A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:A fee days ago I asked my ex boyfriend if I could borrow some money from him to invest in my business. He is a millionare so I knew he could spare it. We broke up 2 years ago and we hadn't spoken in 5 months since the last time we met up- mainly because he never tried to call. I didn't want to ask him for the money but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask and I don't really care what he thinks about me anymore anyway. I also know that he likes to help people out. He called me 3 hours after he read my email asking to borrow some money and said he wanted to catch up..... that night. So he came mover and picked me up and we went to his house and chatted about general stuff and then I told him exactly how the money would be spent. He said yes he would loan mE the money. Later on he kissed me and I ended up staying at his place in his bed. We didn't have sex but let's just say there were "hands". The next morning we cuddled a little bit in bed and he dropped me home on his way to work (this was Friday morning). Now, this has happened before where I have stayed over with no sex and then I don't hear from him and he doesn't reply to calls or texts so I else it alone. Then I will make contact a few months later and he sounds thrilled to hear from me and is super excited to hang out. So, I thought instead of putting the pressure on him to initiate contact I would text and say hi, how was your day yesterday etc. I also asked him should I send through info about the loan because we didn't really finish up our conversation about it. The reply that I got was very short and he said yes I should email it.I thought great so I emailed how much I was wanting to loan etc. I spoke to people that manufacture product for my business and booked production time and the quantity of stock that I would be ordering. I haven't heard from my ex since his text on Saturday. I have emailed him and tried calling and texting to try and organise this and nothing. Has he gone back on his word? I I had had sex with him would this not be happening? Is it a power thing? What do you suggest that I do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 August 2014):
 Yeah agreed, let's forget about what happened or not sexually, that's not the point .
What I want to raise is another point : knowing the guy and your past history , I think it was rather delusional of you , or let's call it unduly optimistic, expecting financial help from him. Well, of course just asking never hurts, but if you make committments with other people ( suppliers, customers.. ) based on HIS words, it will hurt !
When you say " he left me just right after my birthday " it sort of rung a bell, for some reason I connected that with a pool... something happening in a pool... so I went to dig your old post. And, in short , the story is that : millionaire dude books an hotel for your birthday's weekend. During the weekend he behaves badly and treats you awfully, but that's anothery story. What strikes me is , that he shows up with no present. Goes around the hotel shops twice... and he only buys a bottle of scent for HIMSELF. At the end of the wekeend you break down and say you are sad because nobody gave you any present. He says like, : ah well, too bad . Then he proceeds to put on a vanishing act and stops taking your calls or replying your e-mails, he just leaves you there hanging. ( Apparently, he resurfaced many months later ).
So, what this would show is :- that he did not particularly care about you anyway, even when you were dating- imagine later- why should he care now if you have credit difficulties ?
- that he may be a millionaire but he is not a generous person, since getting a litle birthday gift from him as his gf was like pulling teeth ( and actually did not happen ).
- that he is a flaky, impulsive , self serving, egocentric individual who just suits his moods without any thought about what's proper , decent or kind doing. Like shooting a little text, saying," I am sorry, it's over ". If he changes his mind , he won't bother telling you.
Based on your past history and what you know of him, I feel you were really expecting too much and have chosen poorly chosing him as an investor. He won't invest- and most likely he won't even TELL you he won't.
Cut your ( emotional ) losses now, and go seek other potential backers / lenders. This one, I strongly feel it is not going to help you.
I also have this slight feeling ( I may be wrong ) that it was not really about the loan, i.e. sure, you need a loan, but it would have been like killing two birds with a stone, the other bird being the chance ( which you still care about ) to reconnect with him, to revamp the past, .. at the very least to see him again.
If this is the case, I hope the recent developments have convinced you that you are flogging a dead, mummified horse. This guy may not be adverse to a little sexy something from you every 4 ot 5 months - but, really, what's in it for you in this ?! It is just a waste of your time, feelings and DIGNITY.
Chalk him up to experience, cut ties and look forward to better times and better prospects- in love AND business.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): I read and go by the information you post. Unless you forget as you write, maybe you should reread your comments and maybe you'll see what everyone who has responded to your posts sees.
I read the responses from other uncles and aunts, and I don't see anyone offering any comments that conflict with anything I've said. The general response reaches the same conclusions.
No intention to offend, but I did intend to make you see it the way he could be seeing it. Which might explain why you haven't heard from him. I don't know you, nor said once that I do. I think you should consider all possibilities and prepare your Plan B if he doesn't lend you the money.
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (20 August 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You use the guy, and he knows it. Walking out on you, was because you take advantage of him and how you think he feels about you". WOW WISEOWL. You really think you have it all figured out don't you? You don't. As a matter of fact I have never asked him for ANYTHING. Not even when we were together. This is the first time and the reason is because yes I am still in the process of clearing a bad credit rating from irresponsible decisions I made when I was in my mid twenties. I have another 2 years until it is clear and it is very hard to get a loan with it. When I slept over he was aware that I wasn't going to have sex with him. In fact the last time I slept over I slept in the spare room and I also had every intention of paying him back in monthly instalments. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to do a runner on someone who had been generous to help me out and I think that he knows that about me.
Don't assume you know everything about someone from one situation. Since I was 19 years old I have done absolutely EVERYTHING on my own and never ask for help from friends and relatives. This man offered me help for my business when we were together and although I know we are no longer together I thought that he might find it in his heart to loan me some money even if it was only to make himself feel better as he has been so awful to me and he knows it. When I asked I didn't expect a yes. I just put it out there and hoped for the best.when he said yes to the loan I expected he would go through with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): Bottom-line, the loan is a no go!
This thread went off on a tangent about whether you had sex or not. Nobody really knows (or cares) what you did, but you and your ex.
Technically, over or under clothes, you did something that was "sexual;" when you touched each other with "hands." The point of "hands" was to cause sexual-arousal. What was the point of kissing and being in his bed over-night? That's a lot to offer someone who ditches you over and over.
Even more odd, is that he habitually walks out on you. Why do you keep going back? You refuse to be honest. I'll venture to guess it is when you need something and you butter him up; because you think he still has a soft-spot for you. This time, it didn't work. Buttering him up would make a guy wonder why you're being so nice when he has been so rotten to you? Maybe you have no intention of paying him back? He has been terrible; so you have a motive to get even by taking his money, and not paying the loan(?) back.
You asked the man for a MONEY. What did you expect for sleeping in his bed after he has left you so many times? Why would he suddenly take a turn and want to be reliable and generous after leaving you so many times? If you didn't have sex, it may be because he didn't go for the bribe. It was certainly there for the taking.
Well, you followed up with calls and e-mails. No response after so many days. If I was in his shoes, I'd feel your behavior was an insult to my intelligence.
As before, he has let you down. I would consider the answer no, and find a lender. If your need for money is urgent, you are wasting valuable time. I'd say it was a bad business-decision; because you assumed all you had to do is ask, and you'd get a loan. Well, not this time.
I assume your credit must be questionable, as are your motives. Going to him is an act of desperation. You don't want to wait. Avoid the the bureaucracy, credit-check, and strict repayment terms of a lender. Lenders demand timely repayment and interest. Maybe he has lent you previous loans(?) and they were used for other things, and not paid back.
If you keep letting someone treat you that way, it is because you don't want to lose access to his money.
Everything else you explain is just getting around what the aunts and uncles have said. You use the guy, and he knows it. Walking out on you, was because you take advantage of him and how you think he feels about you.
You can't let him go. Your emergencies and needs are of no concern to him. He is never normal from your visits; just used to you coming around out of the blue. He expects you to show-up, and knows why. He figures you're being nice, because you need something. If that is usually the case, he sees no reason to stick around; once you get whatever it is you want. The aunts and uncles are intelligent people. So is your boyfriend. If you own a business, you had better be.
Don't walk, run to the nearest bank and apply for a loan!
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (20 August 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot going to go into details but what happened was definatey not sex. More like touching over clothes.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 August 2014):
So , sex = intercourse only ?... I though we had cleared our ideas about that since Bill Clinton's times :).
Anyway, - he flaked on you 5 times in the past. So it is not surprising if he is flaking out a 6th. A flake is a flake, rich or poor.
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (20 August 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe hates confrontation. He's afraid of showing his emotions.He closes up completely and only comes back if I initiate contact after a certain amount of time and then he is happy and normal.
He has done this to me 5 times since I have known him. However I thought considering that the loan was a non-emotional thing that he wouldn't do this again. I just don't know....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 And he is now ignoring you ?
If so, move on.. Find another investor. And don't let him rope you into to bed again.
Now, you know him better then any of us, is this something that seems out of character for him? Or did he flake from time to time in the past?
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (20 August 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie I have called him 5 times since Saturday, sent 3 emails and texts as well
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2014):
Um, you are a GROWN woman, why not just pick up the phone and call him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): There was kissing and "hands," but no sex. You spent the night in his bed.
Tell me what is the difference?
Most adults in bed with each other, cuddling, kissing, and "handling" each other is a prelude to sex. It's as good as fore-play. It came after asking for a loan. So it still may have left him with the impression that maybe he'll get more when the money comes.
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (19 August 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust for the record I didn't have sex with him!!! Dear Cupid misinterpreted what I wrote in my post and got the heading wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): A guy who walks out on you who feels no obligation to explain; feels no obligation to help you financially.
Were I you? I'd forget-about-it!!!
He believes your only continued interest is his money. True or not. You cling to him feeling you still have some kind of connection. When he only wants to demean you, and use you like a call-girl.
Available for sex on-demand. For now, he is dangling a carrot over your head; knowing you want his money.
I suggest you go a bank and apply for a business-loan, and wait to see which comes through first. Think like a legit business-woman. If the remote possibility arises that he actually lends you the money; sign a promissory note or repayment contract, and make it a legitimate business transaction.
Now he knows you need help and he'll use that to manipulate you, and play with your feelings. You're wasting time and compromising your business. You gave him the upper-hand in many ways, and you belittled yourself for sleeping with him after asking for a loan. There is no way around that, no matter how you try to explain it off.
He truly believes you're only after his money. There is a 50/50 chance that you are. I suggest you forget you asked for the money, and apply for your loan at a bank as you should have in the first place.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (19 August 2014):
 Today is only Tuesday... give him a few days. It's not like you're asking to borrow $20 which he can easily pull out of his wallet for you. Often times, most of our money is kept in an investment account and it needs to be transferred over, that takes a couple of days.I hope that this person means more to you and you care about him more than what you've shared with us in your post. Apparently, although the both of you have broken up for a while now, he still sees you as a friend and cares about you. Please don't take people who choose to keep you in their lives for granted or think so little of them, yet the only time you seek them out is when you need help. I hope you're a better person than the sound of the first paragraph in your post.He may lend the money to you, but for now, give him some time and he will be in contact with you. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): Seriously the loan your asking from him is not going to happen.
He maybe helpful but hey nobody's perfect, he ask to meet up with you to see if he still have those feelings for you.
Unfortunately its no longer there. His not going to make things hard for you if he have plans to make the loan happen.
Its so obvious. Its not that the sex didnt happen. Its because he couldnt careless.
The sad news is you were not able to get the loan you need from him.
I think thats what you really care about. Or am i too being judgemental?
If i were you. I will not bother to xcall xtext xemail or even xthink about him. He may have all the money in the world, but he does not have the decency to tell you honestly whats on his mind.
Its a big turn off. Money cant buy class. Then i will just leave him alone. If i hear from him, oh i will reply... say after 2 years. Hahaha.
You can get a loan from someone professional to deal with. Like a bank, loan companies or rich friends and relatives.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): I guess he felt used and he's returning the favor. How could you get it in your head to ask for a loan out of the clear blue? You no longer have an active relationship, and he only came to mind when you needed money. Then you slept with him; and he could only figure you used sex as a bribe and to butter him up for something you needed from him. He's not a fool.
Well, sometimes it takes time to make arrangements; he may be having a legal promissory note drawn-up by his attorney. You don't just expect him to just give you money and "call it a loan," without covering his ass? He may be trying to decide if he wants to follow-through with the loan. My guess is that he isn't going to do it; and you should go about your life as though he never will. If the sex had nothing to do with the loan, it shouldn't be an issue.
My advice, don't say another word about it. If he's feeling generous, it may happen. If it does, pay him back! Offer him a signed promissory note. Never bring up the sex.
What would have been a better approach would have been to draw-up a legal proposal; and offer him a business plan.
Suggest terms of repayment. It should have been discussed in his office, where he normally conducts his business.
It doesn't appear to be asking for a loan; if you sleep with him. That looks like you're exchanging sex for payment.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 That you would even approach an ex boyfriend for money, claiming not to care what he thinks of you, speaks volumes about your character and maturity level.
If you were a serious business woman with a sound plan and good credit, you would have secured funds from a bank. Either you've approached them and been declined or you haven't because you expect to be declined. If a bank doesn't have confidence in you, why should he? Especially when he knows you're just using him for his money and are willing to crawl into bed with him to get it.
You broke up two years ago and while he may be happy to catch up once in a while and engage in some hand play when he has little else to do, the man really isn't all that interested in you or your kind.
Business and pleasure should be kept separate. Have some pride and self respect and do this on your own and stop sniffing around ex boyfriends.
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (19 August 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus, I have never asked him for anything before. Zero. And to clarify, this man walked out on me 2 years ago the day after my birthday with no explanation. He just dissapeared. A year and a half later when I contacted him he said he had so much going on in his head at the time that he didn't have it in him to contact me to explain. We have met up 3 times and I have been willing to give him numerous chances and he always seems as though he wants to make it work but then never follows up with a call or text. So, when I said I don't care what he thinks of me anyway I meant that I don't care if he thinks I'm a shameless fool for contacting him out of the blue to ask for a loan because he probably already thinks that about me considering that I have tried to make it work with him so many times with little to no reaction from him.When we were together he offered to help me financially with my business so I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): He probably just figured out you're trying to use him for his money.
"I don't really care what he thinks about me anymore anyway" but you certainly care about getting a bundle of cash off him, and while it may not have been your intention, to him it probably seems you were willing to get sexual with him in order to seal the deal too.
OP no offence but you're not exactly covering yourself in glory here, he'd be a fool to fall for this and actually give you money.
I too am very wealthy but I didn't become that by being an idiot and letting myself get used. You said it yourself you don't care about him in the slightest, you just want his money and for some reason you think this may be a power thing or that he's gone back on his word?
The reality is you're an ex that doesn't care about him and just wants his money.
My guess is he's too stupid to say no to you and will end up giving it to you eventually. Or he may actually be a genius and used you sexually while you were trying to use him.
If I were him I'd do the same. I'd bone you, let you think you have the upper hand then throw you away for being so conceited to say you don't care about what I think of you but still ask me for money.
Because that's the thing, OP. You should care what he thinks of you because it does actually matter, you're asking this guy to trust you with a pretty large loan. Not the brightest idea to assume that what he thinks of you doesn't matter don't you think?
I don't feel comfortable advising you on a way of sucking money out of him because I think you're doing so with a lack of respect for him as a person. As far as your concerned you don't give a crap about him, all you care about here is his money. The only contact you want is about the cash, you don't even want to butter him or even pretend to care about him to get it either.
The best advice I can give you, OP as far as getting financial backing for your business is to look elsewhere. To find another backer or to get a business loan. For you personally relying on an ex for financial support is not a good way to start a business, it's too close to home and there's too much history and things that could go wrong.
There is the potential for emotions to become frayed and for something to happen that means relying on him backfires. Because remember, OP, he has the financial clout to legally take you to the cleaners should your business not do well and you fail to pay him back.
It seems you think you have him wrapped around your finger because "he's sounds so excited to hear from me" the times you bother to contact him when you need something from him.
If I were you I wouldn't take a risk like this with your business and if I were him I'd write up a legal contract and take ownership of part of your business as a condition of a loan.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (19 August 2014):
 To be honest unless you presented him with a costed business plan, which included outlining how you intended paying the loan back, he probably didn't take you seriously.
I hope you haven't order stock or otherwise spent money that you do not have.
Get your paperwork together, as written above, a costed business plan, plus a repayment schedule and a loan contract to be signed (preferably in front of a witness) by both of you and approach him again. This time let him know you are serious, suggest meeting at his office or a coffee shop instead of his bedroom.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): My advice is to keep business and pleasure separate. He is either your friends with benefits or your professional colleague. You're now second guessing not sleeping with him because you really want to get your business going.
Ironically, that makes him (and me) doubt your business acumen if you can be so naive as to believe that 'catching up' in bed in any way or form affects his decision to invest in your business.
Have a business lunch to discuss it. No late nights or sleep overs. It complicates things.
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