A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Uncles.I need some help with a problem I have been having with my mother. I am 18, 5'11 and around 66kg. I've been modelling on-off for the past two years but I've always found it hard as my body type is more athletic than most of the other girls and it makes me lose confidence at times. Some of the girls I see are scarily anorexic-looking and although I have no urges to look like that I am jealous of the work and attention they get. Recently I have been struggling with this, I am not enjoying working anymore and am filled with doubts about why I do it as it just seems to ruin my confidence, although it is amazing money when you do get jobs.My mum was the first to direct me towards modelling and has always been supportive, if not pushy, but recently she has been pushing me so hard to lose weight and today she shouted at me for eating an ice lolly. I struggle with 'down times', kind of like depressive moods every few months and have found this recently, leading me to be listless and lethargic. I can admit my problems but I can't make myself get up and go for a walk or see friends because I feel so exhausted.I've tried to make my mum understand how low my confidence is at the moment and how instead of pushing me I want her to just support and sympathize with me, it's like Im telling her how to mother be but she just tells me to 'smell the roses and take it more seriously'. I have never wanted to be super skinny but I don't want to leave the industry because I want my experiences of it to help me later when I become a journalist.I just feel like her insensitivity is ruining our relationship, or maybe my lack of motivation to get myself in shape.. I don't know I just don't feel like im not in shape already!sorry I know it's a weird one but if I could have some advice on how to handle everything I would be so grateful.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 August 2014):
 May I try to play devil's advocate for this insensitive mother ?...
It is what it is. Your mom did not make the rules, and it all depends if you want to play by the rules ( and get the rewatds which come with playing by the rules ) or not. In other words, as she says, about how seriously you take your modelling . I am not saying you SHOULD take it more seriously, as a matter of fact I would encourage you to focus more on a career as a journalist , it sounds so much more interesting, rewarding and socially useful- but, until you are a model- then have what it is required from a model.
I have never heard of , or seen, of a model weighing 66 kgs ( and I have seen many ). Maybe catalogues for " bigger sizes ", " ladies sizes " etc.
But regular fashion modeling ? 66 kg , 5'11 is a size 44 ( European . American, between 10 and 12 - British.. I do not now, you make the conversion ).
A fashion model is a 38-40 size, at most. Let's stretch to 42 for SOME items of SOME lines of underwear and sport wear.
But , normally, even at 5'11 your weight could not be more than 55 kg. Well, let's make it 58 if you are all bust.
It depends how much you want to make a CAREER of it. For occasional gigs, it may always happen that occasionally the want someone with a more florid look, for ONE particular item or line of items. But , not for regular engagements and working your way to the top.
Do not get me wrong,please, I am sure that you have a fantastic body, you look amazing, and men would kill to get a date with you. But the point of fashion modeling is not to get dates, or admiring stares- it's to sell clothes.
It all depends what you have in mind to do with your body . Ther's nothing wrong with being 5.11" , for instance, many women would envy you. But, if you want to be a horse jockey..... then you are too tall.
There's nothing with being 5'5, 0r evn 5'2- you can be healthy, pretty , adorable all you want at that height. BUT, definitely not good enough for a professional basketball player.
I think your " insensitive " mom is just being practical and matter-of-fact. If you want to keep occasional modeling gigs on the side, IF and when you can get them, as a way to make some money toward your REAL studies, then great, do not change anything and keep eating lollies.
If you had in mind instead of getting more bookings, making , at least temporarily, a profession out of it... then you have to conform to the reality of your chosen field.
I think that's all that your mom means.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 August 2014):
 Spend 'way less time listening to your Mother... and 'way more time listening to that voice in your head that sez "...you are one beautiful (and hot!) young woman.... who others (women) would die to be so gorgeous.... and you SHOULD be a model - as you are - because oodles of others would sell their souls to be/look like you...."
Sometimes, Mothers can be impossible... Don't let your's be so....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): You sound like a switched on young woman - who knows what it is and should be to be healthy. Your mother is a real concern - and surprise considering how easy it is for models to die from slimming based diseases. I think she needs educating by a professional or showing some literature to understand her motives are very skewed. Stick to your values and beliefs and if living with your Mother is causing you a lot of problems perhaps you could consider further education (student digs) or a house share situation with more supportive friends (if you are not already). Exercise will help to lift your mood - I am not suggesting it to 'help' you lose weight but purely to be healthy. It is so essential to form healthy habits young so stick to what you think is right as it sounds like you are on the right track. If modelling makes you ill then I am pretty sure you could find different work in a related field to support your journalism that does not but still helps you build contacts. Doing some voluntary work might assist you in that thought process.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 August 2014):
 From the sounds off it you are at a perfect weight and should not be losing any more. It is hard that your mother is not more supportive, but you need to look after yourself. I am sure you will get lots of attention from people for who you are.
Your mother obviously is not supportive and while this is hard you need to accept it and make your own decisions. It is hard but you need to see that you are beautiful and that your mother is not supportive. Yes it is difficult but as you go on in life. you will learn to be happy with the way you are and not to let others judge you. Good luck Sweetheart
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