A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with a woman for about a month, we just recently had the talk and decided to be exclusive but not official. Deciding to take things slow. Last night she decided to attempt to see if she could do anything sexually with another woman. She said she couldn't and that nothing happened. As far as I knew there it's still an attempt at cheating even though we are only exclusive. She says otherwise and has no remorse for her actions. What should I do?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 We understand she wasn't able to 'seal the deal', but it wasn't for lack of trying. TRYING to cheat is just as bad as succeeding.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 What difference does it make if she never actually had sex with the woman ?! She tried to- she meant to- she contacted her in view of.
If , after agreeing to be EXCLUSIVE, she had hit on some guy, with the intent to have sex, and brought him home behind your back, .. then she had changed her mind last minute, do you think you would not have the right to be pissed off ? Would you not actually BE pissed off ?...
The betrayal , and breach of trust, is not in which sexual organ exactly touched which other- it is in agreeing to be exclusive ( dictionary definition : " not shared. Only available to one person " ) then reneging on her word and doing the heck she wants anyway.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): I don't know why this website twisted my words but appreciate all the answers. She never had sex with the girl. That's why I was iffy about it. But thank you all for everything. We broke it off today, it sucks cause I connected with without being physical. But life goes on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I HATE it when bi-curious folks think that having sex with a person of the same sex is not cheating. How that undermines gays and bisexuals.
IF you have or attempt to have relations with anyone outside of your relationship without PRIOR permission then it's cheating.
If you had sex with another man would she be upset (I bet she would)
If you had sex with another woman (use the argument she did that with women it does not count) she'd be upset.
I am bisexual. I am also married and we do not share. FORSAKING all others means men and women.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I don't want to make a ruling. It's not my place. It is your place. You and your exclusive partner define what your relationship is. There are all kinds of relationships out there. You and your partner have a disagreement over the definition of the relationship. You two need to decide together what that definition is. If you can't agree, In other words if she keeps demanding things that you keep being unwilling to accept, then the relationship is doomed.
Having said that, I have to also caution you that it is o k, and even smart, not to accept things that you really are not comfortable with. Many people will say that in this day we should accept everything. Fine you can accept that a person wants something you don't like, but you don't accept them into your life. Do you get what I am saying?
FA
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 August 2014):
It counts.
Being bisexual, if that's what she is, means a person is attracted to both. Not that they're HAVE to have one of each.
Exclusive means 'no one else'. Period. Very simple. So I agree with you on this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 August 2014):
 So if YOU had sex with another woman it wouldn't count either? Or would THAT count but not a guy?
IT counts and IT makes no sense.
Let her go, she isn't ready to BE exclusive OR she is too dense to comprehend what EXCLUSIVE means....
I'd toss this one back on the pond and run a mile the other way..
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 It counts. Sex with someone else, regardless of gender, counts. If she wants to have an open relationship where she gets to have sex with other women, then this needs to be agreed upon by the both of you. Otherwise it's cheating.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 August 2014):
Dump her ass. It does count. Last time I checked , women were still real human beings and sexual beings, with genitalia and all.
I could perhaps understand if she had tried , say, cybersex and thought in good faith it does not count as cheating . ( Which, I don't agree, I think it's cheating, but I understand how some people would set the bar at having contacts with an IRL person ). But a real, flesh and bones, woman ? your gf can't be in good faith, she is making fun of you. Or else, she is a big idiot.
Either one ,a good reason to dump a gf.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): I would consider this as a deal-breaker. She isn't sorry for what she did and thinks it's acceptable behaviour. You don't. That means she has a different set of moral values than you and that you are incompatible in a relationship. It's time to part ways
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