A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy recently and we went on a first date for drinks which was a really great evening and we both wanted to see each other again. We went for a second date a week later which involved going for drinks, going for dinner and after dinner drinks again. We were near his flat and he asked if I wanted to go back to his. I said yes and we ended up having a sleep over which involved a lot of making out, but we also talked a lot. I now regret that decision as this is not something I have ever done before. I would wait for an emotional connection before going home with a guy. My fear now is that because we've done that already he might expect that we can continue in that way and I don't want to. I really like him and he's a great guy. I'm not sure how to communicate that message without sounding like I'm unsure of myself or like I flake on my standards. Any thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I agree with Cerberus, just be upfront with him.
And, if you are not sure you can keep your clothes on around this guy.... then keep the dates to public places for a while. No going home with each other.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): You tell him that night was a beautiful mistake, that it's not how you want do things and that you don't want to jump into being sexual too soon.
He won't mind, just be up front about it.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 Just be honest and tell him that you believe that things are moving to fast and you want to slow it down as you are not interested in a casual fling. You would genuinely like this relationship to flourish and therefore if he can accept no more late night visits to his flat until you both are sure this relationship has a future you will continue to date him. If he feels that he cannot wait and feels lead on then its best you parted. This conversations needs to happen or he will expect more intimacy from you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 Well, you DID flake on your standards. I am not scolding you, I think we all do somewhat - we all have high and noble and lofty standards, it's easy to maintain them ...until they are unchallenged :), a bit less in practice..
This to say that , if he should think that your rules are not etched in granite, so what, it's the truth !: your rules are not etched in granite. You are human, you make mistakes, you have lapses, you yield to temptation- then you get back on track.
Just tell him , that you feel you speeded up the " getting to know you " process against your best judgement. That would not be your normal M.O.,you just got caught in the moment and carried away, but now you want to pull the brakes a bit. It's your right- people can change their mind. And you should always be able to choose at which pace you feel comfortable going, sexually.
If he is a good guy and he is into you, he won't be fazed and he'll take it as a good sport. If he was just after " sealing the deal " as fast as possible, yeah he will be upset or anniyed or also vanish from your rader. In which case, no big loss, in fact you'd knew you have dodged a bullet.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 bet if you have an adult conversation with him and express exactly what you have in this question he will totally understand and hold you in high respect. Anything otherwise and you may need to re-evaluate his intent. The way you explained your feelings herein is exactly what you should tell him.
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