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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I used to travel every year til I met him but he won't even get a passport
Q. I am engaged and been with my fiance now for almost 3 years. We have not left the UK once because he does not have a passport. I ask him to get one all the time because I want to go on holiday with him. The only time we go Awa is to a festival...
A. 29 September 2014: I did not get the passport issue.It is an issue only if you want to go very far away, but from the budget you mention, I think you have in mind something like Spain or Greece, and you don't need a passport to visit another European Union country, ... (read in full...)
Why are people trying to match make? I enjoy flirting and dating but no exclusively. But don't want to be available for sex. Is that so difficult?
Q. Please help me! I am so sick of people trying to play match maker but every group of friends I've had and even random co workers and relatives and people I go to church with are always trying HARD to set me up with someone. I have had a lot ...
A. 28 September 2014: I see, OP... then you do have a problem , that honestly I don't know if it has a solution ( although, if you keep reading, I throw in a couple of suggestions further on ).
I think that the anon female reader covered the topic extensively- mind what... (read in full...)
Do I ask him about the condoms in his trash?
Q. I feel like a complete idiot for even asking this, but would you ask your boyfriend why he had a couple of used condoms in his rubbish bin when you have been away for a few days and you don't even use condoms?! I went away for a five day mini br...
A. 28 September 2014: YouWish scared me today :)- that's an evil genius 's masterplan !
Yeah, OP, do what she says . At least, seeing him squirm and climb on mirrors will be fun, and partial compensation for your dismay and mental anguish.
Because you KNOW what's h... (read in full...)
Why does she keep sending mixed messages?
Q. I have fallen in love with a women 6 hours from me. She has told me how much she loves me and when I asked her to move here with me in my home, she said she cannot due to her girls. She said she cannot have what she wants right now. Then she goes...
A. 28 September 2014: Easy. Do not respond. Do not continue your conversations- end them altogether.
This is not going anywhere. This woman is using you to fill a void in her life- she is bored, she is ftitrated sexually, she is having escapist fantasies... but, in p... (read in full...)
My LDR has admitted to ongoing cheating. Do I fight for us or sit back while he leaves me for the other girl?
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years just told me he cheated on me...by text message. He met this girl, got her number, has been hanging out with her, going out in groups, hanging at her house, and having sex with her. He told me and seemed to think that since ...
A. 28 September 2014: Sit back- let the other girl be the one who ends up with an arrogant, shameless cheater ! ... (read in full...)
Is he making enough effort in this LDR? He is reluctant to visit me. Why?
Q. I go to the school about an hour and half from where my boyfriend (of two years) goes to school. Recently I've been getting more and more frustrated with the amount of traveling I have to do to see him. I've traveled to see him 4 times now and he ...
A. 27 September 2014: Ahem , you are obviously driving a car, not a cat :) I seldom bother to correct my numerous typos, but this one, was really a bit too much.... (read in full...)
Why are people trying to match make? I enjoy flirting and dating but no exclusively. But don't want to be available for sex. Is that so difficult?
Q. Please help me! I am so sick of people trying to play match maker but every group of friends I've had and even random co workers and relatives and people I go to church with are always trying HARD to set me up with someone. I have had a lot ...
A. 27 September 2014: Regardless of your detailed post, I admit I am still a bit confused. My bad, probably.
I don't understand how can you " dump " guys if you aren't dating, and how can you be dating if you aren't ( repeatedly ) going out with them one on one.
O... (read in full...)
Why was my sister friend so rude to me and why are women so mean to each other?
Q. A few months ago my younger sister ( who lives in another state) got married, smallish amount of people around 60, at the end of the night there were buses that took us from the venue to the car park in the town where we all had parked car...
A. 27 September 2014: Won't you give her the benifit of doubt ? .. she could be just a petty cow- or else, it could be just some silly misunderstanding. After all, you are talking about an exhange of looks of split seconds. It may be a case of reading each other's ... (read in full...)
Is he making enough effort in this LDR? He is reluctant to visit me. Why?
Q. I go to the school about an hour and half from where my boyfriend (of two years) goes to school. Recently I've been getting more and more frustrated with the amount of traveling I have to do to see him. I've traveled to see him 4 times now and he ...
A. 27 September 2014: Half and half. Or maybe 25 % practical reasons, 75 % different page.
On one hand, I feel that maybe you have been a bit too quick to dismiss the money factor. Easy for you to say " true, I don't have to drive a cat but... " when the point , or p... (read in full...)
S it normal and/or okay for a woman to want to be objectified?
Q. I frequently fantasize about being objectified by men. I don't go out of my way for attention, meaning I never wear makeup, have never been tanning, and I don't wear provacative clothing. But sometimes I still get attention, just not nearly as much ...
A. 27 September 2014: It depends from what you mean by objectified.
I think that to some extent everybody likes attention and everybody likes compliments.
People like to be complimented for their intelligence, abilities, accomplishments... and also for their bodies. ... (read in full...)
How to I talk to my parents and explain that their comments are hurtful?
Q. Hi everybody. My issue I'm having is with my elderly parents. They are amazing people, I would say the kindest people I've ever met. They would give you every last penny they had if they thought it would make you happy. They are fantastic parent...
A. 27 September 2014: They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks and I am afraid it's mostly true.
Intervening on your elderly parents might be a hopeless endeavour, so intervene on the girls instead. Teach them to not take their grandparents' comments too pers... (read in full...)
Recently saw my Mum, when she was younger, in a commercial film, where she was topless. It has grossed me out. How do I get over this?
Q. I'm grossed out after knowing my Mum did a cameo topless scene in a film? Recently, I saw my Mum topless in an old movie. It was a cameo appearance but it shocked the hell out of me and disgusted me. I don't know how to deal to with it. ...
A. 27 September 2014: Eh there's worse if you think about it- just, don't think about it :).
Your post reminds of a delightful novel called " Marion " by Vicki Baum ( total chick -lit, yet very well written ). The story is set in Pre -WWI Wien ( Austro-Hungarian Empi... (read in full...)
Old flame returns! What to say or do? He wants to be friends but he doesn't want his wife to get hurt??
Q. I was contacted by my first love on facebook. He said he was happily married on facebook as am I; Our relationship was 33 years ago. We dated as teens and were in love till he went away to school he said we should date others and didn't want t...
A. 27 September 2014: Super fishy.
If he only wanted to be friends, why should that happen behind his wife's back ? If you were JUST friends, his wife SHOULD know about you, or even know YOU. You could be friends of the couple, not just of the guy. But even if that... (read in full...)
How does a guy get over a fear of rejection for good?
Q. How does a guy get over a fear of rejection for good? Ive dates three girls, one for two years, and the other two for two dates each. Asking them out was a huge thing in my mind. When I did I felt good, but I am really unsatisfied with how I do ...
A. 26 September 2014: I can imagine that schools won't have a dating coach service / dating counseling- what about OCD coinseling ,though?...
because this must be a form of OCD, OP. Think of all the times you have posted here, always repeating the very same thin... (read in full...)
After 7 years together if he's not ready for the next step will he ever be?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years officially. We met at 15 years old and have been happy ever since. As we met in school we have the same group of friends and regulaly go out as a big group. Me and my partner rarely if never argue we are ...
A. 26 September 2014: I must say that technically your bf is right. An official engagement never meant, and should not mean, that you get to sort of call dibs on some guy or girl and make them wear a ring on their finger as a further deterrent for other people who ... (read in full...)
My husband supports his grown children more than us!
Q. I have married to this man for 22 years and we have no children together but he seems to support them first rather then our home and things get put back. Am I wrong for being mad about this.plus his grown daughter has a job and a child of her own ...
A. 26 September 2014: I think what your husband is doing is normal. Natural. Expectable , at least. I am not saying that you have to love it, but .. are you really surprised ?...
Within limits, of course . If you mean that he is skimping on food, heating, heal... (read in full...)
If it's FWB why does he care who I date?
Q. Hey everyone, I have been in a sexual relationship with a colleague of mine for almost a year now. Prior to anything sexual, he made it clear that he did not want any emotions or attachments to form once we had sex. He also stated that we w...
A. 26 September 2014: What happens, is that he is doing a real FWB, ( which only excludes committment, the choice of monogamy, and plans for the future )- as opposed to the fuck buddy thing that you were expecting.
He is having the GFE ( girlfriend experience )- with... (read in full...)
My fiance has lied to me and I've lost trust in her. Can this be fixed?
Q. My Fiancée and I have been together for over a decade and have had two kids together. Like most relationships, we've had our ups and downs. A lot brought on by me working away from home and perhaps not doing as much around the house when I get ...
A. 25 September 2014: I think a better question would be : SHOULD this relationship be saved ? and my personal answer would be : nope.
She cheated on you a year ago, and she agreed to not do it anymore ,to save your relationship.
Now, guess what ?, she is doing it... (read in full...)
Is he interested? polite? I'm confused!
Q. we hooked up on 2 occasions he spent the night we were drunk nothing happened just kissed and cuddled but i asked him to an event and he happily said yes, he then cancelled saying he was poorly and i never heard from him since. today i mailed him ...
A. 25 September 2014: Do nothing. You have done your part, now let him do his. If he is interested he'll follow up you and ask you out .
I would not be holding my breath though. Personally, I find it a meaningful coincidence that he felt poorly ,and rescheduled when... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend's pervy behavior makes me question a reconciliation
Q. My ex and I were together for many years. We've been broken up for quite awhile due to various reasons and I've been moving on fairly alright. We're no longer friends on facebook but can see certain recent activity, if we check, and we both do as ...
A. 25 September 2014: Yeah, after reading You Wish's post, I had another thought that I want to share.
I think, that, beyond questioning the benefits and wisdom of a reconciliation ( on which, the consensus here seems to be that it would not be a wise or bene... (read in full...)
What "red flags" am I missing here and how do I stop them without being an jerk?
Q. I have only had a few girlfriends in my life and the ones I have dump me all the time with no reason other than "I just want to be friends" or "it's not working out" or "I don't want a boyfriend". They say these things after we're already dating or ...
A. 25 September 2014: Maybe I am reading too much between the lines , and spinning a whole tale out of a short post ( which is the risk with any post ) but, FWIW , I can see what you are doing wrong, and why the girls would be turned off. You are doing ALL wrong, my ... (read in full...)
What do I do with the expensive gifts my ex gave me?
Q. my question is very simple and small that I have broke up with my gf last night in a legal way ....now I don't know what shud I do with the expensive old gifts she gave me....should I through them out so that I cud fully forget her ...
A. 25 September 2014: Once gifts are given , they become your property and there's no obligation ,legal or moral, to give them back, unless it's the engagement ring or other objects donated in connection to an engagement ( a pact,basically... ) which then was broken. ... (read in full...)
He Lied About Dating Someone - Should I Not Be Friends With Him?
Q. Last summer, I fancied a male friend (used to flirt with him a bit but nothing more than that) whom I got on with quite well. I told him I liked him, and he turned me down, saying that he was already seeing someone. There was a mutual guy frien...
A. 25 September 2014: He told you a white lie because he did not want to hurt your feelings. Rejecting can be as difficult as being rejected , and some people find it particularly awkward.... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend's pervy behavior makes me question a reconciliation
Q. My ex and I were together for many years. We've been broken up for quite awhile due to various reasons and I've been moving on fairly alright. We're no longer friends on facebook but can see certain recent activity, if we check, and we both do as ...
A. 24 September 2014: Well, at least you are seeing the shape of things to come. He is not being wily about it.
I mean, he could be showing you his best behaviour now, just to get you back, and THEN once he's gotten you back, turn around and start " fapping " like... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend want sex more often?
Q. When I first met my boyfriend it was in a "business only" relationship. At that time he was in a "bad relationship", that was pretty much sexless, that took him three years to finally get out of. When I first met him I liked him very much as a ...
A. 24 September 2014: I am sure that the Uncles are more qualified than me to answer, but I just want to say that if he is in his mid fifties, once a week sounds pretty normal and average. Of course there may be individual exceptions of mature insatiable studs, but , ... (read in full...)
My FWB guy said I love you..was it just post sex emotion?
Q. 4 years ago I had a brief fling with a guy. It didn't work out but it was good while it lasted. About 6 months ago we bumped into each other after a night out and exchanged numbers. Since then we've had a fwb situation going on. We spoke about it ...
A. 24 September 2014: Talk is cheap, and words are a dime a dozen. Everybody can say anything for whatever reason- then see how they ACT to see if they mean it.
Another thing that, I feel, often generates confusion is the ( only, that I can think of ) big limi... (read in full...)
I'm scared to commit to my boyfriend
Q. I love my boyfriend, dearly. I pounce on the phone whenever he texts or calls me (we do not live together and live in different cities) and could talk to him all day if I could. I'm alway eager to text him, my parents know about him, etc etc. We've ...
A. 24 September 2014: Yeah, there's something off here. After one year, his parents should know OF you, if not know you in person.
So what if his parents are nosey- most parents are :). They see it like taking an interest in their children 's life ,lol- and to some... (read in full...)
Why does he stay if I do nothing for him sexually?
Q. Why would a guy who never initiates sex want to go on sites and chat 2 other women ? My partner of nearly 3 years isn't that interested in sex well not with me ... He gets Viagra from doctor and takes it but it always feels like it's staged never ...
A. 23 September 2014: Maybe it's possible that a guy can do without sex- but I doubt it will be THIS guy. He was not doing without when he was f...ing your friend, was he now ?
Yeah I wonder too what ELSE you need to know ( other than ,that when he wants sex he wil... (read in full...)
Surely after 5 years he should be able to give me more than 'maybe one day'?
Q. I'm looking for some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but the last few months have been a bit rocky in my opinion. I say in my opinion, because he disagrees and thinks I'm overreacting about the fact that he still can't ...
A. 23 September 2014: ?? I don't get this. They are his parents; if they have promised him a share of the profit for the sale of their house , surely they can do that and will do that regardless of where he lives ?
What his address has got to do with a grat... (read in full...)
Is this an addiction of some kind?
Q. I am an average 15 year old freshman in high school, with a regular range of problems. But we've all been in that position. Although I've noticed something a bit different. I absolutely LOVE the music I listen to (techno/electron...
A. 23 September 2014: Interesting .You always learn something new on DC. So, are there actually schools where you can wear earphones and listen to your own thing during ( some ) classes ?. Really curious. I can't think of any teacher who would ever tolerate that, ... (read in full...)
Surely after 5 years he should be able to give me more than 'maybe one day'?
Q. I'm looking for some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but the last few months have been a bit rocky in my opinion. I say in my opinion, because he disagrees and thinks I'm overreacting about the fact that he still can't ...
A. 23 September 2014: I think his upset has more practical than emotional reasons.
He ralizes that ( probably ) you can't be paying both a mortgage AND a rent. If you move with him, you pay half of his rent. If you pay your mortgage ... there's nothing in it for ... (read in full...)
This friend won't give me the support I need, how do I deal with it when I'm alone with her?
Q. Hi Agony people, My problem involves a good friend of mine. A few months ago I was abused and cut up by so called friends. Other friends of mine had been told lies about me also and some of them turned on me and gave out to me for everythi...
A. 23 September 2014: I agree with Honeypie. I realize that you went through some emotional trauma which may seem banal to other people, while instead affected you to the core, and , it will take you the time it will take you to overcome it. You can't force or rush ... (read in full...)
Do many people have one night stands?
Q. I am single 29 years old now. 3 years ago, i joined filipinocupid site because of curiosity. I uploaded my photo and i got many interest from different men so it excites me and started exchanging messages to those guys i got interest with. After 3 ...
A. 23 September 2014: Who cares about what American guys do oe want ?! Yes, American culture is more sexualized and promiscuous than others , yes sex often cones into play at an early stage. And in all the world men , if needs be, will say " I love you, you are ... (read in full...)
I came on too strong and scared him off -- any way I can fix this?
Q. A little over a month ago I met a guy and we went on 3 dates. The first 2 dates went amazing and I really felt a connection but on the third date I slept at his place and things got a bit awkward, I kind of came on too strong, asking too many ...
A. 23 September 2014: If he never got in touch after the third date, it's quite probable... this is not going anywhere.
Personally , I do not much believe in all these guys getting " scared off ". I found that when people are really interested, or at least, real... (read in full...)
LDR since Dec 2013. Plan to see each other in 2015. So why did she get upset about talk on intimacy?
Q. Hello, My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since Dec 2013. We met online and in one month, we will finally meet in person. She will introduce me to her family and relatives, and well even be going to an island resort fo...
A. 23 September 2014: She does not even know if you two will be really mutually attracted in person ( and the same is true for you )... and you already start negotiating rules and regulations ?...
Yes, you like each other, yes , you both have invested in each othe... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm playing the part of my friend's mom and its too much for me!
Q. I'm having difficulty with one of my uni friends and have been for the past year and it's really winding me up. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it. When we first met, it was over the internet because we knew we were on the same...
A. 22 September 2014: Sorry but you've got only yourself to blame.
There's a big difference between helping your friends, in a pinch, and taking on yourself their duties and responsibilities. You haven't helped her, you have babied her.
Stop being passive aggressi... (read in full...)
How can I be less awkward about not drinking?
Q. At parties/bars can you not drink and be successful with girls there? I ask because I dont drink because Im an athlete and drinking weakens my performance. I am not the most socially confident though so when a girl asks me why im not drinking I cant ...
A. 22 September 2014: I think that " I am an athlete , drinking affects my performances " is a most reasonable, excellent reason.
Not that you need any particular excuse for not drinking , if it was something like " I don't drink because I don't like the taste or smel... (read in full...)
It seems like a normal, everyday woman isn't enough for a man anymore
Q. Help after lengthy narriage I finally have been meeting some new people. However, I am finding this whole dating thing quite a struggle . It seems that I am competing against a world where men now want it all ... A thousand women , eternally young , ...
A. 22 September 2014: If you limit yourself to dating sites, or make them your main hunting ground, yes, it's normal that you have this perception.
Nor thar all men on dating sites have necessarily to be crazy, kinky , perverted or superficial.
But... it's a bit li... (read in full...)
Why does he stay if I do nothing for him sexually?
Q. Why would a guy who never initiates sex want to go on sites and chat 2 other women ? My partner of nearly 3 years isn't that interested in sex well not with me ... He gets Viagra from doctor and takes it but it always feels like it's staged never ...
A. 22 September 2014: Why does he stay...
well, to begin with, ... has he got somewhere else to go ?...
can he afford to live on his own/ pay his own rent ?...
Just wondering.
... (read in full...)
Why is my ex trying to stay in my life?
Q. My ex is trying to find ways to stay in my life. I feel like he's pushing us to hang out and be friends. We were together many years and been broken up for about 4 months or so. Neither of us have moved on to other people and he doesn't say anything ...
A. 22 September 2014: How do you know that he does not want you to be fuck buddies ? Do you know that for a fact ?
Because, if you are the poster whom I think you are..... and I really think I got that right.... that's exactly what he wants, and he has shown it a... (read in full...)
The ex: should I be concerned that I have been told that I am not "good in bed" ?
Q. Dear Aunts, My worst fear has come true. I was told I was bad in bed he said I'm not freaky enough. I like romantic slow passionte sex he likes rough play. I feel like I cant do the things he wants so the connection is fading away in other dept ...
A. 21 September 2014: Then don't take his calls ! don't answer. Apparently, you may be " not good in bed " but you aren't totally bad if he is sniffing around you for more. That's his problem, though. Your problem is , WAS in fact, that you two are not sexually ... (read in full...)
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