A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am a manager for a small store that has about 20 employees, most of whom are full-time. They tend to have consistent shifts/days, and most people have been there for 2-3 years so they are a pretty tight-knit group. I have hired some new people, but my turnover is low and it usually *ns* the newer people who end up leaving and moving on. Most of the time, this is voluntary. I have only had to terminate two people in the past year. One was constantly making inappropriate comments about women/to female employees and the other decided to increase his own (tax exempt) "business" by selling his product to employees and customers (I think you get the idea). For the most part, I have a good staff. However, we have this 30-ish lady who has been here for about six months and I have received several complaints about her behavior. Most of it is along the lines of, "does she ever stop talking?" "Well, I just got an earful about her sister's best-friend's chicken's roommate ..." Or, they complain that she's slow at her job or makes too many mistakes. There *are* certain sections she struggles with, so I put her in the ones she excels at, but that's where the complaints come in. Since she's not saying anything terribly harmful or inappropriate, it's more of a nuisance than anything else and I truly feel bad for her because I know her backstory. It explains in part why she behaves the way she does and I obviously can't explain this to employees. I don't hire people out of pity, but I did want to give her a chance because she hasn't had one in a long time. All her references were truthful, upstanding people who said positive things about her. She *does* work hard, has perfect attendance, is punctual and polite. She's a very intelligent, well-educated, pleasant and likeable woman. Customers have said many positive things. Basically, she's just "odd". (It's hard to explain). I've talked to her a few times about talking too much or paying more attention to her work and only doing one thing at a time, but she's very sensitive about it and genuinely hurt because "everyone else" talks too. That is true and this leads me to the main problem. About once a month, I get to lecture everyone at the meetings on excessive bathroom breaks, cell phone use on the clock, dress code violations, and "this workplace drama needs to stop, we're all adults here. If you have an outside issue, don't talk about it here." Nothing atypical. Part of the "drama" comes from how close the employees are, many of them go out to clubs or have get-togethers and they talk about those things. They talk on the phone or on each other's facebooks. Half of them have added me. This past week, the new girl decided to have a BBQ and invited virtually everyone on the staff, including myself and the other shift (who don't really know her at all). Apparently, no one showed up except for one person. That person said she seemed really down about it and she felt bad for her, but that person also said, "Head's up, people are REALLY not cool with it". No one else came to me, but of course I was hearing all day about the invite and how they don't "know her like that" and basically they felt it was inappropriate and it made people uncomfortable. Manners taught me to politely turn an invite down but I can see why they would feel that way. She has been getting the cold shoulder ever sense. People aren't as friendly toward her as they were, I've even seen people take one look at her and walk away or interrupt her while talking with something unrelated. It's underhanded and cruel and an awful harsh way to treat someone over an invite! She is very sensitive and it wasn't lost on her, she was asking people what she did wrong or did she piss them off and she told me herself that no one would tell her. I think it has to do with the invite to the BBQ and when I pointed it out (that maybe it made them uncomfortable since she didn't know them so well), she said, "They go out all the time. I don't understand. And if I invite them, maybe they'll invite me." Ah. I don't think she was aware of the minor complaints they had about her up until that point. Or the snickers or snide comments or weird looks she'd been getting this whole time. I've now had two employees come up and tell me to "do something with her" (she has done nothing to be fired) and it in itself has changed the way the other employees are acting at work. They still interact, but they're being very cliquey. They're giving her the cold shoulder as I said and basically it's not so pleasant anymore. Obviously, it's not the new girl's fault and I can't make her change her personality quirks. Also, while I can't expect staff to welcome her with open arms, I am very disappointed in them. I'd hate to fire the poor girl but switching her shifts wouldn't work for her, there is no other store to transfer her to, and at the end of the day, she's a good employee. Does anyone have any insight? My father is the owner, but he's rarely there and he would just suggest terminating them all and starting over. My mother isn't able to work anymore so I'm at a bit of a loss here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): Can you business afford to take part in some 'team-building' exercises. These take place outside the workplace. There are companies that specialize in this, or you could create your own. I know businesses that include these in their budget as the positive outcomes are worth the cost.
Team building can be an exercise where you come to rely and count on the people you are with, it can be pushing the boundaries/comfort zones of an individual. Research some ideas "team building exercises for workplace".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): BULLYING IN THE WORK PLACE!!!If I were boss and I knew that one person had been singled out and bullied, I would not hesitate at suspending/sacking 20 staff or a whole factory of employees if needed.Bullies are of no loss and can be REPLACED by decent employees who care about people, but you can not REPLACE one person's spirit that has been broken because of bullying. Bullying causes SUICIDE, causes DEPRESSION and deep loss to 'self'.Persistent patterns of mistreatment from others in the workplace that causes harm, personal attacks, social ostracism, and a multitude of other painful messages and hostile interactions." You must do what is right not take the majority vote....'socially awkward' is more often just a person who is 'different' from the rest, he/she swims down the river while the others swim up. People are afraid of difference and don't try to understand it. She does not sound socially awkward to me, she communicates through constant talking, she gives social inites to BBQ'S.How ridiculous that the only EXCUSE your bullies can give is about feeling uncomfortable about the invite to her BBQ,did she ask them to come naked? maybe THEY are the ones that are all Socially awkward, while she is just 'different'.Rigg a camera up and monitor the situation and evidence, you may end up needing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): I missed a point. The BBQ is off-premises and you have nothing to do with that. However; they acted as a group to send a cruel message. They represent your company on the outside. What they do reflects on your father's business.
The atmosphere and the environment her co-workers create around that employee on the clock, IS YOUR BUSINESS; and will cost your business. Just because you have only 20 people, doesn't dismiss the fact they are acting as a mob against one. I hope your dad finds out. I wonder what he would think about that? You don't want him to know. Somehow he will find-out; if you don't fix it, and soon! You don't keep people because you feel sorry for them. You keep them because they do what you pay them to do, and well.
You don't let people you pay to work, turn your work-place into a fraternity hazing-committee.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): I walked through my office today, and watched my employees as they worked. I noticed how they pitch together for charities, share each others family accomplishments, and seem very friendly and supportive of each other.
They are a machine. A team. I am honored to work with them. I really love them all and it fills my heart to see good people who work so hard; and make everyone feel so included.
They are professional but they are also warm, inclusive, and they make new people feel so welcome. They hit snags and skid now and then; but I feel its my job to iron-out the wrinkles. It's not left to mob-mentality and brutality amongst their co-workers. There is a ring-leader that is the brain behind getting the group to turn on that woman and hiding in the herd. Quietly figure out who it is.
I feel it is my job to see issues brewing; before they bring them to me. I would feel they are over-stepping their station to come to me to make any complaint about someone's "personal quirks." These are adults and they know company policy and what lies within their job-descriptions. I feel it is my job to make required "adjustments" to inappropriate work-place etiquette.
What goes for one, goes for all. Harassment and maltreatment of any kind is not tolerated. It may happen behind my back, and that's where it better stay. I better not see any person singled-out and under attack.
I have yet to have anyone have the balls to come to me to complain that someone "talks too much." Nor have I witnessed the humiliation your group inflicted on one person, to make them feel totally rejected. It amounts to bullying, and you're too chummy to shake up the place and remind your staff, who is working for whom. Which includes who decides what behavior is not acceptable.
I have a family-atmosphere minus the school-yard bullying. I would not hesitate to march the whole group to HR; and put them through two weeks of an intensive seminar on policy and ethics, with emphasis on work-place intimidation. I just wouldn't stand for it.
I am not saying anyone should be fired, but I would make them think real seriously about how they should behave on the clock.
When they come to me, it is regarding their personal or family-matters effecting their attendance or health.
Schedules, and time-off. Not tattling like school-children.
Never ever what they don't like about each other. I'd march them down to HR and we'd make the company's stance on intimidation and bullying perfectly clear. The only one who has a right to complain is the one receiving the mistreatment. You failed her by being influenced by general opinion and gossip; but not by your own set of rules and what your company stands for regarding their employees.
Who's the boss?
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A
female
reader, ImissFuturama +, writes (20 August 2014):
 I think the best thing to do is find the main source, meaning the main person who is causing trouble. Have a talk with him/her, and say while you understand it made them uncomfortable to receive an invitation from the new person, there is no good reason to dwell on it. What does it accomplish? Obviously she saw nothing wrong with what she did, and thought it was a kind gesture. I'm guessing she won't ever do it again, given the reaction she received. If there is one person in particular who is keeping this going and egging the others on, which I suspect there is, you can always change THEIR shift like you were thinking of doing with the odd woman. Or move them to a different department. No one has to get fired this way, and hopefully the clique will fall apart once the ring leader is gone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): "So, are you saying that the OP should fire 20 good enough employees, to keep one good enough employee ? Seriously?"I was saying that more if that was the ONLY 2 choices she had. Between the 2, to me at least, it makes more sense to fire the bullies than the victim. That's why bullying is such a problem. Too many people will get rid of the victim, whether it be expelling them from school, or letting them go from a job because it's the "easier" solution. That teaches bullies their behavior is okay, and if they whine long enough, they will get their way. I didn't say fire them for not attending her BBQ. You're right, that would be ridiculous. I'm saying if she fired them, it would be for the way they are behaving toward her now. If they didn't like it, they could just leave her alone, and not create drama. Harassment is grounds enough to fire someone, and they are definitely guilty. Hopefully there is a better solution, though.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 But the other 20 employees are good, or good enough too ! Shown by the fact that they are there since the last 3 years, and that the only complaint against them which the OP makes... is that they complain against a pesky coworker ( which again, IMO, the OP should not even listen to , she is not a kindergarden teacher ).
So, are you saying that the OP should fire 20 good enough employees , to keep one good enough employee ? Seriously ? how this makes any sense, and I do not only mean a business sense, but an ethical one too ? Or a logical one , as for that. What if the OP replaces the 20 employees, and the socially awkward one does not get along - as it is quite possible - even with the new staff ? What does the OP di , then, keeps hiring indefinitely until she finds the right fit for this lady ? What is she, a protected species ? ! And as for lawsuits, .. would not the 20 employees be entitled to file one too, for having being fired just because they do not socialize with a colleague and do not go to her BBQs ?...
As a matter of fact, though, I was only reasoning in abstract, saying what it would be more logical doing, IF ANY, from a professional standpoint. I was not actually suggesting to fire ANYBODY - neither the 20 employees, nor the odd one. In fact, I was suggesting to let them ALL sink or swim, and find their own way to relate- as long as it does not affect negatively the business. They are all adults, and they need to be monitored and supervised only in their professional capacity, not in their personal one.
So I guess, although on certain points we'll have to agree to disagree, the conclusion is the same : the OP made a mistake allowing herself to be involved and sucked into her employees personal lives ( and having them as friends on Facebook etc. ), I am sure that makes for a cheerful, homey atmosphere, - but screwing up any notion of discipline and autorithy, if people feels free to go to her and gossip, or worse to tell her how she needs to do her job. Time to pull back the reins firmly in your hand, OP...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): "the OP would not have to search through the Nobel Prize short list to replace any of her employees."That's not the point. Why should someone be made to feel they have to leave a job they like and are good at, because their coworkers can't keep their negativity to themselves? The OP said this about her: "She *does* work hard, has perfect attendance, is punctual and polite. She's a very intelligent, well-educated, pleasant and likeable woman. Customers have said many positive things" So she should be fired for being a little "odd" just because it's easier to replace one employee than it is twenty-something employees? While you're technically right in saying this, it would be a cruel thing to do. It's also a good way to get a lawsuit on your hands. She would also be sending an unspoken message to all her other employees that bullying someone is okay, and that if they do it long enough, they'll get their way (no longer having to be around her). What would stop them from doing it again to someone else? Besides, looking for a new job is unnecessary stress that she shouldn't have to deal with. She's doing great at the job she's at, why move on? (Unless she wants to for other reasons, of course). If they thought she was odd because she invited them over, and don't like her for it, fine. I can admit I wouldn't invite people I barely know over. However, I wouldn't treat someone like crap over it. I'll never understand why people are so non accepting to those who are "different", and why they feel that gives them the right to force their opinions down that person's throat. By going out of their way to exclude her or make her uncomfortable, that's what they are doing. It's one thing to simply not talk to her. It's another to give her weird looks, make snide remarks, interrupt her while she's talking, and make it obvious they're pretending she isn't there. I never said they should help her come out of her shell. (I'm the female anon who posted before who has been in her shoes). But they should stop being downright rude to her, stop talking behind her back, and stop complaining to the OP. They are hoping if they complain enough, she will get fired. THAT IS WRONG. They have no business telling their boss "do something with her" just because they don't like her. OP: The only mistake you made was getting too involved in your employees' personal lives. Having them on your Facebook is not a good idea, because it sends them the message that you're friends. That's why they feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you. It also allows you to see all the other drama in their lives you don't need to concern yourself with. Whatever you decide to do to fix this, please don't let this woman go. If she continues to prove herself at work, as you said there is no good reason to let her go. If you have to get rid of the rest of them, and hire 20 other new people, so be it. It may not be ideal, but damn it, it would be the right thing to do. No one ever said doing the right thing was easy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 August 2014):
I, instead, agree with the poster who says that your job is to get work done, not to make them happy.
If they are not happy they will leave .. let them leave, they will be replaced. It does not sound like this is the kind of place who needs unusual talents or competence, it's not a laboratory of astrophysics or a hub of intellectual research. It sounds like some sort of a shop, or commercial outfit, and with all due respect for shopkeepers and shopworkers , the OP woild not have to search through the Nobel Prize short list to replace any of her employees.
Maybe this is a cultural divide, because here things go a bit differently than in USA, but if I have to give my sincere opinion, I think this is bringing the concept of " pleasant work environment " to an untoward,inappropriate extreme.
As a manager / owner of the place, your job is to make sure they do what they are paid for in the most priductive and effective way , according to the company policy ( dress code, opening hours and whatnot ).
But the company policy cannot extend to the personal , individual relationships among employees. That's not kindergarten, it's a workplace. You can't force- nor should you encourage them - to be friendlier, or less friendly, or anything. That's their personal decision, they did not sign up as social workers or psychologists. It's not their job to help a socially awkward person to come out of her shell. The nicer , more compassionate people will do it spontaneously, the more self centered, individualistic people will not and will chose to keep to themselves and exclude her from social, EXTRA WORK activities, as they are entitled to do. So ? Do you have to prove you have a heart of gold to get employement in a shop or office ?!
Pardon me , but I think that the notion that the boss CHOOSES with whom I should be chummy or gregarious with is out of this world. If I got an official, or even semi-official- ear pull, because I refused to go to a colleague's BBQ, I would be furious and quit . ( And probably call my lawyer, because, at least here, the boss would be crossing a line ). It happens that I am a decently polite person so in my case I would have ANSWERED thanking her and declining politely - but that's MY choice, if I want to be rude , I don't see how this concerns the boss... as long as I am polite with the customers.
You may object that this would detract from the job's productivity , creating a cold, non- cooperative atmosphere ... well, that would be debatable, after all you do not manage a cruise ship, which is about smiles , fun and leisure - a BUSINESS place can do business as well even if not everybody love each other.... but then, anyway, in this case, the only PRACTICAL,sensible solution would be to fire the odd one !, because SHE is the only one not-integrated element among twenty plus.
Oth, I think the basic flaw is, sorry, in your managerial style- not enough distance, not enough autorithy , too chummy if your employees can even come up to you with complaints , not about the work ethics, or work practices or work mistakes, of a coworker, but just kvetching about her personaly quirks. You should not allow that, you should make clear that they all have to sink or swim, and find a way to get along- or NOT get along, as they prefer- without interfering with the normal efficient handling of operations. You do not want or need to hear that stuff - tell them to complain if a coworker steals or harasses them sexually or call in sick when he's healthy or does not finish their assignments in time. Job related stuff. The rest ( BBQs , Facebook drama, socially awkward employees who do not get enough invitations ) - it's not really, and should not be any of your problems, and the more involved you get, the less professional you look .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): "Your job is create an environment for people to get work done. It isn't to make people happy."
Really? If you don't make your employees happy, they will go elsewhere. Are you really suggesting the OP just ignore this situation, and watch this woman suffer the abuse her coworkers are putting her through?
I'm a little biased, yes. I've been THAT person. I've left jobs I liked to get away from people like she described. I'm a good worker, but people just don't like me. I look unusual, and am socially awkward. I now work a job where you don't interact with your coworkers most of the time, because I just don't want to deal with people anymore. A lot of places lost a good employee because the managers didn't step up, and put a stop to it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): I have supervised staff for years. I've had similar situations with office cliques and employees trying to freeze-out people they don't particularly care for.
Yours is a smaller type of business concern; so people are more like family. Corporate firms are more strict and codes of conduct are strictly enforced. Almost invasive on your privacy. It takes good managers and supervisors to over-see the conduct among employees; to be sure adults behave like adults, and not cruel little school children.
You don't want to run the risk of a law-suit for unlawful termination or work-place intimidation. These liabilities are very real and very costly for large corporations; let alone a small business.
You don't want your employees making their own decisions on who comes and goes. You do want order and fair treatment of all. They aren't taking your meetings seriously; because they think you can't fire them all at the same time. So they let your words go in one ear and out the other. That's when you may need your father's involvement to make them all take notice. People will let their prejudices and cruelties destroy your business from the inside. You have to deal with people individually; then you handle them as a group.
I once worked a summer when in high school. Only two of us were gay, and people harassed one of us so badly; he got hives and lost hair. We worked different shifts, and I'm not the type you can easily intimidate. His parents filed a lawsuit. It took six years, but that place went out of business.
If they come to you with complaints, it's a passive-aggressive form of bullying and intimidation. I rearrange the room when that happens. People get nervous when they see sudden change, then everyone becomes protective of each other. Threaten alternating-shifts and schedule changes to create more "getting along in the work-place." Or move people to different departments temporarily.
Not showing up for the BBQ was a gross act of cruelty and
meant to humiliate the woman to shame. You didn't handle it well at all. I would have talked to each of them individually in my office,and you should have let your father in on the whole deal. They need to feel the heat.
They are managing your business for you. Deciding who they like and don't like. That is a cancer that will eventually grow beyond your control. It seems it already has. Change her shift, or let her go. If she finds the right lawyer and proves they have caused her emotional-distress; she will own a big chunk of your father's store.
Trust me on this. Find the ring-leader; and you'll cut off the head of the snake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): Your job is create an environment for people to get work done. It isn't to make people happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): You have just given a GLOWING reference for this employee of yours. You sound like a very understanding and fair boss and I admire you in the way you are handling this situation by not joining the 'majority'.
It sounds like you have developed BULLYING IN THE WORK PLACE and this is the ISSUE AND PROBLEM that needs weeding out and DEALING WITH PROFFESSIONALLY.
You should not tolerate any bullying and personal remarks about your employees.
I would suggest that YOU step back from the personal involvement with your employees,such as social media sites. You are letting your employees get too close.
You have two employees come up and say(order) to their boss 'do something with her'.
You may well need to start again and draw the boundry line very clearly between boss and employee and issue formal warnings to all employees that BULLYING will be met with consequences. Your work space has become like a school yard.
This type of work enviroment could cost you more than you imagine. Deal quickly with this and enlist your Fathers help if needed.
I hate to hear stories like this, how cruel are these peevish clicky women to treat another human with such contempt for been open and friendly. So what she talks alot, she's not a robot.
Inform your bullied employee that you are aware what is going on, then confront each and everyone of the bullies. Please don't turn a blind eye we know how much damage bulling causes to people.They are grinding her down and making her dread coming to work every morning,humilliating and invalidating her, they are telling lies about her,they are demeening her work ability,spreading the bully code and YOU MUST STOP IT! not by transfering her or removing her to different shifts but by rooting out, naming and shaming the bullies.
BULLYING!!!!!!IN THE WORK PLACE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): I agree that the woman seems to be being subjected to cliquey behaviour by the others - I've seen this happen and I've also had it happen to me - essentially, it can sometimes happen at random, a bit like a chain reaction that one worker will have to another - once word 'get's around' that a new person is not liked, for whatever reason (and it literally could be anything at all) it can become harder and harder for that person to then be accepted.You have a choice - either you do what the other respondent has said and just treat this straight down the line as a business matter in which you demonstrate a lack of toleration of cliquey behaviour and make friendships a totally private matter that must take place outside of company time OR you actively do something to defend the woman with a view to her being re-integrated into workplace friendships. Without knowing her backstory, or what her particular merits as a worker are, I'm not sure what specifically to suggest you do. I personally think that what the others did to her regarding her invite is HORRIBLE - to say that they didn't go because they don't know her is just ridiculous and rude, the woman was doing her very best to extend goodwill and friendship even in the face of their hostility towards her. She did this in a way that would not have interfered at all with the company or its work ethic or rules - it's not like she was offering to host a strippers party with porn acts thrown in! The poor woman just tried to host a barbecue, that's all. If anything, I think it reflects badly on your knowledge of the company and of the workers respect for the company that they will treat anyone like this. So she's a little 'odd'? So what? Can't people cope with a little bit of difference? It really upsets me when people are already secure in their so-called friendships and yet they can't extend generosity of spirit to someone who would really benefit from it. Maybe you should arrange a day trip to somewhere where people treat other people with kindness and friendliness regardless of their ability, disability, oddness or freakishness, just to show your workers what mutual respect and kindness is supposed to look and act like.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2014):
 Yeah, I do. You have a clique. Unless this new employee is being unprofessional or making mistakes that hurt the company, then she isn't the problem. The non-workplace drama with the invites, cruelty, 6th grade Mean Girl behavior is what is unprofessional, and you are the key to clamping down on that or letting it happen.
It isn't your job to know this woman's job or to give her a chance because she "hasn't had one". You run a workplace. If this woman is making mistakes, you document them on paper (or the computer equivalent) and you continue to coach her. If she continues, you write her up. If she continues, you terminate. You can't be counselor and therapist, and you can't be friend or your employees will walk all over her.
It's a fine line between professionalism and discrimination, and your employees wanting the "odd woman out" to be fired and mistreating her is every bit as performance-related to them. They're fine not wanting to talk about personal issues, but that's a lesson everyone needs, that this is a workplace. Invites and hurt feelings have no business being company policy. You stepping in MAKES it company policy.
You tell her, AND THEM, that invites are all off-company and for them to work it out. If you step in, that creates a LEGAL issue. Ever hear of the term "Hostile work environment"? You need to stern talk with everyone on there that off-company activities stay off-company, meaning happy hours, invites, and all of that do not become part of business, and you run business. End of story.
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