A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:I'm looking for people's opinions about telling an ex that I was in love with him while we were dating. We broke up just under 2 years ago. We are not in regular contact. He told me that he was in love with me 2 months into the relationship and I never said it back because thing became really complicated in his life with his ex taking his $ and his father dying. So, I never said it and I think this hurt him a lot.I don't think that there is a chance for us but I kind of want him to know how I felt about him just so everything is on the table and perhaps for closure. It makes me feel bad that I never told him how I felt and it makes it hard to move on because it feels unfinished. Thoughts?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2014):
 Yes, there is more to the story... if this is the same ex bf which you used to post about in the past. The one of your birthday weekend at the resort ? After which he just vanished on you ?...
I am not bringing up all the details , OP, even if you shared them with us before, because if you have omitted them you'll have your good reasons. But if THIS is the guy ( the timing would coincide ) then, OP, you are trying to rewrite the past; you know that he was horrible to you. You said that " it felt more like a long distance booty call, than a relationship ": YOUR description, your definition . How's that "rare " ?
Someone advised you to stop living in the past. Good advice. I'd add to it " stop living in a past that did not exist ".
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 September 2014):
 Ah . with your follow up I get it.
He's not in love with you, he does not want you back. He wants to get laid.
IF you tell him that you loved him, he will use that as a way to try to have sex with you and then leave.... telling him will not give you closure it will open a kettle of fish you won't want and don't need.
In this case there are no amends to be made... let sleeping dogs lie... do not tell him, there is no need. no closure needed. just know that all contact from him is cause he is horny.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 You are still in love with him and it appears that he wants sex and not a relationship. You need to find a way to move on and not live in a fantasy world. You should go no contact as its not healthy for you to maintain any false sense of hope.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2014): You said no to sex, so he said no to you. He doesn't want you, he though you were going to give up the goodies. Time to fast-forward to the present. Stop living in the past. Get some counseling and therapy. You can't seem to handle this by yourself.
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (17 September 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is more to the story.......we have seen each other over the past 6 months and he made it very obvious that he wanted to get back together. He tried to have sex with me and I said no. He then didn't call me and I ended up calling him and we met up again just to chat and then he never called again after that.
5 months later I contacted him and he replied saying he wanted to hang out so we did and then he never called back again. When I have asked him why he never callse he says that he cannot give me an explanation.
I just went on a date tonight with a really nice guy. It made me miss my ex so much.
I am in tears because I now realise what a rare thing we had. I miss him!
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A
female
reader, jstar92  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 You could be opening up a box that doesn't need to be opened.
I know it must be frustrating that you want to say these things to him, but he's probably moved on and if you did love him maybe you should do him the honour of letting him get on with it.
You never know, if the relationship was good, perhaps you never had to say it, maybe he knew regardless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): If your ex has never asked you since, he doesn't care. Why does it matter after the fact anyway?
You must be going through a lonely period. That will give you pause to reminisce about the past. Re-examine your feelings in old relationships. The last and most recent being the focal-point. You are ruminating over what was. You have to live in the present and move forward. He is not interested in how you "felt." It was more important to him to know how you felt at that place and time. It seems like you're the one who needs closure, but it has been almost two years. Let it go.
Don't create fantasies in your mind. The reality may not be as appealing as what you visualize mentally. So let the memories fade into the past where they belong, and move on.
Look forward to something better. That's where and how healing begins.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (16 September 2014):
It would be odd to just mention that you were in love with him. However if again the discussion on your past come up and if you feel comfortable you can mention it. Who is this closure for u or him. You sure you are not trying to mend fences as this is a real odd thing to mention to an ex unless there is something else behind why you want to express your feelings now? Just be sure why you doing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2014):
 No, I don't think there is any point to it. You two are over, you don't even talk.
2 years later you want closure, so you want to tell him?
I don't see the point. There are so many ways people can express love, other than saying it. Like BEING with someone with a lot of baggage/drama. He will be OK.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 If you tell him now, he would be wondering what got you thinking about him and motives you have. You are still in some kind of contact so he's going to think you want something from him because it doesn't take 2 years for closure. Saying you are in love is just an expression. You didn't owe him anything by not saying back. It has to be heartfelt. What matters is how you treated each other. If you didn't say it back then it was on him to prove to you why you two should be official, and not continue to sulk and wait for you to say it. I would say this relationship was either brief, cut off intermittently or something happened that stopped it from going on. It never reached to a point that either of you could say I love you, or I want to marry you. Don't understand why you are still holding on to this.
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