A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend doesn't help me in emergency situations when I need financial help but only gives me a bunch of advices. He spends a lot of money for himself to buy luxury goods like Apple IPhone 5 etc. Is he a good partner?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 September 2014):
 How long has he been your boyfriend? under a year? he's right to not lend money
do you live together? no? he's right to not lend money
do you ask often? no.... depends on what you asked for.
it's not really your boyfriends responsibility to pay for your mistakes or errors...
if this was a one time thing, you've been dating a long time and it was under say $500 dollars and it was a critcal mass issue (your water heater went out or something) then yeah I can see being upset... but lending money is always a risk even with partners. you never lend what you can' afford to give....
my husband and i live a very nice life, I have friends who have asked for help to pay their electric bill. I said no to helping and went off on a weekend vacation? does that make me a bad friend for not helping them get their power back on? NO... it was not my job to write their budget.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (17 September 2014):
 Hello,
Bah sounds like a real right wrong un. Dump him right now. Seriously - Its a hard one to answer as we don't know how long you have been with him and what you class as an emergency. To be fair your post is somewhat vague.
All though these are tough economic times and we all struggle at various points financially, part of being mature and sensible is being financially self sufficient and self reliant. (I know all this because my dad keeps telling me all about it when paying for my latest escapade.)
If you have been with him for, say, three years and were desperate for a bit of money to pay an unexpected repair bill or pay for an emergency plumber then I would expect him to at least offer something to help towards it. But if you have known him a couple of months and your idea of an emergency is needing to pay for a taxi home because you have drunk too much to afford to get home safe or something like that then that's a different story.
How often do you ask him to help you out financially? I used to have a lot of friends pester me to help them out because I lived with my parents and had no responsibilities. They didn't like me saying no BUT if I gave out money everytime someone said "Mark look mate you have plenty of cash, its an emergency..." I would be bankrupt. Often those same friends would smoke, get drunk every weekend and yet come to me expecting a handout because they had pissed their wages up the wall or spent it on drink or drugs and then got on their high horse about it being alright for me living with mommy and daddy.
Anyway, why do you need financial help and what is it for is the question. I know that's a bit personal but to answer yoru question fully we really need more info.
Mark
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 September 2014):
 If money ever enters a relationship, it's destroyed.
Never tap a boyfriend for money for any reason whatsoever. Never give money to a boyfriend.
He isn't obligated to help you financially, and even to ask is to weaken yourself in his eyes, and it's using him and his feelings for you to get help financially.
You mentioned emergency situations plural, meaning you have several, right? That should tell you that you need to change your living conditions, job, or spending habits. Money management is a skill as well as realizing what people truly can live without or less of.
If you're starving with no money or you have children, go talk to the government for assistance in housing or food. If you're in university, speak to a counselor there for resources that can help you out.
What you want to show your boyfriend is that you're strong and need no one to solve your issues. His money is his. Yours is yours.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2014):
 I don't know if he is a good partner, for sure he is a sensible guy !
You aren't married, you aren't engaged, you do not have kids together ( at least that you mention ).
You are just dating, and next week or next month you might be broken up, why should he give you any money ? Why should you ask him ??
At the current state of things, your finances should be totally separate. If he wants to give you a gift ( not cash ) every now and then, that's his choice, but any exchange of money between you would be scarcely logical... and extremely tacky.
This, with a pinch of salt,of course I think if one has , even a new gf, who is really in an emergency ( I don't know, getting evicted and risking homelessness , needing urgently a costly, life saving operation : THAT kind of emergency ) he would voluntarily offer a contribution, same as as all the girl's relatives and friends. For humanitarian reasons.
But if your emergencies are recurring and chronical, then it just sounds like you are crap at managing your money, or that you live way beyond your means, so why should the unfortunate bf be the one to bear the brunt of it ?
Why don't you start instead following some of his advices, so that you don't always have to end up in need of financial help ?...
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