A
female
age
30-35,
*ustin's.wife
writes:Hello!I am 12 weeks pregnant, due in March 2015! My husband wants, a little boy, therefore I do to. I even talk to my stomach as if I were having a boy. But lately I have had a lot of anxiety inside me. I am so worried that, I will have a girl, I just , don't want to build up my h u husbands excitement and him turn around and be disappointed. How do I go about this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): I have read all of the replies and they are all good. I don't think theres anything I can add but I do agree particularly with behavioural analysis because she asks great questions about whether your husband is controlling. Is he?? If you don't want to get yours or his hopes up then stop treating everything like it's a boy. Say "she" half of the time or create a nickname that is gender neutral and use that all the time like 'babybear' or if you know the first initial of the baby names youre wanting to use and they have the same first letter, like Ronnie for a boy or Rosie for a girl, call the baby "baby r" or Kristian for a boy and Karlie for a girl "baby k". It's cute and not a girl or boys name.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 Many men do prefer to have boys but they love their daughters just as much, especially when they've been born and they have a real person to hold and protect.
Something you can to help both of you is to stop talking to and about this baby as if it is a boy. Wonder what he OR she will be like, what he OR she will look like etc. Give both possibilities equal attention.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): OP just because he'd prefer a boy doesn't mean he doesn't want a girl. You really need to understand the difference.
For some insane reason you think a girl would be a disappointment. Well is that the kind of man you married?
OP don't forget the man he is when you consider what he wants. What he'd prefer is not the same as what he wants and he's your husband so you know in your heart whether he'd look into a baby girl's eyes for the first time and be overcome by the love he feels for her. That's what would happen don't you think?
If you need another reason not to worry then remember this doesn't have to be your only child.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 August 2014):
 I think all men in some way want a son for their first. As the oldest of two I can say that i never knew if my dad was disappointed that I was a girl or not.
Cindy is correct, It is the male that determines the sex of the baby.
I agree you need to say something to your husband about your anxiety since it's not good for you or the baby.
I am betting he's going to be just fine no matter which gender your baby is.
congrats on getting pregnant. I know so many women who never could carry a pregnancy to term.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (22 August 2014):
All I want to say is that I was pregnant 8 TIMES! I have two children. I didn't care whether they were a boy and a girl! I just wanted a happy, healthy baby girl or boy! I have been blessed with both.
There are not too many gifts that are given unforeseen. Feel blessed and lucky to have whatever you are given. There are many couples out there who would do anything to be in your shoes!
Enjoy your pregnancy and relax.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 If your husband should be disappointed in having a baby girl, well, he only has himself to blame, because everybody knows that which gender the baby will be is only always determined by the father.
I strongly encourage you both, in case it is a girl, and you are disappointed, to never, ever , ever voice this disappointment ( she will pick it up anyway by non verbal cues, and general difference of treatment with boys, but still.... ).
You have no idea how damaging, devastating in fact, can be for a girl 's self esteem growing up with the sensation that she is not " quite " as she should be and that Dad and Mom would like her better if she were something else, which she is not and she never can be. That's at the root of a lot of mental and social deviance , and a lot of personal, unnecessary unhappiness : getting your start in life by thinking that you are B-list, second rate material.
You'll tell me that this is the start in life which entire cultures, entire populations of women have in some countries, - and yes, case in point, they do not have very happy , fulfilling lives in general. I hope you want something better for your CHILD, and if you do, rather than encouraging Austin's outdated sexism, you should explain him how silly and dangerous it is .
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 Congratulations to you both!!
Let's just say that there are millions on this planet that would kill, that would lose a limb, just to have what you have, literally!
You are so young & already married, so does it really matter what the gender of your unborn baby is?
You guys will obviously go on to have more children, so i don't quite get it!
Also, as a nurse & part-time counsellor, i would say that gender should be of no issue whatsoever, unless a person is so sexist & selfish, that they have a real issue with gender.
So long as your baby is healthy & loved, the gender makes no difference @ all.
I do know that in many countries & within many cultural groups, baby girls are often aborted or killed after birth & that has lots to do with negative cultural conditioning, which really sucks in my opinion. So very sad!
Do men even realise where babies come from & yes, it takes 2 to tango, but let's face it, without we women, there would be no life, no babies period!!!
Please show these posts to your husband & let him know that you will love your baby, no matter what sex/gender it is!
You be strong about that & as a woman & the person who is actually carrying this child, it really doesn't matter what your husband says regarding this fact, nor even how he feels, despite the fact that you love eachother & he is your husband.
I get the feeling that because you married so young, perhaps you are afraid of your husband, to some extent.
Am i right??
I am married & i do have 1 son, however, when i was pregnant, if my husband had said to me, that he wants a son the first time around, i would have told him that it matters not, what we have, so long as our baby is healthy & is loved & cherished either way.
I am unsure as to how you & your husband communicate, however, i gather that it is not the very best, otherwise you would not have felt the need, nor urge to write this post, asking for other peoples opinions.
He is your husband, first & foremost, so go to the source, go to him & talk to him about this, about your feelings & if he is an excellent husband & a wonderful man, then you will have no need whatsoever to fear expressing yourself fully in his presence.
Please think about what i have just said, because where there is fear, there is a definite issue, regardless of whether you are married or not.
Be bold, be strong & your husband should be supporting you 100% right now, you are carrying a child that you both created. How wonderful, how blessed!!
You both must get your priorities in order here. In 6 mths time, your lives will be turned around 360 degrees & you will both have much bigger fish to fry.
He must realise all that you are going through right now, physically & emotionally.
If he doesn't, then you will have to remind him.
You have enough to contend with & you must not take on any extra & what i would classify as, silly burdens, simply because of your unborn babys gender.
You will end up with a son either way, in due time, so there is not real issue here, is there??
Good luck & let us know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (22 August 2014):
 Whatever happened to wanting a healthy, happy baby?
Thank your stars you're actually pregnant because there are so many helpless women out there who would die to be in your place. There are so many people who want a baby, any baby, in their lives and here you are, carrying one inside you. That's how incredibly lucky you are.
It really doesn't and shouldn't matter whether its a boy or a girl and once you have the baby it front of you, it wont matter in the least. You and your husband will love him or her more than your lives.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2014):
 I wanted a son, I got 3 daughters :) They were healthy and happy, so the gender meant very little to me (and my husband) once they were there.
Relax and ACCEPT that you actually have NO say in the gender of your child. LOVE the child because it is PART of the two of you, boy or girl.
STOP being so focused on the gender. Talk to your husband, I want to bet he will be happy for ANY healthy and happy baby.
You are ONLY 12 weeks. So you won't be able to know the gender til 18-20 weeks.
You actually seem like it's up to you to WISH hard enough and it will grow a penis, doesn't work that way. And.... from the biology I remember.... it's the MAN'S semen that determine the gender.. so if you two have a girl.. well then your husband gave you some STRONG swimmers with X chromosomes.
This is one of those things where you are totally wasting your energy worrying about something you CAN NOT change. All you can do... is ADAPT to whatever the outcome it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): I think you're taking your husband's hopes as a directive. As though you have to produce what he "wants." He doesn't get to place an order.
Trust this advice. He more than anything, wants a "healthy" child. The gender will not matter when he holds the baby in his arms for the first time. He'll love a daughter as much as he would love a son, and a year to 16 years from now...if it happens to be a girl. She'll have him wrapped around her little finger.
You're taking him all to literally, and you are going to stress yourself out.
Tell him your nipples aren't gender-buttons. Left for girl, right for boy. You don't have an app on your phone to make a choice. Tell him it makes you feel you'll let him down, if you don't produce what he "wants." He isn't ready to be a father, if he actually said such a f*cked-up thing like that to you.
My dear, I think your hormones are talking. I somehow don't think he is actually set on it being a boy. He just hopes so. That's all.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2014):
 Put your mind at-ease. If he was wearing his boots, whilest you and he were conceiving this child, you can be sure it will be a boy!!!
Congratulations and good luck...
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 Most expectant dads with half a brain know that it's 50/50 and he'll love a lil girl as much as a boy. don't fret over this..It's a wste of energy to try to anticipate how he wil or won't feel about something you have no control over. All guys want a boy as their first child but when it turn out to be a girl they immediately start planning the wedding and the first dance, the first car, how mean they'll be to the first boy she brings home, etc. etc. Relax! Sing to the baby and quit worrying avbout sh___!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): Explain to your husband your fears of disappointing him if it is a girl. Tell him for your peace of mind you need him to understand that their is a chance that it could be a girl and not to get his hopes up. Do you really want a boy? Because by the sounds of it your just wanting a boy for your husbands sake. Even if its a girl I doubt your husband will treat her any different, after all she will still be his child. Untill you find out the sex of the baby I would avoid using words such as he, him or any possible names , this will reinforce in his mind that the sex if the child is not certain yet and therefore could be a either. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 You can't "go about this" - it's either a boy or a girl. If he/you can't handle that, you shouldn't be pregnant. I know that sounds harsh, and I'm sorry, but it's true.I will ask something here quite frankly: does your husband own you? Your username is "Austin's Wife" and you're insanely worried about how he will react to his own child because he wants a boy. You also don't seem to think for yourself on this matter because he wants a boy "so I do to"....Just don't promise him it will be a boy. Pick out boys' AND girls' names. Either get the gender found out as soon as you can so that he has time to adjust, or wait until he/she pops out and see if he falls in love with the baby regardless of gender.Maybe get your family's opinion on the whole situation; you're young and will need lots of support :)
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