A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, for the past few years now I've been having a slight problem with my boyfriend, he refuses to talk about our problems, he's a generally talkative guy and will pretty much have a conversation about anything so it's not his lack of talking skills, we've had a lot of problems and without sounding bad, 90% have been his doing, disrespect, sneaking etc etc. When I try to confront him or talk not even argue, he either says nothing, says "okay" or backs down and just "lets me win", he never offers explanations as to why hes done things and when i try to give him an open invitation to talk he just wont, he'd rather not for "arguments sake", I said I was finishing the relationship and he gave me some pathetic text thanking me for the relationship so basically he'd rather say that than actually talk our problems through and it's pretty pathetic. It's getting extremely frustrating having to just put up with all these problems and him refusing to talk. Any advice?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 August 2014):
 I agree with the others, unluckily.
If he refuses to talk, it's because his wrongdoings, basically, are not up for discussion. He does not want to change his behaviour NOR be told to change his behaviour, so he saves himself what in his opinon is a pointless hassle. He just does not care enough.
And... you tell him you are finishing the relationship, he says " OK, thank you for the memories "... and you stay ? He called your bluff. Now he knows for sure he does not have to talk about anything, you'll just moan a bit, but , he is the one who's got the upper hand.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 August 2014):
 This is not a "slight" problem for you at all. A partner being unwilling to communicate means there is a breakdown in the relationship, or a "hole". This "hole" will only get bigger and deeper.
He doesn't care how his actions affect you. He doesn't think he is doing ANYTHING wrong either, which is why he refuses to "discuss it". And he also knows when you "threaten" to end it ALL he has to do is throw his hands in the air and pretend to agree to end it, because he knows you won't do it.
He does sounds VERY immature. He is acting like a 5 year old boy being scolded instead of a young adult DEALING with his own actions and how they affect others. He might PRETEND to not want to fight, but there is a BIG difference from having a discussion and talking things out, to having a fight.
He will not change and I honestly don't think he cares enough about the relationship to try and met you halfways.
Sorry, I would end it with this man-child and find an ADULT guy to date next.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): He's like a bad little boy who knows how to get away with stuff. He will not let you catch him doing things and he knows if you want to talk, it's about something he has done or he's doing. Talk, talk, talk. All talk.
He's sneaky and slick. He knows no matter what he has done, you're just going to bitch about it; or have this long drawn-out bitch-session where you whine about everything he does wrong. Yet you won't dump his sorry ass. Why put up with those boring talks, if he gets to stay anyway?
Seriously, girlfriend!!!
If you have a problem with the stuff he's doing, have the guts to kick him to the curb. He doesn't communicate, because he's immature and shady. He isn't going to give you the opportunity to call him on it.
Not a keeper.
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