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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?
Q. Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...
A. 19 September 2014: Eyeswideopen: good point . I concede that :). It's just that I have a problem with people who , more often than not, have furry BUTTS, telling me that I have to remove all of my hair to be acceptable. ... (read in full...)
Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?
Q. Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...
A. 19 September 2014: But that's the point, anon reader of Sept.19th :
I can't claim that I have slept with all the 150.000.000 of American men, for instance, ( I was trying my best, but then I got called back to Europe,couldn't finish....NOOOOO. This was a joke... (read in full...)
I feel she was leading me on and then she pulled the carpet out from under my feet!
Q. A long time female friend, (know her 50 years) and I both divorced. We date as friends. During one of our dates she talked about sex. She told me she hasn't had sex in 7 years. It kind of sounded like an invitation, so I asked her if she'd have sex ...
A. 15 September 2014: Anon male reader, you are making assumptions which are not necessarily true, about what the Aunts would answer if the same had come from a man. But anyway, you seem not to realize that it's never just the words which convey the meaning , it's ... (read in full...)
His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!
Q. I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...
A. 15 September 2014: I get perfectly what YouWish says- I think the difficulty here is that we are trying to figure this situation out under the legal, or business, or commercial angle- when it is a gentleman's agreement, so the only rules which apply, intelligent ... (read in full...)
We're no longer together but I was offended by his actions
Q. I went to a wedding recently with an ex bf. we didn't go as a couple but we went together because we were both invited, our mutual friends would be there as well. during the wedding I noticed him talking to this girl on the dance floor. then I saw ...
A. 15 September 2014: OP, ... if he really cared about you, .. he would not be content with being your ex and / or just your FWB partner. If he cared, he'd want more than that.
Should you be mad ? Well, you clearly are, and there's not much you can do about that, but ... (read in full...)
I hear less and less from my LDR
Q. I really don't know whether to stay with my boyfriend. We're in a fairly long distance relationship, about four hours away, so it's not easy seeing each other. At first it was fine because we'd text and skype all the time, but recently things have ...
A. 15 September 2014: Eh... LDRs are hard to maintain in best case scenario, and at 16, it's sort of " forget about it ".
You don't have the money, the time, and the freedom to go visit each other reasonably often, it's all WORDS, basically. You can't close the gap ... (read in full...)
I feel she was leading me on and then she pulled the carpet out from under my feet!
Q. A long time female friend, (know her 50 years) and I both divorced. We date as friends. During one of our dates she talked about sex. She told me she hasn't had sex in 7 years. It kind of sounded like an invitation, so I asked her if she'd have sex ...
A. 15 September 2014: No OP, she did not lead you on, you did everything by yourself ! :).
You have known her 50 years !, and you are going out AS FRIENDS . ( You sound like firmly friendzoned by now ).
She chose to share personal info with you as a friend, not as a... (read in full...)
Should height be a factor in not picking someone?
Q. Should height be a factor in not picking someone? There's a guy I went out with recently, cute, sweet, funny, and we got along fine it's just that he's so short. I mean I'm short too but he's like 2 inches taller than me and I'm 5'1 I love ...
A. 14 September 2014: I don't think it's shallow - you've got to be able to like a guy also physically, at least somewhat . You are going to have to make love with him at some point, and you are not going to make love ( only ) with his wonderful sense of humour, or ... (read in full...)
What do you uncles and aunts mean when you say "children come first" if a childless person is dating or married to another person who has a child or children?
Q. Hi. I'd like to know, what do the aunts and uncles and others mean when they say: "children come first" if a childless person is dating or married to another personwho has a child or children? Does that mean the person with children does not have ...
A. 14 September 2014: Yes, obviously you have more obligations ( and you FEEL more obligations ) to your own flesh and blood than to someone else, who , no matter how lovable, has just waltzed in in your life, with the status of bf or gf, and could equally waltz away , ... (read in full...)
What does he want from me? I rejected his FWB request 3 times. But I do have feelings for him
Q. Hello everyone, before asking my question, I'll give a 'little' background. I'll try to make it short :) Last year around winter I became closer to one of my friend's friend, and I fell in love, and after awhile he kissed me, and we started dating. ...
A. 14 September 2014: Now, if he asked you 3 times to be his friend with benefits... what he could possibly want from you ...
Uh... sex ? :) That you do become his FWB, or maybe even just an ONS ?.
He keeps asking because he sees there's an opening, that yo... (read in full...)
He is always busy and I don't feel he prioritizes seeing me.
Q. I have been seeing my fella for a year now and it's going ok, but we both have very busy jobs and he lives in another town from me,anyway I wanted to see more of him so I suggested seeing him on a Friday night but he couldn't because he had ...
A. 14 September 2014: I think that would depend if the problem has already arisen and being discussed in the past, or if this is the first time- because I think everybody deserves a second chance , but nobody a third.
In other words, if it's just a 2nd chance he asks... (read in full...)
His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!
Q. I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...
A. 14 September 2014: This is one of the very very very few times I disagree with YouWish- I think she is raising a moot point. I have no doubt that she is correct from a legal point of view, and I think that we all recognized already that , legally, the other girl ... (read in full...)
My ex says if I date before my kids are grown he'll keep my property
Q. My last Question was in March about the living situation with my ex. Well the relationship could not be repaired and we went our seperate ways shortly after. We are still in contact having a child together, and we are in a legal battle over some ...
A. 14 September 2014: You already have got a lawyer to help you out, so basically you just need to heed his advice in ref. to this situation too and which would be the legal consequences for any given course of action.
Said that, I think that your ex 's bark is wors... (read in full...)
Can my mom and her new husband really change my name? I don't want them to!
Q. My dad die when i was ten, and for 2 years it was just me and mum. I still miss my dad. Mum made a new friend Dave, he is okay actually and i get along great with him. After a while we all started holidaying together and then Dave moved in with us. ...
A. 14 September 2014: Yes she can. In Uk , if you are under 16 , your consent does not have to be given for your name to be changed.
However, if you object to the change, you can apply for a court order to prevent hhe change, provided that the court is sati... (read in full...)
Did I push this man too much or did he just get what he wanted?
Q. About four months ago a guy I knew from years ago became friends on facebook. We have mutual friends and I live abroad and he lives in my hometown. Immedtiately in becoming friends he told him he was separated from his wife and that he had a daught...
A. 13 September 2014: It's not that you " deserved " to be ignored , as in : oh you bad bad girl, you have done something wrong and now you " deserve " to be punished with silence.
It's that, the signs were all there that the most probable outcome was going to be t... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my hatred and bitterness towards women?
Q. How do I remove my hatred and bitterness towards women for them expecting guys to make the first move? Doing the approaching and asking out, initiating/escalating, taking the lead? I hate this one sided dynamic with a huge passion, even though I am ...
A. 13 September 2014: Depressed ?. That's a start . Part of what you feel may come straight out from your depressive state. Depression is a bad beast, but not incurable or unmanageable. . It can heal. I'd try and start tackling depression ( and its inherent, ... (read in full...)
His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!
Q. I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...
A. 13 September 2014: Call me crazy, but I see perfectly your bf's point and in fact I commend him for being an upright gentleman that can keep his word and committments even without being pressured to that by a lawyer / furious in-laws / a mafia hitman :) etc.
... (read in full...)
I need suggestions for convincing my purely orthodox Indian family!
Q. im in relationship from past 3 and a half years..... and we want to get married.... my parents are not at all getting convinced for this... im facing lot of problems in convincing them bec my mom cries and my dad scolds me as its a question of pr...
A. 13 September 2014: Contact mr. Sanjoy Sachdev at " Love Commandos " in New Delhi. It's a group of activists who run an organization to support psichologically, advice legally, and help practically couples like yours, who want to contract interfaith or intercaste ... (read in full...)
Did I push this man too much or did he just get what he wanted?
Q. About four months ago a guy I knew from years ago became friends on facebook. We have mutual friends and I live abroad and he lives in my hometown. Immedtiately in becoming friends he told him he was separated from his wife and that he had a daught...
A. 13 September 2014: I think his silence WAS his reply- yes, you were wasting your time, and he got all he wanted.
I have to say that I feel he hasn't been particularly mysterious about his intentions.
He told you he is not ready to date. He told you he is not l... (read in full...)
He rejected me but still flirts
Q. My guy friend had rejected me and when he rejected me I was really devastated but know he flirts with me and when I wore pants with ripped knees he kept touching my leg and tried to put his fingers up under my pants where my pants were ripped and he ...
A. 13 September 2014: Because you let him !, and because he knows that you'll let him since you've got the hots for him.
He may not want you as a gf or as a date,... but touching a young fresh piece of female thigh is generally a pleasant,welcome activity for any you... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my hatred and bitterness towards women?
Q. How do I remove my hatred and bitterness towards women for them expecting guys to make the first move? Doing the approaching and asking out, initiating/escalating, taking the lead? I hate this one sided dynamic with a huge passion, even though I am ...
A. 13 September 2014: This will sound cruel, but some times you've got to be cruel to be kind ( or helpful ). Perhaps it's logic that's cruel.
You've got Asperger's Syndrome. For you, it does not really matter if the woman initiates or not.
( Btw, that women ar... (read in full...)
Three years of emails and now he wants FWB?
Q. When I have known someone for three years and there is no relationship. Just emails. Three dates for coffee and chatting. Emails only. Now he has indicated he can only be friends with benefits as that is the only thing that works for him he ...
A. 13 September 2014: The Aunts are very nice- as for me I am not sure if I'd bother with the " thanks for the memories " email. Probably I'd limit myself to an essential " Sorry, not interested " and I'd move on, neat and surgical .
I don't know if this was very lon... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to consider porn cheating?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and the relationship is going pretty well so far. The only thing that really bothers me, and I have expressed myself, is the fact he watches porn on his days off while I'm at work. In my ...
A. 12 September 2014: Personally I do not think it's just like cheating.
I'll give you a variation of Honepie's literary example : let's say you read a classic of English literature , " Lady Chatterley's lover ". Which is ridicolously tame by today's standard, and yet,... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want to feel important to someone?
Q. Many people around me work and outside it,are called, nice, beautiful and amazing people, witty, special etc etc, people smile when they enter a room. My younger sister is loved by most, people love her and her family. I get it they are, im ...
A. 12 September 2014: I'll start with a lame observation- for being appreciated for beauty, you need to be beautiful, and for being appreciated for your wit, you need to be witty.
As you have stated yourself, not everybody in the world can be beautiful or witty.
You c... (read in full...)
Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?
Q. Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...
A. 12 September 2014: With ref. to your follow up, I think that a preliminary disclaimer would only be mandatory IF shaving or trimming down there was mandatory, and not doing it a blatant breach of etiquette , common sense or safety. But, contrariously to popular ... (read in full...)
If I leave my wife it will be for the right reasons, but it would be a comfort to know this friend is out there
Q. I have read many questions of women wondering if they should date a man after he divorces if he shows interest in you before he actually divorced. This may be long to explain, so I will try to be as brief as possible as this question is from the ...
A. 12 September 2014: I guess, beside being hard working and generous, this woman is also smart and prudent. Whatever your reasons are for beung still married, you ARE still married , I think she , intelligently, is not looking forward to be dragged into an emotional ... (read in full...)
I do not like my fiance's disrespect towards my personal space or the way he lets his niece invade it!
Q. i have been really upset with my fiancé since two weekends ago, i am really particular about my personal space and he knows that, as a young child i had to share a room with my brothers while living in an extended family household, my parents built ...
A. 12 September 2014: You are not over reacting ! It's your bf who is under reacting- how can he be Ok with the girl taking money from your purse, or using up your phone credit withot asking you first ? That's stealing ! Just because the thief is a relative of his, it ... (read in full...)
My best friend has suddenly become less helpful and I'm not sure how to handle it
Q. Best friend is suddenly hardly helpful. My best friend and I have been friends for 20 years. She has always been easygoing and happy to help. However, over the past few years she has actually been quick to say "No" about a lot of things that I wo...
A. 12 September 2014: Scalded cat is afraid of cold water, so if your friend has repeatedly been used and exploted in the past because of being too compliant and easy going, - then she has decided to change her ways, now she may be a bit oversensitive to anything that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sexual drive is waaaay higher than mine!
Q. Hello everyone, I need your advice. Im 20, my boyfriend is 22. We are in a relationship for a year now. My boyfriend is the first guy I slept with and I love him more than anyone on this world. The thing is, his sexual drive is waaaay bigger t...
A. 12 September 2014: Have you seen an OB/GYN ?... I don't think it's normal feeling pain during intercourse still one year from defloration. Particurarly if you say you are " horny and all " ( so, also aroused and lubricated , I suppose ).
I am saying this because I am... (read in full...)
Friend of 2 years gone but why???
Q. I have been friends with this guy for nearly 2 years and we were like brother and sister ( best friends) then out of the blue he says he doesn't want to be friends anymore and for me to leave him alone!! He won't give me a reason and some of my ...
A. 11 September 2014: I think your friends may be right, at least it's a likely explanation. Girls your and his age can be very territorial and , at any age, some girlfriends do not buy the whole " best female friend " concept for their boyfriend because they think a ... (read in full...)
Am I too much of an oppressing person? Am I asking too much?
Q. Been married for 14 now first 10 were great, seems like I was living in a dream, but I had to wake up when he started getting aggressive, crazy, spacing out, staying out for long or wanting me to go for a few days with my family; my son 6then comes ...
A. 11 September 2014: What you are paying now in emotional terms sounds a heavy price to pay for the sake of keeping your health insurance , are you sure it's worthy it ?
Your husband may very well be a good person but he is not being a good husband , in fact now he is b... (read in full...)
It's like whenever something better comes along I get ditched
Q. My boyfriend of 1 and a half yrs is very selfish he has been this way the whole time so i knew what i was getting into but i honestly never thought he would choose his friends over my birthday weekend. His friends planned a get together " boys ...
A. 10 September 2014: I am afraid so, it has run its course. I guess .. he's just not that into you, alas.
I do not blame him for having a social life and personal interests outside the relationship, that, ro a certain extent, is normal and healthy.
But, he had a... (read in full...)
Does the guy I've been talking to only like me as a friend?
Q. So, I'm 18 and the guy I like is 21 and we met on OkCupid. We were a 95% match and when we started talking, we quickly found out that we have TONS of things in common (both nerdy and awkward, love the same music and games, same interests, same sense ...
A. 10 September 2014: No no, it's all smooth sailing, so far. It sounds promising, you are only having stage fright :). Try to see it this way: most ,most probably it will go well also romantically, but if things should not fly in that sense, .. at least you have meet ... (read in full...)
I can't be myself in front of my long term boyfriend
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together around 8 years and are both in our early twenties. We get on great, and we are building our future together. There is a problem I have though, and thats we are complete opposites, I am more quiet and he is ...
A. 10 September 2014: This may be a very lame suggestion, but, you don't say if you have brought up this with him- and if you did, what did he say ? , and WHY he keeps doing it when he knows it bothers you?
For some reason I feel that it was never properly brou... (read in full...)
Is she loyal or disrespectful?
Q. Hi, I have been dating my gf for more than 2 years now and we are deeply in love. We have a great sense of understanding. Recently her job took her to another city. We do keep in touch daily. Now, the problem is her colleague is really inter...
A. 10 September 2014: Fine. Maybe she is just naive. Maybe she is just a big attention seeker. Then you just need to remind her that she can't accept gifts ( and valuable gifts, too ) from another man while she is in a committed relationship, because that's tacky, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend asked me could he dance with another girl!
Q. I was on holidays with my boyfriend last week.. We went to Ibiza and went out to the clubs a couple of nights. My boyfriend LOVES to dance and would love to take classes and learn to dance properly. One of the nights, we were both pretty drunk and...
A. 10 September 2014: Obviously you haven't seen " Along came Polly " with Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston :) ( not that you have missed much ).
Ben Stiller is sort of dating Jennifer Aniston and he sees her dancing salsa , or merengue ?, with a Latin hunk and he i... (read in full...)
Should my uncle have a talk with my boyfriend?
Q. Dear agony aunts, I am posting my question and asking for your advice. I've been with this guy for almost a year now and although we had ups and downs I never felt like posting for advice. This time my instinct tells me things are different. ...
A. 10 September 2014: In other words,- you wanted us to answer a question taking it totally out of its context, while the context is often very relevant and in this case more so.
Of course most of educated Muslim people ( he is a student ! ) in Europe or USA live... (read in full...)
Is she loyal or disrespectful?
Q. Hi, I have been dating my gf for more than 2 years now and we are deeply in love. We have a great sense of understanding. Recently her job took her to another city. We do keep in touch daily. Now, the problem is her colleague is really inter...
A. 10 September 2014: Your gf is not loyal, because accepting expensive gifts- from another man, whom she knows is trying to win her over , is disloyal in itself.
Yes, she should put a stop to this and yes , she should refuse his gifts withoit even being told or prom... (read in full...)
Guys, what would you prefer?
Q. In general, do men prefer a gorgeous woman (say 8/10) who isn't very good at, or interested in, sex? Or do they prefer a more average looking girl (say 6.5/10) who is more sexual? ...
A. 9 September 2014: This is a very broad,generic question , with ample space for individual preferences . Plus, I am not a male.
But , if I am allowed to answer based on my generic experience and generic observation of males , I'd say, definitely A.
1 )A very " s... (read in full...)
My friends suddenly hate my best friend, do I tell him?
Q. My best friend and I have gotten pretty close since we met last year, and we run in the same circles so we have all of the same mutual friends. Recently, some of our closest friends have decided they don't want to spend time with him anymore, and ...
A. 8 September 2014: Tell him the truth, I don't think it would come as a total shock anyway, I mean, if he used to see everybody and now he is only seeing you one on one, he must have figured out that something is amiss, right ?
Tell him the truth, simply and brie... (read in full...)
Should my uncle have a talk with my boyfriend?
Q. Dear agony aunts, I am posting my question and asking for your advice. I've been with this guy for almost a year now and although we had ups and downs I never felt like posting for advice. This time my instinct tells me things are different. ...
A. 8 September 2014: The tiffs between you , IMO, have little or nothing to do with him being a Muslim ( although, it is true that even the most westernized of Muslims do not like to be told by a woman " do this, do that " ,because that's something very different from ... (read in full...)
When we spend time in his country I'm basically an afterthought
Q. My husband and I have grown apart. When we are together traveling (which we do frequently) or even staying in my country we get along great. We spend time together and have dates, watch movies, exercise together, make love and generally get along ...
A. 8 September 2014: Culture clash. I am sorry if I sound unempathic, as a matter of fact I DO understand that you feel lonely, disappointed and frustrated, but, I think you have been naive or rush not taking this side of things into account, not weighing well the ... (read in full...)
Will he ever regret it?
Q. So I want to start off telling my story, starting 5 years ago. I met this man, and I instantly knew I was in love with him. crazy, but true. we started spending every day together, with friends, and by ourselves. time went on, and he started using ...
A. 8 September 2014: No,I don't think he will regret it. Pardon me, but this guy sounds like a total sociopath ( and sociopaths do not feel regret ) - stealing from his mom ?.. This is something that even most addicts generally draw the line at.
I think he has his ... (read in full...)
Should I Be Annoyed With My Boyfriends Mum?
Q. I am a bit annoyed with my boyfriends mum. My boyfriends brother had a kid some months ago and his mum has that kids photo on her phone as a wallpaper instead of mine. I had my baby but she has not changed the photo from being of that other kid. ...
A. 8 September 2014: ...What about the other mum ( the brother's wife ) ? Should not she feel annoyed or hurt too ,if your MIL changed her kid's picture with yours just because it's a " newer " baby ? Poor MIL can't do right , in this situation :)
Solve it by givi... (read in full...)
Touching someone's face?
Q. Okay, I will be as quick as I can. There's this guy who's one year older that I've knwon since the begining of the year. Well the thing is that we started to have little conversations during classes and he would tease/make fun of me (I must admit I'...
A. 31 August 2014: I do not put generally too much trust into reading " signs " - particularly from a distance , and particularly ONE isolated sign.
" Signs " can mean everything , and the opposite of everything, according to different contexts, personalities, cult... (read in full...)
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