a new skill (coaching young people) whilst volunteering and it set me off thinking I could do something different with my life. It also looked good on my CV and gave me a massive confidence boost. People will show faith in you as a volunteer and give you responsibilities way beyond the mundane rubbish of a day to day job - and it is no risk for either you or the 'employer'. You will meet new people, have a purpose and even if you can only spare the one day a fortnight then so be it for now. It is fine to be sceptical but what about just trying this for 3 months. You can volunteer in anything that takes your fancy. I had a period of unemployment too and volunteered during that as I was going mad staying at home and applying for job after job. Walking, jogging or just moving around more also gets me motivated - especially just getting some fresh air once a day. Clears my head and gives me a focus. Take a brave step and just try something new.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you every one so much for their own stories and advice on what to do. I just need to some how throw myself out there and actually try to find that spark again in life. And to also be grateful for all the little things and my family . I used to really enjoy helping people and that used to make me happy.I look at family members and think 'wow I am like this but some how you get on with life' as they either don't have a job or a great social life and yet get on with life.I feel I have been grateful for being in work as apposed to do what I want or aiming for more . But that can be down to confidence .I will also think about the things I haven't done and what I should do .I have always struggled with negative thoughts towards myself I have eve tried them 'positive talks in the mirror' but that felt really stupid .I have tried so many self help things but I just feel a prat doing them.I know people have gone through many worse things in life and some how bounce back and I admire them, I also know that is to do with many people writing back to this thread.So thank you again everyone for taking time to write on it . I will book in with the doctors and see what they say. I just want to feel normal again really and not drift threw life. Oh and thank you for the youth comments since turning 25 I have always felt my youth has gone .thanks again And I have always felt if you are labelled with depression than that's it , its on your record and future jobs can check if you have had it .
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 August 2014):
 Going to interviews is easy, everyone has holidays they are entitled to book off, just do that.
I don't know if its the trend, depression, or maybe a symptom of modern life, everyone comparing themselves to everyone else. Wanting it all.
There will always be somebody skinnier, prettier, cleverer etc than you. And me. And everyone else. Thats life. Don't compare yourself to anyone.
If you want a new job then look for one. If you don't like your life, change it.
Trying is better than not, laughing at yourself is good, we should all do that. Making a fool of ourselves is human, nobody is perfect and super cool 24/7.
I don't know if your depressed am not a doctor. Go chat to one if it helps you, see what they say
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): If you need to find something to give your life meaning, find something you're passionate about!! & If you do get that dream interview, just book it off in advance. Google "inspirational quotes" There is so much to do in life, so much to discover, experience, and the only thing stopping you is you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): I got dumped by someone when everything was going really great between us. So I thought. I was blind-sided. No argument, no warning. We were having a great time and got along well. Just out of nowhere he told me I deserved someone better, and that was it. WTF?!!!
I didn't have a chance to prepare. At least an argument or some kind of nasty fight that would have given me some reason to want out. At least a reason to hate him. It was a kick in the balls, and my heart was ripped right out of my chest. I'm a mature person. After my partner died, I was ready and willing to be single the rest of my life. I was fulfilled.
I gave up six years void of drama, and the peaceful life of being a single-man, after a 28 year relationship. Then got dumped for taking the risk of caring for someone!
We had a lot of fun. To be truthful, I did notice he was getting sort of bossy and sometimes had a condescending tone. Started doing things and going out; and then tell me after the fact. No big deal I thought. I had a life and plenty to do. I have a lot of good friends to share my time with. He didn't pay my bills or set my clock!
Accidentally, I discovered something very dark about him. I decided to just ignore it. I went into denial, buried it.
Then, just like that. It was over.
I felt like total crap. I buried myself in work. Caught up on a lot of reading. Ate lots of chocolate. I helped a friend with his home-improvement project, and really got into that. Then I started doing stuff around my place. I had some really crappy days; but I pushed myself, and just started new projects to keep me busy. Did tons and tons more reading.
I do volunteer work, and so I sort of helped out; and hung around happy busy wonderful people doing good things. I got in-touch with people I hadn't heard from for awhile, and called a different family member every other day of the week. Just to get caught-up with people I love, and have missed. I started feeling a lot of new energy.
Then I found DC, and put my experience and wisdom to use. I offered my advice and opinions. I even shared how I progressed after my breakup through a series of articles.
I opened up my vulnerabilities to strangers through articles that I hoped people could relate to. I accepted my imperfections. I rediscovered my strengths, and reclaimed my power over myself. I didn't live for a relationship. That is something that supplements and compliments your life. It's a gift love, but it has to be reciprocated.
Love is not unconditional; because one condition is that it is given in return. It shouldn't be given to people who waste it or take it for granted. I've learned the hard way.
A relationship isn't all that you are, or all that you have. I always have love around me. I didn't have to have a boyfriend to feel it. It took months to reach that conclusion. I forgot when grief struck. I felt lost and drained. Like I made a fool of myself. I stayed single six years after my partner passed away. Just dating here and there. Avoiding anything too serious. This great guy came along. We shared a 10-month romance, before being dumped!
When you don't know what to do with yourself, you find a club or organization to be around good people. Be useful.
They take your mind off your miseries. They give you purpose and challenge your mind. You can join a zumba class, take yoga, and learn how to meditate. Learn to be a gourmet cook. Start an indoor or outdoor garden. Run errands for elderly relatives. Listen to their advice.
You have to be centered, balanced, and creative. Appreciate how young you are. Stop looking at life like it is a dredge you're just dragging yourself through. You probably do have some mild depression. If it's getting progressively worse, you'll end up hospitalized, if you don't get it treated.
I battled my way through my emotional slumps the hard way. I just made up my mind to find happiness and I don't expect anyone to give it to me. I do things my way. I'm dating now, but I don't feel pressured to rush into anything. I go to worship and I pray. I say thanks for all my blessings, and I feel a sense of hope. I show others there's hope.
I have a loving family, great friends, and a lot of things to do. I workout to keep in shape. Yet I still get sad now and then. I feel pressure from work. I get bad news about family or friends; but I chug along all the same.
I read the news or listen to the reports and see the ugly stuff going on in the world; and it makes me feel all the more blessed for even the slightest piece of joy that comes my way.
Life is a gift. People waste a lot of it demanding perfection and immediate gratification. Wanting what other people have, or feeling angry; because they want something to brag about. Something to make them feel superior to others. Hating their looks, feeling like victims, being mean, and draining others of their light. Even hating God.
They have a huge sense of entitlement, like the world owes them something. They expect more from other people then they're willing to give. They only want relationships to make up for their own weaknesses. Offering their insecurity in exchange the for love and support of someone stronger. That still isn't enough, until their partner is totally
zapped and drained of their strength. They get blamed for not curing the insecurities that were forced down their throats by unhappy people. They don't know why they're unhappy. So go out and find some. It's all over the place.
I've gone through a life-time dodging their bullets. Avoiding people like that, and praying I will not become like that. I was taught from a child we come into the world with nothing, and we'll leave the same way. You see celebrities and famous people who have beauty, money, and it seems everything anyone could wish for. Yet they still don't feel happy. It isn't always a clinical issue. It's ungratefulness, greed, and vanity. Meanness. Selfishness.
Karma!
What they are missing is hope. They thought a lot of money, material things, and being famous was a substitute for loving themselves and someone else. I don't mean narcissistic love, I mean happy just being you.
They snubbed the ordinary people who cared for them, for uppity friends. Then found out the uppity-people they found were not real or friends at all. They dissed all their real friends, and are too proud to admit they f*cked-up. They turn to drugs, drinking, sex, and risky daredevil behavior to flirt with death. Life isn't always a party, but it ain't always hell either. If all you want to do is dwell on misery, that's all you'll ever see.
Some have no faith things get better. They don't believe love is real, but the kind of love they want isn't real.
They hate their jobs, forgetting about people who don't have one. They hate the fact they're not beautiful like a model, forgetting they're not missing limbs, blind, or disabled. They want Hollywood storybook fairytale love; but forget that they are loved in the real sense. They don't appreciate it, until they've lost it with all their bitching and moaning. It was all so simple, but they made it unnecessarily complicated.
You bounce back when you realize all the blessings you do have. When you look up at the blue sky, and see the sun and clouds. You watch a sunset, and you watch the night sky full of stars. Waves crashing on the rocks, ripples in the sand. Things that are free! Cute babies giggling, and old couples holding hands. It gives me hope.
When I got dumped, I felt everything was taken from me.
That is because I put too much value in one thing. I forgot about all the really good stuff I still had. I put all my faith and feelings in him. I gave him too much of me. I almost forgot to save some love for myself. I did regain that, thank goodness. I had to be my best friend. Trust myself, forgive myself, and rebuild myself. That was some hard work. Still in progress, I might add.
Now I look at the things I've taken for granted. Instead of complaining, I listen to what other people go through and I help them. I find peace in helping others, and believing in something good and bigger than myself. I don't put as much value on material things as I used to. I'm happy to have what I have, and the ability to get more when I need it.
Yes, I feel low. Yet I pick myself up. I find myself dwelling on bad things sometimes. I have a bad day, and it seems all is going to shit. A friend calls, or I'll call a friend. I forget what I was feeling so shitty about. I get a good laugh or a good cry. I purge my soul. I pray all day, for people I love, myself, and people worse off than me.
I keep hope in my heart, and it gets me through dreary times. I garden, and watch things grow. I see songbirds and an assortment of butterflies through the summer, thanking me for my efforts. I go to the beach, and I feel so lifted. I forget about bills, gossipy neighbors, and all the tragedies that will always be a part of living. That is what makes me feel even more blessed that I have life.
You're in your 20's? You still have life's greatest gift. Your youth!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 Going to the doctor .
You don't " think " you are depressed, and you do not want to be depressed, but you talk just like a depressed person and it is likely that you are one.
What you describe is called anhedonia- the incapability to get pleasure from or find interest in anything in your life - is one of the biggest symptoms of depression.
And no, you would not be on happy pills forever- just for a while, until you produce enough serotonin that you restart to take an interest in things and find something that excites you, or at least the WISH and motivation to seek for something that excites you. Or, you would not be put on happy pills at all, you'd be treated with talk therapy and shown the tools how to change feelings / attitudes / dysfunctional thoughts annd behaviours.
And who tells you you'd be depressed for life ?... Depression is an illness, and illnesses , properly treated, HEAL. Some people are less lucky and have persistent, recurring depression bouts which tend to chronicize their condition, but a ) why that should necessarily be you ? b) even if it is you, you'd learn how to MANAGE your condition and to deal with it more efficiently so to minimize its bad effects.
If you are chronically, irreparably short sighted, it's not a good reason to NOT wear glasses, and keep going around walking yourself into lampposts . Do wear your glasses: you'll never heal and never will be an airline pilot, but at least your daily life will be easier.
Your " what's the point " feeling sounds also a typical thought process of depression.
For non depressed people, the point it's that there is no point other than feeling alive, good and possibly happy. The point is in the travel, not in the destination.
I used to go to musical theatre classes, and it was clear right from the start that we had no Judy Garland in the making there. I wasn't that good- I was just barely tolerable, and not always, tbh :). So ? I did not want to be Judy Garland, I wanted to have fun and enjoy myself and feel good, which singing DOES wonders for( to a non- depressed person ).
I understand that this is a bit like tryng to explain colours to someone who's born blind, what to me is natural and evident, you ( temporarily ) don't even have the basic tools to grasp it, so you can't relate. But these tools ASRE at your disposal, if you just can give yourself the first little push and go seek them.
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