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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Why do people always stare at me and what should I do about it?
Q. I'm unusual looking, average am over 35, pale, (bad skin which im trying to improve, and yes I do wear light make up to cover spots..) I am thinnish, I wear average clothes, glasses at times when I don't wear contacts, as I have very ba...
A. 17 August 2014: I cannot know for sure, but I think you may be projecting. Meaning that YOU feel bad about your pale skin, glasses etc. so you tend to see as malicious
" stares " what are normal, idle glances. I mean, like, say you are in line at a cash... (read in full...)
He never called. Did he lose interest?
Q. So I met this guy at a family BBQ. He arrived sort of at the very end so we didn't speak much, we had a slight conversation and before I left to go home he asked for my number. I asked why and he said he wanted to talk after the BBQ, so I gave it to ...
A. 17 August 2014: Like WiseOwlE says, there is no why and no negative reason unless you attach one to it.
Maybe YouWish is being a bit too severe in labeling this guy as a player or womanizer. yes he could be , but also... please realize that asking someone's numb... (read in full...)
We are going to a costume convention and the other girl is wearing the same outfit!
Q. I need advice, though not really relationship advice. My boyfriend and I are going with a group of (his) friends to a costume convention. Think comicon if that helps. This is my first time going to one. We came up with a theme in the beginning of ...
A. 17 August 2014: A word of caution. Xanax is a benzodiazepine, and as, such, a typical " handle with care " drug, plus it is the most addictive of benzodiazepines, the addiction may kick in just after two weeks of regular uses even at low dosages. So.. keep it ... (read in full...)
Do I travel with her, or go no contact?
Q. Hey guys. I posted on here a couple of weeks ago and I need some additional advice. The background: My girlfriend and I split up a little over two weeks ago (both women). It wasn't a lack of love that caused the split. She's just been suffering f...
A. 16 August 2014: What do you WANT to do ?...
She, she, she... What about you ?
Why has it all to be about her ? Her healing, what's best for her, what benefits her, what would make her suffer less ?...
Because she is the one who had traumas ?.. Tough luck. ... (read in full...)
My fiancée wants a girls' holiday but the idea makes me uncomfortable
Q. Hi I have been with my fiancée now for 4 years an she keeps saying she wants to go on a girls holiday and I feel really uncomfortable with her going to another country clubbing with just girls. Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable with it?...
A. 16 August 2014: 80 % yes, 20 % no.
80 % yes : you know this girl since 4 years, by now you should have decided if you trust her or not. If she is loyal, committed, faithful and in love with you, if she takes this relationship seriously. You should know that for ... (read in full...)
No kisses from my boyfriend! He just starts sex. What should I do?
Q. I have a problem with my boyfriend, he doesn't like to kiss me down never. I do for him everything but he doesn't. When we start kissing or hugging he just start the sex. He doesn't kiss my body. I feel I'm sad each time after sex. I don't know why ...
A. 16 August 2014: Well, did you ASK him why ? And what did he say ?... (read in full...)
Is there a difference between a FWB and a side chick?
Q. I don't really know how to start off my question other than just asking it plain and simple. I'm just wondering if there is a difference between a side chick and friends with benefits? And if there's a difference then how are they different? The gu...
A. 16 August 2014: He does not give a f..k if you have feelings for him, if you love him, hate him or something in between. As long as you put out, he's fine.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be a pushover and at the same time I don't want to pressure her during a rough patch!
Q. i've been dating my gf for over 3 years. early on of course things were great, no problems as expected in the start of a new r/s, but lately there have been some minor problems and i'm not sure whether it's a really bad sign or just a sign of a ...
A. 15 August 2014: I'd say , give her space.
If when she was away her family gave her a hard time over not being present and available enough, now that she is back , they would tell her " Oh great, first at least you had the excuse of work. Now you are here and ... (read in full...)
I am not sure how to make this long distance relationship work?
Q. I'm from the US, in a relationship with a guy from the UK. I really do love this man and if things keep going well, I actually feel like I would be willing to make a huge sacrifice (which includes leaving my mother, father, etc and everything I know ...
A. 15 August 2014: I don't like the word which you have chosen ,
" spouting " .Quoting stats, and taking into account things as they are and not how we would like them to be, is not " spouting ". If I say, for instance, that only a really minimal percentage of peop... (read in full...)
We are going to a costume convention and the other girl is wearing the same outfit!
Q. I need advice, though not really relationship advice. My boyfriend and I are going with a group of (his) friends to a costume convention. Think comicon if that helps. This is my first time going to one. We came up with a theme in the beginning of ...
A. 15 August 2014: I've got a feeling that you might have bitten off more than you can chew, for a person with your problems of anxiety and bodu image...
It's not just " a few top models in skimpy outfits "... MOST girls will take a comicon as a venue for " if you ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with one man's baby but I am in love with another
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in doubt, I do not know if I am happy or not (probably not) anxiety and sleepless nights are wrecking my world, It feels like i am swimming for so long and my feet cannot touch the ground and I can see no shore. Let me explain a...
A. 15 August 2014: What needs to be done, is ditching the drama at once , and acting like the sensible, decent adult that you say you have become.
No, no and no - I refuse to believe that two people " viciously beating up each other " has got anything to do w... (read in full...)
accidentally "double booked" myself. Do I go with my (ex) colleagues or my friends?
Q. 2 weeks ago I left my job and a few of my colleagues were on about wanting to go on a night out with me for when I leave. One of the colleagues was on holiday the weekend I left so they said we could all go out this Saturday. One of them gave me ...
A. 15 August 2014: I think you can be upfront about what happened- tell that you have accidentaly double booked yourself, so , since she hasn't confirmed anything yet, plus she said some other day during the week will be fine, if possible you'd opt for this last ... (read in full...)
Is there a difference between a FWB and a side chick?
Q. I don't really know how to start off my question other than just asking it plain and simple. I'm just wondering if there is a difference between a side chick and friends with benefits? And if there's a difference then how are they different? The gu...
A. 15 August 2014: A side chick is a mistress, the woman with whim a guy in another official r/ ship is having sex on the side ( and on the sly ).
FWB is a bit different because it refers to a relationship that is uncommitted , and mostly just for the purp... (read in full...)
How do I feel more comfortable with my penis size?
Q. This is a usual thing for some blokes but how do I feel more comfortable with my penis size? guessing the main answer is to sleep with more women and hope they are really nice lol One issue is because I don't like my size it holds me back as I fee...
A. 14 August 2014: Oh good. A nice good old " penis size question " . It was a while that I had not seen one on DC, so... welcome back, dear old " penis size question ".
I feel a little disempowered in responding , though. I hope other Aunts and Uncles will jump... (read in full...)
I've researched about STDs and how they are transmitted! Any advice?
Q. Ok, I don't want to catch any STDs so I've researched alot, but I want feedback from people with real experience: Fingering, Mutual Masturbation, Dry Humping with underwear on, and anything through clothing, no STDs can be transmitted right? Also...
A. 14 August 2014: HPV CAN be transmitted through fingering and mutual masturbation . Unless you wear surgical gloves, or finger cots... which I suppose it would spoil the romantic mood a bit :)...
Why don't you just get tested , so then you'll know if it's all ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with rumors at work regarding a girl that I'm only friends with?
Q. At the store I work at, there is a girl that usually works the same shifts I do. She is 18 and has a boyfriend. I am friendly to everyone so naturally everyone is friendly with me, which is fine. It feels like more with this girl. While she is f...
A. 14 August 2014: Do no evil, fear no evil.
If you are so adamant that you are doing everything right, and that there is nothing in your attitude and demeanour that you could or should change ... ( personallly I would not be that sure - letting girls feel your... (read in full...)
If we have kids I don't want the grandfather in their lives
Q. So...my boyfriend and I got into a theoretical disagreement. First it began with him venting about his parents. and how his mom refuses to pay him money she owes and how his birth father is a piece of shit who showers his other kids. I grew up ...
A. 14 August 2014: I don't think it's a matter of being cold or non- religious.
It's a matter of equity, and of respect for your partner ( and father of your kid ).
Remember that this future kid will be only 50% yours- the other 50% " belongs " to his / her da... (read in full...)
I did not just expect him to pay for his share only! Is this a sign of cheapness?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a month and a half. This past weekend we went on a mini weekend trip with another couple. The other couple had bought all the food for the trip and paid for the accommodations and at the end they were going to let us ...
A. 14 August 2014: I think you are going to get a wide variety of answers , from " crimson red flag " to " absolutely normal " .. and they all will be correct , in a way, because there's no law which says how much exactly you have to spend on your partner . This ... (read in full...)
I know it's not healthy and I'm trying to move on but it's human to want revenge!
Q. So I'd been dating a girl on and off for 4 months but it became a long distance relationship due to university over summer. We'd talk every day and I'd visit as often as I could - until we had (what I thought was) a small argument. Turns out right ...
A. 14 August 2014: Now now OP, seeking revenge may also be a human instinct, but it's serious stuff, save it for when the circumstances warrant it, like if somebody really screws you over badly and tries to ruin your life, not for a pin-prick to your ego.
Come on, ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else thinks that they closeness between the ex and my sons gf is a little odd?
Q. My son is 23 and has been dating a girl for about 8 months now. She is 22 and has a 4 year old son, Grady. . I was a little concerned with them dating not wanting him to get involved in an ex bf new bf drama, Last weekend we were invited to the l...
A. 14 August 2014: I am not sure if what you refer to as " rhe ex " and " the ex's parents " are Grady's dad and Grady's grandparents ?... If they are , I don't see what the big deal is, I'd say that it's super normal for the dad and the grandparents of a 4 y.o. ... (read in full...)
Was my ex boyfriend trying to rub this in and make me jealous with this comment?
Q. Was my ex boyfriend trying to rub this in, and make me jealous with this comment?. I went on a website today, which is where you can discuss films and actors. My ex and I have been going on that website for years. I recently left a message on a ...
A. 13 August 2014: I still think that probably you are overthinking this.
The thread was about " hot older men from your country ".
One of the poster said " There must be other hot older men... "
And you say " Yes, and I am dating one ! "
And your bf comm... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's ex girlfriend is filing for child support just out of spite to hurt him.
Q. My boyfriend and his ex girlfriend ended up having a huge fight this past weekend and now she has decided to not allow him to see his daughter ever again and is going to file for child support. Not once in her daughter's three years of life has she ...
A. 13 August 2014: I don't see what your bf's ex 's pregnancies or contracception have got anything to do with your predicament.. Probably she and her partner can AFFORD to make babies , and if they can't, that's their concern anyway - it's not that you have to ... (read in full...)
My partner's ex is putting ideas into their children's heads. I don't want the drama!
Q. Hi Just want other peoples opinion if possible! I have been with my partner for 3 years, he is a loving, kind decent man who works hard. He has decided to go back to college in September on top of is full time job. I have just brought a house...
A. 13 August 2014: I agree with Honeypie ( as usual . Honeypie, let's try and disagree on something , just for the heck of it :) ), I just want to add :
Don't be afraid - do expect A LITTLE drama, it will be normal and temporary, and you'll get over it with time... (read in full...)
He tells me he wants a future with me but he already has a girlfriend!
Q. I'm inlove with a guy who already have a girlfriend and he told me he want to have the future with me a should give him sometime. When I ask him if he still love her his answer is yes.so I don't know what to do becuase I real love him and when the ...
A. 13 August 2014: Frankly I have trouble understanding your indecisison.
I could understand it maybe if you had told us that he has a gf but he says he does not love her anymore, and they are still together just because of ...( add stupid excuse ), but he is h... (read in full...)
I keep changing my mind about how I feel!
Q. I have recently come out of a relationship where my ex met another girl and he fell in love with her (it had been going on for a few months). Over a week ago I tried to go online dating again as I was thinking that it might be a good distraction ...
A. 13 August 2014: I think you have answered your own question. It's too soon. You are not ready to date yet, even just for fun or distraction. Give yourself time, everybody is different.
For some people jumping straight back in the dating arena may work and be a go... (read in full...)
He's flaked a few times -- am I being tested?
Q. I started talking to this guy from my uni. We have mutual friends and we've been talking through facebook and now text and flirting all summer non stop. We're both 21 and have a lot in common. Lately however, he has been quite flakey. He said...
A. 13 August 2014: @olderthandirt : make it three, and count me in. Well, I do not think that FB is the root of all evil, it obviously has its advantages , but I am baffled by how people choose to have fake relationstips/ courtships and fake ersatz friendships on FB ... (read in full...)
He never called. Did he lose interest?
Q. So I met this guy at a family BBQ. He arrived sort of at the very end so we didn't speak much, we had a slight conversation and before I left to go home he asked for my number. I asked why and he said he wanted to talk after the BBQ, so I gave it to ...
A. 13 August 2014: Uh what a hurry, what an eagerness :). Relax.
Look, it's rather normal and usual : guy sees girl at a party , exchanges brief , not particularly meaningful chit chat, finds girl attractive, asks for her number. Most probbaly it's not like he h... (read in full...)
Was my ex boyfriend trying to rub this in and make me jealous with this comment?
Q. Was my ex boyfriend trying to rub this in, and make me jealous with this comment?. I went on a website today, which is where you can discuss films and actors. My ex and I have been going on that website for years. I recently left a message on a ...
A. 13 August 2014: Were you tryng to rub it in and make HIM jealous with your comment about the hot older man you are dating, wink wink ? ( which sounds a rather peculiar comment in a movie buff forum, what your personal love life has got to do with the forum ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's ex girlfriend is filing for child support just out of spite to hurt him.
Q. My boyfriend and his ex girlfriend ended up having a huge fight this past weekend and now she has decided to not allow him to see his daughter ever again and is going to file for child support. Not once in her daughter's three years of life has she ...
A. 13 August 2014: If I were you , I'd thank God for small blessings.
Your bf's ex is filing for child suport NOW, that means that your bf went scott free for three years when instead he should have paid since day one. He must have saved himself a bundle .
It d... (read in full...)
How can I make my first time less painful?
Q. So the other day me and my boyfriend decided to give the sex thing a "practice run", because I'm still (?) a virgin and I just wanted to know how it would feel, like on a scale of pain. It was very impromptu but I felt comfortable and we used a ...
A. 12 August 2014: " When it got furher "... how much is "further " ?
A hymen sits right there by the entrance or mouth of your vagina, just past the labia minora. It's not somewhere deep down, so you do not need to go much " further " to tear it- probably your... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to want a more exciting sex life?
Q. I don't want To come across as another loser guy who only cares about sex because I'm not. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now and I love her to bits.... But. Am I wrong to want a more exciting sex life? This has always been an ...
A. 12 August 2014: No , you are not an asshole for wanting more sex, to try new things, and to get a bj. But unluckily maybe you are just sexually incompatible with your gf . You are mismatched. You have different wants and needs, and neither one of you is " wrong ... (read in full...)
How do I approach this dating dilemma?
Q. Hey Guys I been on a couple of dates with a girl. She said last time that she was not looking for a relationship but enjoyed my company. She also does not want a relationship right now but neither do I. I was thinking of just testing how this...
A. 12 August 2014: I think there's perhaps the possibility that you are seeing as flirty what it is actually just friendly . When I was going to Spanish classes and I skipped one, the 17 y.o. boy whom I was usually partnered with would e-mail me " Hey what happened ... (read in full...)
Why do people give mixed signals? I think it's cruel!
Q. Dear agony aunts/uncles. I'm having a problem with my "love life" at the moment. I've been single for the past few months and meeting people out, having one night stands and I've met a lot of creeps and weirdos online who ended up harassing me. ...
A. 12 August 2014: Being cuddly and affectionate after sex is not a mixed signal, it's a normal thing that TONS of people do due to their own sexual style and preferences, and to the effects of the oxytocin released during intercourse. For some reason which I ... (read in full...)
How do I confront him about his lies?
Q. Im 21, nearly 22, and have been getting to know this guy since May, but have been speaking since February. We were both at university (far apart) so we used to Skype every day, talk on the phone for hours and text throughout the day for 3 months...
A. 12 August 2014: If you want to get this thing off your chest do it, otherwise it would stay there eating at you and spoiling what you have with this guy.
But I don't know if the jealous girlfriend act will go down that well, as a matter of fact it ccould not go d... (read in full...)
Why the weekly contact from my ex?
Q. My ex and I were together for several years. We broke up around 2 months ago. Since our BU, which I initiated but he seemed to want it too, he has text me EVERY week. Every single week he sends at least one text message. They never say anything ...
A. 11 August 2014: ..But first you were still, at least nominally, together - he did not want to give you space to go there and cling, kvetch, beg, scold, " we need to ralk ", " where this is going "- he did no want " drama". Now you are broken up and.. I think ... (read in full...)
I love the girl, but not the relationship. what should I do?
Q. Hi everyone Firstly, I just want to say. Constructive advice only. I know lots of people on here like to give hard hitting "advice" however really that will not help me. I love my girlfriend very much, and she loves me. It is long distance an...
A. 11 August 2014: You have already got good answers so I just want to add a couple of general considerations.
1) ) have you ever thought that she may be specular to you, i.e. she prefers not to invest more effort, time, feeling , committment in this LDR r/sh... (read in full...)
My anxiety is destroying my relationships!
Q. Hi everyone, thanks so much for helping. I get extremely stressed/anxious over tiny things, and overanalyze everything, whether it is with friends, my boyfriend, or a random person. Generally, my anxiety is unwarranted: for example, if my b...
A. 11 August 2014: The simplest thing : go see your doctor. He can give you specific advice ( not necessarily meds ) about how to deal with your anxiety, or, if he deems your symptoms are severe , refer you to a psychiatrist or therapist.... (read in full...)
Why the weekly contact from my ex?
Q. My ex and I were together for several years. We broke up around 2 months ago. Since our BU, which I initiated but he seemed to want it too, he has text me EVERY week. Every single week he sends at least one text message. They never say anything ...
A. 11 August 2014: Come on. You know why .
This is the same guy who sends you the " Cum and fuck me " texts , or the " Peanur butter and your **** " texts.
Just these texts, plus all the rest that you said about him , makes me think, no wait, makes me feel SUR... (read in full...)
Do I trust my boyfriend after a break up when he hooked up with my best friend?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 7yrs, high school sweet hearts! We often talk about marriage and our future. After a year of dating, we had a big argument and ended up 'taking a break.' We were young then and ended up getting back ...
A. 11 August 2014: Ah the " we were on a break " dilemma.. Not easy to solve. They made a Tv series ( Friends ) last ten years, centered on this dilemma.
I think you did right in ditching the best friend, it's not a matter of being vindictive, she just does not qual... (read in full...)
LDR--Is it selfish of me to want him to move to be with me?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend Jake for a little over 3 years now. I just turned 22 and he is 21. Recently I transferred to a great music school about in Boston 9 hours away from my home town where he is attending school. I went ...
A. 11 August 2014: Yes, it is selfish. YOU are exactly where you want to be following your game plan , pursuing your dreams, and building your future the way it suits YOU better- why is it that wrong if he does the same ?. So what if his plans include staying in his ... (read in full...)
Is it important that you like the engagement ring that your boyfriend gave you?
Q. Hi aunty! My boyfriend proposed to me last year and now were getting married this year. But i dont like the ring he bought me I told him before i want a specific designs. But he bought different. Which i always tell him about it but not to be in...
A. 10 August 2014: I don't think it is important.
I mean, of course if you told him time and again which ring you wanted, and you get a different one, you are going to be disappointed , that's human. But it sounds as if your " wanrs " were too much for his purs... (read in full...)
How do I approach this dating dilemma?
Q. Hey Guys I been on a couple of dates with a girl. She said last time that she was not looking for a relationship but enjoyed my company. She also does not want a relationship right now but neither do I. I was thinking of just testing how this...
A. 2 August 2014: I would not linger . Supposing that she told the truth, and that she really can't put her energy in a relationship because her mom is having serious health problems, I think even less she would be tempted to put her energy in a casual, " ... (read in full...)
How do I approach this dating dilemma?
Q. Hey Guys I been on a couple of dates with a girl. She said last time that she was not looking for a relationship but enjoyed my company. She also does not want a relationship right now but neither do I. I was thinking of just testing how this...
A. 1 August 2014: I can't be 100% sure but I think she is brushing you off.
When people say, theydon't want a relationship, .. basically they ALL mean "I do not want a relatonship WITH YOU".
Only, for you this means " I am not into you enough to want you to b... (read in full...)
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