A
female
age
26-29,
*ocker_grl_96
writes:So 4 weeks ago i started a new job and a co worker of mine has really taken a liking to me. I like him too, a lot, but I am 18 and he is 23. Now i know this is a very small age gap but i have a sister who's 22 and i have always said i refuse to date people older than her, then this guy came along and i was willing to make an exception. My family however is not so willing to change. Anytime I bring up the guy they are like "oh your talking to him? He just wants to get into your pants" but that not true. We have been texting and snapchatting (picture messaging app on phones if you didnt know) since like the 3rd day i was working and i have made it clear to him I am a virgin and have no intention of waiting til marriage but at the same time i want the first time to be with someone I love who loves me back and he has reassured me multiple times he is perfectly ok with that. Since then he has just been trying to get to know me more but has never been pushy at all. But I feel so stuck, should I just stay friends with him? Or tell my family to get over it?p.s. I start college in the far and I am staying here for free until I am out at least so please keep in mind i cant do something drastic.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I agree with my DC colleagues, it's obvious that this guy wants to get into your pants, just like your family says ( just because they are family it does not mean they are dumb, you know ? ). I am not saying he will succeed, or he will force you to anything against your will, but yeah, he is definitely tryng his luck .
Which it would not be a problem in itself. You are over 18, and between consenting adults etc.etc. The poblem is that you say you want to be your first time to be with someone you love and who loves you back- and, just in case you wonder, that's not him, so forewarned is foretold.
You say he is not pushy at all- I don't know about that, I'd say that involving a stranger ( that's what you STILL basically are even now, at just 4 weeks of knowing each other, and imagine before ) in conversations about her sexual life and her virginity is VERY pushy .
Anyway , you also say that you are leaving in a few weeks for college, so this would be just a short fling , right ?...
You sound rather naive, maybe it's you that should " get over it ", not your family.
A
female
reader, KoreanMexicanLolita  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 Your parents are probably right, OP. Also, with regards to revealing such personal details: don't do that again. The guy might use it against you if he gets mad at you. This could have many bad consequences. Find a guy your own age (since that is what you like anyway) and see if that works out.
~God bless you!~
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 You have known him for 4 weeks and he already knows all your sexual details? And you think he is NOt just trying to get into your pants? Seriously?
I have worked in many male dominated workplaces and the majority of my friends have always been males, doesn't mean I have SHARED those details of my life after less than 4 weeks of knowing them. Sexual details is not a subject you share with people you are "getting to know" as friends.
And with you leaving in 1-2 months, what's point? You want your FIRST relationship to be a LDR? RElationships are HARD enough, LDR's? even harder, especially for people who have little to no experience.
If you want to keep talking/chatting then do so, but keep in mind that some subjects are OK to be kept personal and private.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 July 2014):
 IF it's been 4 weeks and all you to is text and snapchat and you are leaving in 4 weeks for college and have no intention of having sex with him then I see no issues with this practice.
NOTE that texting and shapchatting is no way to have a relationship. IF you have had conversations about your sexuality (the fact that you are a virgin) it sounds like he may be steering the conversations towards inappropriate things to force a feeling of intimacy. NOT a safe route to go with him.
dating people at work is a dangerous slippery slope that is best avoided at all costs...
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 Okay so four weeks after you met this guy who is a friend and already he knows your a virgin, want sex before marriage and want to loose your virginity to a man who loves you? Why would that information be offered to a co-worker within a month of meeting/working together? Why did you feel the need to make that clear to him?? Sorry but that sounds to me like he is wanting to get laid.
With respect to you, your family are more experienced that you are. They also know how the world works especially when it comes to older guys seducing younger women in the workplace.
I would advise you to tread carefully. Clearly you have given him a lot of info about yourself sexually very quickly which should be sending off alarm bells. The fact he isn't pushy doesn't mean he doesn't intend to use you. Maybe he is genuine, I don't know they guy, but in any workplace there is no shortage of older men looking to seduce the younger, less experienced females for a thrill.
The age gap isn't massive, but with the greatest of respect the difference between an 18 year old and someone of 23 is huge in terms of maturity, life experience and outlook.
You need to be aware that by telling this guy you want to loose your virginity to someone who loves you that many men, especially those older than you, will declare undying love and commitment to you, shower you with affection and then act very differently once they have got what they want. Bringing up your virgin status and so forth so soon after meeting a co-worker is not a good move as it opens you up to being taken advantage of.
Does he actually want to DATE you, take you out, enjoy your company? Or does he keep bringing it back to sex?
Mark
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