A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Before I begin, I would really love it if nobody judged me or made fun of me. Because I know my feelings are wrong but I just want to know what is making me feel this way.I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for almost 8 months and we're pretty serious. But lately Ive been having these weird feelings. I want a baby. I don't know why. Whenever I look at him I just think about how awesome it would be if we had a child together. I would never actually try, I'm on birth control and neither of us are ready. So why do I keep getting these feelings? Are they normal?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (21 August 2014):
 Totally normal. I had the same feelings when I was 19, with my boyfriend who was 23. So, to combat the feelings, I bought one of those big plastic bins at Target, and every time I would get the urge, I'd go buy some baby stuff. Because let's face it, what is kind of the best part about having a baby? All that super adorable baby stuff. So, I'd get the maternal urge and *BAM* buy some baby shoes, stick them in the box. Or *SHAZAM* buy some Johnson's baby shampoo, throw it in the box. Etc.
Well, the box grew over time, and that boyfriend ended up being the guy that I married, and now - after 4 years of dating and 5 years (as of today!) of marriage, we have a 9 months old baby. Opening that big box up was the ultimate baby shower gift from Past Me. It was awesome!!
I'm so glad we waited. We had so much fun together in the 7 years before I got pregnant! So many adventures, so many laughs! So many dates, and nights out, so many memories of just the two of us. About 3 years in, we got antsy - but still weren't ready for a baby, so we got a puppy. Absolutely the right move! Now that we have an actual baby (not a dog baby), we still have fun, but things have changed - not as many dates, not as much money, and the element of spontaneity is on the back burner for awhile. But now, we're ready. I'm 28 now, he's 32, it's a good time to have a baby.
Just thought you might find this tale relevant. And, maybe you'll go get a bin of your own!
Good luck, sweet!
A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (20 August 2014):
 It's perfectly normal, especially if you are with a man you truly love. It's fine to think about it, talk about it, plan it, look forward to it, but most important is that you know you are not yet ready for it and are taking preventive measures so it doesn't happen unexpectedly.
Both my BF and I are 10+ years older than you, and we also talk and plan our future and having babies. We even have names picked out for them lol! But we know that our relationship is new and it's not yet the time.
Good luck and I know you'll be an awesome mommy one day!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 Ir depends .
In part it's hormons. After all, women have a strong reproductive urge and a maternal instinct- so yes, biology, evolution, etc.- ... and yet in some it kicks in much later and in some others at your age or even sooner; so normal is normal, as for common.. it depends.
In part ( big part ) is social. It comes from what you see and hear around you and are taught to think about maternity. If you live in a family / grout / community / society who considers motherhood a big accomplishmnet, pits a big prise on having babies, and where pregnant women are praised, validated, fussed about,cheered on- then obviously at some level you have to feel " Hey, I want some of THAT too ! "
It's always very hard to say what is biological and what it is cultural. Society expectations and attitudes DO shape massively our desires.
I don't think for instance that it's just casual of my 17 y.o. niece and all her friends do not feel like you at all . The perception in my society about young motherhood is that it is something NOT positive and rather pathetic, typical of destitute ignorant illegal immigrants ( I am not saying this is right or this is good or this is great. I am saying it IS .) There is a stigma ,and not even a moral one, a social one, attached to having children too early, or to having too many children: it's just... uncool, so no young girls crave it.
Maybe where you live your environment is more accepting / welcoming / supportive / excited of baby-making in general and young baby- making in particular. If having a child is seeing as a big positive, and an accomplishement in itself, no wonder that you can't wait to get your big positive too.
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A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 It's very common to have these feelings. You are still essentially a child yourself; I'm 19 and I feel like a "child" still, but I take on a few adult responsibilities to progress into adulthood. Maybe if you took on one or two adult responsibilities, like a part time job and do the food shopping for your family, it will help you move on from these feelings for the next few years or so by showing you how time consuming adult responsibilities are without having to care for a baby 24/7.When you feel serious about someone, it's likely you will think of how lovely it would be to have this or that with them, but it's still a young relationship and, whilst nobody really likes to think about it, it's unlikely you'll still be together in 5 years. Possible, and you shouldn't dwell on whether it will or not at your age, but you still need to be realistic when risking your futures. I'm glad you asked this question though because you seen to be quite levelheaded about it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 August 2014):
 Normal? Well lets just say pretty common for girls from 15 - whatever. What is uncommon is your very sane questioning of this impulse. Why? Biology, hormones, evolution, your body just wanting to do the things it was designed for. A lot of young women your age or younger fulfill this instinct by babysitting and child care. My wife was a nanny for most of the 2 years we were engaged.
Whatever you do play it safe. You want to stay in control of this decision. BTW 17 - 21 is not a bad relationship, other than the senior Prom.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2014):
 Is it normal? For some, I think it is.
For me it wasn't. I didn't want kids till I met my husband at 27.
Be smart about this. KIDS are a HUGE responsibility and drain. Emotionally, physically and financially.
There will be PLENTY of time for kids.
I have 2 nieces who had kids at 18 and 17. Neither are very good mothers to be frank and BOTH are not with the baby-daddies. And BOTH of them feel like they missed out of their "youth" so they are so busy trying to catch up in all those things people do in their late teens/early 20's.
I spend my late teens/early 20's in college/uni, partying and travelling.I spend my early 20 (23) to 28 building a career.
When we DID have kids (had my first at 30) I didn't feel like I had missed out.
FULFILL some of your life goals BEFORE having kids.
If you know someone with kids offer to baby sit here and there, it might help "curb" the baby feelings too :)
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 It's perfectly normal as long as you don't act on this desire. Some women feel this urge of parenting very early on; as in your case though, the maternal instinct likes to sometimes kick in even when you don't have the necessary means to sustain a child. This is probably also intertwined with the love you feel for your boyfriend and thus picturing a family together etc - our minds sometimes like to wander like that when we are overly excited and in love, weaving stories and possible scenarios for the future. Especially girls tend to do this being more romantic, inclined to fantasize and daydream...Don't tell this to your boyfriend though - he might be freaked out or fear a "surprise"!! At your ages neither of you is ready to welcome a child in the world. You have other priorities like studies, jobs, securing emotional and financial security for yourselves. Best of luck to you, the euphoria is amazing but try to keep your feet on the ground also.
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