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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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The ex: should I be concerned that I have been told that I am not "good in bed" ?
Q. Dear Aunts, My worst fear has come true. I was told I was bad in bed he said I'm not freaky enough. I like romantic slow passionte sex he likes rough play. I feel like I cant do the things he wants so the connection is fading away in other dept ...
A. 21 September 2014: Then don't take his calls ! don't answer. Apparently, you may be " not good in bed " but you aren't totally bad if he is sniffing around you for more. That's his problem, though. Your problem is , WAS in fact, that you two are not sexually ... (read in full...)
Should end our relationship now, or try one more time to save it? She doesn't want children.
Q. My partner and I have been together almost 4 years. However our sex life has been non existent for about a year now. I've tried talking to her about it but nothing ever really comes of this. I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is a...
A. 21 September 2014: . And she did not want to hurt you either, but you are not right for each other.
She may be an amazing person in your eyes , and / or she may be an amazing person objectively , but she can't / does not want to give you two things that are very impo... (read in full...)
Is it time to end the relationship?
Q. Hi, I'm a 27 year old bisexual female and I've been in a relationship with my partner for 3.5years now. At the beginning the sex was great and constant however the last 12-18months has dwindled and the last 8 months non existent! She never feels in ...
A. 21 September 2014: Well,yes, it may be time to part ways.
You love this woman but are not in love with her- you feel emotionally disconnected.
And she, for whatever reason of hers ( either she is not attracted to you anymore, or she is off sex with anybody ... (read in full...)
He throws the word pregnant at me umpteen times......
Q. Dear Aunts, There is a guy who I like and who likes me but we are just friends. He shares his dreams, his personal goals and encourages me to try to get the best in life. However lately, he has mentioned that he would like to have kids when he is ...
A. 20 September 2014: I don't see what difference it makes, since you two are not even dating- leave alone committed or married.
Whether he wants a baby in general, or he wants a baby from you, why, would you be so kind to make him a baby just because he wants one ??..... (read in full...)
He seems to be moving awfully slowly ...
Q. Last week, I finally had a first date with a man that I felt I had a lot of potential with. We had "matched" on that hot app over a month ago. While he immediately asked me if I would be interested in having drinks with him on our first chat, he ...
A. 20 September 2014: Wise OwlE is never stupid but ...he is always male, and he thinks like a male.
So I'll counter his stupid male thought with my female thought. Maybe it's an Alpha female thought ( yeah I suspect that I may be a bit of an Alpha female - and that... (read in full...)
Why does my bf disappear for hours/ days?
Q. Why does my bf always disappear sometimes for hours/days?? My bf and I have been dating for 6 months. Everything seemed to be going good, but for some reason a month to now he has change, before he would call me and night, to say goodnight and se...
A. 20 September 2014: It would depend from his line of work.
If he is a bank clerk, yeah, very improbale.
Other places, they may need him to work strange hours or do a lot of overtime.
But that should be sort of easy to figure out :
where does he work, and what d... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can trust him. Should I remain friends?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I am a bit confused and I need your advice. So anyways, I have a guy friend. We have been friends for years and he has a gf. Recently his gf when away and our friendship has gotten deeper, I have a sorta crush on him but I'm i...
A. 20 September 2014: Since that day you told him your mind, he never told you anything sexual again. But , he's also stopped being friends and you are back to casual acquaintances .
Why am I not surprised :).
... (read in full...)
Unhappy and depressed -- how do I help myself?
Q. I have never felt this way before until now. I'm 21 and l have a 3 year old daughter. For the past few months I have been very unhappy with my llife. I have no friends at all my life consists of going to school or staying home. I have no one to talk ...
A. 20 September 2014: Oh plenty of ideas. But I don't know if they'll help you, because I have ( maybe ingenerously, and in this case, forgive me ) the distinct feeling that , although you pay lip service to the idea of helping yourself, in fact you are more on the ... (read in full...)
Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?
Q. Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...
A. 19 September 2014: Eyeswideopen: good point . I concede that :). It's just that I have a problem with people who , more often than not, have furry BUTTS, telling me that I have to remove all of my hair to be acceptable. ... (read in full...)
He seems to be moving awfully slowly ...
Q. Last week, I finally had a first date with a man that I felt I had a lot of potential with. We had "matched" on that hot app over a month ago. While he immediately asked me if I would be interested in having drinks with him on our first chat, he ...
A. 19 September 2014: You could be the first person he has met, but not the last . And there's nothing impolite , or technically objectionable, in what he's doing, - it's just how this game is played.
As for having a lot going on, yes sure. Still he sounds like... (read in full...)
Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?
Q. Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...
A. 19 September 2014: But that's the point, anon reader of Sept.19th :
I can't claim that I have slept with all the 150.000.000 of American men, for instance, ( I was trying my best, but then I got called back to Europe,couldn't finish....NOOOOO. This was a joke... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to tell my now-ex that I was in love with him when we were dating?
Q. I'm looking for people's opinions about telling an ex that I was in love with him while we were dating. We broke up just under 2 years ago. We are not in regular contact. He told me that he was in love with me 2 months into the relationship and...
A. 19 September 2014: Yes, there is more to the story... if this is the same ex bf which you used to post about in the past. The one of your birthday weekend at the resort ? After which he just vanished on you ?...
I am not bringing up all the details , OP, even... (read in full...)
Friends together a long time. Then broke up. Are there factors that suddenly make people unable to stand someone?
Q. hello there this is not really a dating question but some recent events got me thinking.. Recently two of my best mates broke up for the slightest of reason. They always had been close and inseparable. Always happy in each others company and ...
A. 19 September 2014: I don't think it's sudden, ir, the sudden argument was just the catalyst of a chang that had already begun since a while.
Often, it is like... getting older. I mean, every morning day you lok at your face in the mirror, and it never seem any diff... (read in full...)
He seems to be moving awfully slowly ...
Q. Last week, I finally had a first date with a man that I felt I had a lot of potential with. We had "matched" on that hot app over a month ago. While he immediately asked me if I would be interested in having drinks with him on our first chat, he ...
A. 19 September 2014: That's internet dating, or app dating. He may not be a natural born player, but he is definitely playing on different tables, as it is customary, and generally implied and deemed acceptable, at least in an initial screening phase.
He is prob... (read in full...)
Boyfriend never cares when people compliment our relationship
Q. I've noticed lately that my boyfriend doesn't like or care when people compliment us on our relationship. For instance, the other day some random lady asked us for directions and then joked about how cute I looked and then said that my boyfriend has ...
A. 19 September 2014: Then maybe it's YOUR self esteem that's a problem. You feel unattractive and you need to be reaasured about your power of attraction at every twist and turn, even when it's superfluous or frankly rididcolous.
The two explamples you gave, for inst... (read in full...)
It seems like he's hiding behind his social awkwardness
Q. Dear cupids. I need some advice. I have liked this guy for quite a long time now... Over a few years the timing has seemed all wrong. It has generally been that he likes me more than i like him. Last year we had a brief fling, and then his ...
A. 19 September 2014: Perhaps move on. He was not too socially awkward to have a fling with you , and to have a regular gf, then. I feel that if he had feelings ( or an interest ) for you, the ice is already broken and he would be more responsive.... (read in full...)
Am I Really Overrreacting or Is He in The Wrong When It Comes to Not Talking to Me?
Q. Hello. I'd like to give a little background before any opinons are made so please bare with me. My boyfriend and I will have been together 3 years this coming October and we are both 22 years old going on 23. I have asked something like this in the ...
A. 19 September 2014: I just would like to add :
" if others can do it... " ( he can do it too ).
1 ) He can, but he does not HAVE to. Everybody have our different ways to show we care and to carry on a relationship and to express ourselves within it, why it has to b... (read in full...)
His being late makes me feel disrespected
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He was on-time our first date but almost every time after that he is late. I am not talking 15 mins late. I am talking an hour! There have been times when he had decent reason for being late and I just ...
A. 18 September 2014: I don't know... I think he understood it perfectly... it does not take Einstein to understand that if you say " see you at 7 p.m. " you must aim for 7 p.m., and not for 9 or 10 p.m... I think it's more that he just cares about what HE wants. HIS ... (read in full...)
His being late makes me feel disrespected
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He was on-time our first date but almost every time after that he is late. I am not talking 15 mins late. I am talking an hour! There have been times when he had decent reason for being late and I just ...
A. 18 September 2014: You don't just " feel " disrespected, you are being disrespected.
People who always cancel last minute or show up late
( I mean late late, not 15 minutes. We want punctuality, not Swiss citizenship ) are basically telling you : " In your fac... (read in full...)
I want the freedom to test the waters but my ex won't let go
Q. Hello, I am a freshman at college in my third week and I broke up with my bf at the start. He loves me soo much but almost too much. He also now lives two hrs away. I need a real and tangible relationship, not just skype dates. But at the same time ...
A. 18 September 2014: I think you need to dump him. Clearly and unequivocably. Sure he will suffer and cry !- he is in love with you. But you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, so if you have decided that you want to be free , to test the waters , ... (read in full...)
I'd like a bit more affirmation from her
Q. I have been dating a woman for about 7 months. We seem to mesh in most ways but I could use a little more affirmation from her. Not long after we started dating she made the statement about how "sexy" the lead singer of a band was. Just recent...
A. 18 September 2014: That's because you are automatically comparing yourself even when there's no rivality, - and you are comparing just in the area you feel insecure about.
Why, if she has said " how good Mother Teresa was ", you'd take offence : " hey, I am a good... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm looking at a life-time of 'what he thinks is best'
Q. I'm having some issues with my boyfriend and the decisions he makes. We've been together for three years. Last year I finished my undergraduate degree and moved to the city my boyfriend lived in to do postgraduate study while he finished his ...
A. 18 September 2014: I see what you mean, but it's reversible. He wants things for himself, that you do not necessarily think are the best solution for you. He is just more proactive in going after them.
You have conflicting plans / wishes / needs ( dreams . It's... (read in full...)
Am I Really Overrreacting or Is He in The Wrong When It Comes to Not Talking to Me?
Q. Hello. I'd like to give a little background before any opinons are made so please bare with me. My boyfriend and I will have been together 3 years this coming October and we are both 22 years old going on 23. I have asked something like this in the ...
A. 18 September 2014: Mine is surely not the opinion you want , and it goes against the grain of a world that lives plugged to FB and Twitter and all that as if they were on life support.
Your bf is a sensible guy, who loves you plenty, shows it all the time when you ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he see my potential? Is he sexist? Complacent about life?
Q. I feel like my boyfriend doesnt understand one aspect of my life and I need help explaining this to him. I am going to graduate late next year with a degree in engineering. I have worked very hard with my school and it is because I want to provide ...
A. 18 September 2014: He is neither . He just, as much as he loves you, does not think that the universe revolves around you, and that only your wants and needs count.His are to be taken into account too, and if you have to live together , a compromise has to be ... (read in full...)
Should I ask him out again? (While I'm still touring in his country)
Q. There's this dude, let's name him T.(He lives in London while I live somewhere in Asia) We met in an online game a year back. We were sort of close, played the game together a lot. But after close to a year, he started playing lesser, and even...
A. 17 September 2014: Total waste of time, IMO.
It's no so much a matter of looking desperate , of which you could also decide you don't give a fig about.
It's that silence speaks volumes, and basically ,he has already given an answer to the question you have NOT... (read in full...)
Was he insinuating he is not happy with his significant other?
Q. I was talking to a man I know, and somewhere in the conversation he said his significant other always finds ways to comment on stuff and can't be quiet on any topic....she always has something to say. He laughed nervously but quietly while saying ...
A. 17 September 2014: That's quite a bit of a stretch as an interpretation.
I think he was just describing that person: an opinionated type, who always has her two cents to put in. For all you know , he might LIKE her more for that. It is a personality trait that... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't give me money for an emergency, only advice!
Q. My boyfriend doesn't help me in emergency situations when I need financial help but only gives me a bunch of advices. He spends a lot of money for himself to buy luxury goods like Apple IPhone 5 etc. Is he a good partner?...
A. 17 September 2014: I don't know if he is a good partner, for sure he is a sensible guy !
You aren't married, you aren't engaged, you do not have kids together ( at least that you mention ).
You are just dating, and next week or next month you might be broken u... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's female friend doesn't like me. What can I do?
Q. I am frustrated with myself and my boyfriend. We were in a distance relationship but I moved to live with him about six months ago. Mostly it's been great. He has this female friend though. I've never felt that comfortable about their friendship cos ...
A. 17 September 2014: You can talk to your bf, not to the girl.
The girl is not obliged to become your bosom buddy too , just because she is friends with your bf. As long as she is civil, she can choose to keep to herself.
And she could " respect your boundari... (read in full...)
Is my personal trainer interested?
Q. Hello, Today was my third work out with my personal trainer, I didnt know this personal trainer since before. Last week on the second work out I saw him tickle his sensitve area a little now and then. I pretented to not see him dong it...
A. 17 September 2014: Nope. He is being a personal trainer and doing his job.
Personal trainers are routinely enthusiastic, motivating, personable, and , when it's the case, quite flirty. Their clients know that it does not mean anything but they like it so the PT k... (read in full...)
My heart wants to forgive him, I want this man in my life. My head says he's a scumbag.
Q. I want to tell you all my situation. I have previously told about this but I left out key details as I didn't want you to tell me to leave him or that I was stupid. I am 21 years old, trainee doctor with a loving and secure family. I met my...
A. 17 September 2014: That's really really a tough one.
Normally I would advice a general , sensible rule of thumb : everybody deserves a second chance and nobody a third. So, if he is really repentant, you take him back, try and work through your anger and disa... (read in full...)
My husband looks down on me because I'm a housewife and he puts himself on a pedestal because he is the sole bread winner
Q. I do everything I can to be a positive uplifting person for my husband. I Build him up always say I love you first and I am the affectionate one. He can be affectionate but only on his terms. I can never do enough to please him he is always ...
A. 17 September 2014: Whom did you marry, Ricky Ricardo ? :) ... Ricky loved Lucy, no doubt. But always with a hint of contempt and of smugness, because HE was the talent and the breadwinner and she .. jsut a dumb housewife. That's why Lucy would always end up in some ... (read in full...)
Is the older guy I've been seeing really even into me? (a little explicit)
Q. Hi everyone! So I have been seeing a new guy for about two months that I met online. He is pretty awesome, has a great personality, and is very handsome. He is about 15 years my senior (I am of legal age, 21), never married and has no kids. He ...
A. 16 September 2014: Ok, I am going to look like really thick here, or maybe at my age I should know better, but I don't get how you cannot know if he has come or not, regardless of moaning, grimaces , and verbal cues.
I mean- tryng not to be too graphic - if you use ... (read in full...)
I committed the ultimate sin of friendship and I slept with one of my bestest, oldest friends.
Q. The other night I committed the ultimate sin of friendship and I slept with one of my bestest, oldest friends. I was the one who suggested it on a night out that ended up just us two - proposing we try a FWB type relationship. He was surprisi...
A. 16 September 2014: I suppose talking to him won't hurt, after all you are good friends, you should be comfortable enough to exoress your feelings and emotions to him . Plus, it sounds like you have already decided , basically, and would not be able to NOT spill ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong? Pot calling kettle black?
Q. Quick question. Am I in the wrong and he is right? I made a off hand comment to my boyfriend that men don't share their feelings (I was talking about a friend who is a guy, he seemed in a pissie mood so I asked him what was wrong to which he said...
A. 16 September 2014: .. And I , on turn, agree with Honeypie .
So it turns out that's all another story.
The problem is not that you do not agree upon the definition if " emotionally open " ( upon which, after all, you can agree to disagree- you don't have to ... (read in full...)
Could the fact that the clique ignores me reflect badly on me at work?
Q. what if you have not much in common with a popular work colleague? you are queiter but you have tried,are nice, say hi, ask how they are etc, I am not rudr, they are cliquey. they dont seem to want to talk to you, not bullying you.. and you ca...
A. 16 September 2014: No, on a professional level, I don't think you need to worry at all.
Unless it's some particular work environment where being a solid , close-knit team is very umportant, I don't think that management / work seniors even actually care or noti... (read in full...)
Yet another Christmas all alone. What do I do?
Q. It looks like I am spending Christmas on my own this year as I am single, childless still since my divorce - so its just me and my dog! In the past I had Christmas's ruined by my ex husband and his family so now I am divorced I don't have that drama ...
A. 15 September 2014: Oh sure. I have spent lots of single and / or alone Xmas days, and , let me tell you, I loved it. Where I live the only relative I have is my son and I made a point to pack him off to spend Xmas with his dad, even if maybe he was not that sold ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong? Pot calling kettle black?
Q. Quick question. Am I in the wrong and he is right? I made a off hand comment to my boyfriend that men don't share their feelings (I was talking about a friend who is a guy, he seemed in a pissie mood so I asked him what was wrong to which he said...
A. 15 September 2014: Well, I have to say that yes, in lack of other details, I think your bf is right.
For all you know, your pissed off friend - or other men - does exactly like you do : he does not share the reason of his moods right away, while he is still upse... (read in full...)
I feel she was leading me on and then she pulled the carpet out from under my feet!
Q. A long time female friend, (know her 50 years) and I both divorced. We date as friends. During one of our dates she talked about sex. She told me she hasn't had sex in 7 years. It kind of sounded like an invitation, so I asked her if she'd have sex ...
A. 15 September 2014: Anon male reader, you are making assumptions which are not necessarily true, about what the Aunts would answer if the same had come from a man. But anyway, you seem not to realize that it's never just the words which convey the meaning , it's ... (read in full...)
How can I let the anger towards him go away?
Q. I know (or think) I don't love him anymore, but there is still anger towards him, because he didn't treat me right, partially it was my fault because I loved him and hoped one day he would love me too. We were friends, then we dated for a short ti...
A. 15 September 2014: Ah yes, I remember you, the " impoliteness " girl.
I think your anger comes from wounded ego ( no reproaches here, all of us have got egos, and all egoes get a little bruised at times ). What smarts is that he did not find you " good enough " for ... (read in full...)
His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!
Q. I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...
A. 15 September 2014: I get perfectly what YouWish says- I think the difficulty here is that we are trying to figure this situation out under the legal, or business, or commercial angle- when it is a gentleman's agreement, so the only rules which apply, intelligent ... (read in full...)
We're no longer together but I was offended by his actions
Q. I went to a wedding recently with an ex bf. we didn't go as a couple but we went together because we were both invited, our mutual friends would be there as well. during the wedding I noticed him talking to this girl on the dance floor. then I saw ...
A. 15 September 2014: OP, ... if he really cared about you, .. he would not be content with being your ex and / or just your FWB partner. If he cared, he'd want more than that.
Should you be mad ? Well, you clearly are, and there's not much you can do about that, but ... (read in full...)
I feel she was leading me on and then she pulled the carpet out from under my feet!
Q. A long time female friend, (know her 50 years) and I both divorced. We date as friends. During one of our dates she talked about sex. She told me she hasn't had sex in 7 years. It kind of sounded like an invitation, so I asked her if she'd have sex ...
A. 15 September 2014: No OP, she did not lead you on, you did everything by yourself ! :).
You have known her 50 years !, and you are going out AS FRIENDS . ( You sound like firmly friendzoned by now ).
She chose to share personal info with you as a friend, not as a... (read in full...)
His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!
Q. I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...
A. 14 September 2014: This is one of the very very very few times I disagree with YouWish- I think she is raising a moot point. I have no doubt that she is correct from a legal point of view, and I think that we all recognized already that , legally, the other girl ... (read in full...)
His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!
Q. I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...
A. 13 September 2014: Call me crazy, but I see perfectly your bf's point and in fact I commend him for being an upright gentleman that can keep his word and committments even without being pressured to that by a lawyer / furious in-laws / a mafia hitman :) etc.
... (read in full...)
Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?
Q. Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...
A. 12 September 2014: With ref. to your follow up, I think that a preliminary disclaimer would only be mandatory IF shaving or trimming down there was mandatory, and not doing it a blatant breach of etiquette , common sense or safety. But, contrariously to popular ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can trust him. Should I remain friends?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I am a bit confused and I need your advice. So anyways, I have a guy friend. We have been friends for years and he has a gf. Recently his gf when away and our friendship has gotten deeper, I have a sorta crush on him but I'm i...
A. 25 August 2014: No, you should not stay friends, and I am surprised that your mother suggest that - but maybe she does not know the whole story.
Why, do you think he gives a flying f...about being your " friend " ?... He could not have made clearer if he had worn... (read in full...)
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